Those Crazy Obelisks
by Shrilanka-San
Summary: Alexis came to Duel Academy to play the game, not knowing that the school was a melting pot for ultimate insanity. Now read the story of her and her friends' first year, as they partake in random misadventures in the world's most dysfunctional dorm.
1. Wish You Were Here

HELLO MEAT PUPPETS! Behold the untimely horror of…SHRILANKA-SAN'S FIRST GX FIC! Not only that…BEHOLD A MULTIPLE CHAPTER FIC! Yes, for some sick reason that humanity isn't supposed to understand, Shri-san is making a dangerously insane GX fic staring all of her favorite sad little characters! Okay, let's start with a few things you should know about _Those Crazy Obelisks!_

1) Shri does not, has not, and if there is a merciful god in the heavens, will not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Monty Python, Target, Jeeves and Wooster, or whatever sick and cruel pop cultural reference that somehow manages to veer it's head in this story.

2) I _was _going to wait until the end of the other story I'm running, _There's Something About Marik_, before starting this story, but then I decided 'THE GX FANDOM NEEDS INSANITY!', so here it is. Besides, it's high time I contributed. Keeping that in mind, the updates are going to be pretty 'random' for awhile, because this is more of a 'project on the side' thing, unlike my usual 'update every Friday' mantra. Also-

3) No couples! Honestly! Plenty of one sided crushes, but no couples.

4) I must politely request that since this is sort of the introduction chapter, you bear with me on the humor level, which will get much higher over time. I promise!

5) The original _Those Crazy Obelisks _started as a little joke between one of my best friends, where I wrote notes that Alexis, Zane, and Chazz wrote back and forth to each other, which usually ended with Zane somehow brutally mauling Chazz…which we both got in trouble for (if you haven't guessed, I really had to amp Zane (but really, pretty much everyone else) down ten thousand notches to get this to be suitable for K+…be very glad you weren't there to see it) , which brings me onto

6) I _will _be using dub names, unlike _There's Something About Marik_, to just remove some of the confusion, and

7) As usual, there will be plenty of insane OC's. Don't worry, I will make sure that all of them have some freakish quirk to make them interesting, so they don't dilute any of your fanatically driven minds (or mine), and finally

8) I am borderline insane. So if you expect humor that isn't random, stupid, and maybe even melodramatic in some freakish bits, GET OUT NOW!

Well, I think we've satisfactorily covered everything, don't you? Boy….that like, took forever Oh, one more this is kind of the first year for everyone, so Alexis's insane older brother should rear his insane little head about halfway through the fic give or take. Okay, rant done. We can start now.

**CHAPTER ONE**

_Wish You Were Here_

There are only two true motivations in life. There are doing things that are for yourself, and there are doing things for other people. At the back of her head, she vaguely wondered what her motivation was.

WOW! That's a stupid opening for a comedy! Let's try this one:

Alexis Rhodes was barely aware of the announcement on the train that they would stop at the port that would take her to the famous (or infamous) Duel Academy, as she watched the scene pass by her window with light brown eyes who's reflection on the window stared right back at her. Several things were on her mind, but by far the most angering was the fact that she got landed in a school uniform that consisted of a skin-tight tank top, sleeveless turtleneck, and a micro mini. But she tried to keep it out of her for now, though it was sort of being forced on her because of something more immediate that was bugging her.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?" she yelled, for what seemed like the tenth time in the last three minutes, kicking the seat in front of her, which was full of what appeared to be a bunch of drunk males who were, for some sick reason she had yet to understand, were singing the 'Ms. Susie' car song. "Or do us all a favor and at least take requests!"

"Whoa! A pretty girl!" said one dizzily, as Alexis rolled her eyes, deeply amazed at the sense of the power of male observation. "Hey! Want to take verse two?"

"Scrub off," she said.

She had endured things similar to this, and despite the fact that she bugged her parents to no end to drive her to the port, noooooo, her loving but frighteningly overprotective parents insisted that she take the _train_, where no road-ranged maniac could come, tip their car off a cliff, and kidnap her, because she'd be safe by means of public transportation , even though every person aboard was a person who's parents just want a half hour of peace and quiet out of the way of their patheticness send their kids.

Not to mention the kids much too drunk to drive themselves.

"Attention passengers," said a female voice over the intercom. "We have arrived at the port to Duel Academy, better known as the Academy for Kids with no lives. Please take all your bags and exit through either the front of the back of your car."

"WOO!" screamed the bunch of idiotic boys. "Let's get out there and see how much dead stuff's on the shore before we have to take off!"

"AFTER ANOTHER COLD ONE!" screamed another, as Alexis took her sweet time to let the lesser life forms exeunt from the car. Her bags weren't that many, just basic things to tide her over, as she worked her game plan for the rest of the three years of her life.

Why the fact that there was a school strictly for dueling was beyond her, but she dare not question the thin threads of insanity that manage to hold the world together. She could only exit, praying that the idiots would vomit in the ocean and not on the boats.

The port itself was a relatively busy place, mostly with fanatics swapping out cards and bragging, or girls giggling like loonies, all of them heartily argreeing that the best of the male duelists are mega-hot. Alexis felt that deep hope that there would be some sane female friends lurking around this school with a halfway original thought in their heads. Her hopes weren't that high.

"FIRST YEARS! FIRST YEARS THIS WAY!"

She turned around, to see a huge, shaggy, almost frightening looking man standing on one of the docks, a lantern held high in his hand. He looked to be a giant, or at least half way to one, standing in front of a bunch of little boats, lanturns tied to them that looked identical to the one he was carrying.

"First years!" he called again, as Alexis made her way to him. "If yer a first year, come on now! Don't be shy!"

"Um…excuse me," said Alexis to the huge man. "I'm a first year."

"AH! Good teh see yeh lass!" he said, gripping her hand in one that was about the size of a large dinner plate. "Ah'm Hagrid, keeper of the keys and grounds at Hogwarts!"

"I'm Alexis Rhodes, and I'm not going to Hogwarts," said Alexis. "It's nice to meet you."

"Not going to Hogwarts, eh?" said Hagrid. "Ah…oh I see! Yer with that Duel Academy lot, aintcha?"

"Yes…" said Alexis awkwardly.

"Ah, weel, yer takin' the helicopters," said Hagrid, pointing to a bunch of helicopters about seventy feet from the fleet of boats.

"Oh, sorry to bug you then," said Alexis, quickly grabbing the handle to her wheel-away suitcase, rushing to the helicopter's and away from the giant man. It turned out that all the other students were starting to file onto the helicopters as well as her. Without really thinking about it, she rushed onto the nearest helicopter, just thankful that she didn't have to swim across the ocean to get onto the island.

And it was the one with a driver who was near sighted, was prone to very random, violent, spasm-like movements, and was still convinced that the helicopters were going to be bombed down by German Airplanes at any moment.

---ooo---

"Ah! Miss Rhodes! Come on, sit down," said a young woman working at the desk in the main office. "I'm Ms. Takaya, and…you got George's helicopter, didn't you?"

Alexis managed to walk over to the seat in front of the desk, weak kneed, her long, dark blonde/brown hair looking like it had gotten sucked into a jet engine. She was twitching wildly as Ms. Takaya gave her a long look, shaking her head.

"Do you need to go down to the nurse for-" she started.

"NoI'mfinekeepgoing," Alexis spat out at a very fast pace.

"Okay…now then," said Ms. Takaya. "Before we start, I just want to talk to you a little bit about your file."

"Yes?" asked Alexis.

"Well…I'll be honest, I'm really quite shocked on just what the academy is letting in," said Ms. Takaya. "I mean, look at this file! According to this, you are reported to have been sentenced to ten various felonies, earning yourself a total of eight thousand dollars worth of fines and three thousand hours of community service."

Alexis looked shocked.

"And some of these other things are quite shocking," said Ms. Takaya. "Apparently, the only time you've ever attended a single day of middle school, you were reported to have vomited in the waste paper basket, passing out shortly after."

Alexis now looked thoroughly horrified.

"And all of these misdemeanors!" said Ms. Takaya, dumping a huge wad of papers out of the file. "Drinking, stealing, bi-daily insubordination, public stripping, streaking-"

She suddenly looked at the file in horror.

"OH! I'm sorry, I grabbed the wrong file!" she said, quickly shoveling the papers back into the envelope, as Alexis fell out of her chair in shock. "Dang filing system…can't keep anything straight anymore…"

Alexis continued to shudder in inner pain.

"OH! Here we go, Alexis _Rhodes_," said Ms. Takaya, walking back, carrying a fresh file, that was much lighter than the last one. She opened it, and idly flipped through the pages, as Alexis struggled to sit back in her chair. "Okay…excellent grades…yes…perfect disciplinary record…okay!"

She shut it.

"Everything looks excellent Ms. Rhodes," she said with a smile. "Uh…you won't tell anyone abou-"

"I'm trying to forget about it myself," said Alexis, massaging her forehead.

"Okay…uh, sorry," said Ms. Takaya. "Now then, the good news is that may congratulate you on being accepted into the Obelisk Blue Dorm!"

"And the bad news?" asked Alexis.

"Well…you're going to hate me for saying this, but the only room left is one that has two roommates," said Ms. Takaya.

"Oh, that's no problem!" said Alexis. "I once shared a room with my-I mean, I've shared a room before. It's no problem."

"No, it's not like that," said Ms. Takaya. "You see…they both have no souls."

Silence.

"That's bad then?" asked Alexis.

"Oh yeah," said Ms. Takaya. "They'll instantly bond and become 'best friends' with the first person to come into their lives with a soul. So basically…you'll be the proud owner of two soulless cronies."

Utter silence.

"Sorry…" she said.

"No, it's okay," said Alexis.

Ten minutes later, she had managed to find her way outside, and she started screaming at the top of her lungs in pure frustration to the heavens, her anguished screams echoing over the ocean, startling a bunch of barnacle encrusted old sailors.

"IT BE THE BANSHIE! YARG!" screamed one.

"Head to the main shore!" screamed the other, frantically paddling away in the opposite direction.

---ooo---

She wasn't really surprised that she didn't like her uniform any more when she actually put it on than when she had to look at it. Indeed, she wondered if she should try her hand at sewing to try to make her skirt at least three inches longer so she wouldn't have to worry about exposing her undies just by leaning foreword. She didn't care that she actually looked quite good in it, being of a good weight and being as tall, even taller, as most boys in her class. She felt like a walking Victoria's Secret ad.

But that was going to be a problem for another day.

Her latest problem, however, was the fact that she was standing outside of an already foreboding looking dorm, because like the other dorm room doors, it was painted a dark blue, but unlike the others, it had sort of 'flower power' meats Spongebob Squarepants flowers painted all over it in various pastel colors.

"Oh God…here goes…" said Alexis, clamping her eyes shut, as she bravely opened the door, and made a couple of uneasy steps inside.

It actually didn't turn out as bad as she expected. Sure, the room was a little too decked out in various pink and yellow plushie animals and beanbag chairs, but there was no sign of black velvet pictures or wall-to-wall magazine clippings of hot guys, so she wasn't too upset. However, the instant she walked in, the two girls in the room, turned around and stared at her. One of them had almost ashy-bluish hair, and the other had brownish red hair, and both were dressed in their uniforms, looking as if they had been doing nothing but standing there and staring at each other before she came.

There was a moment of silence as two worlds and mental stability levels collided.

"Um…hi!" said Alexis, trying to be cheerful.

Silence.

"Em…I'm your new roommate!" Alexis tried, but this time a little more awkwardly.

Silence.

"My names Alexis!" she tried again. "What are your names?"

"Al…ex…is…" said the two simultaneously and in monotones.

"Uh…huh…that's my name…" said Alexis awkwardly.

"Alexis…" they both said again, in the same monotone.

"You know, if you two were doing something, I can just unpack later…" said Alexis, backing out of the doorway.

"Alexis friend…Alexis friend…Alexis friend…" said the two, getting up from where they sat, and like zombies, began to walk over to her in stiff, zombie like movements.

She slammed the door in front of her.

"Yeah, that's definitely a later thing," said Alexis.

"Oh, don't tell me you got the room with the soulless cronies," said a girl behind her.

"Yes…" said Alexis awkwardly.

The girl just gave Alexis an incredibly sympathetic look, and turned around, walking away.

---ooo---

The welcoming banquet turned out to be no better.

As Alexis was slowly beginning to trip on the basic fact that her new school was dominated by people who were either rich, snotty, or both. What's worse was that she was finding out that it was almost on a frightening scale in the male population.

"And you see, that's when my dad drove in on his yacht to Madagascar to get me a lemur as a pet," one drowned on, as Alexis eyed her glass, wondering there was anyway she could somehow jam enough water in her throat to drown herself with.

"That's nothing!" said the one guy. "Once there was an annoying little fly buzzing around, so we moved to our house on Martha's Vineyard as our house was destroyed by wrecking balls!"

"Ugh, bug guts just ruin everything," said the first guy.

"Um…let's talk about something else," said Alexis.

"Like what?" asked the two.

"I don't know…politics…world issues…pop culture…anything that doesn't involve indulging on our own wealth and self-glorification?" asked Alexis.

Silence.

"Hey, how many credit cards do you have?" asked one guy.

"NONE!" yelled Alexis indignantly.

"Whoa! What are you, dirt poor?" asked one guy.

"I am not dirt poor just because I don't own a credit card!" said Alexis angrily.

"Or a hippie," the other guy commented, as some of his dimwitted friends started to snicker.

"Okay, that's it," said Alexis. "Gentlemen, I wish you good night, and I hope that you decide to dedicate some of your finances to decent lobotomies."

"BIG WORDS!" screamed the two idiots, both recoiling in ultimate pain, screaming and writhing in pure pain, crashing into other people, who then crashed into other people, causing everyone else to scream and mill about in pure horror.

"YOU USED BIG WORDS?" someone else cried, as the entire dorm looked like it was about to drive itself into a frenzy, causing students to punch huge holes in the walls, frantically claw and trample each other out of the room, and turn the entire dining hall into the equivalent of a mosh pit.

"I'll just leave now…" Alexis said, trying her best to sneak out, but she was then cut off by a violent scream of pain. Giving up about halfway through and breaking into a run out of there.

---ooo---

"Ah…air…nice, clean, not-stuffy air…" said Alexis in relief, sitting at the edge of a cliff under the star-dotted night sky, holding a notepad and a pen, along with an envelope that she intended to mail the letter she was about to write home. "Okay…"

She was planning to fullfil the request by her parents that the instant she got on the island, she would send them a letter confirming that she was okay and that insane pyromaniacs weren't going to whisk onto the grounds and burn the dorm rooms to the ground, kidnap her, and sell her to so deranged card collector in Bismark (again, her parents are just a mite overprotective). However, for the sake of cuteness, they got her a pack of stationary to convince her that leaving a detailed account of her life would be incredibly fun (or at least cultivate an impression of such).

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Hi! What's up? I'm okay-_

"No, too lame," said Alexis, scratching out the sentence.

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Made it safe and sound and sound to Duel Academy._

She stared at the page.

_Everyone here is an absolute jerk, spawned from the gods of buttheaded, screaming loonies who's wallets are swollen to the size of omnibuses._

"A bit of an exaggeration, and a little too honest," said Alexis, scratching it out again. "Wow, writing a letter home is harder than I thought. Especially since their expecting something…well, good."

She just sat their for a moment, enjoying the silence, save for the buzzing sound of crickets around her.

_Fuzzy Wuzzy was a-_

"NOOOO!" she yelled in horror, frantically scribbling off that last line.

_I-_

Pause, as she balanced her pen on the paper.

_-wish you were here._

"That may be a little too honest too…" said Alexis. "God, usually I don't start school years like this."

She listened to the waves crashing against the rocks bellow here.

"You know…I just realized I don't have a clue where I am…" said Alexis, looking around. "Oh whee, on top of everything else, I'm lost in the middle of the night, on a strange island, in the middle of a great big ocean."

Silence.

"Well, it can't get much worse than this, can it?" she reasoned with herself.

"Attention all students," said a voice over the intercom. "We have just received word that a torrential storm is heading this way and will be here within the hour. We politely request that everyone return to their dorms for the sake of safety due to the fact that this storm is capable of producing winds at almost tempest-like velocity, partnered with thunder and lightning, not to mention the fact that your uniforms are dry clean only. Thank you!"

Alexis listened to the click of the intercom turning off.

"I will not say a single word, because obviously the Karma Police are out on the prowl tonight," said Alexis, turning around and walking down the path that she assumed was the right way back to the girl's dorms.

---ooo---

It wasn't.

"Okay…harbor…not the girl's dorms…" said Alexis, staring out at the bare empty harbor, which was just a little ways down the path in front of her. "Oh well, the girl's dorm can't possibly be that far from this spot anyway."

That's when a wind threw a 'DA' brochure in her face. After a humiliated spit second, she ripped it off and read what it said.

**FUN FACT: **_The Obelisk Blue Girls Dorm is the farthest dorm away from the harbor!_

"Well it can't get much-" Alexis started.

"Attention students, the storm will be here within a half hour," said the intercom.

"-better!" Alexis finished frantically.

"Oh, wait, my mistake, it'll be here within twenty minutes," said the intercom announcement.

"DROP DEAD KARMA!" yelled Alexis.

"Yes Alexis, hurry home," said a much gruffer sounding voice over the intercom. "Run home, for the mob hasn't forgotten what you've done at the banquet hall, and we all thirst for your blood! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Click.

Silence.

"SO WE'VE MOVED FROM KARMA TO CATCH-22!" Alexis yelled angrily to the sky. "ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO HAPPEN TO ME IN THE SPAN OF TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE I DIE? A POLICE RAID PERHAPS? MAYBE A NORTHWARD BAND OF FLESH-EATING LOCUSTS?"

"What's the matter? I heard screaming over here," yelled a guy running up to her…who was wearing an Obelisk Blue Uniform.

"Oh no! The locusts are too quick for your taste, huh!" yelled Alexis again. "You just want to torture me for another twenty minutes! Thanks a lot! Thanks a bloody lot!"

"What are you _talking _about?" he asked, sounding a little concerned, and just a pinch of creeped out. He was tall, with a good solid three or so inches on her, which was a feat because, as we said before, she herself was quite tall. He had really dark blue hair (Alexis never quite understood why so many people had unnatural hair colors around these parts), with a coat a little different than the typical uniforms she'd seen so far (white with blue trim instead of the other way around).

"Don't give me your cheep sympathy!" yelled Alexis. "Go ahead! Start babbling about how much cooler you are than everyone else! Go ahead! I'm not stopping you! I've already given up! I have hit the smoldering rock bottom of the crater that has become the rest of this entire school year! The gods in the heavens are against me!"

Silence.

"I'm guessing either you're new and you spent too much time in the dinning hall, or you got George's helicopter," said the kid.

"Yeah, why? Did you?" said Alexis.

"Yes, but it was awhile ago," said the guy. "Don't worry, they become easier to tune out as time goes by. At least you didn't need to go to the hospital like some of the other kids who rode the helicopter."

"Wait, so that means you're older than me," said Alexis. "What's your year?"

"Third," he said.

"First," she said.

"I guessed that," he said.

"Well good for you," she said.

Silence.

"Shouldn't you be heading back?" she asked.

"I was planning to, until you started screaming," he said. "Shouldn't you be?"

"No, I've got nothing to look foreword to but a lynch mob. I'll just hang tight here," said Alexis.

"Oh…so you're Alexis then?" said the kid.

"Yeah, who are you?" Alexis asked.

"Zane," he said.

"Nice to meet you Zane," said Alexis. "Shouldn't you be heading back to your dorm?"

"I'd be happier if you would go back too," said Zane.

"So you can get prime seats for the madness?" asked Alexis.

"I just don't see any logic in wanting to stay out here, guaranteeing you'll get drenched, possibly hurt, or even killed, when there's a good chance that the group will have gotten bored of anything even close to civil disobedience," said Zane. "But if you want to, then fine. I don't care."

"Okay then logic boy, I'll go," said Alexis. "Uh…but there's one more thing,"

"You're lost," he said.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" yelled Alexis.

"The only reason you could possibly be wandering around the docks is if you want to quit or you're lost," said Zane.

"Then why are you here? You want to quit?" asked Alexis.

"No. I _like _it out here where it's quiet," he said. "Not many people get lost. And when they do, they're usually not Obelisks."

"Wonderful," Alexis said flatly. "I feel _so _much better."

"Come on, it's this way," said Zane.

"And now your just turning around and helping me," said Alexis.

"What do want me to do? Shove you in the ocean?" asked Zane.

"I'm just saying," said Alexis. "Fine, fine, lead on…oh, one more thing."

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Thanks," she said.

---ooo---

Zane: Script format's illegal you know.

Alexis: In some places, it's illegal for a woman to testify against abuse by her husband. So calm down.

Zane:…

Alexis: Hey guys! It's us! The main characters!

Zane: Well, there'll be more, obviously. In fact, we're going to meet two more next chapter.

Alexis: Yeah! A guy and a girl! I mean, the guy's a bit on the creepy side, but the girl kicks butt!

Zane: I feel they're _both _a bit on the creepy side…

Alexis: Yeah well…one thing's for sure! They've both got more of a personality than Zane!

Zane: Hey…

Alexis: So come back for the next chapter, which will be a lot funnier by the way, 'Chapter Two: The Enemy of All Obelisks'!

Zane: Oh my…


	2. The Enemy of All Obelisks

I got voted 'most likely to blow up something' in my freshman high school year.

MOVING ON! Welcome to chapter two! How the heck did you survive number one? (Tsks sadly) Poor soul…this one will be a little funnier! It's a bit late, but I wanted to make sure that I finished up my other story's chapter before I updated this one.

Don't worry people, for all of you rabid fangirls waiting for Chazz, while there will be a momentary delay on his arrival, or at least his appearance in a chapter where he'll get a significant part, he's doomed, yes doomed, to be a main character. To all you Chazz haters, he's going to face heck in a hamster ball. To all you Chazz lovers…he's somehow going to survive it. So yay for him…

Oh yeah, Kat's based on a friend from real life, who when I was attending a class, she instantly whirled around from the chair in front of me and stuck out her hand, asking me for my name. She kicks butt so hard, yet at the same time, she's a bit hyper. Let's see how she turns out in the story!

**CHAPTER TWO**

_The Enemy of All Obelisks_

Alexis actually had a relatively good night sleep, enjoying her nice bed with wicked-soft sheets and a wicked-soft mattress with her wickedly-soft headed cronies. The sound of the rain outside lulled her sufficiently to sleep, as well as the fact that the mob had successfully abandoned the scene of the would-be riot, deciding it was time for their after-meal tea and caviar.

"Oh boy. Card safety. Whee," said Alexis, walking toward the lecture hall while looking at her schedule, as students behind her screamed and writhed in pain at just how bizarre some of the classes were, one even attempting to jump out the window. "Just in case some homicidal maniac comes threatening to give me nasty paper cuts if I don't hand over my cash."

"ALEXIS FRIEND!" cheered Mindy and Jazmine, what Alexis recently learned were her soulless cronies names, despite how many times they insisted that _she _name then. Alexis was driven into a panic. She didn't want to have to spend all day with them, considering that earlier that day, they attacked a guy who cut her in the breakfast line, nearly slashing his jugular with their well manicured, freshly painted nails.

She didn't bother to be gentlewoman about it either. She just turned and ran.

"Gotta…lose them…in…the crowd…" she said, trying to fight and weave in all directions around the sea of bodies that were flooding through the hallways. "Gotta…getta…way…"

Finally, a wondrous break! For about twenty feet, Alexis had a clear, solid hallway to herself! If she could just run fast enough, she could turn a corner before another crowd came and lose the two!

She put on an extra bolt of speed, looking like a freight train running full speed down the halls, and she was about to turn the corner to freedom when-

BAM!

Alexis came in full, one-hundred percent contact with someone who was about to turn the corner of the hallway, the force of the blow so great, that Alexis was blown back, landing painfully on the ground behind her, as her books and the victim's were sprayed in all directions, landing with awkward thuds on the ground.

"Oh no! I'm sorry!" said Alexis, picking up some of the books that belonged to the person who got nailed. "I didn't mean to do that, I was just in a rush and-"

But the following sentence turned into a hack of horror, as Alexis was yanked off the ground by the back of her turtleneck collar, and brought to eye level by a very angry looking girl in a Ra Yellow uniform, who, to her surprise, was just as tall as her, if not a little taller, who's chocolate brown hair streamed wildly in fury as Alexis stared right into two piercing green eyes.

"So you think it's pretty cool to just run into people eh!" she said, as Alexis immediately was shut up by shock. "OH! I see! You think that just because you're a conforking Obelisk, yeh can just run into anyone you want to and expect to get away with it, huh?"

"NO! Th…that's not…" said Alexis, completely thrown aback by that statement, the events of last night suddenly flowing back into her mind.

"I hate your kind, you know that!" she yelled. "Acting so cocky and special! Half of your pathetic masses got in on nothing but cash and having not a single thought in you heads! Why if we were back in grade school, I'd line up a whole bunch of you, give you the worst wedgies of your lives, and run the underwear I yanked from your backsides through a shredder while you were still wearing them!"

"Look…we've had some sort of misunde-" Alexis started.

"I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, CHICKY-POO!" yelled the girl, shaking Alexis angrily. "Just because you're an Obelisk and I'm a Ra, I'm not going to bend back on my rear and beg for your forgiveness just for breathing on you stupid blue uniform! I'M NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST-you picked up my books for me!"

"Yes…" said Alexis, now seeing that this was going to be a 'talk-your-way-out-of-a-slaughter' situation, trembling slightly.

"That's soooooo nice!" cried the girl, instantly dropping Alexis and thrusting out her hand. "This has, like, totally made my day! I'm serious! I haven't anyone pick up books for me in, like, ever! Especially not an _Obelisk_! I'm Kat! Nice to meet you!"

"Alexis…nice to meet you Kat…" said Alexis, shaking her hand feebly, as opposed to her, who nearly snapped hers in half.

"You too Alexis!" said Kat, snatching the books out of Alexis's weak hands. "Well! Gotta head to class, or else old Mrs. Crowler will have my…HEY! If I say a bad word now, it would totally rhyme!"

"Uh…" said Alexis.

"SEE YA HON!" said Kat, giving Alexis a friendly slap on the back, before running off.

"Yeah…bye…" said Alexis weakly, waving.

"ALEXIS FRIEND!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Alexis, running away, not bothering to pick up her books.

---ooo---

By the time she _did _make it to class, Alexis was pretty weak on her knees…and the rest of her body. After surviving several traumatic experiences that morning, she was looking forward to just sitting down and listening to a teacher rant.

Unfortunately, all the seats were taken.

"Oh…dear…" she said pathetically, looking as row after row of seats in the lecture hall was filled to the brim.

So began yet another struggle, this time, shuffling through a bunch of bodies through, what she assumed, was the Obelisk part of the building. It seemed as if everyone in the room from Obelisk remembered her, some still giving her angry glances about the incident from last night.

"Um…hi…sorry…'scuse me…" she said, pushing through the now dead-quiet mass. However, wedged between a girl and a guy was, finally, a free spot. She was about to put her books down on the desk when-

"Taken," said the guy, slapping a hand on top of it, just as Alexis grabbed the chair.

"Oh…sorry," she said, navigating once again through the sea of blue. However, looking out, she saw yet another spot, and with a strained effort, she made her way toward it.

"Taken," said another girl, putting her hand on the desk, just as Alexis was only about a seat away.

"Okay…" she said, turning around again, moving through to what few available desks there were. However, every single one seemed to be taken, so it seemed, no matter whether she went up, down, left, or right.

She was getting rather sick of the whole 'saving' system of desks, when at last, she found something that there was just no way she could possibly be thrown out of…a set of five desks together.

"Taken," said a guy behind her, as she slammed the books on the desk.

"Oh yes, by those lovely quintuplets I just passed by in the halls," said Alexis, pulling out the second chair from the edge.

"Get out of that seat newbie," said another guy behind them, as Alexis defiantly sat down. "You don't know just what those seats are, do you?"

"Empty, save for this one," said Alexis, relaxing in her chair.

"Look girl, those seats are _supposed _to be empty," said another guy. "The top student of Duel Academy sits there, and no newbie that comes out of the blue is going to sit next to him!"

"Well he can go die in a ditch, and you jerks can too," said Alexis, flipping to a clean sheet in her notebook.

"Don't you have any respect for your elders and betters?" asked one guy. "That man is probably the most brilliant dueling mind in the school, and-"

"Well I am the Rosa Parks to your Jim Crow," said Alexis, uncapping a pen, and capping it again on the end. "So if you've got a problem, you can just all move and give him your five seats."

"We've still got a few minutes before the teacher comes," said another kid, getting out of his chair. "If we have to drag you out by your hair to the floor, we will, you little newbie."

"Just try!" yelled Alexis, as one of the gang really did grab Alexis's hair, causing her to let out a scream of shock and pain. It looked like he really _was _trying to pull her out of the chair when-

"She says she sitting their arse-hole, so she's sitting there!" yelled the familiar voice, as Alexis looked up to see the towering figure of Kat.

"Well well…Katrina Tillian…self-proclaimed 'Enemy of All Obelisks'," said the kid, yelping in pain as Alexis slapped the hand that held his hair, causing him to drop it.

"Well well…Dan Royalle…self-proclaimed Obelisk…" said Kat, as Dan had a little anger mark behind his head.

"YOU WENCH!" another one yelled. "How dare you show your face here, defending the supposed group of people you hate? Hypocrite!"

"Oh dear…" said Kat, getting right in Dan's face. "You're worse than I expected. You're head has become so swollen, that your itty bitty brain has popped right out of its socket!"

"What are you-" Dan started, right when, to the horror of nearly everyone in the room, Kat, quite literally, grabbed Dan's head, and similar in the way she did to Alexis, she began to shake it violently, causing Dan to scream in horror.

"It's just like cleaning up the Etch-a-Sketch!" said Kat, holding up the now very dizzy looking Dan, who's face's color was now mixed with a tinge of green. "Heh. You look nearly as ugly as you did before."

"You…little…" he managed to cringe, before, still by his head, she threw him over her shoulder, sending him falling down the rows of desks in the lecture room, until at last, after being bumped and jostled, he landed on the hard tile floor.

"What a lightweight…" she said, cracking her shoulder.

"Oh my god…you've knocked him out!" screamed one of his companions, as some of the other tormenters uneasily looked down to see the horror of the scene below.

"Then my work here is done!" said Kat. "That's should take the edge of him a little bit!"

"I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT!" screamed one, leaping over the desk, as Kat did a power kick to his blow, sending it straight back to his face. Another one tried a similar method, but this time, she moved to the side, and let him fly by her, falling on a few desks below. The last one was just left there, gapping at her, not knowing what to do.

"Would you like to comment on this?" asked Kat to the kid.

"Uh…th-they got what he deserved?" asked the other one pathetically, smiling weakly.

"Correct," said Kat with a smile, putting a single finger on top of his head, and with a gentle push, knocked him over like a stiff board.

"Thank you?" said Alexis to Kat.

"Hey, I owed you a favor!" said Kat, giving her a smile and a wink. "Well, now I've paid up for you picking up my books, but I still owe you for me goin' ballistic on you back there when I shouldn't have."

"It's okay…it was nothing…" said Alexis, not wanting the next round of debt repayment to be this violent.

"HEY! YOU ARE NICE!" said Kat. "Holy cheese on rye! My faith in the human conscience has been renewed! This is like, freaky cool!"

"Well, people can get pretty jerky in this class," Alexis admitted. "Still, it's probably not the best idea to cause this many injuries. Teachers generally look down on it."

"Hey, I do what I do, nothing more, nothing less!" said Kat. "AH YAM WHAT AH YAM!"

"Not again," said Zane, walking over the body of the last kid, who was still stiff from fear on the floor. "Good morning Alexis."

"WHA? What are you doing here?" said Alexis. "Aren't you a senior?"

"And she's a second year, what's your point?" asked Zane, pointing to Kat.

"Oh…looks like I broke another nail," said Ka, looking at her hand and kicking a guy who was struggling to get up. "Ah well, easy come, easy go."

"But I thought this was going to be divided by class!" said Alexis.

"Not necessarily, some classes are classes you only take once, so you can take them whatever year you want," said Zane. "This is an elective course, not a required one."

"YOU!" screamed Kat, pointing an accusing finger at Zane. "YOU ARE THE WORST OF THEM ALL! YOU ARE THEIR LEADER, THEIR KING, THEIR KAISER! You must suffer the same fate as your foolish subjects! You are the captain, and yer ship's going down!"

"Fanatics are fanatics, I have no control over that," said Zane.

Kat gave him a hard look, her eye twitching slightly.

"Cheh, your not like the others, so I'll let you go for now," said Kat. "But I got my eye on you…"

She then crept backwards to the Ra side of the room with a bizarrely insane look on her face, cackling evilly to herself.

"She's a bit fanatical herself, isn't she?" asked Alexis.

"These are just the people who can afford to come here," said Zane. "You should see some of the other applicants. So what's this all about?"

"Oh yeah, I tried to sit within a two-desk radii of some high-and-mighty best student in the school jerkwad," said Alexis. "They freaked out and tried to drag me out by my hair, and just when I was about to give them a piece of my mind, Kat showed up and drove them all into the ground."

"I see," said Zane. "Typical. At least she didn't kill any of them for bumping into her again."

"Actually…well, never mind," said Alexis. "Anyway, who is this best-student kid anyway?"

"I prefer to be called _Mr_. High-and-Mighty Best Student in the School Jerkwad, just for future reference," said Zane.

Silence.

"Ah…taken," said Alexis, getting out of her chair.

"What?" asked Zane.

"Ah, nothing, I'll just go," said Alexis.

"Why?" asked Zane.

"Because I kinda just insulted you, and I don't want to wait for you to tell me to scrub off," said Alexis.

"And I'd do that because?" asked Zane.

"You don't care?" asked Alexis.

"Not really," said Zane.

"Oh…kay…" said Alexis, awkwardly sitting down. "I'll wait quietly for the other shoe to drop."

"Bit weird, aren't you?" he asked.

---ooo---

"Abana…Agro…Anika…" said a dull voice at the front counter of the school, handing out white envelopes with the Duel Academy library on it to passing students, who all picked them up, and with trembling hands, opened them up.

Alexis learned around the grapevine, as she was sitting in the library trying to get some homework done, that a lot of students were still taking the entrance exam to get into DA (she took hers really early, so she was part of the first wave of new students). That means that not only will a lot of new be popping up, old students needed to see what their start-of-the-year rank was. The library tables were filled to the brim with other students, chatting and agonizing over their scores.

One Ra girl with gray-brown hair had just picked up her envelope and opened it up. The second she read it, she looked like she was going to cry.

"There really seems to be a lot of pride to one's own dorm in this school," she said, absentmindedly talking to herself and tapping her pencil against her chin. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen many students that _aren't _loyal to their own dorm. Oh well…at least I haven't seen anyone who are over-the-top, just plain wrong kind of arrogant yet."

"OUTTA THE WAY LOSERS!" screamed a pair of Obelisk boys, shoving a bunch of poor, innocent Ras and Slifers to the side right into the walls, forcing their way into the room. "Make way for Chazz Princton!"

"And now I have," Alexis said, closing her book shut, deciding that this wasn't someone she wanted to meet. However, fate was cruel in its methods of creating bizarre friendships.

Chazz Princton, while having nothing really special about him appearance wise, did seem like someone who had a massive amount of confidence that borderlines self-worshipping. He had really incredibly dark gray, with the tiniest hit of blue wreathed somewhere in between (here we go again with bizarre hair colors), and it was really, really spiky, almost in the shape of a Mohawk. He walked right up to the table where the Ra girl who looked unhappy about her letter sat down to calm herself.

"Hey, get out," he said to her, as she looked up, automatically taken aback.

"What…but…" she started.

"I said get out," said this kid, 'Chazz' again. "Go sit somewhere else. _I_ don't want to sit next to a _Ra_."

"But…there are a lot of other spots where you can go…" she said awkwardly. "Ah…"

"Exactly. Go find one," said Chazz.

"But I-" she started.

"Hey, I'm wearing the blue, your wearing the yellow!" he said. "Until that changes, I outrank you Ra Rubbish. So beat it!"

She knew she had lost. She was just picking up her stuff when-

WHAP!

Alexis slammed him over the back of the head with her book, sending him off balance, and causing him to fall to the floor.

"She was there first," said Alexis, as Chazz slowly got up to his feet. "_You _go find somewhere else!"

"No!" Chazz snapped back at her. "Who died and made you the boss of me?"

"Who died and made you the boss of her?" asked Alexis.

"_I'm _an Obelisk. _She's_ a Ra!" said Chazz. "You do the math! I outrank her, I _bet _skills wise I outrank you, and that isn't going to change anytime soon!"

"You just have to test in to be an Obelisk!" said Alexis. "She could easily just one day be an Obelisk! And it's just as easy for you to fail a test and for you to become a Ra! In fact, it's possible for _anyone _in this school to change ranks! So that's a really flimsy excuse to call yourself better than someone!"

"You're lucky you're an Obelisk!" said Chazz. "If you were a Slifer Slacker or Ra Rubbish, then I'd just let someone else grind you to a pulp!

"You're lucky all you're getting out of this is a whack and a warning!" said Alexis. "Not a lot of people will take the kind of trash that eeks out of your mouth!"

"Cheh, your no Obelisk worth respect!" said Chazz. "No guts, you've got no guts! How you ever made it into this dorm is beyond me."

"POWAH!"

BAM!

Chazz got nailed again, but this time, it was from an aerial kick from Kat, who flew out of nowhere and drove the heal of her shoe right into his chest after a dive from above, sending him flying backwards, as she landed catlike on her feet a few feet away.

"And another one takes a nose-dive!" said Kat. "So proclaims Kat, the Enemy of All-"

"KAT YOU IDIOT!" screamed the Ra girl from the table grabbing Kat by the shoulders and shaking her violently. "DO YOU WANT TO GET US BOTH KILLED?"

"No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o," said Kat, still being shaken.

"RA RUBISH!" screamed Chazz angrily, getting up to his feet, retreating from the scene. "You may have one this time, but I'll get you both for this! And you to Obelisk Girl!"

"JUST TRY SLEAZEBALL!" yelled Kat, watching the library door slam. "I can't wait to see one of your 'Ra Rubbish' take down and Obelisk…Oh…Uh…O…IDIOT!"

"SHUT UP KAT!" screamed the Ra girl.

"Hey! Lex!" said Kat, walking up to Alexis. "Thanks for helping me and Samantha here out! Looks like I owe you again, huh?"

"DON'T TELL HER MY NAME MORON! SHE'LL KILL ME TOO!" yelled Samantha.

"No I won't…" said Alexis.

"You have to forgive Kat, because she's an idiot, and a moron, and she's violent, and she has an awful personality-" the Ra girl, named Samantha, said, violently apologizing while slamming Kat's face into the table. "But she didn't mean it! She's utterly disturbed!"

"MR MHM MNHT!" said Kat angrily, shaking her arms violently.

"No, seriously, it's okay," said Alexis.

"FORGIVE US!" screamed Samantha, grabbing Kat by the back of her collar and dragging her out of the room. So the games began…

**L33T B0NUZ PHU/I/**

"I could have sworn that this was the end of the chapter," said Alexis, walking back into the library to get her book that she used to slam Chazz. "Huh…oh well. Hey…since when do we need a textbook for-"

_Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars…_

"…uh oh," Alexis said, hearing a disembodied voice as she bent over to pick up the textbook.

_Alexis Rhodes…is staring in an AlexisXZane Fic written by Shrilanka-San…_

"HEY! IT'S NOT A ROMANCE FIC!" said Alexis. "I know it looks pretty romance ficy at first glance, but it's not, okay? IT'S NOT!"

_Oh, my mistake…it's an AlexisXChazz fic…_

"Okay, now that's just plain ridiculous!" said Alexis. "If this was a romance fic, it would get in the way of everything humor fics stand on! Randomness…insanity…deranged OCs…"

_Alexis Rhodes…is stalked by every man on the planet…_

"Well, sometimes it seems like-HEY! BEAT IT!" yelled Alexis, backing towards the door

_Alexis Rhodes…she thinks I'm sexy…_

"I DO NOT!" yelled Alexis. "OH MY GOD! THE LIBRARY IS HAUNTED BY A DISSEMBODIED VOICE ANNOUNCER! I hate those!"

_I'm too sexy for my shirt…_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Alexis, running out of the room.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

---ooo---

Zane: Okay, I only had about ten sentences worth in that entire chapter…

Alexis: Save the moping for later Zane! Things aren't going to get any better, considering next time, we focus a little more on making Chazz's life a living hole!

Chazz: HEY! I didn't want to be in this stupid after-chapter script! I didn't want to be a BEEPing main character either!

Zane: So it stinks to be you.

Chazz: GAAAAAAH! I don't care, just as long as that crazy Ra Girl doesn't show up next chapter!

Alexis: Sorry Chazz, her and another OC that far surpasses her crazyness.

Chazz: I HATE YOU SHRILANKA! DIE IN A DITCH!

Alexis: Chazz! Stop insulting the author!

Zane: Next time, it's Chapter Three, 'A Spoon, a No-Win Situation, and Bucket of Water'.

Chazz: WHO DIED AND GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TELL WHAT THE NEXT CHAPTER IS?

Zane: You, if you don't shut up.


	3. A Spoon, a No Win Situation

Press here for insanity!

First off, I'd like to apologize for a few spelling errors in the names of the characters. Jazmine is Jasmine. Princton is Princeton. I can't believe it's people who screw up names that annoy me the most, and what do I do? Screw up names. Idiot. I am an idiot. And I've been writing on this site for what, one and half years? (resists urge to break own arm) I hope you guys can forgive me for committing a cardinal sin on a fan fiction site. And I was seriously like 'At least I'm not one of those losers who can't even spell "Syrus".'

Joku, as will be a trend with the male OCs, is a 'reused' OC from the last fic 'There's Something About Marik' (same with Akiro, but he's later). When he showed up, comments about him were somewhere in the general category of 'just how much has he had to drink?'. And now I'm going to make him a somewhat main character. Ha ha ha _ha ha ha…ha…_ahem, sorry.

Yeah, and actually, Samantha's supposed to be a main character to, and in contrast to Chazz, who showed up later, she popped up right when I thought she was going to show up later in the story. Sometimes I feel as if I have no control when my OCs pop up…and it's a very bizarre feeling.

Do these rants annoy you? Don't hesitate to tell me.

**CHAPTER THREE**

_A Spoon, a No-Win Situation, and Bucket of Water_

"I didn't know that some of the tests actually took place _in _the school," Alexis commented to Zane, as the two were looking up from the balcony at some of the duel tests below.

"Actually, a lot of people prefer getting tested at the school," said Zane. "I don't know why myself, but that's just me."

"Again, I'm really sorry about insulting you yesterday," said Alexis.

"And again, I really don't mind, honest," said Zane. "It was a mistake. We all make them."

"I still feel awful about it," said Alexis, watching a girl with silver blonde hair beat one of the duel instructors.

"Don't. It annoys me," said Zane.

"I'm starting to think that _nothing_ annoys you," said Alexis.

"Not true," said Zane. "Selfish, arrogant people annoy me. And that awful squeaky crunch new Styrofoam makes…yeah…that annoys me too…"

"Well…good for you," said Alexis. "By the way…speaking of arrogant jerks, I met a really, _really _off-the-wall disgusting one. His name's Chazz…something. What year's he in?"

"Never heard of him," said Zane. "He's probably a first."

"Oh," said Alexis. "Yeah…he literally just walked up to a girl who had just gotten a really bad letter of dorm switching or something, and he just told her to get out of her chair."

"That's pretty cold," said Zane.

"I know! It ticks me off! I mean, I get ticked off just thinking about it!" said Alexis. "I'm almost _not _mad that he got nailed by Kat."

"The scene is slowly starting to write itself in front of my very eyes," said Zane. "Oh well…"

And once again, fate decided to drop a bomb on our hero's lives.

"Shove off, shove off!" said Chazz, once again barging his way past a bunch of other people along the edge of the balcony, pushing and shoving a bunch of other students aside, as Alexis slowly approached from the distance, causing her heart to skip a beat.

"Oh God…that's the kid I was talking about…" said Alexis.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Zane. "That's not Kat."

"No, no, no, the creepy first year!" said Alexis, jerking her head to an oncoming Chazz.

"Wow…" said Zane, being the most polite thing he could say after seeing Chazz's appearance. "He seems…he seems very…"

"Just come out and say that he looks like a lint ball that didn't get a mother's love while being haphazardly pulled out of a garbage disposal," said Alexis.

"YOU!" screamed Chazz, suddenly spotting Alexis from about ten feet away, angrily striding up to her with the strength and resistance of a freight train, everyone frantically getting out of his way with one look on his angry face. "You're that stupid Obelisk Girl who made a fool out of me yesterday!"

"And your that arrogant jerk that was kicking people around yesterday!" said Alexis, as the two met eye to eye, as a bunch of angry sparks shot between them.

"Oh good, I hate awkward introductions," said Zane, taking his usual 'third party' stance in the conversation.

"HOLY GOD!" said Chazz. "You two make one ugly couple!"

Very awkward, very angry silence.

"Okay…I feel just a bit offended by that…" said Zane.

"Oh God!" said Chazz, now laughing out loud, and managed to choke on between chuckles, pointing at Zane. "I...I guess this proves that…you shouldn't be here…being stupid enough to go out…with _that_…"

"I can see that you're not exactly the master of concierge," said Zane.

"Are you implying that…that…" asked Alexis. "Oh God…you repulsive little…"

"Ooooh, did I strike a nerve?" said Chazz mockingly. "I'm sorry. I leave you and you both be then…though I must say…I won't envy your kids…"

"That's fine, because I don't envy you right," said Zane calmly.

"What's that supposed to-" Chazz started-

"Hellooooooooo Spazzy," said Kat's voice behind him, clamping her hand on Chazz's shoulder.

"IT'S THE CRAZY WITCH!" screamed Chazz.

"It's the punching bag!" said Kat eagerly, cracking her knuckles.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Chazz, running away from her as fast as he could, Kat in hot pursuit, laughing like some kind of homicidal maniac.

"You know…the relationship between me and karma is bittersweet…this is one of the sweet moments," said Alexis, watching the two frantically scramble around people.

With that, they heard a scream of 'POWAH', and what sounded like Chazz's scream of pain from having an arm wrenched out of his socket.

"We really should stop her," said Zane. "But then again…no, for some reason, I'm having a momentary lack of compassion…"

----ooo---

It was a really great day just for a walk, being it the first Saturday of the school year, and with no classes on the horizon until Monday, and a whole lot happening to her in just two short days, Alexis thought it would be best just to fly solo and take a good look at the grounds. Duel Academy turned out to be a very interesting place just in the set up the terrain, with forest, coast, a lake, cliffs, and all surrounded by a huge, blue sea. It was a beautiful place…

"I guess once you make the change, it's not so bad…" said Alexis, standing at the top of the same rock cliff where she stood just a few days before, trying to write that letter. "I think I can get used to it. It'll take awhile but-"

"Hello," said a voice in a monotone, causing Alexis to cry out in surprise to see who it was, whirling around. What she saw was just a guy…a guy with really dark, spiky black hair with blue undertones (again with the haircolors…), who was wearing a Ra Yellow Boys Uniform…and standing on his head.

"Oh…you scared me," said Alexis, catching her breath.

"Hello," he said again, still in a dull monotone.

"Oh, hi," said Alexis. "Sorry…my name's Alexis."

"I'm Joku," sad the kid.

"Doesn't it hurt to stand on your head like that?" asked Alexis, tilting her head to try to meet eyes with the odd boy.

"My last name's Zokida," said Joku dully.

"Okay…Joku Zokida. Nice to meet you," said Alexix.

"And my middle name's Julie," said Joku.

"Joku _Julie _Zokida then…" said Alexis awkwardly.

"You're Alexis Rhodes, fifteen, Obeliks Blue, size nine shoes, and you've just met with a kid named Chazz Princton, correct?" asked Joku.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ALL THAT?" screamed Alexis.

"I know everything…everything in the world…" said Joku. "Go on, ask me anything."

"Um," said Alexis.

"Come on…do it…do it…you know you want to…" said Joku.

"Uh, fine," said Alexis. "Is there such thing as a unicorn?"

"Yes, their just incredibly good at disguise," said Joku.

"What's my middle name?" asked Alexis.

"Cameron," said Joku.

"What my favorite color?" asked Alexis.

"Orange," sad Joku.

"How many times has Elizabeth Taylor remarried?" asked Alexis.

"I lost count," said Joku.

"What's _Zane's _middle name?" asked Alexis.

"Stuart," said Joku.

"Ew," said Alexis.

"I know," said Joku.

"What's the next most significant thing that's going to happen in my life?" asked Alexis.

"This spoon," said Joku, holding up a spoon.

"Uh…what?" asked Alexis.

"Take it," said Joku.

"I don't know…" said Alexis, something about the tone of this whole conversation not sounding right in her ears. "I really don't think-"

"Just touch it," said Joku.

"No thank you…come to think of it, I should be going now…" said Alexis, starting to back off.

"Touch the spoon…" sad Joku.

"I said no!" said Alexis.

"You know you want too…" said Joku.

"NO I DON'T WANT TO!" screamed Alexis. "Look, I don't know why, but why does this whole idea sound so…so…_wrong_?"

"Come on…it's _natural_…" said Joku.

"So is running around naked, going to the bathroom in plants, and eating carrion, and I'm not planning to do any of the above anytime soon!" said Alexis.

"Well that's a shame," said Joku.

"WHY YOU-" screamed Alexis.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Suddenly, a horrible, high pitched scream, very reminiscent of the one from 'Psycho' echoed over the cliffs of Duel Academy, or a very young women being tortured at the hands of a merciless fiend, sending huge flocks of birds scattering in the air from the cliffs.

"That sounded like Chazz!" said Alexis.

"Alexis…take the spoon…" said Joku, continuing to hold out the spoon while somehow supporting himself with one hand.

"FINE! WHATEVER!" yelled Alexis, grabbing the spoon and running off with it in her hand.

---ooo---

Alexis felt like kicking herself as he rushed in the direction the scream came from, which was actually on the beach of the school. She can't believe that something in her conscience would even halfway consider to drive her to aid the saddest little madboy to ever walk the planet.

"Chazz! Chazz!' she said, her heels kicking up sand on the beach, as Chazz's cringing, unhappy form lay in a fetal position, his uniform wrinkled and careworn. "Chazz?" _His parents must have been drunk when they gave him _that_ name_ "What happened?" _Like I give a darn about your life _"Are you okay?" _See previous_

"Gah…no…creepy Obelisk girl…" said Chazz, looking at her for a split moment, then trying to drag himself across the sand. "Must…crawl…away…"

"No you idiot! What happened?" she said, grabbing him by the back of the collar and yanking him up, causing him to scream in fury and terror. "Did you get attacked? Who did it? Did you fall? Are you-STOP SCREAMING YOU NINNY!"

"IT'S MY PARTY, AND I'LL SCREAM IF I'M ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY A PASSERBYE IF I WANT TO!" yelled Chazz at her.

"I'm not going to kill you!" yelled Alexis.

"Oh! Great! Thank you _so _much!" yelled Chazz. "Everyone knows that homicidal maniacs _never _kill anyone if they say they aren't!"

"Fine! Then I'll just leave you here to die then!" said Alexis, dropping like a rock.

"WAIT! NO!" said Chazz frantically. "What if they come back? THEY'LL KILL ME! They'll strip me, take embarrassing photographs, then they'll KILL ME!"

"Calm down…calm down…" said Alexis, trying her best to speak in a soothing tone of voice. "Now just take a few deep breaths…"

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Chazz, before he sucked in ten thousand square kilograms of air. "They're (GASP) so totally…(GASP)…gonna…(GASP)…"

"Okay…now who are 'they'?" asked Alexis.

"Okay…I just walked around, you know…minding my own business…" said Chazz. "Then, out of nowhere, I run into this guy, and for _some _stupid reason, he's gotta problem with me calling his mother a Chihuahua, and comparing his face to his rear end!"

"Yeah, _really _pugnacious," said Alexis.

"If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!" said Chazz. "Anyway, it turned out this guy was huge, wicked strong, and have his entire body caked with ten thousand pounds worth of he-man muscle!"

"Which of course, no one can tell from first glance," said Alexis.

"I SAID SHUT IT!" said Chazz. "And he had friends-DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING-and…they got mad…"

"I see," said Alexis.

"And now all of them want to kill me," said Chazz.

"Then why didn't the kill you the first time around?" said Alexis.

"I don't know…they said they felt their bodies suddenly double over in intense spiritual pain that can only be caused by one with a brave heart and a true spirit obtaining the mighty power of a mystic spoon, or some other utter crap like that," said Chazz, as Alexis gave the spoon in her hand a very odd look. "I couldn't really tell…I was busy setting off every Richter Scale in a ten mile radius with my scream…hey, what's that?"

"Nothing!" said Alexis, frantically stuffing the spoon behind her back.

"YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!" screamed Chazz, jumping up and grabbing her by the Obelisk Blue Girls Jacket collar. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! WHEN I DO, I WANT IT TO BE AFTER I'VE MARRIED, HAD A FAMILY, AND FINALLY WATCHED EVERY _THE NANNY _EPISODE EVER MADE!"

"I don't know!" said Alexis. "What can I possibly do to help you? Their after my blood! I'm a high school student, not a UN diplomat!"

"I'm deeeeeeeespraaaaaaaaaaaaaate…." said Chazz, pathetically sinking to the ground in painful sobs.

"You don't say…" said Alexis sarcastically.

"I'll do anything you want! Anything! I resort to any indignity necessary to save my life!" yelled Chazz. "I'm begging yooooooooooou!"

"Will you shut up and stop being an arrogant Son Of?" asked Alexis.

"Save the jokes for later Crazy Obelisk Girl!" yelled Chazz.

"I HAVE A NAME! IT'S ALEXIS! IT'S BLOODY ALEXIS!" said Alexis.

"I don't care!" yelled Chazz. "I'll say I owe you, okay? I'll owe you big time! Think about it later! JUST HELP ME NOW!"

"Demands, demands, demands," said Alexis. "Look, I can't promise anything, I mean…ah…"

Something about a full grown man that looked like his hair had gotten into a biomedical experiment that went terribly wrong (_A/_N for some reason, I have a bizarre fixation with the weird, disgusting, bizarre angle's of Chazz's hair) sobbing like a little kid even sickened Alexis at heart.

"OKAY!" said Alexis. "I'll _try_, okay?"

"That's a start…" said Chazz.

"Okay….I better consult some sort of older figure to see if we can work something out," said Alexis.

---ooo---

"NOW I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE DESPERATE!" Chazz screamed indignantly.

"You're not my first choice either," said Zane flatly, sitting at his usual spot by the lighthouse, as Chazz looked like a cat that had been given the most vicious bath of its life, his hand standing on end even more than usual.

"I can't believe that I'm begging for the help of a…a…freaky, white wearing, gothic kid!" yelled Chazz, spitting out the last part of the sentence angrilly.

"Freaky, white wearing gothic kid?" echoed Zane.

"Zane, there's gotta be something we can do!" said Alexis. "I figured you, with your infinite knowledge of the students here, would know how to bail us out! Doctor Crowler wouldn't listen to us, because apparently, the kids an upper class Obelisk, Professor Banner can't do anything because he's not in his dorm, and Miss Fontaine just made Chazz do laps (which was very amusing to watch I might add)."

"Look, I'm a third year, I'm not God," said Zane.

"I wouldn't be a Christian if you were!" yelled Chazz.

"Youthful innocence is so adorable," said Zane flatly, holding out a fist. "I should fix that."

"Well is there anything you'd be willing to do to help him?" asked Alexis.

"Do you want me to be honest, or polite?" asked Zane.

Silence.

"Is there a happy median?" asked Chazz.

"Go smother yourself, I've heard it's the quickest way to go," said Zane.

"HOW IS THAT POLITE?" asked Chazz.

"If you want the non-polite version, may I point out that I'm wearing white, and the dry cleaner bills me for cleaning off body fluids," said Zane. "Good day."

---ooo---

"GREAT! SCREAMING, ELATED GREAT!" yelled Chazz, ranting up and down the beach as Alexis watched him kick up sand and have a borderline temper tantrum. "The suns setting, you're stupid, white wearing gothic-friend won't help us, I can't go home, because that's where they reside, if I stay out here, they'll hunt me down, and on top of everything else, no one's on my side! You know what? I QUIT! I don't need to see Fran and Shetfield's wedding episode anyway!"

"I think your making this out to be a bigger deal than it is," said Alexis, for some sickening reason, still listening to Chazz's mindless ramblings. "They won't actually _kill _you. They're much too stupid-sounding."

"And of course, Son of Sam was a Ph crippin' D," said Chazz.

"Well, a bully usually only attacks when a victim is alone, right?" said Alexis. "So that means if I stick here for a little while, they won't kill you."

"Oh yeah, girl in a mini-skirt. That's a rock-solid defense mechanism," said Chazz.

"Your little sarcastic streak is really starting to bug me," said Alexis. "So what do they look like anyway?"

"Exactly like them…and I mean _exactly…_" said Chazz, utterly crestfallen as a bunch of huge, surly guys began to lumber toward them, all toting huge muscular limbs.

"HOLY GOD!" screamed Alexis.

"What?" asked Chazz.

"I…I thought he was a PE teacher!" said Alexis in horror, pointing to the biggest one in the group, for he did have the physic eerily reminiscent of a gym teacher.

"Could you, you know, _try_ not to make my last moments of not breathing through a tube miserable?" asked Chazz.

All three of the jerks limbered right up to Chazz, all with dark, nasty looks plastered on their huge, predominant mandibles, beetle brows, and tiny eyes. They looked like a fresh batch of fools from stereotype land.

"And you were stupid enough to insult these guys, _why_?" asked Alexis.

"Yeah…ignorance of youth," said Chazz, as all three of the huge, muscular men stopped right in front of them.

There was silence, as Alexis and Chazz just stood there, staring at the brutes.

"HEY! IT'S…THAT GUY!" said one of the muscular guys, in an _incredibly _intelligent sounding tone of voice.

There was a brief silence.

"YEAH!" screamed another.

Another silence.

"Hey, should we…beat them up?" asked one of the guys to the leader.

"Uh…" said the leader.

Silence, partnered by Alexis slapping her hand on her head.

"WHATEVER!" screamed the guy.

"WHATEVER!" screamed the others, grabbing Chazz by his pencil neck.

"In retrospect…we should have booked when we had the chance…" said Chazz.

"LET HIM GO!" yelled Alexis.

"Ha ha! You're like…a girl!" said one of them.

"YEAH! Ha ha…ha ha…I don't get it," said another.

"Big words! I have big words!" yelled Alexis.

All three gasped in horror, Chazz still being choked.

"She can't!" screamed one. "That would be too…SMART!"

"Antidisestablishmentarianism!" screamed Alexis.

"AAAAH! NO!" screamed the guys, the one that held Chazz instantly dropping him like a rock and stuffing his hands over his ears in ultimate horror. "STOP! NO! DON'T SAY ANYMORE!"

"Phantasmagorical!" yelled Alexis, grabbing a limp Chazz by the wrist and running away, dragging him behind her. "Run Chazz! They're going to kill us!"

"Oh, and what was all this about them being too stupid too?" asked Chazz, gasping through the bruises on his trachea.

"You can be sarcastic later moron!" said Alexis angrily, still running as fast as she could. "Megalomania!"

"Hey, she's like…going!" said one guy.

Silence.

"Let's beat them both up!" said another.

"YEAH!" screamed the other two, all chasing after the duo as they tried their best to flee.

"I can't just keep saying long words!" said Alexis. "Their tiny brains are slowly developing immunity! Dang, I shouldn't have used antidisestablishmentarianism first…"

"So what's the plan then?" asked Chazz.

"Run faster than they can!" said Alexis.

"Brilliant…ingenious…" panted Chazz.

"GIT THEM!" screamed the angry voices behind them.

"Chazz…I want you to know something before we die," said Alexis.

"Yeah?" panted Chazz.

"I HATE YOUR GUTS!" yelled Alexis. "Oh, and there's a cliff ahead."

Indeed, they hit a place where the beach ended, and right at it, there was a huge, towering cliff. And it wasn't one of those ones with all the crevices and stuff really small and nimble people can climb with ease while huge, muscular jerks can't. Nope, this was one of those nice, smooth cliffs that no one can climb up, especially people in distress.

"THE NARRATOR HATES US!" yelled Chazz.

"Hey! They like, stopped!" said one of the three guys, as all three of them also stopped. "Now what?"

"Uh…" said another.

Silence.

"Let us go?" asked Alexis.

"Beat them up?" another asked, a millisecond after her.

"Uh…" said the other two.

"BEAT UP!" screamed one of them.

"YEAH!" screamed the other two.

"I'm too beautiful to die!" yelled Chazz, as Alexis just stared at him.

"Guh…which one should we beat up first?" asked one of the guys.

"Eh…" said another.

More silence.

"HEY! WHY DON'T WE, LIKE…uh…FLIP...A…uh…"

SPLASH!

"Okay, I've had enough of the outlandish displays of the human ability of communication," said Zane, all three of the idiots soaking wet from having a bucket of water dumped on their heads, which Zane charitably provided them. All three of them just slowly turned around and stared at him for a moment, as he chucked the bucket aside.

"HEY!...IT'S ANOTHER GUY!" said one.

Silence.

"Uh…" said another.

Silence.

"Can we beat him up too?" asked another.

Silence.

"Before all three of us leave you gentlemen to your quest for ultimate individuality, I would like to leave you all with one last thought," said Zane. "If a tree falls and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Silence.

"What?" asked one of the moron three dully.

"Let's go guys," said Zane, turning around on his heal.

"What the heck was that?" asked Chazz.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth Chazz," said Alexis, immediately running off to catch up with Zane, leaving Chazz with no choice but to run after her.

"HA! I knew it! I knew you'd come to your senses and help Chazz!" said Alexis, to Zane, as Chazz managed to catch up with the two. "C'mon Zane! Admit it! Admit it!"

"I said I wouldn't help Chazz, you're a different story," said Zane. "Which reminds me, Chazz, do you know the answer to the tree question?"

"HA! THAT'S EASY!" said Chazz. "It's…"

Silence.

"Well technically, he owes you now," said Alexis.

"What fun," said Zane dully, as Chazz's eyes glazed over in thought.

"Well…" said Alexis.

There was a brief silence, Chazz looking like he was straining his sad littl mind.

"Is he going to be okay?" asked Zane.

"Eventually I guess," said Alexis. "Sad thing is, he's got such an awful personality, I doubt anyone will want to be his friend."

"Not our problem," said Zane.

"Yeah but…I don't know…" said Alexis.

There was another brief silence, Chazz still looking deeply strained.

"The answer to the question 'shouldn't we at least try to be his friend out of pity', that is struggling weakly and painfully on its stomach into this conversation is thus," said Zane. "You can do whatever makes you happy, but don't expect me to make him cookies and plastic bracelets that say 'Chazz and Zane BFF'."

"You're pretty blunt, aren't you?" said Alexis.

"I'm not blunt. I'm just a conversation killer," said Zane.

"Ah," said Alexis. "Well, now I owe you for taking me back to my dorm, and this. I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to pay you back."

"I like twenties," said Zane.

"I mean by _favors_," said Alexis.

"By me twenty dollars worth of stuff," said Zane.

"I sense a bizarre relationship between us on the horizon," said Alexis.

---ooo---

_But if the tree is fall, it's gotta make a sound, _thought Chazz, as he stay awake in bed, as he had been for the past five hours. _I mean everything makes noise! But…what if by some freaky coincidence…I mean…well…but it's the bloody laws of physics! Isn't it? AH! DANGIT! I HATE YOU WHITE-WEARING GOTHIC KID!_

---ooo---

Chazz: You know what I hate?

Alexis: Zane? Society? Combs?

Chazz: NO! Well, Zane, yeah…BUT STUPID YIPPER DOGS!

Zane: What about them?

Chazz: I HATE THEM, DARNIT!

Alexis: That's great Chazz. Still, that being said, what's with this freaky curse that's buzzing around the school anyway? Am I the only one who sees it as somewhat lame?

Zane: No…but a lot of things strike me as lame (shrugs).

Alexis: And what about the OC's? What's new with them?

Chazz: I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID CURSE OR SOME STUPID PEOPLE WITH DEEP ROOTED EMOTIONAL ISSUES! IT WON'T DO ME A LOAD OF GOOD IF ALL I DO IS SIT AROUND AND HAVING MY EARDRUMS BLOWN OUT BY A STUPID MUTT THAT BARKS FOR THE SAKE OF IT!"

Alexis: Enough of this mindless ranting! Next Friday's Chapter Four, 'Mr. Muffin: Pomeranian from the Abyss'.

Chazz: Hey! We agreed it was my turn to announce the next chapter!

Zane: Cry me a river.


	4. Mr Muffins: Pomeranian From the Abyss

I've go the antlers on!

Now then, what else can I say? Well…this is like, the weirdest group of characters I've ever had to write yet, because we're blazing a lot of trails, like this being the first time I work only with a group of three, and while the whole 'only' girl character thing is still going on as it usually does in my fics, this time the guys' personalities have weird little quirks that I'm usually not used to writing (for instance, two out of three of them are sane! And so far, none of them are stupid! What's with that?). Anyway, I'm done ranting.

HOLY CRUD! We're bringing back Akiro! (Ha ha). Once again, like Joku, his part was pretty hit-and-run, but at the same time, it left massive holes in any trace of his personality that when filled in…are very disturbing. Hee hee…

Oh yeah, there's not really going to be a structured storyline, so random episodes are going to be dominant through the whole thing, with just my own minor ties to the 'plotline' (no matter how vague it is). I.E., I'm open to requests! Also, some of the bits may get 'serious', maybe, maybe not. So let's just wait and see how everything turns out, okay?

Another last rant that confuses me is that I thought that Kat would be a pretty popular character, and Joku would be welcomed with 'just smile and nod, smile and nod'. Truth is, it completely reversed, and people were like 'XD IT'S JOKU LOL!', and Kat's recognition of existence took…what, two chapters worth of time in the reviews? Well, this isn't the first time my attempts to understand the fandom have failed completely…

Have I mentioned that nothing in this chapter makes sense?

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_Mr. Muffin: Pomeranian from the Abyss_

"RIGHT!" screamed a huge, muscular guy, who was caked in huge muscles, a very strong Scottish accent, and who's body was tattooed in…tattoos. "YOU WHIMPS! AH, YOUR TEACHER, MR. HURTZ, AHM GONNA MAKE IT TIME TO FOR US TAE SEE THE COLOR OF YER BLOOD! LET'S SEE YOU GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE…POP QUIZ TIME!"

Everyone in the seats groaned in agony, except for one seat, where there was all-out furry brewing from the direction of a very angry, nasal-sounding voice.

"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU MEAN A POP QUIZ?" yelled Chazz in utter furry, who was sitting on one side of Alexis, Zane sitting on the other, both of them casting him a critical glance as he got up angrily from his chair, looking like he was about to leap over his desk and tear at the teacher's neck with his teeth. "What kind of pompous arse would give anyone a pop quiz on the _BEEP_ing Monday after entrance exams?"

"ZIP YER LIPS SPAZZ!" said Mr. Hurtz, with one lighting quick movement, pulled out one of test papers, folded it into an origami throwing dagger, and wailed it at Chazz, which buried itself in his forehead, not killing him, unfortunately, because it was made out of paper. "RIGHT! Now take out your pencils, pens or burnt twigs! And just to add a little danger…THE PERSON WITH THE LOWEST GRADE HAS TAE FIGHT THESE TWO, HUGE, RABID GORILLAS!"

He pulled off the cloak that was covering the large box in the middle of the room, revealing it to be a cage that contained two full-grown, snarling, and incredibly hungry looking lions.

"OH! MY MISTAKE!" said Mr. Hurtz. "I just remembered that Ah brought the LIONS today, not the GORILLAS, as originally scheduled! SO YA PANSIES ARE OFF A LITTLE EASY TODAY!"

"This place make's Catholic School look tame!" said Alexis in horror. "This isn't Card Safety 101, it's sadism!"

"Why do you think everyone here except you and that kid is older?" asked Zane.

"You could call him by his name you know," said Alexis, as Chazz slowly dug the paper throwing knife out of his skull.

"Whenever I do, a condescending phrase closely follows it," said Zane. "So really, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut."

"Well you do that…_freakywhitewearinggothkid_," Chazz muttered under his breath.

"I have no heart to tell him that he's not clever at all," said Zane, as Alexis was reached into her bag to pull out a large, wrapped-up muffin. "Uh, Alexis, I'd put that back in your bag if I were you."

"Why? I didn't have anything to eat this morning," said Alexis, unwrapping the muffing, which had a quick bite in it. "My alarm was disassembled thanks to my roommates' biting curiosity over the question 'So where's the ticky thing in this anyway?', so I hate to snag something quick to eat on the way."

"Seriously Alexis, you should really put it back," said Zane. "I mean, I don't really care or anything but-"

"SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!" screamed Mr. Hurtz, who was passing out the tests, and was only a few rows away from the group, whipping out another ready-made origami throwing dagger, which swished passed the muffin like lightning. The top part of it then slid off in a perfect break, landing on the top of Alexis's desk, and crumbling on impact.

"I'd suggest we'd duck," said Zane undramatically, ducking under his desk, as Alexis and Chazz followed suit in just the nick of time. The instant they did, Mr. Hurtz pulled out a flamethrower that was strapped to his back, and set all of Alexis's desk, most of Zane's and small bit's of Chazz's on fire.

"ALEXIS!" he yelled angrily, as Alexis peeked out, staring up at the mad pyromaniac. "HOW DARE YEH BRING IN A MUFFIN FROM THE BLACK MARKET!"

"Black market?" asked Alexis. "Why would muffins be on the black market?"

"DON'T YEH DARE PLAY DUMB WITH ME FOOL!" he yelled.

"She's a first year Mr. Hurtz, she probably doesn't know," said Zane, also emerging from under the desk, as Chazz was trying to beat out the flames on his desk with Zane's textbook.

"FINE! Listen up gel!" said Mr. Hurtz, as Zane yanked the book out of Chazz's hand with such force that it caused him to fly foreword into the desk, his hair catching on fire. "The reason no muffins are allowed on the school grounds is because the very mention o' that pastry bring up horrible memories of the hearts and minds of students who were in school during…_the incident_."

"Sorry?" asked Alexis.

"One of our Obelisk students used to own a Pomeranian back when they were allowed on school grounds!" said Mr. Hurtz. "His name was Mr. Muffin…"

"Really? I could have sworn he was Akiro…" said Zane, as Chazz screamed and 'stop-drop-rolled' on the ground.

"THE DOG WAS NAMED MR. MUFFIN, NOT THE KID!" yelled Mr. Hurtz, hurling a dagger at Zane, who didn't get injured by it, but got a couple strands of hair clipped off. "ANYHOO! The boy kept that Pomeranian, raised it with love and care, and what did it do? IT KILLED HIM IN HIS SLEEP!"

"Oh please! As if a little yipper dog could do that!" said Chazz, climbing from the floor with his hair badly singed.

"SHUT UP!" yelled the teacher, aiming the flamethrower at Chazz, who ducked and hid under his desk again. "ANYWAY! The fact is, that boy's death was the only death that we've ever had on Duel Academy's grounds. What's worse is that the Pomeranian escaped before it could be brought into proper custody…so rumor has it that the horrible brute still roams these grounds!"

"And what does the muffin have to do with anything?" asked Alexis.

"BECAUSE LITTLE MISS, that muffin is greatly associated with Mr. Muffin, and all the sickening sickness he caused!" said Mr. Hurtz. "SO IF I EVER CATCH YOU WITH ONE AGAIN, I'LL GIVE YOU AN ORAGAMI WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!"

"O…okay…" said Alexis quietly, shrinking back in her chair.

---ooo---

The rest of the day, oddly, was painfully uneventful. So it was during the afternoon that Alexis packed up and headed back to the Girls' Dorm, managing to put the whole muffin thing successfully at the back of her head. What she didn't know was that what would result from taking a single muffin to class would expose a dark secret, one of the many that lurked in the school…

"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!"

Alexis suddenly felt herself cut off from air when a pair of arms wrapped around her in a clamp, and she was squeezed in a 'best friend' hug by one of our favorite manic OCs.

"Oh…hi…Kat…" said Alexis, feeling her trachea bruising.

"What up?" said Kat, setting her free, as Alexis took a thankful gulp of air in. "Hey, I saw you get trashed by Hurtz for talking about the whole 'muffin' thing!"

"Oh…yeah," Alexis, remembering that both she and Kat were in that class. "It was no big deal, I'm just trying to forgive and forget, you know?"

"YEAH!" said Kat. "Anyway, if you found that Pomeranian, what would you do?"

"I don't know…uh…" faltered Alexis.

"I'd try to get it to the SPCA before an angry mob of freaks would come around and rip it to shreds, you know what I mean?" said Kat.

"Yeah…I guess…" said Alexis.

"Great! Then you'll totally help me then!" said Kat. "Thanks a ton Lex!"

"WHAT!" screamed Alexis.

"Yeah, I found that Pomeranian a couple days ago, so he's been in my dorm until I could find someone to help me get him to the SPCA before the mob comes!" said Kat. "Glad to see someone's on my side!"

"I DIDN'T AGREE TO ANY OF THIS!" yelled Alexis. "What do you mean you found him! Why didn't you tell someone?"

"Well…because there's kind of a part two to the story…" said Kat.

"Which is?" asked Alexis darkly.

"You see...that kid's ghost is supposed to be haunting this school, still looking for his dog, and just the thought of some dead kid after your soul has the tendency to freak people out," said Kat. "And not long after I found him, lots of weird things have been happening in my dorm. Light flickering, chilly spots in the room, bizarre sounds at night, frightening dreams, waking up every morning to a ghostly form peering over my head, with eyes coursing with bloodlust…wanting so badly to drive me to the edge of the abyss…to take my soul to the ghostly limbo it now dwells…typical stuff. It's bugging my roomie."

"And not you?" asked Alexis.

"Nah, it's actually kind of cool when random meat cleavers aren't being thrown across the room by extra-earthly means," said Kat. "Anyway, wanna help out?"

"Uh, if there was a ghost, wouldn't it, you know, try to kill us for trying to smuggle the dog off the island?" asked Alexis.

"Oh please! Everyone knows that ghosts don't exist!" said Kat. "And even if they did, all they can do is moan a lot and throw random objects across the room!"

"Like the previously mentioned meat cleavers?" asked Alexis.

"Exactly!" said Kat. "Again, it's _really _been bugging my roomie."

"Well…fine," said Alexis. "But only because I can't stand the thought of what the living might do to you if they know that you're housing the most hated dog in Duel Academy."

"YOU ARE SO COOL LEX!" screamed Kat, slinging a friendly (and forceful) arm around Alexis, dragging her off in the direction of the Ra Yellow Girl's Dorm.

Somewhere in the distance, a pair of cold eyes watched them, as a frayed and careworn Obelisk Blue boy's uniform blew softly in the cold air…

---ooo---

"So this is your dorm?" asked Alexis, as she walked into Kat's room. Oddly, it was actually a pretty nice room, not as grand and luxurious as the rooms in Obelisk Blue were, but certainly much better than most. The room's theme apparently was yellow, because even though the walls were white, the door was yellow, the trim was yellow, even the bedspread was a soft, creamy yellow. However, Kat's organizational skills were apparent, considering half of the room, the half that she went to, was strewn with clothes and loose papers and (shudder) undergarments.

"Yeah, it's cool," said Kat, dragging out a huge crate from the closet that was made of loose boards that had bite and claw marks criss-crossing the outside of it. "I mean I don't really know what the big deal about the dog is-" she said as she pulled out a crowbar and pried it open, "-because really, he's just a little loud. Anyway, I'm really glad-" she stopped for a moment, because with a heave, she pulled out a huge, metal box with holes in it, with 'Cuidado' scribbled on it in huge, red letters covered in chains that were held together by a padlock, "-that your helping me out. I mean I'm not sure why everyone's so antedated by him," she continued, as she pulled out a string of keys and flipped through them, as a high pitched, squeaky bark could be heard from inside the metal box, as it rattled around on the floor. "He's really harmless…ish…" she continued, as she stuck a key in the padlock, causing the chains to fall off, setting whatever was in the box even more, "even cute…ish…once you get passed the-here he is!"

She pulled out a screaming, yapping, annoying, orangish haired looking little dog, that yipped and struggled violently in Kat's hands, looking like it wanted to kill everything in the room, despite the fact that everything in the room was three times it size at least.

"Okay…" said Alexis, as the dog continued to try with all of it's pathetic might to struggle out of Kat's arms and bite Alexis's throat. "So now what?"

"You know, I never thought it would get this far, so I really have no part two…" said Kat, putting the little hairball down. "Oh, careful Alexis, he bites."

"I noticed," said Alexis, because three seconds before Kat said it, Mr. Muffins clamped his petite jaws on Alexis's ankle.

"I think there's someone down at the dock who'll take him across the ocean to the SPCA if we give him enough," said Kat, digging through a pile of clothes. "I mean, if there was a guy who was willing to smuggle your muffin, there's gotta be someone willing to smuggle a dog off the island."

"Kat, you do realize that smuggling an illegal muffin and smuggling an illegal yapper dog are two different things, right?" said Alexis, walking over to the pile as the dog continued to chew on her ankle.

"Don't worry!" said Kat, pulling out a metal leash. "If push comes to shove, I'm sure any whimpy smuggler will bow to the taste of POWAH!"

"Okay…" said Alexis, as Kat snapped the chain on the yipper dog's collar, causing the little furball to yelp in pain and try to snap it in two with it's jaws.

The girls then took there leave from the room, still brainstorming on the details of the plan, while outside, a dark figure peered into the room…

---ooo---

"I still can't believe it's trying to escape…" said Alexis, as Mr. Muffins struggled bitterly from his restraints, trying to drag the crew back, causing Kat to drag _him _along behind her.

"Yeah, well…he's like that," said Kat, fighting on the leash with Mr. Muffins as the two were on their way to the docks. "I don't know why I even want to keep that little hairball…he's annoying…he's violent…he's one track minded…and he won't shut up…"

"Yeah well…still, he's kind of cute…" said Alexis, feeling it would be best to hold back her enthusiastic agreement. "But really…if something that small wants to do what he wants so badly, he'll take on _anything _to get it…that's really something to his credit, right?"

"HOLY COW! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING!" said Kat so strongly, that Alexis was thrown back a little in surprise. "God Lex, you're like…superhumanly compassionate!"

"Not…that much…" said Alexis.

"No really!" screamed Kat. "You know how many stuck-up buttheads I've had to deal with? I've tried to have girlfriends in blue, DANGIT! But in the end…_they all get a taste of what is truly, honestly, _KAT, THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS!"

"Thanks…" said Alexis.

"Yeah!" said Kat. "And I still owe you supper mega big time for everything!"

"Honestly, is everything I do measured in IOUs?" asked Alexis.

"Nah…" said Kat. "I have to subtract from all the stuff I do for you!"

"Not…quite what I meant…" said Alexis awkwardly.

"That being said! You're the only Obelisk who's adding about as fast as I'm subtracting!" said Kat. "It's cool!"

There was a brief, relaxed pause.

"You know, I don't have any heart to tell you the dog got away," said Alexis.

"Son of a gun…" said Kat, holding up the limp leash, the collar still attached to it.

"They lost…my dog…" said a ghostly voice, coming from the dark entity that watched the girls, as the ran away in different directions to try to catch the dog.

---ooo---

"Mr. Muffins…" sad Kat, sneaking around outside the Obelisk Blue Boy's Dorm, making kissy sounds with her lips to try to attract him. "Mr. Muffins…come on boy…come on you stupid mut…you can chew on my arm if I find you…I'll even do the right one…your favorite…"

She walked right up to a small bush used for topiary next to one of the windows, and with one swipe, pulled it right out of the ground. To her displeasure, the dog wasn't under it, and she chucked the plant to the side.

"Come on Mr. M…Mr. M? Where are you…come on boy…" she said, continuing to stalk around the dorm.

"KAT!"

Kat turned around vaguely, only to see her roommate, Samantha, her eyes bugging out of her sockets and her mouth gapping open in sheer, condoning horror, as if she was watching Kat making out with someone on a public street.

"Oh, got out of work early Sam?" she asked vaguely.

"DON'T GIVE ME YOUR TRASH!" yelled Samantha angrily. "WHY THE HECK ARE _YOU _SNEAKING AROUND THE _OBELISK BLUE **BOY'S **DORM_?"

"No reason," said Kat. "Hey, you haven't seen Mr. Muffins running around here, have you?"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU HACK ME OFF SO MUCH!" yelled Samantha in what was a combination of disgusted horror and pure rage. "OF ALL THE THINGS YOU CAN DO, YOU GO AND-"

"What the heck is going on out here!" yelled Chazz angrily, walking outside with a flashlight, but then gasping in shock and rage at what he saw. "YOU! You're those two stupid Ra Girls!"

"AH! No! Don't-leave her out of this!" yelled Sam, pointing to Kat. "She's clinically insane!"

"SHUT UP SAM!" yelled Kat.

"And I still have a bone to pick with you!" said Chazz, a disgustingly pleased smile crossing his face. "You, you stupid woman, think you can just go around and make a fool out of me? Well now you're the fool…sneaking around the dorms at night is grounds for expulsion!"

"NO!" screamed Sam, running up to Chazz. "Please, she didn't mean it, she's just-"

"POWAH!"

Kat ran at a super fast speed over to Chazz, grabbed him roughly by the collar of his turtleneck, and with one power throw, hurled him over her shoulder, cannoning into a wall of the dorm.

"Any jerk who resorts to blackmail on nice girls like my buddy gets a taste of me! Kat Tillian, the Enemy of all Obelisks!"

"THAT STUPID THING AGAIN?" yelled Samantha.

"Ah…darnit…" snarled Chazz, pulling his body out of the wall, as chunks of plaster from it fell to the ground. "Well Kat, I hope you know that you are now playing on my territory…how the boys back home will praise me for doing away with the great mistress of random violence, Kat Tillian herself…"

"I wonder if you look less ugly upside-down," said Kat, flipping her head over to get a good look at Chazz. "Uh…NOPE!"

"Prepare to die, Ra Rubbish!" yelled Chazz, running full speed at Kat with a homicidal look on his face. "GET READY TO-"

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

With that, Samantha threw herself in front of Chazz, as Chazz screamed and tried to stop himself from running headlong into Kat. However, this failed miserably, and instead what happened was with a scream, he crashed into Samantha, sending them both falling down the hill. However, the force was so great, that they went pell-mell, banging and rolling over one another until they landed-

SPLASH!

-in the lake at the bottom.

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!" screamed Kat, screaming with laughter at the sight of Sam and Chazz spread eagle in crazy positions, sloshing in the water. "OH MY GOD! I HOPE THERE'S A SECURITY CAMERA TAPING THIS OR SOMETHING!"

"Kat…y…you…" said Sam pathetically, coughing out lake water as Kat still shrieked with laughter at the sight of their pain, as she struggled to her feet.

"Sorry Sam it's just…ah…" said Kat laughing at first, but then her tone turning very awkward, for when Chazz began to rise out of the water…well, he wasn't happy. Not happy at all. In fact, his eyes were glazed over in pure, one-hundred-person bloody murder.

"Um…" faltered Sam. "I guess it's really, really late to say sor-"

SHING!

With that, a lock of her bangs fell to the ground.

"I don't know _why _there's an axe lying at the bottom of this lake," said Chazz, a very sadistic looking gleam in his eye, as he was clutching a dripping wet axe in his hand, which had 'Axe of Insanity' written across it in great, silver letters, "but that being said…mine is not a benevolent God…"

"Habla what?" asked Kat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Sam, sloshing awkwardly through the water, but the second she got out, quickly made a break for it. "RUN KAT, HE'S GOING TO TOTALLY KILL US!"

"As opposed to only partially killing us?" asked Kat.

"GET READY TO DIE WENCH!" yelled Chazz, also sloshing through the water and chasing after her.

Kat just stood there, watching Chazz cackle manically and chasing a screaming Sam, who was careening down the path in front of them.

"This looks like a good excuse to beat someone up!" she said, chasing after Chazz.

---ooo---

"Mr. Muffins!" said Alexis, shining the flashlight all around the docks. "Mr. Muffins! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Here boy! Where are you Mr. Muffins?"

She continued to direct the beam or light in every direction, but the docks were completely baron. There was not a soul around.

"Mr. Muffins!" said Alexis, almost angrily now. "COME ON! This isn't what good dogs do you know! THIS IS WHY I'M A CAT LOVER YOU KN-"

"Hello…"

"AH!" screamed Alexis, whirling around at the sound of the flat, indifferent voice, directing the beam right at Joku, who just stared back blankly at her. "Oh…it's just you…you scared me…"

"I'm Joku," said Joku.

"Yes, I know," said Alexis. "You told me last time we met, remember?"

"…your skirt's short…" said Joku.

Alexis glared darkly at him.

"But it looks good on you…really good…hot good…" said Joku. "I like to play polo on-"

"Okay, I've already I decided I don't want your monolog to continue," said Alexis. "Anyway, have you seen a little yipper dog?"

"Plenty…at the zoo…in houses…in those weird designer bags with cute animal prints on them…on death row…" said Joku.

"I mean recently," said Alexis, cutting him off sharply.

"…my shoes don't match," said Joku.

"You know, I'm just going to walk away and pretend no part of this conversation ever happened," said Alexis flatly. "Mr. Mu-"

"YOU FOOL!" screamed Joku, this time in a very dark, very acidic, almost inhuman like tone, his hair suddenly flying up in an invisible tempest, his eyes turning into pupiless, blood-red slits. "HOW DARE YOU OVERLOOK SUCH A FOOLISH ERROR? YOU LEAVE YOUR HEART LYING ON THE GROUND, AND EVERYONE SHALL TRAMPLE IT! THE WOMAN AND CHILDREN WILL LAUGH AT YOUR CORPSE! I WILL MARRY YOU THRID COUSIN TWICE REMOVED! T3H 3V1L! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!"

Alexis looked bug eyed at his deranged, cackling, ranting form. Then almost as soon as it happened, the wind subsided and Joku was back to…uh…'normal'.

There was utter silence.

"I'm Joku," Joku said.

"Don't care," said Alexis.

"Oh, what now?" asked an oh-so-familiar voice behind Alexis.

"Nothing," said Alexis, whirling around to face Zane. "Uh…how long have you been here?"

"This whole time, but the author hasn't noticed," said Zane.

---ooo---

"Oh…sorry," said the author from reality, staring at the computer screen. "My bad just…just keep up the storyline!"

---ooo---

"And she honestly calls herself 'third person omniscient'," said Zane, almost annoyed. "Anyway, what are you doing out here, and why are you looking for Mr. Muffin…okay, I guess the second question kind of answered the first."

"I'm not looking for Mr. Muffins!" said Alexis defensively.

"Then why are you out here saying 'Mr. Muffin, where are you'?" asked Zane.

Silence.

"Well why are we really doing anything?" asked Alexis. "I mean, in a secular view, isn't it all kind of pointless?"

"That wit was so close to being successful…but it lacks something…" said Zane, almost critically. "Oh well, we'll work on it. Now what are you doing?"

"Tag," said Joku dully, kicking Zane into the ocean for no apparent reason, causing him to crash in with a splash and a cry of shock.

"I won't ask, but thanks!" said Alexis, turning around to run when-

PAM!

SPLASH!

Sam crashed into her, causing both of them to scream and fall into the ocean.

"AH! NOW ANOTHER ONE'S GOING TO KILL ME!" screamed Samantha, tears running down her face.

"Ow…hey…aren't you…" Alexis started, trying to gently push Sam off of her.

"TIME TO DIE!" screamed Chazz at the top of his lungs. He had an incredibly homicidal look on his face that caused Alexis's hair to stand up on horrific end, as he lept up into the air, flying right over the two girls, axe raised high, ready to deliver a final, crushing blow on Samantha.

He missed entirely and landed about three feet behind him, once again causing a huge wave to wash over the gang.

"CHAZZ YOU IDIOT!" screamed Alexis. "What the heck are you doing?"

"POWAH!"

KA-SPLASH!

Like a rocket, Kat spiraled down, and with a twirl, drove the heel of her shoe right into Chazz's back as he was about to get out of the water.

"AND ANOTHER ONE GET'S A SMACKDOWN!" said Kat triumphantly, standing right on top of Chazz, who was twitching angrily. "Because wet or dry, no slimy little Obelisk has enough P0W4H to stand up to…KAT! THE ENEMY OF ALL OBE-"

"GET OFF OF ME YOU HORMONE-HIGH RA RUBBISH!" yelled Chazz, getting up angrily, causing Kat to loose her balance and land in the water.

"GAH!" yelled Kat, her head shooting out of the water. "I'LL WRING YOUR PENCIL NECK!"

"DIE YOU ROTTEN RA!"

"POWAH!"

So basically, Chazz and Kat were now having a cat fight, hissing insults at each other and trying to dig each other's nails into the opponent, Samantha was yelling at Kat and alternately begging everyone else for forgiveness, Alexis was screaming at Chazz angrily, Zane was just trying to get everyone to stop, and Joku just observed the scene casually, before letting himself tip over into the water.

"WHERE'S MY DOG?"

The scream from the shore automatically caused a halt in all conversation/insults/death threats, as the characters uneasily turned to the person who yelled out the question.

It was the figure of a tall young man, one with an extra-flowy uniform (bought special on his first day to scare the heck out of couples who make out next to the beach…Zane has a similar one, but he hardly uses it anymore after scaring virtually everyone away from his favorite light house) that was frayed and ghostly as it blew in the breeze. The mist behind him floated around, billowing over the gang, as an almost green glow mixed itself in among the murkiness.

"Uh…I dunno?" asked Kat.

"Great job you pestilence of a hormone high yabbo," said Chazz. "_Way to save our rear ends_."

"I'm Joku," Joku muttered halfway underwater.

"SILENCE!" screamed the figure. "FIGURES THAT YOU LOSE MR. MUFFINS! WHY IS IT SO DARN HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF A STUPID YIPPER DOG! HECK, HE'S NOT EVEN MINE! HE'S MY SISTER'S!"

"So you're family has personal problems. Big deal," said Kat.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Chazz, socking her. She returned it…with ten times more force.

"Hey, how come you're so darn attached to the thing anyway?" asked Alexis. "Last time I checked, that thing is the reason your dead!"

"I'N NOT DEAD!" screamed Akiro.

Silence.

"You're not?" asked Zane.

"_No_, I'm _not_!" yelled Akiro.

"Yeah you are," said Kat.

"NO I'M NOT!" yelled Akiro.

"Then what's with all the fog?" asked Kat.

"I DON'T KNOW!" yelled Akiro. "What do I look like, a meteorologist?"

"That doesn't make sense!" said Alexis. "What happen? I mean…you can't just…if you're not dead, then what have you been doing all this time? Didn't this happen more than a year ago?"

"I've been going to school all this time, and _nobody's bloody noticed_," said Akiro.

"Wow! You must be pretty unsociable!" said Sam.

"I AM NOT!" yelled Akiro.

"Are you sure you're not a ghost?" asked Kat, wadding toward him. "Can I touch you and see if I go through you?"

"No you may not!" yelled Akiro.

"TOUCH!" screamed Kat, slapping Akiro as hard as she possibly on the back, causing him to, yes…fall in the water.

"Great so we've got…three Obelisks who want to kill us now?" asked Samantha, as Akiro broke the surface of the water and sucked a massive gulp of air into his waterlogged lungs.

"But that still doesn't explain why the weird, phantasmagorical occurrences that are closely associate with supernatural intensity," said Zane.

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE EMO-BOY!" yelled Chazz.

"And I really thought you rose above the 'stupid Obelisk' thing…" said Zane.

"I don't know!" yelled Akiro. "Why are the teachers insane, the transfer students tend to be cross-dressers or shirtless guys, and every man on this entire island has a fourteen inch waist?"

"Kids got a point!" said Kat. "WHO WANTS TO GO BACK TO THE RA DORMS AND HAVE PIE?"

"I could stand being sugar high right about now," said Alexis.

"NO WAY AM I GOING TO SHOW MY FACE AROUND A DORM OF FILTHY RAS!" yelled Chazz. "It's not blackberry, is it?"

"It's cherry," said Samantha.

"Supposed I can hit and run…" thought Chazz.

"The strength of your convictions astounds me Chazz," said Zane.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Chazz.

"Shouldn't we still try to find Mr. Muffin though?" asked Alexis.

"I'm Joku," said Joku, holding out a soggy little ball of orange fur, as it yapped angrily and would attempt to tear Joku limb from limb if it wasn't held out in the air with stubby little legs incapable of even the simplest mauling.

"I can't help but find this somewhat anti-climatic," said Zane.

"I don't care," said Alexis. "Anti-climatic endings are _good_. As _long_ as there endings."

"Don't you want this chapter to end on a somewhat interesting note?" asked Zane.

"I want pie more," said Alexis.

"HERE HERE!" said Kat.

"Well, I think we should at least end it with some sort of moral," said Zane.

_MORAL TO THE CHAPTER_

Pie is so much better than climatic endings. Unless the climatic endings involve pie…or cookies…especially those really pretty ones with the frosting and sprinkles on top that look like little cakes.

---ooo---

**L33T B0NUZ PHUN!**

"I'm telling you, there's a disembodied voice in the library!" said Alexis angrily, shoving Zane into the library.

"Alexis, what have I told you?" said Zane. "When it comes to cold medicine, less is more. I…only I…_can use more_."

"Excuse me?" asked Alexis.

"So what happened anyway?" asked Zane.

"Ya know, just walking into the room, kneel down to pick up a book," said Alexis, pointing to the dropped text book on the floor, "and before I know it, this disembodied voice started to rant on about something about t me being pursued by thousands of hungry, lonely men. Which stinks by the way."

"Here here," said Zane. "Well, not about the men part, but…well actually…"

Silence.

"Oh look, no disembodied voice," he said.

"There was one here!" screamed Alexis. "I swear it!"

"Maybe the librarians are just feeling in the mood for a pratical joke again," said Zane. "They think they're so cool just because they know how to use the dark and unholy powers of the Dewy Decimal System…DDS as I like to call it."

"But…" said Alexis.

Silence reigned supreme.

"COME ON! I KNOW YOU WANT TO TAUNT ONE OF US!" yelled Alexis to the ceiling.

"Go back to your dorm Alexis," said Zane.

"You think I'm crazy don't you?" asked Alexis.

"No, I think the librarians are bored, so head off," said Zane, as Alexis sighed She then hung her head, and forlornly, she dragged herself out of the library.

"What's God's purpose for librarians anyway?" asked Zane, absentmindedly gazing at the book on the ground. He knelt down to pick it up-

"_Know your stars…know your stars…know your stars…_"

"Librarians!" Zane hissed angrily.

"_Zane Truesdale…is actually a small country in Northern Germany!"_

"Excuse me?" asked Zane. "First of all, you can't have a country within a country. Second…you should know that, being the librarians that you are."

"_Zane Truesdale…is a geography nerd..._"

"As if any of you should talk," said Zane.

"_Zane Tresdale…is too stupid to realize that we're not librarians."_

"Okay…this was cute for about the first fifteen seconds, now it's just annoying," said Zane. "Stop it."

"_Zane Truesdale…is addicted to Spaghetti-Os."_

"…how do you know that?" asked Zane.

"_It's written all over your face you Northern German geography nut spaghetti-O eater!"_

"There's no shame in Spaghetti-Os!" said Zane. "Okay…now I'm ticked…"

---ooo---

Zane: Some moral.

Alexis: True. God, this chapter was long! Whatever, now what happens next?

Chazz: Is it something that makes sense?

Alexis: Actually Chazz…no it doesn't. _And _it's another one when you're the victim.

Chazz: WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE VICTIM?

Alexis: Because you're you!

Zane: Next time-

Chazz: I GET TO INTRODUCE THE NEXT CHAPTER, DARN IT! (knees Zane in a very uncomfortable spot)

Alexis: O.O Chazz, do that again, and Shri will kick you off this fic.

Chazz: Next time…WHAT? What kind of title is 'The Devil Compels J00'?

Alexis: A title worthy of you insanity.


	5. CHAPTER TITLE NOT APPLICABLE

My friends all call me 'You again?'

Oh god, not another OC! Sorry gang, I bet your getting sick of all the OCs…this is the last 'main character' one, I promise!

Oh yeah, and try your best to ignore Marcus...oh, and fun fact. For some reason, I think Zane has about as many fanboys as fangirls in this story (cackles).

Sadly, I have nothing to rant about…except that if your all waiting eagerly for the Slifer Boiz to show up…you'll have to wait another chapter. HA HA! Don't worry. I have _no _clue how I'm going to introduce Misawa. I think the next chapter is going to be like a 'forced introduction' kind of chapter. At the same time, that's kind of difficult, because certain dramatic events (sorta) are tied to it. Oh well, que sera sera!

Oh yeah…and why does it seem that whenever Chazz stars in a chapter, it ends up especially insane? Hmm…oh yeah...HOLY GOD, THIS IS A LONG CHAPTER!

**A SUPER IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT**

_To the readers,_

_We, Shrilanka-San and the ten million little voices insider her head wish to inform the readers of the recent passing of the 'Original and OC Character Rights Act', declaring that in addition to the original characters of the particular fan fiction series that are published on Fan Fiction dot Net or any other additional fan sites, 'OCs', Other Characters, must also be paid a fair and adequate wage other than living in the writers sick and demented little mind. Violation of this bill will cost the writer up to a six month ban, a two hundred dollar fine, eighty hours of community service, and/or snogging a member of the staff if you are particularly good looking member of your gender._

_That being said, as you know, this fic is very cheep and uncreative, as has been pointed out on numerous occations, so do to a lack of additional finances, we cannot afford a decent chapter title. However, we did manage to hire someone of low enough awareness to only accept a tenth of what a decent chapter title would cost. Sorry for the inconvenience._

_Thank you._

_Shrilanka-San_

---ooo---

"Alright uh…" said Chazz, sitting in a fold up chair and flipping through the script. "Okay, here we go. 'Chapter Five: The Devil Compels J00'. Now hand over the five bucks, I owe someone!"

---ooo---

"Mornin' Zane," said Alexis cheerfully, slapping her books down on the desk next to Zane. Zane's mood, it seemed, was far from a mirror image of hers. His eyes seemed moderately glazed over as he stared at the tile floor, not moving a muscle in response.

"Morning…" he muttered dully, as all the books that were balance on his binder slipped off and crashed to the ground. This was less of a problem than expected, because ten-thousand Zane fanboys jumped up and immediately began to pick them up for him (after thoroughly dusting it for DNA particles that they have any hope of using in cloning him).

"Zane, you don't look so good…" said Alexis. "Is something wrong?"

"No…" said Zane. "I just had a rough night's sleep…well, to be honest, I _never _sleep well, but still."

"Why not?" asked Alexis.

"It's nothing," said Zane, shaking tiredness off a bit, or at least trying to make himself look a little less tired.

"I'm back from announcing the chapter title faceless non-entities not fit to lick my boots," said Chazz to Alexis and Zane, just before he fell over and began to shriek in pain, as he fell to the ground on his stomach, a huge pencil sticking out of his back. This was followed by the sound of Kat's head being attempted to be cracked open on Samantha's desk by Samantha's hands.

"Wow, her range has improved since last year," said Zane, as Alexis stuck her heel in Chazz's back, and used it to apply pressure to hold him down as she yanked the deeply-embedded pencil out of his vertebrae.

"OW!" screamed Chazz, half from the heel, half from the pencil being yanked out of his back.

"Alright children, settle down, settle down…" said the sickeningly sweet voice of Professor Banner, head of the Slifer Red Dorms. He had the 'Dartz' hairdo, except that it was gray, and his eyes were shut, covered with a pair of thin reading glasses (which were paradoxes within themselves). He also was carrying his loyal brown-and-darker-brown cat, Pharaoh. "Chazz, stop bleeding on the floor."

"I WOULDN'T BE BLEEDING IF IT WEREN'T FOR THOSE FILTY UNDER-RANKING CLASSMEN!" yelled Chazz, getting up angrily. "ALL PEOPLE WHO AREN'T OBELISK STUDENTS DON'T EVEN BELONG IN THIS ACADEMY! THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE BEATEN, STARVED, KICKED AROUND, CALLED NAMES, FORCED TO WATCH ANIME RERUNS UNTIL THEIR BRAINS LEAK OUT OF THEIR SKULLS, AND THEN THROWN OUT BY THEIR-"

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Chazz's hair stuck on end even more than usual, as he had an airhorn stuck right next to his ear by Zane, which set a full blast of sound to kill his eardrums.

"We get it Chazz," said Zane, as 'conversation killer' embedded in big, red letters glittered on the can. "Stop ranting and sit down."

"This isn't any of your-" Chazz started.

BWAP!

Zane let out a short blast from the air horn.

"I have a right to-"

BWAP!

"I'm-"

BWAP!

"They're a-"

BWAP!

"STOPPI-"

BWAP!

"SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK YOU STUPID SENIOR!" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs, more to the airhorn than Zane.

BWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAPBWAP-

"Now both of you settle down…settle down now…" said Banner. "SETTLE DOWN FOOLS, OR I'LL OPEN MY EYES!"

All the students gasped in horror, as Chazz frantically pulled back his chair and leapt into it, while Zane quickly stuffed the air horn into his desk, and both placed their hands neatly cuffed together on top of their desks.

"Now aren't things easier…_when you do as I say…_" said Banner, in darkly sinister tone. "Now then, I came here before Card Safety started to tell you that we have a brand new transfer student! She's going to be in the Obelisk Blue Dorm, and she came to us all the way from Montpelier!"

"MONTPELIER?" Kat cried in horror. "That's where I grew up! They…they breed killers there! Absolute murders I say! I remember that in my Kindergarten graduation, they picked the weakest and sickest members of our class and…"

Silence.

"MY NEW RIVAL!" said Kat.

"WHAT!" screamed Samantha.

"At last! FINALLY! AN OBELISK WHO'S WORTH BEATING UP!" screamed Kat. "BRING HER ON TEACH!"

"Now Kat, I must ask that you show respect and good will toward any new student, Slifer, Obelisk, or Ra," said Banner. "If you don't..."

With that, he opened his eyes just the tiniest sliver so that everyone could see a sparkly edge to them. Everyone who saw it screamed in terror, frantically covering their eyes and flinching in deep pain.

"_See_?" said Banner. "Besides…to be so cruel disgraces the memory of all the good Obelisks out there…"

"Oh God, here we go," said Akiro, rolling his eyes and slapping his pencil down on his desk.

"Including…poor Akiro…" said Banner.

"I'm not dead professor!" called Akiro from his seat.

"Youth…cut down in its prime," said Banner.

"I'm _not_ _dead _professor!" said Akiro, a little louder and sharper. "I'm _right here!_"

"I can still hear his voice calling to me," said Banner, pulling out a hanky from his left breast pocket while holding Pharoah in the other, who let out an angry meow, and stuffed it in his face and blowing his nose in it.

"I'M NOT BLOODY DEAD DARNIT!" screamed Akiro at the top of his lungs, getting up out of his chair. "HOW LONG WILL I HAVE TO SCREAM BEFORE IT OCCURS TO YOU THAT-"

"_SILENCE!_" screamed Banner, opening his eyes all the way, Akiro shrieking and hiding under his desk.

"Now then, with out further adeu…Ms. Josephina Edwards!" said Professor Banner, clapping his hands, and stepping aside, letting the student walk in.

Josephina was incredibly thin, thin so much that it was nearly sad to look at, especially in the very short skirts that were required for the girls. She had silver blonde hair that covered her ears and fell about halfway down her back and in neatly trimmed bangs, as well as gray-purple eyes.

"Hello…" she said in a quiet voice, her eyes firmly glued to the floor.

"POW-"

Before Kat could jump over her desk and pounce on the new student, Sam ripped out a cloth and clamped it over her mouth. Kat's eyes rolled, and she collapsed limply back into a sprawled looking position in her chair, as Josephina looked at the scene in front.

"I'm going to run out of chloroform is she keeps doing this," said Sam angrily, re-corking the bottle. "Don't worry about it just…just carry on professor…"

"Okay," said Professor Banner, still sickeningly happy. "Now then children, remember that your one thousand word book report is due on Monday, so you only have one weekend to finish it up!"

"Wait…BOOK REPORT?" said Chazz. "What the-this is such short notice it's criminal!"

"Chazz, we've had three weeks," said Alexis.

"We have?" asked Chazz.

"Uh, yeah!" said Alexis.

"Since when have we had three weeks?" said Chazz.

"For the past three weeks," said Alexis.

"WHY HASN'T ANYONE TOLD ME!" asked Chazz.

"We have…over and over again…" said Alexis. "Weren't you listening to every time the teacher said 'book reports are due in blah days…you should be finished with this part of the report…have you picked out the books for the report…is any of this ringing a bell?"

"…oh," said Chazz. "Wow, and I thought _Zane_ was out of it!"

"Don't you dare Zane," said Alexis, as Zane was pulling out the air horn.

---ooo---

"Stupid books…stupid library…stupid…floor!" said Chazz, as he stomped up and down the aisle of the library, the librarians cowering in fear in a corner. "What a load of utter garbage! I mean, who actually _reads_ anymore? Can't people just buy the reading tapes or something! WHY DO WE NOT BURN THESE PEST HOLES CALLED LIBRARIES AND CONSTANTLY BREED FILTHY AUTHORS WHO ONLY INCREASE THIS INCURABLE PLAUGE OF…_LITERATE PEOPLE? _WHEN WILL THIS DISEASE EVER BE CURED?"

SLPC (Stupid and Lazy Persons Club) got up on their feet from their table and applauded at Chazz's passionate rant.

"Whatever, I'll just get the shortest book possible and read it," said Chazz bluntly, walking up to the picture book section to find the sickest of it's numbers to read. "Now which one…which one…ah."

He pulled out the thinnest looking book on the shelf, a book that had a completely black, leathery looking cover, with huge slashes on it that were filled in with red, rough looking writing. It read thus; 'How to Be Evil: A Picture Book by Dr. Bad'.

"Must be a Dr. Seuss affiliate," said Chazz, casually opening the book to see how many pages it had in it.

That's when he keeled over.

---ooo---

_Chazz…Chaaaaaaazz…wake up Chazz…Chazz, wake up…Chazz…_

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Chazz shrieked and sat up in horror after having an air horn blast thrown right next to his head. Zane was holding the airhorn on his left side, and Alexis was on his right.

"Good, you're up," said Zane.

"BLOODY SENIOR!" screamed Chazz.

"And of regular mind," said Zane.

"Chazz, what happened?" said Alexis. "Nothing personal, but you don't strike me as the pass out type…the nervous breakdown type maybe but-anyway, and why in a _library_ of all places!"

"What?" asked Chazz. "I…I DON'T KNOW! Forgive me for not having a clear account of what happens to me when I black out for like, fifteen minutes!"

"Actually, you've been here for five hours, and no one's really cared until just recently," said Zane.

"AND I DON'T NEED YOUR COMENTARY EITHER!" yelled Chazz at Zane, who stuck the airhorn threateningly in his face.

"For God's sake, put that thing away Zane!" said Alexis. "Come on Chazz, let's get you down to the nurse-"

"I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' NURSE!" yelled Chazz. As he angrily glared at the two, his eyes suddenly, violently twitching, met with a corner of the cover of the book.

"Oh yeah! I picked out the book I want to read for the report!" he said, picking it up. "Look, it's even written by a doctor!"

"You mean that book that looks like it's possessed by an evil enigma we found lying not far from your passed out body?" asked Alexis, pointing to the book in Chazz's hand.

"Yeah!" said Chazz.

"It looks cursed," said Zane.

"And short!" said Chazz.

"You do realize that the report book has to be at least two hundred pages long, right?" asked Zane.

"STUPID RULES!" yelled Chazz. "Who seriously would want to _read _at least two hundred pages anyway? I mean, it's boring enough to read the summery in the book jacket! I'd probably fall asleep reading the whole smegging thing!"

"I've said it before, but Chazz, truly, I _seriously_ thought that you were going to overcome this 'stupid Obelisk' thing…" said Zane.

"I SAID SHUT IT!" yelled Chazz.

"Don't worry Chazz," said Alexis. "Look, just explain to the teacher what happened. It's probably the best option you've got at the moment."

"Do you want me to chalk the little dotted line along my neck before hand, or will he do it for me?" asked Chazz, rolling his eyes.

"You know what? It's your GPA, not mine," said Alexis. "If you want to be an idiot, it's no skin off my nose, that's for sure. Believe me, I'm dealing with it more and more the more you come in contact with my life."

"Look, he doesn't have to _know _it's a picture book!" said Chazz, holding the book as if it were made of pure gold. "All I have to do is read the thing, make up a lot of stuff that happened in the book that didn't actually happen, over analyze it, and bam! Problem solved!"

"He's soooooo not going to fall for it," said Alexis.

"I soooooo don't care," said Chazz.

"Never mind Alexis," said Zane. "The methods of the captain are always more admired than that of the rat, but when the ship sinks, guess which one gets out alive."

"Do you have, like, a book where you keep this stuff in?" asked Chazz.

"Funny you should mention that," said Zane, holding up a huge book that said 'The Big Book of Obscure Analogies'.

"Boy, I'm starving," said Alexis, getting up and heading toward the door, with the intent to walk back to the girls' dorm and, more specifically, the mess hall.

---ooo---

"Alright!" said Chazz, flicking on the light that was on his desk that night in his room, slapping his hands together eagerly, looking, truly like, as the authoress would say, 'da man wit da plan'. "I have made all the preparations necessary for reading all twenty-some pages of 'How to Be Evil'! Now…reading light?"

He adjusted the shade of the reading light so that there was a golden pool pouring onto the center of his desk.

"Check!" said Chazz triumphantly. "Huge pile of fresh baked triple-chocolate chip cookies…which I stole?"

He pulled out a huge tray of steaming hot cookies, shimmering brightly as if they had just gotten out of the oven, slapping them heavily on the desk.

"Check!" he said. "Ten gallons of milk, cleverly poured into a novel and terribly fun to use drinking hat?"

He slapped on a ridiculous looking had on his head with what looked like two garden hoses coming out of its sides.

"Check!" said Chazz. "And last, but certainly not least…the terribly repulsive yet disgustingly amusing bobble-head?"

He slapped a bobble-head on the table that looked just like Seto Kaiba, except it had fangs and its tongue was sticking out.

"Check!" said Chazz. "Finally…I have assembled the ultimate reading experience so that through the horror, I shall be suffering in absolute comfort! And now…there's only one thing left. The…book…"

Chazz shuddered, and gingerly dragged the book by his thumb and index finger onto the reading table, slapping it down quickly, as if it was going to jump up and bite him at any second.

"Well…there's no way around this…" he said. "I better…do it…"

He stared at the book

**FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER**

He was still staring at it.

Very, very gently, he pulled open the cover, and exposed the horror of…the title page. He sighed in both horror and to release the massive amount of stress that was balling on his chest.

He then blankly stared at the title page.

**TEN MORE MINUTES LATER**

Silence.

"That was awful…" Chazz said, shuddering after reading the title to the publishing company, the piracy warning, and the city of original print. "Alright…here we go. No more avoiding. I am going to read this book, and I am going to read it right!"

With that, he boldly flipped over the title page, looked proudly at page one-

-and fell asleep.

---ooo---

Morning had arrived at Duel Academy, but not many people cared, because it was Saturday morning, and most students took no time to do nothing more than sleep in until noon and then muck about doing nothing in particular for the rest of the day. So we'll just skip over the boring bits and head straight to the somewhat interesting parts.

Alexis was walking on the public grounds, where most students hung out when there weren't any classes or decent fights going on, often hoping for a good duel, or at least a decent fight to witness. She didn't have much to do, so she decided to kill a little time before lunch. She was passing by one of the large, decorative rock pillar things, which besides decorations, were excellent places to either lean on or hide behind, and by pure chance, she happened to encounter Zane. Now, since his back was against it, it was safe to assume he wasn't admiring it as a decorative piece, and since he was more sort of crouching down behind it than leaning on it, Alexis assumed that he was hiding. Since her father, who was an incredibly wise man, where Alexis got her general level headedness from, despite her mother, who was off her rocker, the product of this we shall see later (my, this is turning into a long sentence!) told her never to assume things, she decided to test out her hypothesis.

"Uh, Zane, are you…hiding?" she asked, as Zane finally acknowledged her presence by fixing her with a somewhat angry glare.

"No, I'm seeing what it's like to be short," said Zane, in a much more annoyed, sarcastic tone than he usually takes. "Of course I'm hiding! You didn't assume that?"

Alexis didn't even bother explaining to Zane that her sane father always told her never to assume things. She instead decided to investigate his odd behavior further.

"Hiding from who?" she asked.

"Well…it's not really a who…it's more of a what…" said Zane awkwardly.

"A what?" said Alexis.

"Exactly," Zane replied. "Though he is somewhat of a who…to an extent."

"Then who/what is he/it?" asked Alexis. Please note that Alexis said 'who slash what', as the little more technical symbol for the slash implies, not simply 'who, what' as one would say if they chose to ignore the little slash. I don't want their to be any massive arguments across the forum of whether she did say 'slash' or didn't say 'slash' in this particular chapter.

"Well…his name is Marcus…" said Zane.

"What? Is he a student?" said Alexis, once again working on her assumption, 'a kid from school' being the top of her list of assumptions.

"No…he's a chinchilla," said Zane. "A cartoon chinchilla to be exact."

And this is why you should never assume things. Why, a chinchilla was near the bottom of the list of Alexis's assumptions, and a _cartoon_ chinchilla was so low on the list that it was right behind 'a small portion of fruit salad'.

"Okay Zane, has Chazz been skipping out on his pills and slipping them to you instead?" asked Alexis.

"I knew that you'd think I was crazy," said Zane flatly and angrily. Now, obviously Zane didn't have a kind, sane father who told him not to assume things, or else he wouldn't have assumed that Alexis now thinks that he's crazy, even when she quite clearly stated that she _didn't _think he was crazy, more that he was under the influence of someone else's medication.

"Why are you hiding from this…Marcus?" asked Alexis.

"Remember when I told you that I had a hard time sleeping?" Zane said.

"Yes," said Alexis.

"Well…it's because every night, I'd have a terrible dream," said Zane. "I'd just be sitting alone in this room on a bed, and then, the door would open, and then this gray, cartoon chinchilla named Marcus would always walk in, and then, he'd say the same thing to me that he'd always say."

"Which is?" asked Alexis.

"'Hello'," said Zane chillingly. "Then…things got crazy. But that's besides the point. I _swear _I heard him say hello just now Alexis. I _swear _it!"

Alexis was just about to drag Zane by his hair to the nurse's office, when a shriek and the sound of Kat's voice began echoing over the courtyard.

It had started off innocently enough. The new student, Josephina Edwards, who was briefly mentioned earlier, had one line, and was basically forgotten for about two thousand words, was about as familiar with the grounds as Alexis was when she came to the school, and was simply trying to get her bearings. She was luckier in the aspect that she didn't get lost just before an oncoming storm, but she was unluckier in the aspect of a power mad student pouncing on her while her somewhat neurotic friend, who usually prevented these kinds of things, was out chasing after an enigma that looked suspiciously like a badly-drawn chinchilla that had stolen the donut that she was just about to eat.

"HA! I GOT YOU NOW NEW GIRL!" said Kat triumphantly, slamming Josephina's back against a tree, no one in the courtyard being stupid enough to intervene in the quarrel between a new student and a mad Ra with really sharp heels. "You got lucky yesterday, but now, it's time for a beatdown!"

"What…are…" Josephina stammered, clutching a copy of _The Pickwick Papers_. As you might have guessed, she was nowhere as strong as Kat in body or spirit.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT!" yelled Kat. "You may pull off this cute little façade-HEY! I FINALLY USED THAT SMEGGING WORD IN A SENTENCE-of fragility-THAT ONE TOO-but I know that you're from…MONTPELIER! An Obelisk from a town of pure punks…this is my dream come true."

"I d-don't understand…" said Josephina, so afraid that she swear she just felt her hair turn white (which really wouldn't be that hard since it was a really, _really _light blonde).

"POWAH RIVAL SMASH!" said Kat, whipping out a freshly made fist, drawing it back.

"Please don't kill meeeeeeee…" said Josephina pathetically, shoving _The Pickwick Papers _in front of her face, which was a very flimsy defense against a mad Ra who was about to beat the snot out of you. However, the fact that a) this girl was sobbing in terror b) she wasn't attempting to bite Kat's arm and c) she was actually being somewhat polite to someone who was about to beat the snot out of her, it began to occur to her brain particle that maybe, just maybe, this girl wasn't some punky rival anti-Kat Obelisk who was going to challenge Kat's position.

And of course, Kat's great power of observation kicked in.

"WHOA! You're totally scared!" said Kat.

"Yeah…" said Josephina, this situation turning out incredibly similar to when Kat met Alexis.

"Cool! Wicked cool! AND you said please!" said Kat. "And a Montpelier kid too…coolly cool!"

"Uh…huh?" said Josephina.

"HEY EVERYONE! SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING!" yelled Kat to basically everyone in the courtyard. "I SAID _SHUT YOUR FACE HOLES_!"

Everyone promptly followed Kat's orders.

"GOOD!" said Kat. "Listen everyone. I know it seemed to all of you that I was going to declare Josephina-something-or-other here my rival! But seeing how pathetic and un-battle-ready she is, I instead have decided to make her my pall!"

Everyone stared at Kat with the assumption that her last brain cell exploded.

"So from now on, Josie and I are friends!" said Kat, slapping an arm around a very confused Josephina. "And all of you have to be nice to her…I mean, I know it's tempting to not be, since she's skinny and short and spineless looking and she has no figure. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO HER ANYWAY!"

"…Josie?" asked Josephina.

Everyone just decided to ignore the stupidity of the monolog, and went back to whatever they were doing before it began.

"Kat!" screamed Alexis, running toward the scene. "Kat, don't tell me that you're going to-"

ZOOM!

"I'M GOING TO KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!" screamed Samantha at the top of her lungs, running past Alexis at twice her speed, even though Alexis was running as fast as she could, wildly brandishing a metal bat. Kat then screamed at the horror of her neurotic-at-best roommate, dropping a newly christened 'Josie' and making a break for it.

"Ah…what a great morning!" said Chazz, in a frighteningly good mood, carrying his book as he was walking up to Alexis, who had stopped in her tracks after Samantha ran by, and Zane, who just decided to follow her after being positive that Marcus was gone. "It's oddly refreshing to get up early on the weekend to watch the world wake up!"

"It's one in the afternoon Chazz," said Alexis.

"Mood killer," said Chazz, proudly waving the book. "Anyway, it's only natural that I'd be up late since I was up all night reading _this_!"

"It took you all night to read _a picture book_?" said Zane.

"Actually, I only read the title page before I fell asleep," said Chazz. "Then I got up at seven and managed to read three more pages, then I fell asleep for another…five or so hours I guess."

Both Alexis and Zane were looking at him as if he just said 'I have cancer, I'm going to die in three days, and I'm not leaving you anything.'

"What?" Chazz asked.

"You are utterly pathetic," said Alexis.

"Chazz Princeton-"

---ooo---

"I SPELT IT RIGHT!" screamed Shri, waving little flags wildly.

---ooo---

"-please report to Chancellor Sheppard's office immediately," said a voice over the intercom. "Thank you."

"Yet another sweet moment in my bitter-sweet war on Karma," said Alexis.

**A SMALL PERIOD OF TIME OF VERY LITTLE IMPORTANCE LATER IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE**

"So how did it go?" asked Alexis, as she and Zane waited outside the office, eager to see the damage on Chazz's pride.

"Great, I read another two pages!" said Chazz triumphantly, holding up the book as Alexis sweat dropped and Zane looked both sickened and amused.

"I meant are you in trouble, what was it for…" said Alexis.

"Oh, it was about something about me being caught on videotape setting fire something or some other rubbish like that," said Chazz. "I was really concentrating on my book, so I didn't feel like listening to some old, fat Slifer rant."

"YOU WHAT?" cried Alexis.

"Didn't feel like-"

"No, you idiot, you got caught on TAPE setting something on FIRE?" yelled Alexis, Zane taking one step away from Chazz.

"Again, a senile, overweight Slifer of a chancellor, and you expect me to _believe _him?" asked Chazz. "He probably just felt like blowing up on someone or some other reason why any loser would drag a model student like me to the office. You know that teachers like to do that, try to knock really good students down who are obviously smarter and hotter than they are…but the Chazz is just too darn cool. I mean seriously, you'd think I'd have a little better memory if I burned something to the ground!"

"You're being surprisingly laid back for someone who's just committed a criminal offense," said Zane.

"You're just jealous because he needed to wail on a _good _student, not some over-the-counter duelist who's _obviously _only gotten his fame because he knew people!" said Chazz.

"Oh yes," said Zane. "That's it. That's _completely _it. Thank you for the enlightenment Chazz. Oh, and by the way, may I point out that I _told _you that book was possessed?"

_Go for his throat._

"Come again?" Chazz asked Alexis.

"Come again what?" asked Alexis.

"Go for who's throat?" asked Chazz.

"_What_?" asked Alexis.

_He knows to much. Break the senior's neck. Crush his scrawny windpipe._

"Holy crappers!" yelled Chazz to Alexis. "How the heck can you talk without moving your lips _and _make it sound like it's a sinister, unholy spirit that dwells within the darkest corner of my soul?"

"That reminds me Chazz," said Alexis. "Have you been slipping Zane your medication?"

_Do it. Kill him. Now._

"Seriously, I like the way you think, but guys hate women who act creepy," said Chazz.

"You're really don't want to have any girl date you at all, do you Chazz?" asked Alexis.

_If you aren't going to listen to my will mortal, then I'll just have to make you follow my command!_

"Mortal's an odd pet name, don't you thi-" Chazz started, before his eyes clouded over, then turned bright red. That's when he spun around on his heel, and whipped out a huge, double-edged blade that was made of black metal, and had huge chip marks in it from splitting pure hard stone, human bones, and getting the lid off the stuck-together peanut butter jar.

"GET READY TO ENTER THE NINE REALMS OF THE ABYSS FITLH!" yelled Chazz in an unearthly voice that sounded like it didn't belong to him.

_Scene Sensored LOL:)_

"You really didn't need to break arm," said Alexis to Zane, as Chazz lay twitching madly in a corner, his eyes completely bugged out.

"Well if you had a homicidal maniac running toward you with a sword drawn with the intent to kill you, what would you do?" asked Zane.

"But it's _Chazz_," said Alexis.

Zane just looked at her.

"Okay, not the most solid defense ever devised by man, but still," said Alexis. "Whatever, just…let's drag him down to the infirmary.

The term was taken a little more literally than intended. Zane and Alexis just walked down to the nurse, as Zane dragging Chazz limply along the ground by one leg, which caused him to receive a slap from Alexis.

They left behind a huge blade sticking out of the wall, and scuff marks all over the nice, clean, freshly waxed floor. The entire hallway sighed in the pleasure of about a solid minute of silence.

"Hello…anyone? P-please…help…" said Josephina, who was walking down the hallway limply. "Kat…she's hurt and…"

She then gasped in horror at the hallway, which looked like a fresh battle ground. She looked all around, at the walls, at the floor, at the huge black blade that was sticking out of the wall…and a little laminated piece of paper that was on the ground.

"Oh…it's a student ID…" she said, sinking to her knees to pick up the student ID. "Hm…so it's 'Zane Truesdale'…that's a cute name but…the poor kid must be last in line for everything, nom matter if it's first name or last name…"

"NEW GIRL!" yelled Akiro down the hall. "ARE YOU HELPING ME MOP UP KAT'S BODY FLUID OR NOT!"

"S-sorry!" said Josephina, stuffing the ID in her pocket and running back to help Sam.

---ooo---

"Oh great! Just great!" said Chazz, as all three of the gang were walking home from a hard day of…scaring the masses in general. "How the heck am I going to write an essay with a broken arm? I'm going to need to hire someone to type it up for me!"

"But typing it's kind of part of the task Chazz," said Alexis.

"I DON'T CARE!" said Chazz angrily. "If I could hire someone to read the darn thing for me, I would."

"Pathetic," said Zane.

"AND YOU'RE THE WORST OF ALL!" yelled Chazz. "You insult me, you break my arm, and you only get let off with a warning! WHAT THE _BEEPIN' BEEP_ IS WITH THAT?"

"It was in self-defense," said Zane. "You were going to hack me to ribbons."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" said Chazz.

"Actually…it is…" said Zane.

"I still want an apology!" yelled Chazz, pointing at Zane threateningly. "Apologize! NOW!"

"Well I don't really regret it, considering it was the only way to stop you from airing out the inner lining of my stomach, so it would be insincere anyway," said Zane. "What's the point?"

"Couldn't you at least…you know, pretend?" said Alexis.

"No," said Zane.

Both of them gave him the group glare.

"Alright…alright…" said Zane, reaching into his schoolbag-

"Wait, we have school bags?" asked Chazz.

Shut up. Anyway, he reached into his school bag, shuffling between a few papers, books, etc, until he pulled out a small, cut out, smiley-face mask that was glued to a stick.

"I'm sorry," he said, holding the smiley-face in front of his own.

"YOU CALL THAT AN APPOLOGY!" screamed Chazz.

"Give me some credit, I _was _only pretending," said Zane. "Now it's your turn to apologize for attempting to kill me."

"HEY ALEXIS!" said Kat, walking down the path to the Ra Girl's Dorm (which was in the opposite direction of the Obelisk's dorms on that particular path). "Oh…hi other two-HEY GUESS WHAT! THIS TIME, I CAME OUT RELATIVLY UNINJURED AFTER BEING PUNISHED BY SAM FOR BEING STUPID!"

"Um…good for you?" said Alexis.

"HEY! CHAZZ GOT AN ARM BROKEN!" said Kat, pointing to the arm that Chazz had in a sling.

"Well, I'd expect such poor observational skills from a piece of homicidal Ra Rubbish…" said Chazz.

"YOU TRYING TO BE COOLER THAN ME!" said Sam, glaring evilly at Chazz, her face about three inches from his, causing his eye to start twitching again, as she grabbed her arm. "WELL CHECK THIS OUT DON JUAN!"

KEEEEEEEEEEEEEER-RICK!

All three stared at her with their mouths open.

"You broke your _own _arm?" asked Alexis in shock.

"POWAH!"

With that, with the arm that wasn't now hanging limply at her side, she balled her hand into a fist and slammed it into Chazz's solar plexus, causing him to emit a cry that sounded like a combination of a nasal scream and a muffled squeek.

"AND THAT'S FOR CALLING ME RUBBISH AND TRYING TO BE COOLER THAN ME!" said Kat, as Chazz clutched his lower chest and sank painfully to the ground. "Now you have been dealt proper justice from NANA-KAT, THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS!"

"You…son of a…" muttered Chazz.

"Kat, how could you!" said Alexis. "Hitting a wounded man…that's just low!"

"Well, she was wounded herself so..." Zane said.

"Where's Sam when you need her?" muttered Alexis, rolling her eyes, as she helped Chazz up.

"Right here…" said Sam dangerously, suddenly appearing out of virtually nowhere behind Kat, tossing a bat up and down in her hand. "Oh don't worry…when it comes to wrecking stupidity…I'm never far away…"

"HA HA!" said Kat, running away to the girls' dorms, as Sam charged after her. "Now you can't hurt me that much, cause I'm injured."

"HOW DARE YOU PLAY ON MY MORALS!" said Sam, as her condoning yells mixed with Kat's babbling slowly faded into the distance.

"Seriously, can they both hurry up and get expelled already?" asked Chazz.

---ooo---

**THE NEXT DAY…A SUNDAY**

"Hm…I wonder…" said Zane, holding a very small medicine bottle in either hand, leaning on a wall in the main hall of the Obelisk Blue Boys' Dormm, still being very late in the day considering it was Sunday, and there were no Yu-Gi-Oh episodes that were worth getting up before twelve to see. "Is today a generic aspirin day, or is it an Advil day?"

The sound of groaning caused him to turn around and see Chazz, walking down the stairs, his legs wobbling violently, huge bags under his eyes, looking either sick or dead. He stared at Zane for a moment with empty, hallow eyes.

"Advil," said Zane, tossing the other bottle into his bag.

"Zane…is it natural to have all evidence point to you that your commiting evil deeds, such as the fact that Dr. Crowlers office has been demolished, and you find rubble stuck in your hair, yet have no recollection of anything like that, nor anything for certain periods of time?" asked Chazz.

"In a word…no." said Zane, working the childproof cap. "Now are you going to admit the book's possessed, or am I going to have to hit you?"

"IT'S NOT POSSESSED!" yelled Chazz. "It's my safety net!"

"Chazz, is a single grade, the _first _grade of the entire year really worth selling your soul?" asked Zane, shaking a pill into his hand.

"Yack yack yack, now are you going to help me figure out what the heck's going on or not?" asked Chazz.

"And a double dose day at that," said Zane, shaking out another pill, popping both into his mouth, and swallowing. "As much as I hate to play exorcist…whatever's in Chazz, come on out already."

"HA!" said Chazz. "Like that's seriously going to wor-"

---ooo---

"Alexis, it's Zane," said Zane into the video e-mail things that all the students at DA had, his back to a closet. "Yeah, both the good news and the bad news is that Chazz read more of that stupid book last night. Anyway…I think it'd be a good idea if I had a hand here. I mean, I'd normally try to contact what few fragments of Chazz's control over his own but-"

He was briefly cut off as the edge of an axe managed to split the wood of the door to the closet, the corner of the blade shimmering about two inches from his head.

"-I really don't think I'd be the best candidate. Don't rush or anything," finished Zane, flipping the E-mail thing shut.

"Ah, it's Chazz isn't it?" said Akiro, pointing to the closet, as Chazz screamed from inside it and managed to rip the axe back in.

"Yeah…" said Zane.

"Whatever he's doing, it isn't enough to get him expelled, is it?" asked Akiro.

"No," said Zane.

"Well that's a shame…" said Akiro.

---ooo---

"Okay, so have we actually figured out _what _is inside Chazz?" asked Alexis, finally arriving on the scene, as the door now had seven new axe holes in it, as Zane was no longer brave enough to stand right next to the door.

"OI! What are you?" yelled Akiro toward the door.

"History has called me many things…the black plague…greed…pestilence…sin…" snarled Chazz from within the closet, in a dark, sinister voice that was very much unlike his normal, ticked, nasal-sounding voice, ramming the axe through it once again, creating a fresh hole. "But I prefer to be called…Almanzo…"

"Okay…Almanzo it is then," said Alexis, rolling her eyes. "Look, Almanzo, why the heck do you want _Chazz _to be your vessel? I mean, six billion people in this world, and you choose a guy who hasn't taken his meds?"

"I have no control over what FOOL happens to trip over my picture book!" snarled Chazz from within the closet. "A body is a body, and whatever tool I have to unleash the abyss upon Earth I will use!"

"Chazz, come on, fight this!" said Alexis. "I mean seriously, the only reason this thing is in your body is because your letting it! Chazz! Come on! YOU GOT DA POWAH!"

"CHAZZ IS GONE FOOL!" screamed Chazz from within the door. "The second his eyes lay themselves on the title page, I managed to plant a fragment of my will into his feeble and pathetic soul! The more he reads, the more I consume him! And as long as I survive within the pages of my book, I CANNOT BE DEFE…oh sweet mother of God, I've said too much."

"HA!" said Alexis, snapping her fingers. "I knew if I started begging pathetically for Chazz to break free of your control, arrogance would kick in, and you'd get caught in the classic powerful-foe monolog!"

"I'll get the book," Zane said.

"I'll get ready to laugh in Chazz's face when he get's out," said Akiro.

"YOU BOTH SHALL DO NO SUCH THING!" yelled Chazz angrily. "You may have discovered the nature of the existence of the book, but by feeding off this pathetic boy's soul, now I am stronger still, so strong that merely touching that book will cause you to be infected with a piece of my soul! HA! HOWS THAT FOR A MONOLOG! HA HA HA! I WIN! I WIN AND YOU DON'T, I WIN AND YOU-"

"One word…flamethrower…" sad Zane.

"Uh…"

Silence

"BUT MY POWER HAS GROWN SO-" the voice started.

"Oh shut up already!" said Alexis. "Jeez, your going down, so have a little pride!"

"NO SERIOUSLY!" said the voice in the closet. "I'M A MANIAC MAN! I MEAN, GET INTO A SEVEN MILE RADIUS OF ME AND-"

**SEVERAL SECONDS LATER**

"-and there goes page six," said Alexis, after ripping out the book and stuffing it into a shredder, enjoying the satisfying sound of metal on paper. "And there goes seven…and eight…and nine…"

"NO! WAIT, HOLD ON!" said Chazz in the closet. "HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I HAVE EVIL MINIONS THAT WILL SPAWN AND CRUSH YOUR LITTLE WORLD INTO NOTHING BUT COSMIC DUST!"

Silence.

"Page ten," said Alexis, ripping it out.

"I'M NOT-"

"QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD!" all three yelled at once.

"BUT I-"

"SHUT UP!"

"But-"

"NO!"

"Seriously I-"

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the unreal sounding voice from within the closet, which rattled wildly, with loud, banging sounds echoing from it with such intensity that it looked like the door was going to fly of it's hinges, sounding as if Chazz was flailing in absolute pain within it. The scream of absolute pain slowly faded away, the door stopped rattling, and the banging, very slowly, quieted.

"Ow…my head…ow…" said the very familiar, nasal-sounding voice from in the closet. "I swear...these stupid beds…pathetic…three thousand thread count…feels li-HOLY CRAP! I'VE GONE BLIND! BLIND! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

As Chazz screamed in horror, as the flailing bangs began to start again, Zane just calmly walked up to the door and pulled it open, causing Chazz to spill out, still screaming at the top of his lungs and flailing his arms, and then seeing pretty much everyone staring at his patheticness, his scream trailed off, until very slowly, it disappeared.

There was silence.

"WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING HERE!" screamed Chazz, pointing at Akiro.

"You'll see…you'll all see…" cackled Akrio darkly, walking out of the scene, as infernal sounding music played behind him.

"Okay…" said Alexis, as the other three sweatdropped, and she turned to Chazz. "Well, the good news is you'll never be possessed by insane spirits again Chazz!"

"Good luck with that," said Zane, as Alexis shot him a look.

"And the bad news?" asked Chazz.

Alexis held up the spine and cover of the book, a mere exoskeleton with shards of ripped paper still sticking out of it.

"YOU'RE KIDDING!" yelled Chazz. "QUICK! WE GOT TO PUT THE PAGES BACK TOGETHER!"

"If we do that, we risk you getting possessed again," said Zane.

"I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE! I'M A DESPERATE MAN!" screamed Chazz, ripping through the shredder. "Alright…just got to put all these little bits of shredded paper back together…no problem…no problem…no problem…"

The two just looked on him, as he took massive handfuls of paper, pulled them out of the bin, and slap a huge snowball of shredded paper on the floor. He continued to do it, with slowly calming pants, until there was a huge pile, consisting of three scoops of paper shreds, lying on the ground.

"I don't think you'd take to the fact that I shredded all of my draft college essays in that same bin, would you?" asked Zane.

"WHAT THE HECK?" yelled Chazz. "How many!"

"…you'd cry if I tell you," said Zane.

"_How many!_" Chazz growled fiercly.

"Um…six…oh wait…eight," said Zane.

"EIGHT!" screamed Chazz.

"And you just _shred _them?" said Alexis. "Honestly Zane, what are you, a mega perfectionist?"

"…"

"Never mind," said Alexis, as Chazz started sobbing like a baby.

**THAT NIGHT**

"Garbage…Garbage…Garbage…" said Chazz, flicking through the channels. "Oh…AFV…that can't be too bad…"

"-and the winner of the ten thousand dollars, 'Spazz in a Closet' sent by Akiro…darn, can't read the last name…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY GAAAAAAAAAAH!"

---ooo---

"Heh…spazz…" said Zane, watching the same program in his room.

"HELLO!" screamed an extremely high pitched voice, as a gray, bug-eyed, cartoon chinchilla stood in the doorway.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

---ooo---

"Hey Sam, check out my new best friend slash rival Josie!" screamed Kat, dragging Josephina in by one arm.

"Kat, I just put the bat away…" said Sam in frustration.

"BUT SHE'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND AND RIVAL!" screamed Kat.

"In what? Stupidity?" asked Sam.

"Uh…can you please let me go?" whimpered Josephina.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" screamed Sam in terror, turning around to see just _who _Kat dragged home this time. "YOU DRAGGED AN OBELISKHEREOMYGOOOOOOOOOOODIHATEYOOOOOUWEREGONNADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

"WHAT IS WITH YOUR SICK HERO-WORSHIPINGNESS OF OBELISKS ANYWAY!" yelled Kat angrily. "THEY AREN'T MENT TO BE WORSHIPED LIKE YOU DO! THEY ARE MENT TO BE KICKED AROUND AND TURNED INTO SHOE TREES!"

"WELL THAT JUST PROVES HOW STUPID YOU ARE WHEN IT COMES TO OTHER PEOPLE!" yelled Sam.

"Wanna sign my cast?" asked Kat.

"DON'T START PLAYING THAT GAME!" yelled Sam.

"Um…" started Josephina.

"SHUT UP!" screamed the two Ras.

"Okay!" said Josephina frantically, as the bickering continued.

---ooo---

Zane: Oh great, the next chapter has a bit of a serious bit in it.

Chazz: WHAAAAAAAAAA! The last time Shri tried to put out something dramatic, it turned into a load of utter crud!

Zane: Well there was no way to get around it I guess. And I didn't _say _dramatic. I said serious.

Chazz: I DON'T GIVE ONE! HOLY CHRISTMAS! WHAT KIND OF UTTER-

Zane: Next time, it's-

Chazz: I WANNA SAY THE CHAPTER!

Zane: Ne-

Chazz: I SAID I WANNA SAY IT!

Kat: POWAH! (Slams both of them with the same text book) NEXT TIME! KAT TILLIAN'S YEAR IN REVIEW!

Zane: It is not!

Chazz: I'M GONNA-

Kat: CUT!


	6. The Fort of Understanding

'Those Crazy Obelisks' is proud to support the CFT (Chunky Frog Toffee). Or is it the other way around?

Hey, it's the Slifer Gang! Don't be surprised if I ever get a chapter out staring nothing but them. You see…they're as prone to crazy escapades as the Obelisks are (as I'm sure you've all figured out).

I wanted to make this story line structured around the idea of random, almost sitcom-like episodes, none of which lasted longer than a single chapter. So no matter how long this particular chapter grew, I constantly banged myself on the head by saying 'NO CONTINUATION CHAPTERS! NO CONTINUATION CHAPTERS!'. However, logically, I doubt any of you will want to stomach a nine thousand word long chapter, especially since, being fan-fiction readers, you have innate inclinations to enjoy the chapters that are as short as possible to satisfy very small attention spans.

So basically…yes, this is a part one chapter. I will try not to let multiple-part stories arise once again in this one. Sorry.

Now the plot gets kind of tricky to work, because now we're actually having conflicts with the original story line. Yeah, I'm sure I'm going to get hammered by mail that says 'HEY! ALEXIS FIGURED OUT ZANE HAS A KID BROTHER WAY BEFORE NOW!', but I didn't want to introduce that kind of a topic until people had a decent clue what all of the characters in the story were like through development of their personalities. So that's my excuse, as poor as it is.

Here we go!

**CHAPTER SIX**

_The Best Intentions_

_Part One: The Fort of Understanding_

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!" screamed Kat at the top of her lungs to the audience of fan-fiction readers out there, who, being a fiction character, isn't supposed to realize that she is being viewed by an audience. "IGNORE THE NARRATOR WHO KNOW'S NOTHING! My name's Kat Tillian, and I am the strongest, fastest, and overall hottest P0W4H L4D33 in the school! GO ME!"

She waved a little flag in front of a cluster of Obelisk desks in the lecture class that had 'Powah Kat' written on it. Then she threw it over her shoulder with such force that it stabbed a random Obelisk student in the forehead, causing her to scream in pain and fall backwards to the ground.

"And being the hottest, etc etc POWAH Lady in the school, it is my duty to inform you that…sadly…it's time for…you guessed it…OCTOBER!" screamed Kat. "Well, don't cry, don't cry! We've got a whole bunch of months to go before school ends! _Including _October! SO YAY!"

She smiled, as the random Obelisk student tried to get up, causing her to get a smart punch in the jaw by Kat, causing him to fall over again.

"So in case any of you weren't here for the first few chapters or were out of it or who are just plain stupid, fear not!" said Kat. "For I, KAT T., THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS, have composed a list of three things you should be aware of before we officially exit September! HECK YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

**THING NUMBER ONE!**

"CHAZZ DIES HIS HAIR!" screamed Kat, pointing to Chazz's spiky head.

"Okay, the idiocy level in this room has just shot up!" said Chazz, turning to her, just managing to miss stabbing his eye out with her pointed finger. "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU RANTING ABOUT NOW?"

"YOU TOTALLY DIE YOUR HAIR DUDE!" said Kat, stabbing her finger into his forehead, causing him to yell angrily.

"WHAT FRESH GARBAGE IS THIS!" yelled Chazz nasally, flailing his arms about in pure rage. "I DO NOT DIE MY HAIR! YOU'RE MAD! YOU'RE UTTERLY MAD! NOW GET AWAY FROM ME, BEFORE I SICK ZANE'S SOULESS FANBOYS ON YOU!"

"THEN HOW COME YOU'RE HAIR GETS PINKER THE CLOSER IT GETS TO YOUR SCALP!" yelled Kat.

Silence. Chazz inhaled and was about to speak-

"I'll give you five bucks if you never mention this to Zane," said Chazz, holding out a fiver.

"MAKE IT TEN!" said Kat.

"Seven!" said Chazz.

"THREE!" yelled Kat.

"Deal," said Chazz, pulling out three ones, as Kat snatched them out of his hands and started doing a silly victory dance which was like a bad cross between the shopping cart and the lasso. "Thank God that she has no idea either how to add or haggle…"

**SIDE NOTE TO THING NUMBER ONE!**

"While were still on the topic of hair, I have a side note!" said Kat, waving wildly behind Zane, who was relatively oblivious to the whole thing due to the fact that he was neatly writing down the week's assignments in his notebook. "Now then, while Chazz's hair is stiff and starchy and not fun at all except to be used as an insult, Zane's hair is SUPER MEGA SOFT!"

With that, she literally dumped the top half of her body weight onto Zane, her face falling straight into the back of his head, sighing happily. This caused him to let out a very soft cry of that disgusting feeling that you get when you see something that got hit very badly by a car that hadn't been cleaned up in a while or when someone dumps ice cubes down your back.

"Ah…I swear, that never gets old," said Kat contently, as Zane looked utterly repulsed, twitching slightly. "Oh yeah, another thing. Don't EVER try to stuff your face in Chazz's hair! I did that once and-"

---ooo---

"I'M BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDING!" screamed Kat, running around Chazz's desk, covering her face and shrieking in shocked pain, her hands covered in blood, as Chazz just gave her a weird look, wondering what possessed her to throw her face into the back of his head.

---ooo---

"On the other hand, you could stuff a pillow with this stuff!" said Kat, pointing over her shoulder at Zane's hair.

"Where the heck is Samantha when you need her?" said Zane, looking all over the room.

**THING NUMBER TWO!**

"While we're still on the same subject as Zane, that brings us to Thing Number Two!" said Kat, peace signing the audience.

"Samantha?" called Zane, looking around.

"You see, Zane…is actually a woman!" said Kat.

"Samantha!" Zane said in a much louder tone.

"Seriously, from a certain angle, doesn't it look like he has boobs?" asked Kat.

"Okay, that's enough," said Zane. "This was…almost amusing for a little while. But it's gotten out of hand. Go back to your side of the room Kat."

"N3V3R!" screamed Kat. "YOU CANNOT HIDE THE TRUTH KAISER! YEW CANNAE HIDE THE TRUTH!"

"What truth?" asked Zane. "I am not a woman, and Chazz doesn't die his hair!"

"You tell her!" yelled Chazz angrily, carrying a box of hair dye, which he quickly hid behind his back the second Zane turned around.

"Don't worry dude!" said Kat. "I am fully supportive of your sick way of living life!"

"Where are you Samantha?" almost yelled Zane.

**THING NUMBER THREE!**

"This was originally going to be a side note to the side note of thing number one, but I was running out of ideas and I got hungry by the time I got to thinking up this item," said Kat. "So, the very last item is about the Obelisk Lady herself, Alexis Rhodes!"

"You don't have a timer that I can borrow, do you Zane?" asked Chazz to Zane.

"Professor?" asked Zane, raising his hand.

"Now, this is about her hair!" said Kat. "You see, while her hair is this sort of a doughy color, you know, like donuts and bagels and pizza, you'd expect her hair to smell like pastries! But it doesn't!"

"Can I borrow your tranquilizer?" Zane asked, still raising his hand.

"Anyway…Lex?" asked Kat, looking around, at last realizing that Alexis wasn't in the room. "Hey, where's Lex? I need to…Lex? Woo-hoo? Lex? Olie Olie Oxen Free! Lex…Lex?"

---ooo---

"I really hope she's done with that 'month in review' thing," said Alexis, staying firmly crouched behind a huge garbage can in the hallway outside of the classroom. "Honestly, which one is scarier, Kat or Joku?"

---ooo---

"I think we all know the answer to that…" said Joku in his usual mega-monotone, wearing a frilly pink shirt, hot pants, and a huge, black, lacy umbrella.

---ooo---

"Okay…she should be done know…" said Alexis, peeking over the garbage can to see if everyone was gone. "Time to-"

"ONE! TWO…uh…uh…hang on…oh yeah…THREE! FOUR…SIX!"

"It's four _five _six Jaden!"

"Oh…yeah…I've always kind of had a blind spot for five…"

"JUST SHUT UP AND COUNT!"

"OKAY! FOUR! _FIVE _SIX! Okay…here's the tricky one…SEVEN!"

"YOU DID IT JADEN!"

"YEAH! A NUMBER WITH FOUR-"

"FIVE!"

"-FIVE LETERS! WOOT!"

Alexis could just feel the pulses of idiocy reverberating around the room, so with extreme caution, she peeked over the top of the garbage can to face the racket. What she saw was (PALIDROME) a kid wearing a Slifer Red dorm jacket, his face stuffed in both arms, which were resting against the wall, looking like he was playing hide-and-go-seek with some unknown party. He had rusty brown hair, which was cut so short you could tell he was a boy, yet long enough to look absolutely ridiculous (SCREAM FANGIRLS, SCREAM!).

"READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" screamed the brown-head at the top of his lungs. There was silence as he just stood there for a minute. Almost half a minute passed.

"Pss! You're supposed to look for us Jaden!" said a high-pitched voice, yet one that sounded male.

"OH! I always forget that part…" said the brown head, presumably 'Jaden' going by what Alexis just heard. "RIGHT! WHERE ARE YOU SYRUS!"

"Right here!" said a very short kid, presumably Syrus, who had very light blue colored hair, with huge, sparkling gray eyes not-hidden-at-all behind very tiny glasses, getting up from behind his hiding spot, which was behind an open door.

"FOUND YOU!" said Jaden.

"…RATS!" yelled Syrus.

"RIGHT!" said Jaden, not the most gracious winner in the world, but at least he wasn't doing the 'Jaden Dance'. "NOW IT'S TIME TO FIND CHUMLEY!"

He walked two steps over, standing next to a huge wall of human, taller than him by a solid head, looking around in all directions, as if not noticing him, because in truth…he didn't notice him. Even though the huge wall of a person's only form of camouflage was a small, potted plant that he held in front of his face. The confused individual finally turned to see this huge wall of a person, and just stared at him for a moment.

"Is that you Chumley?" asked Jaden.

"How did you know?" asked the man of greater-than-average body weight, his face peeking from behind the feeble plant. His facial appearance is hard to describe, but one would put it in some kind of category between one who looks like a koala or a girl with pigtails who stuck an oxygen pipe in her mouth and blew herself up, then put a pair where her nose should be.

"WHOA! YOU'RE GOOD!" screamed Jaden.

_Oh…they must be Slifer Red boys…_thought Alexis. _Funny, everyone says that kids from Slifer are hard core drop outs who beat up people and key scratch cars and smoke and don't put the seat down…and other tough kid stuff. You know…sort of like-_

_Wavy Imaginary Scenario Effects_

"YOU'RE PRETTY COCKY, YEW KNOW THAT ROOKIES!" yelled Jaden, in a long, black trenchcoat, carrying a short, finger-print stained iron pipe, with a rough 'Fight or Die' T-shirt and black leather pants.

"You wanna walk on our streets?" said Syrus, wearing a jacket similar to Jaden's, and also with similar pants, but instead of a T-shirt, his chest was tied up by taunt, white cloth (with a crudely drawn Dark Magician Girl on the front), like he received a vital injury across his chest.

"Then get ready to pay up!" said Chumley, who was wearing a white t-shirt, same coat and pants, and really cool looking black sunglasses.

"Oh, you want pay? We'll give you pay!" said Kat, wearing a 'Madlax' kind of outfit, with a skin-tight shirt, short jacket, black leather hot-pants, and tall, thigh-high onyx boots.

"We'll even give you a special bonus for our trouble!" said Samantha, wearing a down-to-the floor pleated skirt that had a huge rip up the side of her thigh to her hip, sunglasses instead of her normal ones, and a button-up black trench coat like the boys.

"I'm Joku," said Joku, also wearing a long pleated skirt , middy sailor blouse with the middle part torn out, and a 'PH34R II$' headband.

"THEN GET READY, CAUSE WE'RE HERE TO COLLECT!" screamed Jaden, ripping out a pair of 'Super Soaker's and letting loose at the three, who all leapt with super speed in different directions.

"THEN _YOU _GET READY TO TAKE IT!" screamed Kat, pulling out a pair of her own and firing a barrage of a counter attack on the gang, causing them to turn to defense.

"I'M NOT TOO SCARED TO DIE!" screamed Chumley.

"My dad made me wear a-" said Joku, right before he got his lights knocked out by a punch form Chumley. Three seconds later, he rose to his feet. "-that was-" BAM! "-and it smelt like-" BAM! "-and my legs were-"

"YOU FIGHT LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!" screamed Syrus, as he and Samantha were in hand to hand fighting combat.

"YOU ARE A LITTLE GIRL!" yelled Sam, as the two each tried to take the other down with wicked awesome karate moves.

"YOU THINK YOU TOUGH! YOU THINK YOU TOUGH!" screamed Jaden, firing the super soaker in every direction, thoroughly drenching everything in sight.

_Back to Reality Effects_

"Ah…I seriously need to stop playing those 'Street Fighter' games," sad Alexis.

"FOUND YOU!" screamed Jaden, banging her on the top of the head, causing her to fall over, screaming in shock, which was cut off abruptly when her face came in hard contact with the tile floor.

"JADEN! WHAT DID YOU DO!" screamed the littlest one, Syrus, rushing over to Alexis's cringing form.

"Ow…" said Alexis, as little cracks were slowly spiddering from the point of contact between Alexis's face and the floor.

"Aw dude, and you slammed an Obelisk too…" said Chumley.

"OH NO! SAINTS PRESERVE US, WE'RE GONNA DIE!" screamed Syrus.

"Maybe we killed her!" said Jaden in an optimistic tone of voice.

"NO! THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING! NOT A GOOD THING AT ALL!" screamed Syrus.

"Oh…wait, she's moving…" said Chumley, as Alexis slowly began to struggle to her feet. "Sorry gang."

Jaden just kind of stared stupidly at nothing while looking all around the room absentmindedly, as Syrus hyperventilated and looked like he wanted to rip every single strand of hair out of his scalp one by one.

"Um…yeah…not dead…" said Alexis, massaging the point of contact on her head, slowly getting up into a sitting position. "Uh…ah…"

"WE'RE SORRY! WE'RE SO SORRY! DON'T KILL US! OR SAY MEAN THINGS TO US! OR TURN US IN OR SPIT ON OUR GRAVES OR PUT A CURSE ON US OR TRY TO KILL ANY OF OUR FUTURE CHILDREN OR-" Syrus began to rattle off in horror.

"No…it's okay…but seriously, you shouldn't hit people like…that…" said Alexis.

"Wait…you're just going to let us get away with it?" said Chumely, giving Alexis, a long, thoughtful look. "I mean, you're just going to let us off the hook? Just like that? No snide remarks or anything like that?"

"Well, if you promise not to do that again, I guess I can…" said Alexis.

"OH THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU-" said Syrus, grabbing Alexis's hand roughly, and shaking it with the force and speed of a man twice his size.

"Girl must have amnesia or something for just letting us off like that," said Chumley.

"What does cleaning products have to do with anything?" asked Jaden.

Chumley just stared at Jaden for awhile, as Syrus continued to violently thank Alexis and shake her hand.

"Or she's just nuts," said Chumley.

"THOSE CRAZY OBELISKS!" said Jaden, twirling his finger around his head.

"Why am I nuts?" asked Alexis.

"Because Obelisks hate Slifers about as much as we hate them back!" said Chumley. "They think that we're a bunch of arrogant, pea-brained, idiotic wanna-bes, and we think they're a bunch of…arrogant, pea-brained, idiotic wanna bes. No offense."

"None taken," sad Alexis, thinking that her arguments of her own dorm were similar to the apparent trend.

"Hey, what's your name anyway?" asked Jaden.

"Oh…Alexis," said Alexis. "Alexis Rhodes. It's very nice to meet you."

"I'm Jaden Yuki!" said Jaden, thrusting out a hand.

"Syrus Truesdale!" said Syrus, shaking Alexis's hand even harder.

"Chumley Huffington!" said Chumley, also sticking out a hand, which Alexis shook after shaking Jaden's hand, considering one of them was still out of commission.

"You know…it's okay…to stop shaking my hand, I mean," said Alexis, as Syrus continued to shake it.

"But…if I don't do this, you won't forgive me!" said Syrus.

"Of course I'll forgive you!" said Alexis. "You didn't do a single thing wrong!"

"…I didn't?" asked Syrus, as the hand shaking began to slow down.

"No, of course not!" said Alexis.

"Don't worry about him Lex!" said Jaden. "You see…he's kinda off kitter around Obelisks."

"Just…hero worship or something?" asked Alexis.

"No, because his older brother's an Obelisk, and he's a cold, heartless jerk!" said Jaden.

"Oh?" said Alexis, the description meeting many people she knew in her class.

"Yeah!" said Jaden. "He completely broke his heart and crushed his confidence, and he still thinks that he's worthless and pathetic, and he doesn't even care that he's in the same school as him!"

"That's terrible," said Alexis.

"Oh yeah!" said Jaden. "And he's at least elevenity million feet tall, and they say that if you look into his eyes, you'll either die or turn into a rodent!"

Silence.

"I expect that to be an exaggeration of sorts…" said Alexis. "Well, it was really nice meeting all of you guys, but I probably should get back to class, with the exam and all…"

"HOLY CRIPES, SHE'S RIGHT!" said Jaden in horror. "This is seriously cutting into my naptime! Gotta go Lex!"

"FORGIVE ME!" screamed Syrus, following Jaden down the hallway.

"Later," said Chumley, following the rest of a gang in an awkward shuffle, leaving Alexis alone in the hallway to try to get herself to her feet. Funny, she never considered that there were many sibling besides her going to this school (she thought it was a relatively rare thing). She couldn't help but think…she remembered…

"Can't get screwed around with those kinds of thoughts…not before a test," said Alexis, her head putting pressure on the still aching spot on her head. "Well, better get back. Kat's gotta be done by now…funny, you'd think an older brother with that kind of warped description would just stick out. I'm surprised I haven't met him."

---ooo---

"I really wish I could put this politely Akiro…but please get that camera out of my face," said Zane flatly.

"Hello, and welcome once again to 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?'," said Akiro, walking up to the group of desks where the trio usually sat, holding a long microphone. "I am the daring and super-good looking Akrio, and today, we look at a common practice amongst the school that most sane people call 'Duel Academy'. Politically correct thinkers label this event as 'test day', everyone else labels it a 'the tournament to see just how many people can successfully cheat off of Zane's paper'."

"Nobody's noticed why I'm on the floor and bleeding, have they?" asked Chazz, who's chair was completely tipped over, leaving him…lying on the floor and bleeding.

"Shut up, I'm getting to that," said Akiro. "Anyway, all of these potential 'cheaters' have various methods of attempting this endeavor. Glancing quick when they assume no one's looking, spyglasses, and much more unorthodox methods, which I am not at liberty to say on a low-rated fic are used to copy the answers of this test."

"I really am bleeding, you know?" said Chazz.

"Oh, would you suck it up already?" asked Akiro to Chazz.

"Hey, I found the first aid kit," said Alexis, walking back into the scene, after giving Akiro a sharp whack at the back of the head with a first aide kid, nearly knocking him over, at about the same time as Josephina timidly walked into the room. Her eyes were darting all over the room, with the sneaking suspicion that the crazy Ra girl was going to jump out of nowhere and take her down like last weekend.

"But by far the most bizarre methods of cheating are being used by a certain Kat Tillian, who is the proud holder of the only ten inch thick disciplinary file that Duel Academy actually accepted," said Akiro, leaning down right next to Chazz's desk after shooting Alexis a dirty look. "Believe me, we're all scratching our heads about that one too. Anyway, her methods of cheating are to literally take over the underside of the desk two seats away from Zane's to copy off his paper."

"Which is why Chazz is currently laying on the floor with significant injuries," said Alexis into the microphone. "She just shoved him back and took over."

"HEY! Before anyone asks, it wasn't to cheat!" said Kat, sticking her head out from under the desk. "Well…it was partially to cheat but…THIS IS THE FORT OF UNDERSTANDING!"

"The fort…of understanding?" said Akiro.

"Yuppers!" said Kat. "You see, I figure I'd get an extra edge in slamming Obelisks if I stood among them and learned their ways! You know…like those people on National Geographi-HEY! IT'S JOSIE!"

Josephina screamed at the top of her lungs, running full speed from the homicidal Ra, who jumped out from under the desk, with the intention, it appeared, to give Josephina a hug, but having seen any other displays of general friendship from Kat, Josephina didn't take her chances. She wasn't going to get slammed again.

"And in an unrelated side story, the majority of the student population is screaming this question at the top of their lungs," said Akiro, as the two continued to run around the room screaming. "WHERE THE HECK IS SAM!"

"Perhaps I can answer that," said Joku, in his usual flat, almost robotic monotone, floating cross-legged over Akiro's head.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING UP THERE!" screamed Akiro.

"Up where?" asked Joku, suddenly right next to Akiro, looking as if nothing had happened.

"Ah…never mind," said Akiro, getting used to the relatively little lack of sense that his situation often brought him. "Anyway…Joku. What do you mean that you can explain it?"

"Sam's one dream is to one day be in Obelisk…it's why she's always working so hard, and she's the head of the Ra female class…" said Joku. "So naturally, she'd be concentrating on doing last minute studying to get a good grade on this test, even though it's just a ranking test and not an actual dorm switch exam."

He pointed to Samantha's table, as she had her face buried in a huge textbook, looking massively absorbed.

"…okay, that actually made sense," said Akiro. "Joku, have you finally gone to see a psychiatrist or something?"

"I'm wearing a-"

"OKAY! NO MORE! NO MORE OF THINGS WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW!" yelled Akiro, covering Joku's mouth quickly with the hand that wasn't holding the microphone. "Now then…ah yes, it's that time. Before we begin the actual test, we shall have our usual deeply moving speech by the esteemed professor, Doctor Vellian Crowler. So get your earplugs ready people."

"Nobody asked for your opinion!" yelled Doctor Crowler from the teaching desk at the center of the lecture hall. He was incredibly tall and thin, with looks that were…excentric to say the least. Everything about him seemed to be just a little bit over the top, from the bright blond shade of hair, to the very frilly Obelisk Blue teaching uniform.

"Actually it's 'Who Care's About Your Opinion?', but we tend to get a lot of-" Akiro said, just as a brick came in sharp contact with his head, sending him falling backwards to the ground.

"-pair of Speedos under my uniform," Joku finished, now that his face was uncovered.

"I have another one in my drawer if any of you would like to comment," said Crowler, shoving it shut. "Anyway, may I first say that I am pleased to welcome you to your first ranking exam. Now, to be fair to all the new students, a ranking exam can be a very stressfully thing, so think of this as a practice exam for your Dorm Switch exam, an exam that you can use to raise your personal rank within the school community, possibly even getting into a higher dorm room. Even the lowest Slifer can become the highest Obelisk by dist of their efforts on the test…though the day that happens is the day winged monkeys fly out of my derriere..."

"GET ON WITH IT!" yelled Kat, stopping chasing Josephina long enough to yell at Doctor Crowler. A second later, shed just managed to dodge a brick, which just barely grazed her cheek.

"HA!" she screamed in triumph.

WHAM!

"Yes, I lied. I actually had two," said Dr. Crowler, shoving the drawer shut once again to his desk, as Kat lay twitching on the floor, and Josephina managed to successfully scramble into a seat, thus attempting to shrink down with the hope of disappearing. "Anyway, as I was saying, while this will determine your temporary rank, it's more of a practice exam than an actual test. So calm down and just do your best. HOWEVER, before we proceed, may I remind you that the rules of any other test apply. This means if you cheat, your paper will be torn up. No exceptions whatsoever. Questions?"

Silence.

"Good," said Dr. Crowler, taking a huge stack of paper off the desk. "Oh…one more thing…under instructor, I will accept no less than 'Dr. Crowler'. If I see a single 'Mrs.' on that paper, in any context whatsoever…"

He ripped a paper off the top of the stack and crushed it in his hands, flicking open a trap door on the top of his desk. He then tossed the balled up paper into the trap door, and suddenly, a tower of fire shot up from within the trapdoor, sending soot and charred bits of paper flying all over the top of the desk, until he slammed it shut.

"You know, it's technological advancements like these that make my job fun again," said Dr. Crowler, as everyone in their seats stared at the desk in horror. "Alright…once you get your test, you may begin."

"Chazz, as friendly advice, I don't think that you should sit there…" said Alexis, as Chazz picked up his chair, and went to sit back down.

"Why not?" asked Chazz. However, three seconds later, Kat streaked over, grabbed the back of Chazz's chair, and flipped it back, dumping the contents out the back of it, and bolting right back under the desk, cackling darkly.

"DR. CROWLER!" screamed Chazz. "KAT'S GONE UNDER MY DESK!"

"Oh good lord, not this early…" said Dr. Crowler angrily, sighing as he began to pass out the papers. "Ms. Tillian, go back to your spot next to Ms. Anika."

"Sorry?" said Samantha, for the first time bringing her head out from behind the pages of the text book after hearing her name.

"NEVER!" yelled Kat from under Chazz's desk. "I will unravel the inner workings of the Obelisk Dorm, and I will do it by any means necessary!"

"Well unless you can somehow get your test all the way over here without getting out from under that table, you're stuck," said Dr. Crowler from the Ra side, slapping a test paper right next to the spot next to Samantha, where Kat usually sat.

"So…you're going to play dirty, eh? Fine…" said Kat, a carnal smile suddenly blooming on her face.

"Uh oh…" said Alexis.

"POWAH!" screamed Kat, lifting the entire desk by the two back legs over her head, and using it as a combination of a club and a battering ram to charge across the room, slamming aside anyone in her path. This caused many students to scream and abandon their desks, which were taken down one by one by the desk that was wildly being swung over Kat's head. With that, she jumped in the air, snatched the paper of her desk, then used the desk that she was holding a sort of a toboggan that she slid down the stairs wildly, screeching it to a stop to where it was. Then, she slammed Chazz, who was attempting to get up with it, put it on all four legs on the floor again, then quickly darted under it.

"AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T STAND IN THE WAY OF A POWAH LADY!" screamed Kat. "Witness? KAT 'DESK' TILLIAN, THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS!"

"I'd say this is another tenth of an inch in the file at least…" said Dr. Crowler, looking at the smoldering remains of the entire row that Kat destroyed.

Despite the awkward shuffling to right the desks in the class, partnered with the rapid scribbling of detention notes from Dr. Crowler at his desk, Alexis was relatively calm about facing the test, with the reassurance that this wasn't going to have too drastic an effect on her standing. Also, the questions seemed relatively easy to answer in her mind, as she felt pretty confident rattling down the answers, though she heard the test got increasingly harder the farther you went. She vaguely glanced up at the other two just to see how they were doing, and one thing caught her eye.

_Zane Truesdale._

CLACKrattlerattlerattle…

The pen that she was holding fell right out of her hand and rolled across her desk as she stared in open-mouthed at the name that was written, clearly and plainly as could possibly descrived on Zane's paper. Zane eventually had to meet the shocked expression. For a moment, neither of them said anything.

"Your methods are more subtle than Chazz, but not by very much," said Zane, as Chazz threw himself across Alexis's desk and began copying down all of Zane's answers one by one.

"…Truesdale…" she said.

"Yes," said Zane.

Silence, save from the scribbling from Chazz.

"You're brother goes to this school…" she said.

"Which I find pretty surprising that he made it in," said Zane. "Any reason why you're bringing this up?"

Alexis just stared at him.

"Bathroom," she said, getting up without a second thought, without even bothering to look back, or to answer the question.

Silence.

"What was that?" asked Zane, as Chazz grabbed Zane's paper, erased his name, and wrote 'Chazz Princeton' where it used to be.

---ooo---

Chazz: We're seriously going to drop off the chapter on that kind of note?

Zane: I don't think we have much choice in the matter

Chazz: Look, I don't care, as long as we don't have to get sappy and angsty and other such un-masculine garbage.

Zane: Whatever you say captain.

Chazz: Next time, it's…HEY!

Zane: What? I'm letting you announce the chapter.

Chazz: WELL IT'S NO FUN UNLESS YOU JUST GIVE IT UP WITHOUT A FIGHT!

Zane:…just say it.

Chazz: MAKE ME!

Zane: Fine…next time-

Chazz: GAAAAAAAAAAH! (Tackles Zane, and starts a fist fight)

Alexis: (Looking on) Idiots.


	7. The Next P0W4H L4D33 Move

Nature needed something to laugh at. That's how telemarketers came into being.

So anyway…have I mentioned how freaky the last episode of 'House' was? God, I love that show. Still, that last one was just out of this world creepy. I mean, even when in the end, when they pieced it together so that it makes sense…it didn't make sense. How can you hallucinate within a hallucination?

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR FOR A NEW EPISODE!

Oh, and in case your bored and want a rant that halfway relates to the actual story, developing Josephina in the story is about a thousand times harder than it looks. It's probably because this is the first real experience I've had managing a girl who's timid. I mean, after chugging out a bunch of butt-kicking characters (especially girls), I figured…dang, it was time to make one who was just plain dorky (poor Jo…). I mean, I wanted her to begin the whole experience with the 'pressure point' student ID a solid two chapters ago. And guess what? She gets about seven lines total so far. Though I must say, it's just as bad for Akiro, who seems to be here, basically, by a combination of a need of balance of the male/female among the OCs, and a whim. Sam's no better either. Those poor kids…they are the triple alliance of unrecognized OCs! Hey, that would be a great chapter!

The big question has been vaguely hinted once and awhile, but now, it's been finally asked outright…WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PUT DUELING IN THIS DARN STORY! While a few duels may receive comment, and their may be 'implied dueling' (hey, I'm going to go kick Chazz's arse in a duel. Don't wait up), I don't plan to write any long, extravagant duels down in the story. First of all, I'd probably screw it up, and even if I didn't screw up, I'd probably make someone mad on who won and who lost (the OC/Canon war is everlasting). Don't worry, I don't plan to drop duel monsters from the map entirely though. In fact, we see such in this very chapter.

Don't worry, they'll develop better as time goes on. But for now, I've got to concentrate on getting us through this chapter as quickly and cleanly as possible, without it turning into a pile of sappy mush.

Oh yeah, and in the original version, Zane was supposed to fall down too (you'll see), but it seemed a little awkward in story coordination, so…he's standing. Good for him. Why did I even write this part.

And does anyone actually read this bit anyway?

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_The Best Intentions_

_Part Two: The Next P0W4H L4D33 Move_

"Kat's Log, day three," said Kat into a tape recorder, still under Chazz's desk. "Still am deep in Obelisk territory. Resistance has been great, but I have already gathered and incredible amount of data for my ongoing war against the FILTHY Obelisk students..."

"GET OUT OF MY DESK ALREADY!" yelled Chazz.

"One in particular presents the most hostility," said Kat into the recorder. "Still, beyond that, everything goes smoothly. Am trying to guess Chazz's weight. It isn't working out well."

"YOU'RE JUST RACKING UP DETENTION FROM BEING UNDER THERE!" yelled Chazz.

"IT IS A SMALL SACRIFICE FOR UNDERSTANDING WHAT IT TRULY MEANS TO BE ONE OF YOUR FILTHY KIND!" yelled Kat.

"YOU STUPID RA RUBBISH!" screamed Chazz. "GET OUT OF THERE, OR I'LL POUND YOU M-"

"POWAH!"

"Thank you for letting me sit next to you Akiro," said Josephina a few rows behind the screams of Chazz.

"No problem," said Akiro. "I have neither the heartlessness nor the ambition to leave an innocent people to fight off the wrath of Kat."

"Is…is she really that bad?" asked Josephina. "Because…in my old school, I had a problem with…well, becoming a doormat…and well…"

"Hey look! It's the wussy new kid who keeps getting beaten up by the crazy Ra!" screamed a particularly stupid group of gossip girls.

"Yeah, I mean, none of us have ever run _screaming _from her before!" said another one. "Pathetic!"

"How did she get into Obelisk anyway?" said another. "One word-nepatism."

"I also had a problem with teasing…" said Josephina, as her face fell flat on her desk.

"If it's any consolation, one, they're idiots, and two, they've all been beaten up by Kat at least once," said Akiro to Josephina, then turning around to deliberately yell at the three girls behind him, "and several of them have ran away screaming more than once!"

The girls basically ignored him, but seeing as they weren't going to have any more one-sided fun, they just sashayed off.

"But seriously, how did you get into Obelisk?" asked Akiro.

"You're not making it better!" said Josephina.

"Hey…Zane?" said Chazz, right before class was starting, poking Zane with the non-ink end of his pen. "Psst…Zane? Hey Zane?"

_Maybe if I ignore him, he'll get bored and shut up_ thought Zane, doing his best to read his book, which he was sure was going to be far more interesting than anything Chazz could possibly say to him.

"Come on Zane, it's important!" yelled Chazz, stabbing him harder than the pen. "Zane! ZANE! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!"

_Darn, he really sounds like he means it this time…guess I have no-_

"LISTEN TO ME, DARN IT!" screamed Chazz at the top of his lungs. Just as Zane was about to turn around and acknowledge Chazz's existence, Chazz whipped out a huge textbook and used it to smack Zane right in the face.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

"What?" he asked, taking the air horn away from Chazz's twitching and wide-eyed face and dropping it on his desk.

"Boy, are you in a surly mood today!" said Chazz.

"Well first of all, when beaten by large objects, most people experience being pretty cross," said Zane. "And second it _hasn't _been a good week! I can't find my student ID at all-"

"Huh?" said Josephina, just happening to capture a small fragment of the conversation (she and Akiro sat about four rows back from the others).

"-someone cut down my favorite tree in the courtyard-"

"What up my brothers?" said Joku, walking into the room, dressed in suspenders, flannel shirt, boots, and a carrying a huge ax over his shoulders.

"-and when I got my test back, it was riddled with stupid mistakes-"

Chazz just whistled to himself.

"-and the spelling was just _atrocious…_"

Chazz took a sudden interest in the pencil he was absentmindedly twirling around.

"…now that I think about it, it barely…resembled…my…handwriting…" said Zane, slowly trailing off, as Chazz looked at him, smiling sheepishly. For that…Zane gave him a glare that would kill many a lesser man.

"Okay, first of all, IT WAS YOU OWN FAULT FOR SIGHNING YOUR NAME IN PENCIL!" screamed Chazz across Alexis's empty seat, eyes twitching violently. "But more importantly, have you noticed that something's wrong with Alexis?"

"Since when do you make astute observations?" asked Zane.

"I dunno…doesn't something about the way she's acting seem…not right?" said Chazz. "I mean yesterday, she didn't even yell at you for air horning me when I got into that fight some Slifer Slacker!"

"Not to mention she didn't yell at _you _for picking a fight with that kid," said Zane.

"Is that the point? NO!" said Chazz. "The fact is she's not acting like herself! She must be sick or something…"

"To be honest, I think that she's mad at me," said Zane.

"OH, IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU ISN'T IT!" yelled Chazz.

"I think the reason has something to do with the fact that I'm an older brother," said Zane. "I don't know why, but when she heard that I had a younger brother, she seemed very upset."

"WELL DUH!" said Chazz. "Older siblings are the spawn of Satan!"

"…Excuse me?" asked Zane.

"Don't worry your filthy, heathen head," said Chazz, smacking Zane very hard in the head. "I will make sure that she is not bothered by the untimely horror of your meaningless existence on the planet being an older sibling!"

"One, I am starting to remember why I never agreed to be friends with you," said Zane. "And two, nothing personal, but you have a violent tendency of making things that are already a complete mess even worse."

"Oh come on, it's all in your head!" said Chazz. "Besides, like heck am I going to listen to the pathetic drools of an older sibling who makes us _normal _people go absolutely insane!"

"Whatever makes you happy Chazz," said Zane, rolling his eyes.

"Morning," said Alexis, walking up to the cluster of desks.

"ALEXIS MAH WOMAN!" said Chazz, shoving both hands on her back and pushing away from Zane and Kat, who was still scribbling notes under the desk. "Just the girl I wanted to see! Come on, I need to have a quick coffee talk with you!"

"Chazz, let go of my back…" said Alexis, as she got dragged a small distance away from Zane. Zane just sighed and turned the page in his book, as Joku once again stepped right next to his side. He reached down the collar of his shirt and pulled out a bunch of tarot cards, as Zane tried his best to ignore him. With a great flourish, Joku shuffled the cards in mid air, until the all fell evenly in a neat pile on his hands. He drew the card from the top of the deck.

"Interesting…very interesting…" said Joku.

"What?" asked Zane.

"Your draw is the 'Decked by a Textbook' card," said Joku.

"Joy," said Zane.

"It foretells suffering…" said Joku.

"You don't say," said Zane.

---ooo---

"Chazz, are the words 'let go' not in your vocabulary, or are you just being weird again?" asked Alexis, as she was shoved by him into a corner that was relatively out of earshot of the general school population.

"None of the above!" said Chazz, as Alexis gave him a look. "Anyway, the reason I dragged you here somewhat against your will is that you just seemed a little unlike yourself. You haven't yelled at…Zane enough lately."

"I'm fine," said Alexis firmly.

"That doesn't sound like the voice of a 'fine' person!" said Chazz.

"Chazz, I'm fine," said Alexis.

"No your not!" said Chazz.

"Chazz, what part of 'I'm fine' is not registering?" asked Alexis.

"YOU LIE!" said Chazz. "You are _so _not fine!"

"_You _won't be fine in about five minutes if you don't drop it," said Alexis, turning around to walk back to the desks.

"Tell me the truth…" said Chazz, grabbing her arm.

"The truth is that I'm fine!" said Alexis, ripping it out of his hand.

"TELL ME!" said Chazz.

"I'M FINE!" said Alexis.

"TELL ME!" said Chazz.

"I'M FINE!" said Alexis.

"TELL ME!"

"I'M FINE!"

"TELL ME!"

"I'M FINE!"

"TELL ME!"

"I'M FINE!"

"TELL ME OR I'LL KEEP UP THIS POINTLESS BANTER FOR AN INDEFINATE PERIOD OF TIME!"

"Would you just be quiet already!" yelled Alexis, finally giving up with a sigh. "Okay…I admit. I'm just a little uptight. Other than that, I am perfectly, one hundred percent fine."

"Why are you uptight?" asked Chazz.

"Because…well, it's a long story," said Alexis.

"You can tell me…I'm your friend…" said Chazz, his eyes swelling up to twice their size, getting all shiny and happy, making him look like he suddenly turned into a two-year-old school girl.

"…promise me you'll never show me those eyes again, and I'll tell you," said Alexis.

"PROMISE!" said Chazz. Not to be foreshadowing, but he will break this promise at least two more times in this chapter. Not to be foreshadowing though.

"Okay…it's just…" Alexis said. She sighed. "It's…well, a few days ago I learned that…Zane was an older sibling and it just-"

"SAY NO MORE!" said Chazz. "I see what happened! You're ticked off because older brothers are nothing more than huge zits on the face of the earth!"

"…excuse me?" asked Alexis.

"Yeah, their nothing but filth!" said Chazz. "If I was the boss of the world, I would make sure that all older siblings would be lined up and shoved over a cliff to a huge pit of alligators! ALLIGATORS THAT WERE RABID!"

Alexis just glared at him.

"And another thing, you are soooooo lucky not to have any older siblings!" said Chazz. "I have TWO! And they are nothing but bad, bad, grandmother-"

---ooo---

"I'm going to go on a limb and say that Chazz's future is going to somehow involve getting a heel painfully wedged up his rear end," Zane said causally, skimming his book. Joku once again shuffled the deck in midair with a great flourish, catching every single card in his hand. He then drew the top one.

"You are correct, my son," he said blankly.

"Don't call me your son again," said Zane. "It brings back that eye twitch I've been trying to get rid of all week."

WHO-PANK!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

There was silence for a moment. Slowly and painfully, Chazz limped back to the desks, dragging his leg behind him, his eyes trying to hold back pain-filled tears.

"Zane one, eye twitch one," said Zane.

"Right up the left cheek…" said Chazz.

"...Zane one, eye twitch two," said Zane. "I think it goes without saying that you made things worse."

"…I don't get it…" said Chazz. "I mean…she hates you because you're an older brother…and when I tell her I hate older brothers too, she gives me a heel up my-"

"We aren't one hundred percent sure of any of the above," said Zane. "People often do things while being compelled by emotions that _they _don't even know."

"Like what?" said Chazz. "HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY JUSTIFY THE FACT THAT SHE HAS MAIMED MY BUTT!"

"…don't say 'butt' Chazz, it's obscene," said Zane. "Anyway, the fact is, there could be a dozen other factors in this. She could be angry because she's an only child and she's jealous because we actually have siblings, or she could have believed that we were fellow only children, and now she's just upset. Maybe she IS and older sibling, and that's why she got mad at you."

"Would you idiots stop talking about me as if I wasn't here?" asked Alexis flatly behind the two.

"I seriously tried to make him stop Alexis," said Chazz, pointing to Zane. "But of course, ol' motor mouth over here couldn't keep his-"

"Sit down dent bottom," said Alexis, sitting between their desks in her usual spot, submerging the entire area in awkward silence.

"I…don't think I can…" said Chazz.

"Then don't collapse on my desk," said Alexis.

"I'm utterly amused…" said Akiro, pulling out a video camera, proceeding to tape Chazz's misery to see if he could win money on AFV again.

"He's…the person who owns the ID I found…" said Josephina.

---ooo---

"Kat, get out from under there," said Samantha, on her knees, talking to Kat, who had now draped a huge, white cloth over the top of Chazz's desk, with 'The Fort of Understanding' written in huge, red letters that alternated between being uppercase and lowercase. "It's been almost a week Kat. I don't want to have to drag you out by your throat!"

"NEVER!" said Kat. "I do not care if you are my Ra comrade, Ra comrade! I will not leave this place until I know the dark and divine secrets of the House of Obelisks! I WILL BE DA MASTER!"

"NOW KAT!" yelled Samantha.

"I SHALL NOT BE SILENCED!" screamed Kat.

"Hope springs eternal…" said Zane, two seats away.

"Okay Zane," said Chazz, kicking Samantha to the side, causing her to shriek in shock and pain, and sitting in his chair. "Alexis is just getting madder and madder at us. Any great philosophies Grasshopper?"

"Well, obviously she's too angry at us for us to confront her directly, considering you already tried that and failed miserably," said Zane. "So we're going to have to do this as subtle as possible. You do know the meaning of subtlety, don't you Chazz?"

"Is that word that you always spell with a 'b' but don't pronounce it, right?" said Chazz.

"Well, yes Chazz, but that word in question could also be 'lamb', 'doubt', and a few other words I'm sure," said Zane.

"So just don't get in her face, shoot her weird looks, and wait until she cracks?" asked Chazz.

"I have a feeling that the huge weight of this is going to fall onto me, but go ahead Chazz, do what makes you happy," said Zane. "Oh, quiet, here she comes."

The two quickly hushed up and pretended to be doing something other than plotting, for Zane, reading that book he's been reading for the fast few days, for Chazz, fiddling with two pens. Alexis didn't even bother to say a word to either of them as she sat down in the desk between them, just dutifully dug out her homework and laid it out on her desk to be checked, as she flipped through her notebook to a fresh sheet of paper. For a moment, except for more scribbling from Kat, there was absolute silence.

"So are you done being a hard-arse yet, or are you still mad?" asked Chazz.

Both Alexis and Zane shot Chazz a killer glare.

"I WAS JUST ASKING! JEEZ!" yelled Chazz.

_The ears work perfectly, the mouth is in its prime, but the common sense is DOA_ though Zane to himself.

"Oh…I get it," said Alexis. "A subtle mind game, a cowardly alternative to a proactive question, which Chazz's ability to be a self-centered brat has charitably provided failure too."

"That's cold," said Zane.

"I AM NOT A BRAT!" said Chazz. "And I don't even _know _where you get this ridiculous idea that I'm self centered!"

"Look…I just want a little peace and quiet, and to get through this class without any distractions," said Alexis, trying her best to be reasonable. "Is that really too much to ask?"

"Hello! Who cares?" yelled Chazz. "Now tell me about where you got this stupid 'self-centered' thing from!"

He got another glare from Zane and Alexis.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THIS GROUP GLARE THING!" said Chazz.

"Again…is quiet so much to ask for?" asked Alexis.

"I SAID-" Chazz started.

"Just be quiet Chazz," said Zane.

"NO! Since when do I have to listen to you?" said Chazz. "She insults me, you break my arm which has miraculously healed in about a thirty-sixth of the time that would be biologically accurate, and now you just-"

"Look, we're glad that you don't bear grudges, okay?" said Zane. "We're all in a bad mood, so let's just-"

"THERE YOU GO AGAIN!" yelled Chazz. "YOU…YOU…YOU…CUT OF PERSON THI-"

At about the end of that word, the very last, tiny thread of Alexis's patience snapped like a cheep toothpick.

"WOULD YOU BOTH JUST SHUT UP?"

SMACK!

With fantastic precision, she snatched a pair of text books from her pile, and then, with a Geometry Textbook in her left hand, and a Cards Safety Textbook in her right, she smacked both Chazz and Zane in the head at the exact same time, shooting both arms out straight to their respective sides, dealing both a blow at the sides of their heads.

"FANTASTIC! FANTASTIC FANTASTIC!" said Kat, scribbling like a mad woman on her notepad, bursting out from under the Fort of Understanding. "SPLENDED! FABULOUS! THAT WAS A POWAH LADY MOVE IF I'VE EVER SEEN ONE! THIS IS A GREAT DAY FOR SCIENTIFIC-OW, OW, OW, OW-"

After having exposed herself, she was then dragged by her hair to the other end of the room by Sam. Alexis just sighed in a combination of frustration, exhaustion, and several other negative emotions mixed in such a way that there was no way to describe it.

"I'll need to take a walk," she said, in an oddly reasonable tone, getting out of her chair and shoving it back into the desk. "I just need to cool down…just tell the teacher I'll be back in a few minutes…sorry…"

With that, she just put her hand on her forehead, and made her way out of the room, leaving a dumbfound Chazz and a pensive Zane behind. She then just calmly walked out the door, not with any intention of making them feel guilty or acting like a drama queen. She just simply left the room, nothing more.

"Someone's on hormones," said Chazz, rolling his eyes. "Better go talk to her-"

"Don't you dare move one inch out of that chair," said Zane.

"Excuse me?" asked Chazz.

"Do you see how upset she was?" said Zane. "From a worldly view, we're lucky the most we got out of that little outburst was a textbook through the back of the head and the cold shoulder. When all else fails, just let it go until the dust settles."

"And what do we do after that?" asked Chazz.

"Okay…now here's the crazy concept…we say we're _sorry_," said Zane

"Sounds pretty wussy if you ask me," said Chazz.

"That's the same thing Custer said when someone told him to skip out on raiding the camp, the captain of Titanic said when someone suggested not to increase the speed of the boat, and what Ceaser said to the crone who told him to skip out on the council meeting," said Zane. "Chazz. Listen to logic. Drop it."

"Yeah, I suppose you're ri-OH GOD!" screamed Chazz, pointing behind Zane.

"What?" said Zane, turning around to see what was behind him, which turned out to be…absolutely nothing. However, what was behind him now was the triumphant sneer of Chazz, and a massive amount of footsteps running toward the door.

For a moment, Zane didn't do anything. Then, he just turned himself to face the normal direction he should, and dutifully waited for the teacher to come in, as Akiro, for no good reason in particular, just absentmindedly walked up to the desk, staring at what seemed to be nothing for a moment.

Pause.

"Best case scenario, she'll hate every single male for the rest of her life," said Akiro. "Worst case scenario…they kill each other."

Within an instant, Zane was gone.

"True, it's manipulation, but it's manipulation for the greater good," said Akiro in an extremely short soliloquy, staring at the now-empty desk that he was next to. Without moving his head, he looked to the left, then he looked to the right. When the coast seemed clear, he grabbed Zane's pen case, dumped the contents into his coat, put it neatly on the desk where it was, then left.

---ooo---

"Okay…this will be easy," said Josephina, clutching the incriminating student ID in her slightly shaking hands, being about as good at proactive confrontation than as sharks are at being compassionate and maternal creatures (no offense to the shark population). "I just have to give him back his ID. There's no problem at all…The worst thing that he could do is be mad at me…then taunt and insult me, gather a mob…cause a public outcry to indulge me in dejection and humiliation, physically and mentally crush my soul and…in a blind and passionate rage…kill me…"

Silence.

"No, I'll think I'll breach the subject slowly," she said, turning away, when-

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

She was frozen in place, her back hair standing on end at the command from an extremely brusque sounding voice from her side. She very slowly turned to see…to her horror…what looked like a duel monster sitting on her shoulder. It actually was a Silent Magician (Level Four), who wore a long, white and blue magicians outfit, with a little white hat with a blue gem in the center of the brow, long white gloves, blue boots, and a little white and blue magic wand. She had long white hair, and her eyes were a pale purple, and she was giving Josephina a very angry look from her shoulder.

"Um…huh…ah…I'm…" said Josephina, twitching slightly, while staring at the little magician, no bigger than a foot tall-a little over thirty centimeters if you're the metric type.

"Oh stop acting like something that's going to get shot at already," she said, in a very tough-sounding voice. "Frankly, it's been bugging me how willfully pathetic you are. Do you know how annoying it is to have to be in the deck of a person who can't speak a full sentence without stuttering or contradicting herself?"

"I d-don't stutter…but then again…" said Josephina.

"SEE!" screamed the Silent Magician. "Let me put it to you this way hon, it's about as fun for me as it would be fun for you to be associated with a serial killer."

"But…but…" said Josephina.

"Well come on! Spit it out!" said Silent Magician.

"Uh…I don't…want to be rude…but…um…" said Josephina.

"I SAID SPIT IT OUT!" yelled Silent Magician, whacking Josephina with her magic rod, causing Josephina to cry out in pain.

"A-aren't you a hallucination?" said Josephina, tears threatening her eyes.

"Oh, don't tell me your going to cry now!" said Silent Magician. "And, no, I am _not _a hallucination. Why the heck do you think I'm a hallucination? Couldn't whack you if I was, now could I? AND STOP CRYING OR I'LL DO IT AGAIN!"

"Okay!" said Josephina frantically, whipping her eyes. "I'll…I'll try…"

"NO!" said Silent Magician, whacking her again with the wand, causing her to squeek in pain. "No 'try'! Say 'I most defiantly WILL!"

"I…most def-"

Whack!

"NO HESITATION!"

"AH! I MOST DEFINATLY WILL!" said Josephina.

"GOOD! Now you can that idiot over there to not hit you as he comes careening down the hallway," said Silent Magician, waving her wand in the direction of Zane, who was charging full speed down the hallway.

"WAAAAAAH!" cried Jo. "Ah-ah-ah-PLEASE! Don't-"

BAM!

She got clipped pretty well at the side, as Zane tried to veer to one side to avoid killing her, but the force cause him to knock her over.

"So sorry," he said behind him, as Jo lay on the ground, as swirls danced in front of her eyes.

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM-

"PATHETIC! PATHETIC! PATHETIC, DO YOU HEAR ME? PATHETIC!" screamed Silent Magician at the top of her lungs, pegging Jo over and over again with her magic word, as Jo, giving into everything, was openly crying.

---ooo---

There are only two true motivations in life. There are doing things that are for yourself, and there are doing things for other people. At the back of her head, she vaguely wondered what her motivation was.

"Look, if your going to get angsty, don't just rip yourself off," said Alexis to the author.

She, however, didn't consider the idea of artistic repetition.

"Oh, shut up," said Alexis, as she walked down the familiar growing path that she seemed to almost perpetually be standing on as the sun slowly climbed higher in the sky. She was giving into her feelings quicker and quicker every second, it seemed, and the thought of it made her sick. She was seen as tough, she wanted to be tough, and she felt tough. How easily she was giving into this pressure contradicted the natural order.

She didn't like being pitied, she didn't like being 'gone easy on', and she didn't like it when people gave her cheep sympathy. She did things on her own, and she was proud of it. That's why she hated to admit that she was acting like this. She was begging for attention, which was the exact opposite thing that she needed right now.

And at the same time, she felt pathetic for not having the guts to tell them. She didn't have anything to lose by telling the truth, but just admitting that something was wrong, that things actually _did _make her mad, seemed more like a double sin than a confession. She hated that little spark of attention that sympathy awarded, feeling that it was nothing but a drop of water in your mouth when you were dying of thirst, and yet she hated to admit that she enjoyed it.

It was a guilty pleasure. Just as thinking about it was, as she was doing right now. That made her even angrier.

She needed to go back to class. But she had no ambition to get up off the steps in front of the school, turn around, and actually go back into the room, sit next to them, and face a without-fail stream load of questions, or worse, glances that deliberately ignored her. It was a really nice day…

"ALEXIS! ALEXIS! HEY, ALEXIS!"

Darn. She'd know that nasal-sounding voice anywhere. It was _Chazz._

She just took a deep breath, as she heard the running footsteps draw closer, slowly getting up, not even facing him as she got up.

"Hey, what have you been freaky and angsty about lately?" asked Chazz, not caring that she wasn't turning around. "I mean, it was kind of cool for awhile, but now it's just freaky and annoying! What the heck is wrong with you?"

"Chazz, can't you just drop it?" said Alexis. "I just want time alone to cool off. It's got nothing to do with you or Zane or whoever, it's just-"

"It's just what?" asked Chazz.

"Just go back to class, okay?" said Alexis. "You don't need to baby-sit me. I'll be back in a minute. As I've said, _drop it._"

"OH GOD!" yelled Chazz. "What, are you in cahoots with the freaky white wearing goth kid or something? WHAT IS WITH ALL THE PEOPLE TELLING ME TO DROP IT? YOU'RE UPSET, FOR CRIPESAKE! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG! IS THAT SO WRONG? IS THAT SO AGAINST WHAT OUR SOCIETY IS BASED ON? I MEAN GAWD! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ASKING YOU HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH OR WHEN THE LAST TIME IT'S BEEN SINCE YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM OR ANYTHING! I MEAN, IS IT SO WRONG KNOWING WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON TO MAKE A PERSON BEAT SOMEONE AS SMART AND STRIKINGLY GOOD LOOKING AS ME?"

Silence.

"You know, I'd nearly consider that an astute observation," said Alexis.

"CAHOOTS! CAHOOTS!" yelled Chazz.

"Look behind you Chazz," said Alexis blankly.

"Now what the heck would be behind me that's worth interest?' said Chazz angrily, looking over his shoulder, as with a rapid thumping, he heard Alexis's footstep hammering on the walkway, slowly growing more faint as she ran away.

"HOW DARE YOU USE MY METHODS TO ESCAPE CONFLICT?" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs, charging after her full speed. Unfortunatly…her legs were much longer than his were.

Her heels continued to hammer onto the pavement at a rapid-fire yet rhythmic pace, her body moving in a way that required little of her own thought to control it, an ancient, almost carnal human mechanism in response to fatigue. Fatigue of the soul? Perhaps.

However, as Alexis gained more and more distance between her and Chazz, and for some reason, physics seemed to work in reverse effect for that moment as Chazz' screams grew louder and louder, she had a good look at just how childish she was being. She was resorting to _Chazz's _methods, for crimety. This had to stop. Trying to avoid it was over. The dark cloud had rolled in. It was time to come clean. She had done her best to not get things as tangled up as they did, but she failed. Now came the big question of…now what?

"-IN THE BACK CLOSET IN THE BAND ROOM!" yelled Chazz from behind her, as her eyes were somewhat clouded over in thought. "THAT'S WHATS BEEN GOING ON, HASN'T IT? THAT'S WHY YOU TWO ARE SO DARN IN SYNC! YOU AND THAT BLOODY SENIOR GIT-BOY-"

"I'm sorry Chazz…" said Alexis, allowing herself to slow down, the taps on the ground with more time between them. "I've really been acting stupid lately."

"I SHOULD SAY SO!" he yelled behind her.

"I guess it's just stress or something…and I guess we all run into those times when for some reason, we're just feel dirt low for no particular reason…" she continued, as her pace still slowed.

"Look, I'm not Ask Amy, so if your going to start crying or anything like that, do it later!" he yelled.

"I'm trying to apologize to you, you idiot!" yelled Alexis, finally halting her running completely, slowing down until she eventually stopped. "Gah! Honestly! I can't believe you! I can't…"

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU STOPPING F-" screamed Chazz again, but this time, he was completely cut off, because he didn't have the intelligence to stop, so he collided with her, his body slamming into her back, as she screamed in both shock and anger. She fell foreword, as did he, causing them to both collapse in a crumpled heap on the ground, both seeing stars, as well as feeling like killing the other one at the moment, and in too much pain to scream out angry cries of vengeance.

"Alexis…Alexis…" said Zane, taking his usual 'sort-of-cares-but-sort-of-doesn't' kind of voice, mixed in with exhaustion of pretty much sprinting through the entire school (the track team has been after Zane's flesh and blood for a long time now). "Hey…Chazz hasn't-"

He stopped in mid-step, finally catching a look at the ground, to see a dazed and bruised looking Alexis and Chazz, who were laying on top of each other in a tangled knot, both looking as if they had survived the worst spear ball competition of their lives.

Silence. Zane, who was still caught in a frozen sprint position, just slowly let the other foot drop on the pavement, staring at the two, as they were staring back with looks that were both embarrassed out of their minds, and begging Zane either for forgiveness or to forget what he just saw.

"Words cannot describe how much faith I have lost in any divine, spiritual being," said Zane.

"GET OFF ME!" yelled Chazz and Alexis at the same time, scrambling up to standing positions.

"Oh my God! I can't believe this!" yelled Alexis, kicking Chazz off her. "I can't believe this! I just can't! I finally get my act together, and this happens! Darn it! I'm so mad! I-"

"I'm sorry," Chazz and Zane said simultaneously.

Silence.

"JINX!" yelled Chazz.

"What?" asked Alexis, about a split second later.

"Yeah Chazz, we're not in middle school anymore," said Zane. "Nobody says 'jinx' when that happens."

"No I mean…" said Alexis. "I'm the one who's supposed to be apologizing, not you."

"LIKE HECK YOU SHOULD, MAKING ME RUN, MAKING ME FALL, KICKING ME IN THE-" yelled Chazz.

"_Chazz_," said Zane dangerously.

"Seriously, all I've done is just gotten myself in a bad mood, and I got you guys acting crazy as a result," said Alexis. "So…I'm sorry."

"Nah," said Zane. "We're at fault to. We didn't do anything proactive either…well, Chazz did, but…never mind."

"It would have worked if the world wasn't filled with a bunch of idiost besides me!" said Chazz.

Silence.

"This month, we're going to work on that arrogance thing," said Zane.

"Wait…I need to…tell you guys something," said Alexis. "The truth is…I wasn't really mad at either of you. My brother…disappeared from campus."

"WHAT!" yelled Chazz.

"Disappeared?" echoed Zane.

"Yeah…and nobody knows where he's gone. He just vanished, vanished into thin air. No one can figure out what happened to him. So that's why I got upset. I was just sort of…reminded of him, that's all. I'm sorry."

Silence.

"OH! THAT MAKES SENSE!" said Chazz. "So you hate Zane, because he's a whole-in-the-face-of-the-universe big brother! And you're mad at me because I said that my older brothers were buttheads!"

"So _that's _what you said," said Zane.

"It wasn't really hate," said Alexis. "I was just annoyed, and the fact that I was annoyed annoyed me, and all the annoyance progressed, and before I knew it, I was annoying just by even halfway being annoyed."

"So it was just a huge misunderstanding," said Zane. "Typical."

"So who's your older brother anyway?" asked Chazz.

"Oh…his name was Atticus," said Alexis.

"_Atticus?_" said Zane in shock. "No…not Atticus _Rhodes_ right?"

"Yes!" said Alexis. "You know him?"

"…Atticus Rhodes?" said Zane.

"Yes, Atticus Rhodes. He's my brother," said Alexis. "So you do know him, don't you?"

---ooo---

"HEY! IT'S ZANE!" yelled Atticus, bouncing up and down in the chair, ranting aimlessly, the general direction of the conversation heading toward Zane (he assumed). "Hey Zane? Guess what! I had a dram last night! It was cool! It had ice cream in it! What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Mines black raspberry! I LIKE PIE TOO! I like ice cream on pie too! I once had black raspberry ice cream on black raspberry pie and it taste weird! Hey, I just realized that our uniforms are white _and _blue? Shouldn't we be Obelisk Blue and White then? Hey, your hairs long! So's mine! We could be twins! Hey, what color socks are you wearing? Are they white? I never wear white! It's too boring! But then again, you're a pretty boring person! HA HA HA! Hey, how come we all have to wear these uniforms in the summer when it's really hot? Do you get hot easily? I _am _hot! WOOT! Hey, I bet the girls would go nuts if I take of my shirt! You should too! But then again, you probably wouldn't because your so boring! HA! Anyway, My horoscope said that I'm going to fall in love with a Scorpio! Are you a Scorpio? Because it would stink to fall in love with a guy who was boring! HA HA! Hey, isn't it kind o weird that my name starts with the first letter of the alphabet, and your name starts with the last? WE COULD BE TWINS! Or something like that…maybe. So seriously, what's your sock color? Boy, do I really want a cookie right now! C is for cookie, 'cause cookie starts with C…or something like that…anyway…what was I talking about? MY BRAIN'S ON FIRE! NOOGIE TIME!"

---ooo---

Zane just stood there, gapping.

"Zane?" asked Alexis. "Zane…Zane…hello?"

She waved her hand in front of his face. He didn't respond.

"Well…I feel a lot better now," said Alexis, exhaling. "Sorry to cause so much trouble for you guys…"

"Aw, whatever, it's not like I care," said Chazz.

"It…can't be…" said Zane. "Sure they look like each other but…it defies all logic."

"We probably should be getting back to class," said Alexis, getting up. "Let's get going guys!"

"Sure," said Chazz, also getting up, as Zane just sort of robotically turned around. "Well, we're going to be completely late by now, aren't we?"

"It'll all work out somehow," said Alexis, smiling the first genuine smile she had in awhile. "If not, then we'll make it work."

"Whatever," said Chazz. "Besides, a detention or two will up the Chazz's street cred!"

"Whatever you say Chazz…" said Alexis.

All three of them walked back to the school, as the sun streamed down on their backs, as for the first time, and Alexis's stomach unknotted to an almost blissful sense of relief. There was just the tiniest bit of weight of her chest from it. She was still utterly embarrassed from having weakness exposed so early in the game, but now, she felt that she was walking back with her head held just a little higher, and her step just a little stronger.

---ooo---

"Father Christopher," said a nun, walking into the private study of a minister who was looking to be in his late middle years. "Remember a Mr. Zane Truesdale, the one who sent us a letter regarding to our movements against 'The DaVinchi Code', saying that it would be wonder if we 'shut up and get over it'?"

"Yes?" asked the minister, turning around.

"Well…he sent us a letter begging us to excommunicate him…" said the nun, holding out the letter.

_**L33T B0I/IUZ PHIIN!**_

"HEY! ALEXIS! ZANE!" yelled Chazz, walking into the library, screaming at the top of his lungs, looking all around. "IF YOU TWO ARE GOING TO RUN OFF, AT LEAST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE-"

He suddenly stopped in horror, feeling the prickly hairs on the back of his head go even more prickly.

"Oh…no…"

Silence.

"I'm…in the library…aren't I?" he said, looking all around, eye twitching in horror, turning around. Yes…he saw them…staring at him…all of them…

Books.

"AH! I AM STANDING ON UNHOLY GROUND!" he yelled, quickly reaching into his coat pocket, and ripped out a vial of holy water, splashing it all over the ground in front of him in a huge cross, then jumping on top of it, sighing at the fact that he was in a safe spot.

"Darn, I used the last of it…" he said, looking at his vial. "Then I have no choice then. When these…_books _fall asleep, I'll make a break for-"

That's when he glanced at the ground to see the twice-told textbook (ALLITERATION POLICE!).

"Ah…one of your foolish numbers who's separated from the spawn!" yelled Chazz, reaching down for the book. "Finally…SOMETHING TO BURN!"

_Know your stars…know your stars…know your stars…_

"I'M CLEAN!" screamed Chazz, making a cross with his two pointer fingers.

_Chazz Princeton…he's so girly it's not funny!_

"WHAT?" yelled Chazz. "WHAT GARBAGE IS THIS? I'm not girly! Where the heck are you getting that from? I'M HARD CORE MACHO!"

_Chazz Princeton…is a whimp!_

"NOT TRUE!" said Chazz. "Oh, I see! YOU BOOKS! YOU'RE TRYING TO MESS WITH MY MIND!"

_Chazz Princeton…cries every time he watches Bambi._

"EVERYONE CRIES WHEN THEY WATCH BAMBI!" yelled Chazz. "Especially since everyone has watched it at least once when they're kids! It's practically a law!"

_Chazz Princeton…watches Bambi…_

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I'M NOT LISTENING!" yelled Chazz, covering his ears.

…_a lot…_

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, LALALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA-"

_Chazz Princeton…can hear us loud and clear…_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Chazz, running out of the room at the top of his lungs. "THAT'S IT! I HAVE DECLARED WAR ON THIS ENTIRE ROOM! EVERY SINGLE BOOK WILL DIE!"

_And now you know…Chazz Princeton…_

"I WILL EXCEPT NO BEGS FOR PEACE!" yelled Chazz, running out of the room, cackling insanely. "YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO AVOID YOUR FATE! NONE OF YOU WILL! BWA HA HA HA!

---ooo---

Zane: What?

Alexis: Hey guys! The next chapter's going to be really fun! Because it's open house at Duel Academy!

Chazz: WHAT? NO! I'M NOT READY!

Alexis: Won't it be fun to meet everyone's parents? I wonder what Chazz and Zane's parent are like!

Chazz: Wait…THAT MEANS WE'RE GOING TO MEET KAT AND JOKU'S PARENTS TOO! OH MY GOD!

Zane: Well, this will be interesting.

Alexis: Next time, 'The Apple Doesn't Fall Far'! See you!


	8. The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

I want mo-nee!

Congrats gang, we've made it to a whole other Word document on my computer! Good for us! Yay! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Alright, enough celebrating.

Sadly, now, officially, Yu-Gi-Oh is over. I thought I'd be a lot sadder than I am, but I guess overtime, I gradually managed to accept the fact that, yes, this was doomed to end, and…well, it didn't hurt. Though I am going to say, I'm going to miss the gang. Yugi, Joey, Tea, Tristan (sorta), Seto, Bakura, Serenity, Marik, The Doom Bikers, Noah, Ziggy and Leon…all gone. Ah well…it was fun. It really was. I gained a lot more than I lost from being a part of the rabid fandom (gazes off into the distance…) it's also kind of weird, because the show ended about the same time I finished my Sophomore year of high school…not that, in retrospect, makes it super-significant, but still…(gazes off again…)

Snapping out of it, everyone seemed to love the Atticus bit (it fits with my theory that everyone on the planet, great and small, loves Atticus), and now my mailbox is overflowing with 'WE WANT ATTICUS! GIVE US ATTICUS!' Not that I mind, he's one of my favorites to write. Shame it's going to take a bit for him to show up.

We can learn a lot about people (and fictional characters) by looking at their parents. We hate to admit it, but, unless under extreme circumstance, our parents are probably the closest beings to us as we'll ever get. Sometimes I write characters simply so I can give them a bizarre family. Sometimes, altering family backgrounds just a little bit so that a character's parents have aspects that are radically different from their children (and vice versa), or that are so painfully like their children it's not funny, can create enough shock value for something that's really…quite fun.

As a side rant, I think Zane tends to shoulders Seto Kaiba's legacy of being accused of having an eating disorder (along with this freaky thing that's popped up more than once about him being on a swim team. Shut up fangirls! The day he willingly takes off his shirt is the day I go to the psychiatrist!). I find my explanation much more plausible.

Oh yeah, Sam's older sibling was originally supposed to be a guy, but I switched it to a girl at virtually the last minute. Why? I can't even remember…probably because there are a surprising lack of older female siblings in the Anime world that are really worth it…or I'm just usually create my characters on pure whim. Oh, and in case any of you are wondering how she knows Kat, it's because both Sam and Kat are second years, so she's met Kat before at the last open house. Well, that's all!

Again, this chapter is so long it HURTS (_I _don't even recommend reading it in one sitting), but I couldn't find any sufficient place for a break, so…it's just a sickeningly long chapter. Ah… in consequence, lots of thing seem kind of rushed. And despite it, this chapter took forever to write, partially because it's a kajillion words long (well, six thousand something something actually...), partially because I've been lazy, partially because of finals, and partially because Fire Emblem finally came in the mail (insert fangirl squee).

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**The Apple Doesn't Fall Far**

"Well…I actually found that very enlightening!" said Alexis.

"Yes, I've always wondered what I should do if Keith Richards was ever spotted in my area…" said Zane, closing the notebook. "Though I still have no idea what any of it had to do with card safety."

"Well, come to think of it, the purpose of this class in general sort of slips my mind…" said Alexis. "I think it's just a chance to show off the fact that Duel Academy is an equal opportunity employer."

"AND THAT'S WHY YEH CAN'T TRUST BADGERS EITHER!" yelled Mr. Hurtz the pseudo-Scotsman said (ALLITERATION POLICE!)

"WOW! THAT WAS QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST BORING LESSON I'VE EVER HEARD!" yelled Chazz. "My brain is about to explode from how mind-bendingly STUPID that was! I swear, I've yawned so much in the span of one period, I may need my jaw wired together!"

"You didn't listen to a single word he said, did you?" said Alexis.

"No, why?" asked Chazz.

"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

SLAM!

Suddenly, Alexis, Zane, and Chazz, nearly jumped out of their chair in horror when, soaring from behind them, Kat leapt up in the air, and dive bombed right back down, in her outstreatched hands held…a tray of brownies. After landing on Zane's desk tray down, smashing her entire body-weight into the desks, she did a back flip of it, landing gracefully in front of the desk.

Silence.

"Those are brownies," said Alexis.

"Eat them," said Kat.

"Finally, you're Rotten Ra carcass finds it's niche in society," said Chazz reaching for one of the brownies, as he got his chair leg kicked out from under him, causing him to fall backwards.

"NOT YOU!" she yelled at the top of her lung, kicking the legs out of Chazz's chair, sending him falling backwards, an instant afterward pointing a finger at Zane, as Chazz screamed in anger. "HIM!"

"What? Why?" asked Alexis, quickly drawing her hand back.

"Because I want to see for myself if this man really _does _eat!" yelled Kat, putting herself down at Zane's eyelevel (which didn't take much). "Now…EAT THEM!"

"Dare I ask?" said Zane.

"Yes, I am single, but I'm not desperate, so scrub off," said Kat.

"_No_, may I ask why you want to force-feed me?" asked Zane.

"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS!" screamed Kat, causing a few glances toward their direction, as did usually happen when Kat's voice got to 'that tone'. "You look like one of those wicked-thin kids from a developing country! I could probably wrap two fingers around the thickest part of your leg! I AM SICK OF LOOKING AT A MAN WHO STARVES HIMSELF! NOW EAT THE BROWNIES!"

Silence.

"So it's come to this…" said Zane, staring at the brownie tray. "This is how said I really look, isn't it? I can't believe it. I really can't."

"What are…either of you talking about?" asked Chazz, using the edge of his desk to pull himself to his feet.

"I'm one of those people who's metabolism is so high, it's scary…" said Zane. "I don't get it…I was six feet halfway through middle school…and I _can't gain weight_."

"That's no problem!" said Alexis. "Most people would die to be like that! Just eat a little more, and your fine!"

"That's the problem…" said Zane. "I probably eat twice as much as anyone else in my family…and I can't get higher than a twenty-eight inch waist…I can even drop to a twenty-six or lower when I don't keep it in check…"

_Lucky jerk…_thought Chazz, tears welling up in his eyes.

"What are you talking about? You're pretty skinny too, anorexic boy," said Kat.

"HEY! THE SCRIPT WAS ITALICIZED! I WAS THINKING!" yelled Chazz.

"Oh…my bad," said Kat. "Well in that case, you just have to break the scale so it weigh's ten pounds extra! That's what I did to Sam's scale, just to hear the little squeaky cries she makes every time she weighs herself!"

"YOU WHAT?" yelled Sam from the other end of the room.

"Ha ha ha _ha ha ha…_" laughed Professor Banner as his voice grew progressively evil, as he walked into the room, as Professor Hurtz continued to rant as he left the platform. "Hello children! Sorry to interrupt the class…I'm just here to remind you that this weekend is Duel Academy Open House!"

"OH GOD, NO!" screamed Akiro at the top of his lungs, his chair falling from behind him as he sprang up, gripping the sides of his head, as his eyes dialated in supreme horror, the volume of his voice on the level that risks causing sound pollution. In response, almost all eyes turned to him, and for a moment, there was absolute silence. Then, very slowly, he picked up his chair, adjusted it to the right distance from his desk, and quietly sat down, as if nothing had happened.

"That being said," said Banner cheerfully, stroking his cat, Pharaoh (who sincerely wished to die at that particular moment), "This is a very special time in Duel Academy, and I'm sure that everyone's very excited to meet each other's parents. So I want all of you to be on your best behavior…_or your blood shall be the price…_"

"DON'T OPEN THEM!" screamed several students, shutting their eyes tight, and throwing their arms in front of their faces.

"Ah ha ha ha…of course I won't!" said Professor Banner. "Unless of course _you deserve to be punished._"

"NO! WE'LL BE GOOD!" screamed several, putting up pathetic smiles to convince him.

"It's Open House already?" said Zane. "Oh well…I suppose it's getting to be that time."

"You're kidding…you're bloody kidding…" said Chazz weakly.

"What's the matter Chazz?" asked Alexis. "Are your parents creeps or embarrassing or something?"

"No, _they're _fine, aside from the fact that both of them are terminally stupid," said Chazz. "It's my…BROTHERS I'm worried about."

"What? Are they jerks?" asked Alexis.

"THAT'S PROBABLY THE BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!" yelled Chazz. "They're not jerks, they're INHUMAN!"

"That being said, from my experience with older siblings, they usually don't want to come to the school when it's having an open house," said Alexis. "You'll be fine Chazz."

"Let's hope so…" said Chazz.

"Still, I think that with our batch, we're going to have a crazy batch of parents-" said Alexis.

"OH! WAIT! I just realized something!" yelled Chazz, cutting her off. "WHAT THE HECK ARE _JOKU'S _PARENTS LIKE?" I bet they're carnies or…circus freaks or…LIBRARIANS…or…"

"Normal people like you and I?" asked Zane.

"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS ZACK!" yelled Chazz.

"Zane. I'm _Zane_," said Zane angrily.

"AWRIGHT!" yelled Kat at the top of her lungs. "I get to introduce all of you FILTHY OBELISK SCUM to my wicked awesome POWAH PARENTS! MADLY COOL!"

"Please don't tell me I'm too late to prevent anything stupid!" said Sam, digging her heel into the floor as she skidded to a halt in front of the desks. "Figures, I go to my locker to get a pen and-SO THAT'S WHERE THE BROWNIES WENT TO!"

"Did I mention that I can't cook worth squat?" said Kat, as everyone in front of her sweat dropped.

"YOU IDIOT!" yelled Sam, grabbing Kat by the throat.

"It's okay Sam! It's only brownies!" said Alexis, trying to stop Sam from crushing Kat's windpipe.

"I know it looks innocent," said Sam, letting Kat go with a forceful shove. "That's how it always starts. Last December, it started with a few paperclips, it ended with six people in the hospital!"

"Wow," said Zane.

"I'm Joku," said Joku, floating around on an umbrella like something from Mary Poppins.

---ooo---

"And so the days past with very little interesting occurrences within the lives of our heroes," said a 16th century Shakesperian looking narrator, sitting on a huge, red, futon chair in the middle of a well-stocked library, holding a huge book that had 'Our Story' printed on it in big, fancy letters, as a fire crackled in the frame of view. "A lack of incidences seemed to riddle the week of the upcoming open house, save for a few, extremely brief periods of mild interest, such as-"

---ooo---

"I'm Joku," said Joku to Sam as he stood next to her desk, wearing a small, floral bikini, as Sam's eyes were bugging out of their sockets.

---ooo---

"-as well as-" continued the narrator.

---ooo---

"Oh come on Sam, I think I look good in this color!" said Kat, her hair died and electric blue with green streaks in it, as Sam looked at her with a severe eye twitch in her right eye.

---ooo---

"-and of course-" continued to narrator.

---ooo---

"Don't jump Sam, it's not that bad," said Akiro, as Sam stared glassy-eyed out of the window to the classroom, as Kat and Joku walked around wearing identical kilts and Scottish berets, totting huge bagpipes, which they both played random, jumbled tunes, as Jo sat in the back holding up a huge sign that says 'Everyone Ignores Me', which, of course, everyone ignored.

---ooo---

"But putting that aside, things slowly began to progress," said the narrator. "So let's skip to the big night itself…the night…of…"

After making a pathetic at being dramatic, he was promptly crushed by a sixteen ton weight that said 'OPEN HOUSE' on it.

---ooo---

"Wow! I can't believe the big night's come already!" said Alexis, standing under a banner in the doorway of the school that originally said 'Welcome Duck Enthusiasts', but 'Duck Enthusiasts' was crossed out, and was replaced with 'Parents' in bright, red letter over it. "Well, I'm ready for the onslaught of insanity…oh! Hi Zane!"

"Evening," said Zane unenthusiastically, walking as if he really didn't care anymore (which he didn't). His attitude seemed directly opposite of everyone else's, who were eagerly bustling by, often with a few parents in tow, all around the school.

"Wow Zane, calm down," said Alexis sarcastically. "I don't get it. Shouldn't you be at least moderately excited that your parents are coming?"

"Why?" said Zane. "This happens every year. It's not like it's never going to happen again. Besides, it's not that huge of an ordeal anyway."

"Oh come on!" said Alexis. "This is when you get to show your parents your school, how everything's changed…really, this is a great excuse to bring your parents to school! I mean everyone's excited! Look, Joku's so excited he's wearing the _boys'_ uniform for once!"

She pointed to Joku, who stood there with a dull, blank expression on his face, as if he was pretending to be a statue. However, he was, indeed, not wearing womens clothing, man skirts, or anything but a common Ra Yellow boy's uniform.

"Yes, he looks like he's just overflowing with joy," said Zane, as Joku tipped over, and fell to the ground like a stiff board. "The only thing I'm halfway looking forward to is the sweet sound of an elongated period of time when Chazz isn't whining about how much he hates the entire concept of this entire day."

"IT'S THE OBELISK SCUM AND LEXI!"

"God! Why do you have to be so rude?"

"Hi Kat, hi Sam," said Alexis, not needing to turn around to know the voices of the two Ra girls as they walked up. "I'm guessing your parents aren't here yet?"

"NOPE! Not yet!" said Kat.

"Oh…my parents aren't coming," said Sam. "They're busy…but my sister is! She'll be here pretty soon too!"

"I CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE THEM BEAT ZANE UP!" said Kat, throwing a few punches at empty air, as well as a few kick-boxing moves, her face twisted in a homicidal smile. "Oh yeah! It's going to be the highlight of the evening! I call a shot at his legs though! WOOT!"

"I'm going to get the tranquilizers," said Sam, turning to the Ra dorm. "I'll be back in a few."

"Okay, see you Sam!" said Alexis, as Sam ran off toward the Ra dorms. However, her presence was quickly replaced by the sulking, angry presense of Chazz, who's face suggested that all who listened were going to get the most acidic snide comments that he could muster.

"Evening Chazz," said Zane.

"Oh my God! You're right! It _is _evening!" yelled Chazz, looking around. "Holy cow Zane! You're observation skills are truly superior! Now I _know _why your head student! If I could, I would curtsy!"

Told you.

"Okay, what happened?" said Alexis.

"ALL OF YOU WERE BORN!" yelled Chazz.

"No Chazz…why are you upset?" said Alexis.

"Refer to the previous!" yelled Chazz.

"You're brothers are coming, aren't they?" said Zane, giving Chazz a pensive look.

"NO, THEY AREN'T, THANK GOD!" yelled Chazz.

"So why are you upset then?" asked Zane. "Are your parents coming, and you just don't feel like walking around?"

"NO!" said Chazz. "For your information FREAKYWHITEWEARINGGOTHICKID, they decided that they just happened to be busy tonight, so they SKIPPED OUT!"

"I thought you said that they were stupid and you didn't care if they came or not!" said Alexis.

"THEY ARE! AND I DON'T!" said Chazz.

"Then why are you miserable?" asked Alexis.

"Because you're all a bunch of idiots!" yelled Chazz.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Chazz," said Zane. "Forgive me and my miniscule brain particles. I'll just go solve a Rubik's Cube and read the Encyclopedia Britannica."

"Well…it seems that our friend is immovable at somewhat of a shortcoming …" said Kat, tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully.

Everyone stared at her in amazement.

"If any of you are wondering where I learned that, I heard Sam say it!" said Kat, as everyone sweatdropped. "DON'T WORRY SPAZZEROO! I have the perfect resolution for your particular quandary! Again, FROM SAM!"

"Big…words…" said Chazz, looking like he was stuck in a brain freeze.

"FOR TONIGHT, I HEREBY DUB AND SUBDUB YE HONARARY SPAZZ-HEAD CHAZZO TILLIAN!" said Kat, pointing at Chazz. "This night, and this night alone, you are a member of the Tillian family, and my very own little brother!"

"EXCUSE ME?" yelled Chazz. "No way! No flipping way! I have enough trouble living under the same last name of two older siblings/genetic experiments gone wrong! I don't need to play younger sibling to some hormone-enhanced madwoman with an eye twitch and spiked heels!"

"TOO BAD!" screamed Kat, grabbing Chazz roughly around the neck, dragging his head right up next to her. "YOU NEED A P0W4H N00G13!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH YOU WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" yelled Chazz, as he got a fist dug into his head and rubbed _hard_ by an overly zealous Kat, who was cackling wildly as she drove her fist up and down Chazz's scalp. Chazz was wildly flailing in her grasp, but it was to no avail. Kat's grip was like a vice.

"You know, just as some people aren't meant to be parents, some people aren't meant to be siblings," said Zane, as Chazz was screaming a few choice words, which only caused Kat to rub harder.

"You don't say…" said Alexis.

"ALRIGHT! THIS IS A HOLDUP! HANDS IN THE AIR!"

Everyone whirled around behind them to see what looked like something from a very bad movie, consisting of a young couple, both holding up a pair of bazooka cannons at the gang. The man looked like a cross between a pro-wrestler and a Monster Truck Driver from Jersey with a huge, red Mohawk. The lady of the team was a woman who was wearing an outfit that was similar to Mai Valentines, with a black, skin-tight micro mini, thigh high spiked boots, a tube top with a black leather jacket on top, and a roman cross dangling lightly from a black ribbon choker.

"Alright…well, I said this was a stickup!" yelled the man in a very gruff, masculine voice. "Come on, hands up, hands up…ah…that's better!"

Everyone quickly scrambled to put their hands up in the air, even Kat, who reluctantly put Chazz down, who snarled angrily, and too, very gingerly, put up his.

"Good…I love it when they cooperate…" said the woman. "Now then. Hand over all of your valuables…come on, bunch them all together. That kid over there can give it to us…the spazzy scrub brush, Chia Pet thing…"

Chazz nodded smugly at Zane.

"She means you bonehead," said Zane flatly.

"No way!" said Kat, throwing down her arms in anger. "I don't care what anyone says! I don't car how big your guns are! I don't care that you have enough fire power to completely rearrange my sub-atomic structure-"

"Kat?" asked Zane.

"Yes I am," continued Kat. "ANYWAY! But when you pick on innocent, defenseless spazzwads…YOU CROSS THE LINE! Time to get a taste of-"

"Kat! Don't be stupid!" yelled Alexis.

"Blondy over there has a point," said the guy. "Go on kid…give us your best shot…and we'll give you-"

"Mom? Dad?" asked Josephina from the top of the steps to Duel Academy, with a combination of a pensive look and a severe stare, as if she had seen this before, but didn't condone it any less. "I thought you said you weren't going to do that kind of thing anymore!"

"JO-JO!" said the man, dropping the cannon like weapon on the ground like a rock, as his female friend quickly did the same. "Aw, look at you! Come down here and give your old man a hug!"

"Oh sweetie, you look so grown up in your uniform!" said the woman, opeing her arms wide as Josephina quickly rushed down to meet the two of them. "My baby…my baby's going to be an adult soon!"

"Wha...wha…" said Chazz, as virtually everyone's eyes opened wide, as well as their mouths, as Josephina ran down and threw herself into her parents arms, not being able to believe what they saw. Even Zane looked a little off color.

"WHOA! Someone took a dip in the wrong gene pool!" said Kat.

"Yeah," said Aleixis. "This is defiantly surprising new evidence in the nature vs. nurture debate."

"HA HA! Just look at you Jo!" said the man, assumingly Josephina's father, giving her a pat on the back. "You've grown since I've last saw you! A good two millimeters, I think!"

"Thank you Dad!" said Josephina.

"One day Jo-Jo, you're going to crack six feet!" said her presumable mother.

"Yes…thank you Mom…" said Josephina, even though she doubted it with every fiber of her 5'4" being.

"Oh, so are these your friends then?" said the man, pointing to the others, who frantically shook their heads yes.

"Um, yes…you see-" Josephina started.

"OF COURSE WERE HER FRIENDS!" said Kat, springing out from behind her, causing her to shriek at the top of her lungs. "Anyone who hurts Josie has to go through me!"

"…Josie?" asked the couple simultaneously.

"Um, well…actually…" said Josephina.

"Well that's great!" said the man, slapping Kat on the back. "Jo needs some good, strong friends who have the rage and social sophistication of a homicidal ax maniac and the brains of the gunk that floats around in pickle jars!"

"Well, Dad, she-ah, she-" Josephina tried.

"THANK YOU DUDE!" said Kat. "I'll be the best friend that I can be forever and ever and ever and ever!"

"But-" Josephina tried.

"Come on Jo!" said her Dad, as the two of them affectionately dragged her with them into the school. "Let's go and meet all of your teachers!"

"There goes the most miserable woman alive," said Alexis, watching as Jo and the couple were taken into the school. "Poor girl…she's probably about as enthusiastic about these days as Zane is."

"HA HA! ZANE'S NOT HAPPY! ZANE'S NOT HAPPY!" said Chazz in a very mocking, nasal sounding voice, pointing a finger at Zane and cackling maliciously at the top of his lungs.

"It's amazing how much pleasure you find in other people's pain," said Zane.

"So why aren't you happy about today anyway?" asked Alexis. "Is it that your parents couldn't make it?"

"No, they said they'd make it," said Zane. "It's just that…contradictory to popular opinion, I'm not the favorite in the family."

"They don't like you?" asked Alexis.

"Oh no, they like me and Syrus equally to the best of my knowledge," said Zane. "It's just that…they brought my Grandmother…"

"And she _doesn't_," said Alexis.

"Oh yes, very much so," said Zane. "Though to be honest, I'm not too worried."

"Why not?" asked Alexis.

"Five words," said Zane. "Memory's the first to go."

"THERE YOU ARE SYRUS!" yelled a very little old lady, well stooped with age, making her look much shorter than she already was, as she hobbled over on her cane toward the group at a relatively fast pace. As she got closer to Zane, the differences in their heights became almost comical.

"I'm _Zane _Grandma," said Zane, in a somewhat loud tone of voice.

"Don't be ridiculous Syrus!" said the elderly woman affectionately. "I know the difference between my darling, adorable little grandson and that SIX FOOT TWO, MUTANT, INDIGO HAIRED, ILLEGITAMATE KAISER FREAK!"

"I see it more as a cross between cobalt and aqua myself but…" said Zane

"I LOVE YOU MOTHER TRUESDALE!" said Chazz happily.

"Shut up Spazz," said Zane.

"OH! ZANE!" said a middle aged woman in a sweater and knee-length skirt, followed by a man in pants and a white dress shirt toward the others…both of whom were just barely over 5'5". "Sorry Zane honey, she didn't-"

"No, thank god for memory loss," said Zane, waving it away, as everyone just stared in shock at how Zane turned out so…tall. Well, tall in comparison to both halves of his genome, as hugs and handshakes were exchanged within the group.

"…What?" asked Zane, as everyone stared at him.

"Oh, are these your friends?" asked the main, pointing to the rest of the gang.

"Well…a solid majority," said Zane.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WITH THESE STENUOUS GLITCHES IN THE GENE POOL?" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs. "I mean, here's a biology question! How does short with black hair (Mr. Truesdale) and short with brown hair (Mrs. Truesdale), make TALL WITH CONFORKING BLUE HAIR (Monkeyboy Truesdale)?"

Silence, as the family gave each other an awkward look.

"IT'S THE INBREED!" screamed the elderly woman, as Syrus screamed in horror in the distance and ran away as fast as his little legs could carry him, the old woman in hot pursuits.

"Sorry, I'll catch up with you later," said Zane blankly, following his parents on their mad scramble to keep a single old woman from tearing the school asunder.

Silence.

"Well…that's…interesting…" said Alexis.

"Oh, hello Kat dear…" said a calm but strong, almost regal-sounding voice, as a tall, thin, graceful looking woman with silver gray hair that was an identical color to Samantha's walked up to the gang, wearing a jacket, calf-length skirt, white shirt, and a gentle smile. "How have you been?"

"Been fine Ms. Anika!" said Kat, saluting, slinging her arm around Chazz throat and dragging her right next to her.

"Oh, are you Sam's Mom?" asked Alexis, remembering that Sam's last name was Anika.

"No dear, Sam's parents could come. I'm her older sister, Elizabeth," said the woman, giving Alexis a friendly smile. "Nice to meet you…miss…"

"Alexis! Alexis Rhodes!" said Alexis, extending a hand, which the woman shook with a light but firm grip. "It's nice to meet you."

"Oh, Kat dear, is that your boyfriend?" said Elizabeth, pointing to Chazz, whose pupils dilated.

"NEVER! NEVER! NOT EVEN IF I WAS PAID!" yelled Chazz, flailing in Kat's arms.

"Don't be ridiculous Beth!" said Kat, strangling Chazz a little more. "I'd never date OBELISK SCUM! He's my honorary little brother!"

This caused Chazz to gag and flail about a little more.

"So where's Sam?" asked Elizabeth politly to Kat.

"Oh, she said that she was going to be back soon!" said Kat cheerily.

"I'll wait here then!" said Elizabeth sweetly, standing next to Kat and a flailing Chazz.

_Wow…she looks and acts like a diplomat…she's even polite to _Kat_ of all people _thought Alexis to herself. _I guess I can see where Sam gets her mature, level-headed, composed side…when Kat isn't pushing her buttons._

"Kat, I couldn't find anything to calm you down," said Sam, walking back to the front of the school. "So your just going to have to try to keep-"

"IT'S MY SAMMY SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" the woman suddenly screamed in a sing-song voice, suddenly disregarding the fact that she was wearing high heels, and charged over to Sam, who nearly fell over in shock of having her sister's body, which was much bigger than hers, thrown on top of her. She was then scooped up off her feet and nearly strangled in a bone crushing hug.

_And the other half too…_thought Alexis.

"I LOVE MY SAMMY SAM SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!" said Elizabeth energetically, squeezing even tighter, as Sam had to take huge, gasping breaths to keep in enough air as her sister shook her from sheer joy.

"I…love…you…too…" Sam managed to say on shallow breaths.

"OH! SAY IT AGAIN!" squealed Elizabeth.

"I love…you…" Sam said, nearly suffocating on every word. This caused Elizabeth to squeal even more, slamming her face next to Sam and nuzzling her like a new mother and her toddler child.

"Is she…um…" Alexis faltered.

"She's got a sister complex in the worst kind of way!" said Kat with a smile.

"LET GO OF ME YOU IDIOT!" yelled Chazz to Kat.

"Oh…I see…" said Alexis.

"COME ON SAMMY!" said Elizabeth, still dragging Sam behind her as if she was nothing more than a rag doll. "Let's go and see all of your wonderful teachers!"

As the deranged twenty-something year old ran off, dragging Sam behind her, the others just sort of stared as they ran by.

"Wow…that's just…" said Alexis said awkwardly.

"Psst! Alexis!"

Alexis turned absentmindedly to the direction of the voice, trying to ignore Chazz's angry hisses, to find that the source of it was actually…a bush. Well, not the bush itself, mind you, it was just that Akiro hiding in the bushes.

"Uh…what are you doing?" asked Alexis, giving the bush a curious look.

"I'm a trans-kingdomal organism wanting to become a bush," said Akiro sarcastically. "WHAT THE HECK DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING! I'm hiding! I'm hiding darnit!"

"Hiding?" asked Alexis. "What the heck are you hiding from?"

"Jeez, what would be the only thing a sane human being hide from on parents day?" said Akiro.

"Oh come on," said Alexis, in an almost condoning tone of voice. "Compared to everything, and I mean _everything _we've seen so far, they can't possibly be something that deserves to be hidden from."

"Hello!" said a cheerful, high-pitched voice from behind Alexis, causing both her and Akiro to scream at the top of their lungs. The voice actually turned out to belong to a little girl with strawberry blonde hair that was tied back in pigtails, blue eyes, and a happy smile on her face.

"Ah…hello…" said Alexis. "Sorry…you scared me."

"I'm Becca!" said Becca cheerfully. "I'm Akiro's ten-year-old sister, and everyone says my most redeeming quality is that I'm perpetually happy!"

"Becca, get out of here!" yelled Akiro. "Mom and Dad will see you! And then they'll know I'm here and-"

"THERE YOU ARE AKIRO!" said a middle aged women in a dress tuxedo (the real thing, not a cheep rent-a-tux), with hair that was about the same color as Becca's cut to about her chin. Unfortunately, one couldn't easily tell this, because her head was covered with a space helmet. "Are you hiding in shrubbery again? You're so naughty!"

"MOM! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO WEAR WOMEN'S CLOTHING TO SOCIAL GATHERINGS?" yelled Akiro angrily, as Alexis just slowly backed away. "Oh please, please please please tell me that dad isn't wearing-"

"Have you found Akiro hon?" asked a middle aged man, walking up in a long, sweeping, purple ballroom dress that had AKiro's brown hair and wirey figure (making him look ever so attractive).

"OKAY! LET'S WAIT OVER HERE!" yelled Kat, dragging Chazz away (not the supreme mistress of tact) to another part of the front. "Well Lex, looks like it's only you, me, and Chazzero Tillian!"

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT!" yelled Chazz, with one violent nudge in Kat's ribs, finally broke free from her restraint. "I am not doing this anymore! Of every single person I've met in my entire life, YOU are the living reason why I'm one hundred percent supportive of human euthanasia! WHAT FOUL, DEMENTED HUMANS HAD TO MEET TO CREATE SOMETHING AS LOW, DEVIANT, AND GENETICALLY INFERIOR AS YOU?"

"Them!" said Kat, pointing behind Chazz to a couple and two young men, all who were very tall, all who were very muscular, and all who looked like they had a very sincere wish to beat the living hormones out of Chazz.

"Eh…heh heh…" said Chazz awkwardly, backing off slightly, as Alexis was already thinking of a plan to grab Chazz and drag him away through the nearest escape route. "You must be Mr. and Mrs. Tillain…"

"Allow me to introduce you to them!" said Kat, throwing a falsely friendly arm around Chazz, as the four all began to crack their knuckles eagerly. "This is Mom and Dad, and these two are the older uga-boy brothers."

"Hey, who's this pipsqueak with the eye-twitch Kat?" asked one of the older brothers.

"Can we pound him to bacon mist?" asked the other one.

"No, no!" said Kat. "I wanted that job! Besides…THIS POOR SPAZZ IS A TEMPORARY MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY OF TILLIAN! Say hello…to the honorary Chazz Tillian!"

"BWA HA HA HA HA!" screamed the huge, patriarchal male, laughing his head off, as if Kat said that she was actually a small pineapple that inhabits northern parts of Barcelona. "You're kidding right? There's no way in heck that we could possibly even _pretend _to be related to _that_!"

"Yeah!" said the woman. "He would be the one that gets killed of in Kindergarten back in Montpellier!"

"Too true!" said Kat. "However, the two who spawned him aren't coming, and being such a generous person, I have decided through my infinite charity to allow Chazz to join our ranks temporarily!"

"Aw, you always were the nice one Kat!" said one of the Uga-Boy Brothers.

_WHAT?_ screamed Chazz in his head.

"Even if you were the ugly one!" said the other Uga-Boy Brother.

"Well at least people can tell the difference between my face and my butt!" yelled Kat back angrily, kicking the man in the side.

"Well at least I have a brain in my head and not in my butt!" yelled the Uga-Boy Brother back.

"SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?"

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?"

"YEAH! _YOU'RE _THE UGLY ONE!"

"_I'M _THE UGLY ONE! YOUR BOTH SO UGLY THAT THE DOCTOR WAS SUED WHEN YOU WERE BORN!"

"Wow…I'm touched…" said Alexis, as she turned to take her leave, deciding that Chazz was in no real danger, since it seemed Like Kat's attention was going to be firmly glued in her attempt to knock the lights out of her two older brothers, as would her older brothers to her. However, she noticed that whenever Chazz tried to sneak away (which was quite often), someone would grab him and drag him back into the mêlée.

"A-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX-IS!"

Alexis new that peculiar call anywhere.

"MOM! Hi!" said Alexis, waving her over to her and away from the crowds of insanity that were now plaguing the school grounds. Her mom had the exact same length of hair as Alexis, except it was very dark brown; she was at a decent height (except a few inches shorter than Alexis), and she had a blissful, one would almost go as far as saying goofy, expression on her face. "Hey, where's dad?"

"…I don't know!" she said.

"You _don't know_?" Alexis said in horror.

"NOPE!" she said. "I just kind of…lost him."

Silence.

"Lost him?" Alexis asked flatly.

"Yep!" she said.

"How, per chance, did you lose him?" asked Alexis, sensing yet another amazing story starting to brew from the infinite adventures of her mother.

"Well, I don't know really…" said her mother, cocking her head back to think, her fingers under her chin. "Lets see…um…come to think of it…it's all kind of blurry after the seventh cup of espresso and-"

"Never mind…sounds more like he lost you," said Alexis. "It's okay just…stay with me, and let's go talk to Dr. Crowler, okay?"

---ooo---

"Wow…that was about ten thousand times more exhausting than I thought it was going to be…" said Alexis, collapsing in one of the chair set up in the court yard (now the refreshment area), as the crowds slowly began to die off as Open House started to wind down. "Oh well…it went well, the teachers said nice things, Mom's back with dad…mission accomplished. One down, two to go-OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

Her attention was turned to Zane, who was walking into the scene looking like he had survived something that would have killed any normal man. His face was completely covered in red patches that were slowly turning into bruises, one of his arms seemed to be at an askew angle, and he had a pronounced limp in his left leg. His face was in it's usual stoicism-wreathed freeze, but something about the way he looked at her mad Alexis think _I may be goin' down kiddo, but I'm takin' a couple dozen down with me._

"She finally figured out who you were, huh?" said Alexis.

"Yes…" said Zane flatly, almost sadly.

Silence.

"I at least have the pleasure that I will get her funeral invitation a few years down the line," said Zane flatly.

"Not if she kills you first," said Alexis.

"Where's my OTCs?" muttered Zane, on a search for his arsenal of aspirin and other legal drugs.

"ALRIGHT! THAT WAS AWESOME!" said Kat, walking up to Alexis, her arm in a sling, with what looked suspiciously like a black eye beginning to form over her right eye. "THAT WAS THE BEST BATTLE EVAH! And scratch one victory for the POWA4H L4D33!"

"…you didn't get to talk to a single teacher, did you?" asked Alexis.

"NO WAY!" said Kat, giving Alexis a thumbs up, as Zane was reaching through a hole in a nearby tree.

"So…did Chazz make out okay?" asked Alexis.

Silence, as Zane triumphantly pulled out a Family Sized ibuprofen bottle.

"Yes," said Kat, trying to put on a straight face.

"He didn't, did he?" said Alexis.

"If I say yes, will I be in trouble?" asked Kat, as Zane opened the bottle, and began to shake a few pills into his hand.

"…where is he Kat?" asked Alexis.

"I have no idea," said Kat, once again putting on a very bad lying face, as Zane popped the few pills into his mouth, and began to shake out a couple more.

"Where _is _he Kat?" asked Alexis, in a slightly more dangerous tone.

"Wow! I've never noticed that it's _blue _before!" said Kat, pointing up at the sky, as a stream of pills was beging to spill over Zane's hands.

"_Where is he Kat_?" said Alexis darkly.

"Not in that bush!" said Kat, pointing to a bush, as Alexis ran over the second after she said it, expecting to find Chazz's twisted corpse somewhere in the center of the bush, as she frantically began to tear through the bush.

"Hey Alexis," said Chazz, walking up behind her, as Alexis whirled around to see that he was completely unharmed, no bruises, no scratches…nothing. "Why are you trying to kill that bush?"

Silence.

"Okay...I officially have no faith in body language anymore," said Alexis.

"Shoving your useless female rambling aside," said Chazz, as Kat balled her hand in a fist. "The only thing I really regret is the fact that I never got to see Joku's parents! I guess they just didn't-"

"It was so nice to see you again Joku!" said a woman with short, black hair to the left side of Joku, wearing a gentle smile on her face, as a dark brown haired man stood on his right side, both looking absolutely normal in every way. "It's always so sad to see you go off to school…"

"Well, it seems like your doing a good job so far," said the man. "Keep up the good work son."

"I'm Joku…" Joku said.

"NO WAY!" screamed Chazz, rushing over to the trio, skidding to a halt in the pavement right in front of the three. "NO WAY! ABSOULULTY…NO…WAY!"

There was a silence, as Chazz panted frantically, and the three all stared at him as if he was going to suddenly start foaming at the mouth and jump at their throats.

"Um…are you okay?" the woman asked.

"ARE YOU MRS. ZOKIDA!" asked Chazz.

"Yes, why?" asked the woman.

"And you're Mr. Zokida?" said Chazz, pointing an accusing finger at the man.

"Yes…" said the man.

Silence.

"NO! NO WAY!" screamed Chazz. "You don't even _look _like him! How can you possibly be his parents!"

"CHAZZ! STOP BEING SPAZZY!" yelled Alexis.

"I'M NOT BEING SPAZZY!" yelled Chazz. "I'm just in shock on how much the gene pool has gone awry!"

"Are…you sick or something?" asked the woman to Chazz.

"You have no idea…" said Alexis, walking up to the group, grabbing Chazz by his largest spike of hair, and dragging him away (making sure that it was an incredibly painful trip). "Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Zokida. Have a nice evening."

"IT'S NOT RIGHT! IT'S NOT RIGHT I TELL YOU!" yelled Chazz. "SOMEONE SWITCHED THE BASINETS! IT'S A TEST TUBE BABY GONE WRONG! AH, LET GO OF ME, DARNIT! THEY'RE NOT HUMAN! I BET THEY'RE NOT HIS BIOLOGICAL PARENTS! I BET HIS _REAL _PARENTS ARE SPAWNING AS WE SPEAK! THEY'RE NOT-"

"What's wrong with _that _kid dear?" Mrs. Zokida asked Joku, as the trio began to walk around the campus.

"Dunno Mom…he's just plain nuts…" said Joku flatly.

---ooo---

Jaden: WOOT! NEXT TIME IT'S A 'THOSE CRAZY SLIFERS' DAY!

Syrus: WHAT! NO! I'M NOT READY! AND I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT ADVANCING A STORYLINE!

Bastian: Well…technically, this is actually a pathetic attempt to somehow get me into the storyline.

Jaden: NO IT'S NOT! IT'S A 'THOSE CRAZY SLIFERS' DAY! A 'THOSE CRAZY SLIFERS' DAY, DARNIT!

Akiro: Well actually, it's a special edition of 'Who Cares About Your Opinion', not all of this nonsense that you fools bring to the table.

Chumely: No it's not!

Akiro: Yes it is. End of story.

Chumely: WHO DIED AND MADE YOU THE KING OF THIS STORY?

Akiro: Shirlanka-San.

Syrus: ARG! She's dead? NOOOOOOO!

Jaden: Wait…if she's dead…then who's writing this now?

Syrus: Uh…aliens?

Jaden: SWEET!

Akiro: I was kidding idiots.

Bastian: Next time, it's 'Those Crazy Slifers: Nerd on Campus'. HEY! I'M NOT A NERD!

Jaden: SEE? I TOLD YOU IT WAS A-

Akiro: Oh, shut up.


	9. Those Crazy Slifers: Nerd On Campus

B34TD0WN 5UX0RZ!

I did it again! I can't believe it! I misspelt 'Chumley'! Honestly! What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I spell these darn characters' names right? HONESTLY! I am very thankful that it has been proving that there is no link between spelling and intelligence, because with the state of mine, I'd be dropped down to drool monkey!

Fire Emblem is fun! The thing is that I bout 'Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones' first, and it tended to be a little more happy and upbeat than its predecessor, but at the same time, gut-wrenchingly and sad moments aren't there, which can be both a good or an ill thing, depending on what you like in a game. Of course, both the upside and the downside of this game series is that it's designed to make you fall in love with all the characters, more so even than the 'Final Fantasy' series. So if anything halfway bad happens to them, you can't help but burst into tears. And from what I've seen, I'm sure there are going to be a couple I like who aren't going to have happy endings. That's probably the only thing that makes me sad about this game; the fact that it starts out as such a happy game, but gets progressively sad. It almost seems like a reverse of a typical game, whereas they usually start sad, and become more upbeat as the story progresses, or at least keep to the usual mood, but this one just starts happy, then the mood just feels a little sadder (sort of like this paragraph). It's very weird…oh yeah, and I'd really like to figure out how old everyone is, because _none_ of them look their ages (and I want sure I'm not setting up underage romances with them…heh, sometimes I really take these things too seriously).

And does any of that have to do with _anything _in the story? No. Of course not.

One thing I've noticed is that when I get writer's block, it's very selective. Namely, I can't think of writing anything good for one thing (mostly things I _want _to get done on time), but when it comes to something else, I'm in a maddeningly good state. My only problem is that I have to be careful how many side-projects I take on, so I don't become overloaded, or lax on all of them. It's when you slack off on even your side projects when you know something's wrong.

Anyway…this chapter's…kooky. I mean, basically, it's going to be written when I'm in a high, giggly mood, and just sit down and write random stupidity. It was, honestly, just a desperate attempt to get Bastian into the story, as well as provide a little more meat on the lives of the Slifer Boiz. All of them turn out to be a very interesting group on their own, but it's a relatively well-tapped market, since they're really the center of the show and all, so I just sort of shy away from having a hard-core story with them. Besides, I guess I just kind of like to screw around with the groups of people who tend to get overlooked in storylines. I'm funny like that. Besides, due to the fact that I was just writing this chapter with no clear plan, it turn out to be randomly hilarious, which I'm actually kind of proud of.

This isn't the first time that I've looked to the lives of the 'intellectually advantaged'. I have to admit, being in that kind of position myself, I sometimes get frustrated by the way the world views me and my kind. However, whenever I get vocal with it, sometimes it's misinterpreted. Yes folks, I am a nerd, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Weather is also a thing I really have to look out for, considering that we're shifting later and later into October in the story, while it's prime summer where I'm writing from. It's very hard to imagine slowly cooling, graying skies and cold winds blowing when it's bright and sunny outside.

Oh yeah, and Jaden's 'here's what I think of your common sense!' moment was based on something that I did to my Dad. Oh yes, and the nurse is a reused insane nurse from 'The Wizard Of Cuz'.

I sometimes think poor Akiro has yet to find his 'niche' in the story, so he just kind of wanders around doing whatever he wants. I think that may be both his greatest advantage and disadvantage. You know, for this story being called 'Those Crazy Obelisks', the Obelisk OCs are really tough to work with. I think their personalities really reflect their involvement in the story. For instance, Josephina is like 'Well…uh…you can take your time…putting me in…I really don't mind, honest…", and Akiro's like 'I'll come in whenever I feel like it, thank you very much'. So basically, I have to drag both of them kicking and screaming into anything that halfway resembles a storyline. My god, I really _do _take these things way too seriously.

I thought this chapter was going to be at a manageable length…no such luck. I mean, this rant is probably about a thousand words long in itself. However, considering that I had no real plan of attack for this story, I'm surprisingly happy at how well it turned out.

**CHAPTER NINE**

**Those Crazy Slifers: Nerd On Campus**

_And now for a paragraph that doesn't have anything to do with this story_

"YOU SHALL PERISH WITH ALL YOUR KIND!" yelled a random man that was dressed in a chef's hat and a turkey costume, pulling out a flamethrower, who was walking down what looked like a suburban block, destroying every flower bed in the yard with a flamethrower.

_And now, something that does_

"Hello, and welcome once again to another exciting episode of 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?'" said Akiro, once again talking into his microphone outside of the Duel Academy entranceway. "Today, we're going to take a break from our hard-pressed attempts to beat the conspiracy and truth out this school like a cheep rug to look at the issues of modern day society, especially the oppressed masses among the student campus…so you know, it _is _kind of like our usual hard-pressed attempts to beat the conspiracy and truth out of this school. I mean, to an extent, because really…can we just write this entire part of the conversation of the tape?"

**ONE ERASING LATER**

"Today, we look at the oppressed masses of the school," said Akiro. "We could look at the persecution of groups of people that cause massive, angry public outcries, such as the abuse of African American students, homosexuals, etc, but we decided to do one that no one really cares about. Today on 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?', we shall analyze the plight of the common intellectually advantaged persons, commonly referred to as…the nerd."

---ooo---

"Yes, this is the domain of the most oppressed masses in the school," said Akiro, walking around the courtyard during lunch, when most everyone had taken their's outside to enjoy the last few decently days before the weather took a turn for the drastically cold. "Here, they stick together to fend for their lives during the intense and psychologically straining periods of lunch. This documentary centers around these oppressed masses…and a few of their dimwitted friends."

"O, kind and merciful spirits that live in this vending machine," said Jaden, bowing toward the innocent vending machine, "answer my simple prayers and let lots of lovely quarters rain from the coin return slot when I press the coin return button! Do so, and I will never kick one of your brethren again…unless they make me reeeeeeeeeealy angry."

His eyes looked huge and hopeful as he slowly and gingerly extended a pointer finger and put all pressure on the coin return button. Not a singe quarter popped out.

"THEN SCRUB YOU!" yelled Jaden, slamming his foot into the vending machine in an almighty kick, causing it to crash down on top of him and squish him like a bug.

"Don't worry Jaden!" said Syrus, pulling out a coin purse, and stood in front of an identical soda machine. "I'll get you a soda!"

"Mmr mr mrmfh mr," said Jaden.

"No, I do not want to tango with you in a cowboy suit in a public rest area!" said Syrus in a matter-of-fact tone, shuffling through his coin purse, as Jaden slowly managed to claw his way out from under the vending machine that was trying it's hardest to crush every ounce of life from his pathetic, flimsy body. "Oh…bad luck…it seems I'm short a quarter."

"IT SURE AS HECK AIN'T THE ONLY THING!" screamed Jaden, following this revelation with hysterical, somewhat inappropriate laughter, pounding his fist on the ground and rolling all over the place as if he had heard the infamous killer joke that was buried with all its kind after the Treaty of Versailles.

This inappropriate laughter, followed by uncontrolled giggling, followed Syrus for a long period of time, up to a point five minutes later, when he and Jaden were enjoying a boxed lunch outside. Jaden was slowly getting over his incredible wit, but after a while, would eventually break down into another snorting and poorly contained laugh.

"Jaden…" said Syrus.

"Yeah…(snort) Syrus?" Jaden gagged.

"You've spent a long time thinking up that joke, haven't you?" said Syrus.

"Yep!" said Jaden.

"And that's why you've been following me to every vending machine and lunch line for the past six weeks, huh?" said Syrus.

"Yep!" said Syrus.

"So basically, it took you two weeks to think up the joke, and the rest of the time has been following me, waiting for the perfect opportunity to say the joke, huh?" said Syrus.

"YEP!" said Jaden.

"So basically…our entire high school career has been so far has been the conceiving and executing of that joke?" said Syrus. "That's really what it boils down to, huh?"

"Yes!" said Jaden. "Still, it was really funny, huh?"

Silence.

"Hey, whassup guys?" asked Chumley, walking up to the group, his boxed lunch very tiny in comparison to his hands, which were about the size of dinner plates. "Judging by the ridiculous smile on Jaden's face, he finally got around to telling that stupid joke."

"You knew about that?" Syrus asked, now feeling a little hurt.

"You didn't?" asked Chumley.

"Eh…no…" said Syrus awkwardly and sadly.

"WHAT HO! YONDER COMES A SOUL MOST MARRED INDEED!" said Jaden.

"What?" asked Syrus and Chumley at the same time.

"DUDE, THERE'S A TICKED-OFF GUY!" said Jaden, pointing of their shoulders, causing them both to need to turn around. What Jaden pointed to was a pensive looking young man with short gray hair that spiked toward the back, as well as brown eyes that were, now, in deep thought over some situation. In truth, it was him mulling over a plan on how he would take out the army that would be waiting him on the Suez Canal when he successfully conquered Africa on his military campaign to conquer the world, but thankfully, only I, THE ALMIGHTY NARATOR, WHO PLAYS GOD TO THESE FOOLISH MORTALS'S PATHETIC LIVES have the power to see into other peoples thoughts, so by the time anyone knows the truth…IT SHALL BE TOO LATE! BWA HA HA!

"Why do I have a terrible feeling that a third-person-omniscent being is laughing at our inescapable fates?" asked Chumley, with tears in his eyes.

"Hey! It's Bastian!" said Syrus cheerfully.

"Who's Bastian?" asked Chumley.

"HE'S, LIKE, TOTALLY, THE SMARTEST NERD IN SCHOOL!" yelled Jaden. "HE'S, LIKE, WAY COOL BEANS MAH HOMMIE! GAG ME WITH A SPOON!"

"Jaden, are you sick, and it's effecting your speech patterns again?" asked Syrus.

"He looks kind of depressed…" said Syrus sadly.

"DUH!" said Jaden. "He is the nerd, the base of all of societies needs, and yet he must suffer the blunt of society's wrath. No matter how much he contributes, society will kick him in the butt whenever it has a free chance."

"Like us?" chirped Syrus.

"No Syrus, we are dorks," said Jaden. "We are close relatives of the nerds, yet we provide no practical, functional, constructive, effective, positive, advantageous, beneficial, worthwhile, or convenient role, occupation, task, or utility in the face of the general population. We are naught but inadequate, incompetent, and ineffectual units in the universal totality of our state of being."

Silence.

"WHAT UP GIRLFRIEND?" said Jaden.

"That's it Jaden! Something's wrong with your brain!" said Syrus. "We need to go to the nurse right now to have it checked!"

"NO I DON'T PRESIDENT JAMES MADISON!" yelled Jaden.

"I don't know…you're acting more drunk than usual," said Chumley.

"I AM NOT! I HAVEN'T TOUCHED A SINGLE KUMQUAT IN WEEKS!" yelled Jaden.

"Still, it would make sense to just…you know, get a checkup…" said Syrus.

"WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR COMMON SENSE!" said Jaden, putting his thumbs next to his ears and flapping around his open hands. "NAH NA-NA NAH NAH! NENER NENER NENER!"

"That's it, we're going down right now!" said Syrus, grabbing Jaden to the nurse by the ear, as Jaden cackled like a homicidal maniac.

---ooo---

"Oh yes…this is very bad I…think he's going…to need to get the…big needle so…" said the nurse in the nurses office, twitching wildly as Jaden was belted to a bed and singing Christmas carols. The nurse was holding a hypodermic needle the size of a large surfboard in her trembling hands, and she was eyeing Jaden's posterior hungrily with the intention of shoving it up.

"No! It's his brain nurse! His brain!" Syrus said, pointing to Jaden's head.

"RHYME ALERT!" screamed a random magical girl, popping out of nowhere and slamming Syrus on the head with a huge, pink magic wand.

"His…what…" the nurse muttered, turning a pair of hollow eyes in Syrus's direction, clinging even tighter to her needle.

"His brain nurse," said Chumley.

"Oh…brain…brain…" said the nurse. "Can I…stab him anyway?"

"No, you shouldn't," said Chumley flatly. "Shouldn't you…you know…take a few tests or someth-"

"He needs a lobotomy…" said the nurse suddenly. "You. Teal-head. Go get me the plunger. You get the Windex and jumper cables pigtail boy."

"…okay kids, can you say 'Gross Malpractice?'" asked Chumley, turning to the audience.

---ooo---

"And so after a quick visit to the nurse to get his head examined, the three dorks have summoned their courage to give aid to their nerd comrade," said Akiro, standing outside the nurse's office. "Now while this may seem like a rash decision, may I point out that nerds are extremely beneficial allies to have. Why, some of the greatest inventions in the worlds, like the cure for polio, the radio, the modern computer, the telephone, and even the Pez Dispenser wouldn't have come into being without the tireless struggle of the nerd to understand the world around him. In fact-"

"IT'S A DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR!" screamed someone down the hall, causing Akiro to whirl around in horror.

"LET'S TRAMPLE HIM!" screamed someone else. That's when an entire stampede consisting of almost every member of the student body that happened to be in the halway at that particular moment (and professor Fontaine) decided to form a massive stampede down the hallway, as Akiro had ten pounds per square inch trampled quickly and painfully over his body, as the massive thunder of foot stomps could be heard almost a mile away.

"Wow! My brain feels a whole-KASAFRAZ-lot better!" said Jaden, walking down the hallway with a huge bandage on his forehead. "I didn't know botched lobotomies could be so much RUN JIMMY RUN!"

"Jaden!" said Syrus. "The nurse told you it's bad to think too much right after your operation! Quick! Stop thinking right now!"

Suddenly, a blank expression appeared on Jaden's face, as his eyes went completely glassy, and his mouth fell slack, as his tongue rolled out of it, as he began to softly moan.

"I'm almost scared how quickly he complied…" Chumley said, as Jaden fell over on the ground. At that minute, deeply absorbed in one of the war diaries of Napoleon, Bastian walked by, the troubled expression still on his face.

"HEY! IT'S BASTIAN!" said Syrus happily, as he yanked Jaden off the floor. "Bastian! Hey Bastian! It's us! How ya doin'?"

"Oh…Syrus right?" said Bastian, turning to the group. "Ah…and that's Jaden. I recognize the drool."

"AND THIS IS OUR OTHER FRIEND CHUMLEY!" said Syrus, pointing to Chumley. "HE'S A NICE GUY, AND A WELL-RESPECTED MEMBER OF OUR DORMS!"

"Interesting," said Bastian.

Silence.

"Well…I probably should be going…" said Bastian.

"WAIT WIGGY JIGGY JIM!" said Jaden. "You look really, really sad! Is something wrong? Is someone being mean to you? Are you depressed? Do you need a hug? Wanna go steady? What color is your underwear? What's eighteen minus twelve? Can I try on you shirt?"

Another silence.

"He's just had a botched lobotomy," said Syrus apologetically.

"Ah, I see…" said Bastain. "Well, in that order, yes, nothing I'm not used to, somewhat, no, defiantly not, none of your business, six, and…what?"

"Oh, what's making you sad?" asked Syrus.

"It's nothing you can fix…" said Bastian. "I am merely suffering the psychological ennui of possessing an above average intelligence, partnered with several of my collogues owning no such advantage. It's nothing that can be fixed, and something that can be easily overcome…I'm just in a position where I need to overcome that particular hurdle. Alas, how I'd long for a companion possessing an equal to above mind to mind…but alas, such is a fantasy, a never-ending dream that I must, sadly, wake up from."

Silence.

"WHAT?" Jaden said.

"He says he's upset because he's a smart person and everyone else in the entire school is stupid, and so he's got no friends to hang out with," said Syrus.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" said Jaden. "THAT'S SO SAD! But don't worry! Me, Syrus, and Chumley'll be your friends!"

"There's no need," said Bastian. "Whatever friendship we would have would be one-sided and hallow, not the true commune bond true allies in life share."

"Don't be ridiculous! My personal hygene is just as nauseating as everyone else's!" said Jaden defensively. "YOU'RE GOING TO BE FRIENDS WITH US, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!"

"I _told _you not to bother," said Bastian. "Go home. Leave me in peace. That's all I could ever want."

"Please notice that while an intellectually advantaged youth may have confidence in his or her own abilities, often society creates a sense that their powers will cost them any kind of social acceptance," said Akiro, his body covered in slowly forming bruises, and his clothes covered in scuff marks and sneaker prints. "Often, this isn't the case, and these youths often can form healthy relationships with anyone just as well as anyone with any kind of social status, and yet due to the massive cloud hanging over them that society creates, most seek a life of recluse and solitary status only darkening their-"

"LOOK! THE DOCUMENTARY GUY'S STILL ALIVE!" screamed someone at the end of the hall.

"LET'S TRAMPLE HIM AGAIN!" screamed someone else.

"I appreciate your concern for my psychological well being, but may I assure you that I am fine," said Bastian, speaking a little louder as a huge herd of students once again stampeded down the hall, and as Akiro's painful cries echoed down the hallway. "Please continue your merrymaking Saturday activities."

"WAIT! DON'T GO BASTIAN!" screamed Jaden over the din of pounding feet, sinking to his knees. "I LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

"Jaden, I think that you should turn of your brain again now," said Syrus, sweat dropping.

"Oh! Right!" said Jaden, his eyes glazing over, his tongue lolling out, finishing off by his entire body collapsing onto the floor.

"Poor Bastian," said Syrus, as the stampeding crowd began to slowly thin. "I can't help but feel sorry for him. I can't help but think that he still may be just a little bit lonely…"

"Let him go Syrus," said Chumley. "His IQ is greater than you, me, Jaden's, and that tree's IQ combined. I think he realizes what he's doing."

"NONSENSE!" said Jaden, springing up. "He's miserable, and we will making him feel better no matter what! Victory…OR DEATH!"

"DEATH?" cried Syrus in horror.

"Yes! Death!" said Jaden. "Slow, long, ZEBRA death! Fatality! Downfall! Ice cream! Mortality! Rosemary Olive Oil Artisan Bread! Loss! Casuality! Fall! Abraham Lincoln! Loss of life! The cotton gin! We shall face our aunties, and we shall box kick it like turtles!"

Silence.

"I think your brain's on Mad Lib mode, Jaden," said Syrus.

"SILENCE HORSE!" yelled Jaden. "TO BASTIANS REFRIGERATOR!"

---ooo---

"And so the Dork Three make their way to the intellectually advantaged student's house to try to expose him to the kinder aspects of society," said Akiro, holding onto a climbing rope in one hand and his microphone in the other, looking like he was attempting to scale the wall of the Ra Boy's Dorms. "This attempt is both a bold move and a somewhat stupid one, for violating the rules of the almost Caste System-Like structure of the school could cost them dearly in society's eyes. That being said, there is a good chance that the content for the next part of this episode could be incredibly graphic and disturbing, so-"

"P0W4H!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

CRASH!

"THAT'LL TEACH YOU 'BOUT ENLIGHTENING THE MASSES, YOU POLLITICALLY CORRECT BUTTHEAD!" said Kat, who was sitting on the roof with a huge machete in her hand, which she had used to sever Akiro's climbing rope, which sent him plummeting to earth. "So proclaims L4D33 K4T, the Enemy of all Documentaries!"

"IT'S THE CRAZY GIRL!"

"GET HER!"

"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DOCUMENTARY GUY?"

"HE'S IN PAIN, TRAMPLE HER FIRST!"

"Ruh roh!" said Kat, turning around, as a portable mob trampled it's way across the roof of the dorms.

"Ugh…can't believe that fall didn't kill me…" said Akiro, his body sprawled out over some crushed shrubbery. "Thank you…humor genre…"

"Hullo…" said Joku dully, as usual, almost magically appearing up next to Akiro when he was needed the least.

"AH! NO!" screamed Akiro. "NOT YOU! MUST…CRAWL…AWAY…"

"I had a dream that I was Sailor Moon last night…" said Joku in a monotone that was duller than usual.

"NO!...SLIPPED TO MANY…DISKS… TO MOVE…CURSE YOU HUMOR…GENRE…" said Akiro.

"…which is ironic…since I cosplayed her once…" said Joku.

"NO! Must strangle…myself…with microphone cord!" yelled Akiro. "AH! She cut that too! DARN YOU KAT! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

"Wanna hear about when I hit puberty?" asked Joku flatly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Akrio at the top of his lungs, attempting to stab himself with his microphone, which turned out to be equally useless.

Meanwhile, while Akiro was writhing in supreme horror, inside a quiet hallway in the Ra dorm, Jaden had hopped out from behind a large recycling bin, humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme song very loudly, wearing a black sweater, black pants, and a ski mask, even though all of the above really served no purpose, because he was in broad daylight in an open hallway.

"Right team!" whispered Jaden so loudly, it could easily be mistaken for a scream, as Syrus and Chumley walked casually behind him in normal clothes. "When I knock him out, you stuff him into the trunk reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally quick, 'kay?"

"Okay, first of all, we don't have a car," said Chumley. "And second, between a guy who's three foot one, someone like me, and the three flights of stairs we had to climb to get up here, we aren't going _anywhere _fast."

"EH? WE'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO KNOCK HIM OUT?" cried Syrus.

"No, we're going to ask him very politely, and using the powers of extreme tact, he will, without a doubt, agree to come with us, despite the fact that he clearly stated that he doesn't want anything to do with us," said Chumley, with a mild tone of sarcasm in his voice.

"Thank goodness!" said Syrus, sighing in supreme relieve. "I thought we were going to do something _bad_!"

"…Syrus, this innocence thing is cute, but really, don't move to any big cities out of high school, okay?" said Chumley.

"COME ON OUT SUSIE!" screamed Jaden, banging on the door to Bastian's dorm room. "I GOTTA NICE SLICE OF MACARENA FOR YOU!"

"Jaden, that better not be you making idle threats right after brain surgery," said Bastian's voice from behind the doorway, as he opened it idly, revealing that he had taken his school jacket off, wearing the causual black under-turtleneck.

"SAY GOOD NIGHT TO THE FOLKS JEFFRY!" yelled Jaden, whipping out a white hankerchief and slamming it up against Bastian's face, covering his mouth and nose, causing him to cry briefly in shock, as well as to completely freeze in horror.

For a moment, nothing happened.

"Just what is this anyway?" asked Bastian, meaning the liquid smeared over the cloth.

"The label on the bottle said 'Exotic Breeze'," said Jaden. "Whatdya think?"

"Hm…nice I suppose," said Bastian. "Subtle, clean, and…with just a hint of…citrus I believe. Why you attempted to drug me with it, I don't know though."

"Oh no, that's not what we were planning," said Chumley, as Jaden pulled out a huge slab of wood with rusty nails sticking out of it. "Jaden just wanted to have an opinion on the aftershave. 'Spiky Club' is the way _you're _getting knocked out."

"WHAT?" cried Syrus.

"Wha-" Bastian started.

---ooo---

"Ow…my…head…" said Bastian, slowly coming too, his vision completely fuzzy, causing him to clamp his eyes shut in pain. "What happened? I remember…Jaden…and the board…and…where am I?"

"On a roller coaster that's so mind-bendingly excitingly that we needed to sign medical release forms (we forged your signature)," Jaden replied.

"WHAT?" Bastian screamed, his eyes shooting open, but then, he needed to clamp them shut again. He could bear the brief glimpse of what appeared to be a roller coaster track that was climbing into the air at a height that was about six stories.

"Aw, come on Bastian, it's going to be fun!" said Jaden.

"I love that long climb up to the top…" said Syrus, almos cryptically as the roller coaster climbed oh-so-slowly up the long slope to the top. "It's so slow…so lovely…"

"MEDICAL RELEASE FORMS?" cried Bastian.

"Oh, you bet!" said Chumley. "I mean, just out of the last batch from the ride before of us, a solid one out of five needed to be given the kiss of life!"

"…it's almost like it's contemplating what it should do to our Earthly forms…" said Syrus.

"Then I REALLY shouldn't be…why the heck did you take me on it anyway?" asked Bastian angrily, as the roller coaster climbed ever higher.

"…'shall I tear them to little bits, or shall I spare them a fate that doesn't involve throwing them through twists, turns, and loops at whiplash-inducing speeds'…" said Syrus. "Yeah…that's what it feels like…"

"How would it be _fun _if I got a concussion as product of being sent down speeding tracks at mind boggling speeds while upside down?" said Bastian. "While forging my signature on a medical release form is enough of a crime, on top of that, I'd think you should get in trouble for taking someone with a head…injury…on…"

"HEY SYRUS!" said Jaden. "I just found out that I can make one of my eyeballs look in one direction, and the other in the opposite direction like a chameleon!"

"…you know, _without _the little tidbit that we're about to be flung down thousands of feet, you can really cut the irony of this moment with a knife," said Chumley, the second they reached the top of the roller coaster.

_I'll let your imagination handle this bit_

As the roller coaster slowly screeched to a stop, Bastian's eyes were bugged out to twice their normal size, one of them was twitching involontarilly.

"Is…is…Jaden…alive?" he asked Chumley.

"Uh…" said Chumley, looking over his shoulder. "Yeah…he is. But he thinks he's the queen of England."

"ROYAL SUBJECTS! I HAVE ARRIVED!" said Jaden, standing up in the Chair in a slightly more feminine voice with an incredibly bad British accent, peace signing everyone that went by.

"JADEN! SIT DOWN!" said Syrus. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOUR ENTIRE BODY INSIDE THE CAR!"

"I think this grey thing is Jaden's brain," said Chumley, pointing to something on the floor.

---ooo---

"Ooooooooh," said Syrus, looking around at all the rides at the amusement park. "What do you think that we should ride next your majesty?"

"WE SHALL OVERCOME ALL OBSTACLES!" said Jaden regally. "We shall not lose our territories to the east, nor shall we lose them to the west! THERE SHALL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND!"

"What do you think we should do Bastian?" asked Syrus.

"Something that will give me some confidence that the next ride won't leave any of us in a state of vegetation?" asked Bastian.

"HOW ABOUT THE TUNNEL OF LOVE?" asked Syrus.

"…please tell me your kidding," said Chumley.

"Alas, Chumley's wish would be unfilled, for as everyone knows-" Akiro said, limping into the scene.

"A DOCUMENTAWY PEWSON!" screamed a little kid.

"WETS TWAMPLE HIM!" screamed another.

"…just in case any of you are wondering, no, I may not get out of this one alive," said Akiro, as a huge hoard of kids that escaped from the petting zoo came with the intention to trample him into the dust.

"Then why don't we just take a nice walk around the park?" asked Syrus.

_Keep your eyes open for exits…keep you eyes open for exits…_thought Bastain.

_And so the four of them did indeed tour the entire park, riding on such rides as 'The Scrambler', 'The Terminator', 'The Naughty Chair', and the appropriately name 'That One Ride That Mutilates Your Body in Inappropriate Ways That Shouldn't Be Discussed in a K+ Fic'. They enjoyed an afternoon of happiness, save for the time when Bastian thought he could make an escape by jumping out of the bumper cars. However, as the sun set in the distance…alas…the day had to come to a close._

"Wow…I must say, I didn't think amusement park food could be so enjoyable for things that are practically baked in fat," said Bastian, enjoying a funnel cake that he got from a stand.

"Yeah…I know what you mean," said Chumley, who was currently polishing off three.

"HEY LADIES! WANNA LOOK AT MAH SEXAH BOD?" asked Jaden, his mind switching from Queen of England to man flirt, attempting to take off his shirt in front of a pair of college-age girls.

"JADEN! NO!" screamed Syrus, yanking his shirt down from behind.

"Well…this has been rather…fun…" said Bastian. "I thought I wouldn't enjoy this sort of thing but…it really has been fun."

"You're welcome," said Chumley.

"Yeah, we had a lot of fun with you Bastian!" said Syrus. "Are you sure you don't want to be friends with us?"

"Considering you nearly destroyed my cranium, no," said Bastian.

"COME ON!" said Jaden, giving Bastian a hug from behind. "YOOOOOOU KNOOOOW YOOOOOOOU WAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOO."

"Stop hugging me," Bastian said flatly. "I still don't know…you all act like some sort of group of frat boys…"

"COME ON! WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?" asked Syrus. "You had a lot of fun, we learned a lot about each other, I learned how to do CPR-"

"THERE! THAT'S THEM OFFICER!" yelled a random woman, pointing to the group. "THERE THE ONES THAT STOLE MY ATM CARD!"

"And…we committed a misdemeanor," said Chumley.

"WHAT?" asked Bastian.

"Well…we didn't have any money, and you didn't have anything on you…so…" Chumley said.

Silence.

"I wonder if I can ask that group of little kids over there who are trampling that poor man trying to do a documentary if they'd do the same for me," mused Bastian.

---ooo---

"Well, what have we learned today?" asked Jaden.

"When it comes to brain surgery, just go private practice?" asked Syrus.

"Nerds don't handle having a criminal record well?" asked Chumley.

"Nylon's itchy?" asked Syrus.

"NOOOOOOO!" said Jaden, as the three of them were hanging upside down from the roof of their room by some random ropes. "We learned that thirty days has September, April, June, and November…AND ALL THE REST ARE FILTHY, HEATHEN, ODD-NUMBER-DAY-LONG MOUNTHS! ESPECIALLY ON LEAP YEAR!"

"Huh?" asked Syrus.

"It would have been nice if Bastian didn't tie us up here…" said Chumley.

"But he said 'see you later' afterwards," said Syrus. "Does that mean we're friends?"

"This is a bit of a bizarre way to show friendship, isn't it?" asked Chumley.

"Ow…the bloods rushing to my head," said Syrus.

"COOL! I THINK BLOOD'S LEAKING OUT OF MINE!" said Jaden.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" screamed Syrus.

"I have to agree with you on this one," said Chumley.

"Well well well!" said Professor Banner, walking into the room of the three, stroking Pharaoh, who was purring softly in his arms. "You three are finally back from your wild day of fun? Ah ha ha ha ha…reminds me of my days as a boy…"

"Um…professor?" asked Syrus. "Could you please untie us?"

"Hm…perhaps…" said Professor Banner. "I'll just have to take a good, LONG look at this one…"

"AH! NO! STOP!"

"WE'RE SORRY! WE'RE TOTALLY SORRY!"

"STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY BRAIN!"

"I'M BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNING!"

---ooo---

"And that's all the time we have for this episode of 'Who Cares About Your Opinion?'," said Akiro, sitting back in his dorm room. "I know we managed to get very little exposition on the life of the intellectually advantaged…but thanks to this little excursion, I now can sue the theme park for all it's worth for letting little children run wild…heh heh…I love revenge."

"HEY AKIRO!" screamed Kat, bursting into his dorm room. "I lost my machete, but I found this really awesome board with nails stuck through it that I can beat you with! Oh, and I brought Joku with me!"

"…I have one or two beefs with irony though," said Akiro.

**L33T B0NU5 PHUN**

_A Preferable Type (getting away from the whole 'Library' thing)_

"Hey Joku," said Alexis, walking up to Joku, who was sitting with his face on top of his desk. "I never got a chance to ask this, but what kind of deck do you have?"

"…I once ate a-"

"No no, what kind of _deck _do you have?" asked Alexis.

"Oh…a mighty deck of supreme power…" said Joku.

"Uh…which is?" asked Alexis.

"He's got a frog deck," said Akiro dully, who happened to be behind them at the moment.

"PH34R T3H PHR0GZ…" Joku said.

"Oh? Really?" asked Zane. "And what might you have?"

"An elemental deck," said Akiro matter-of-factly.

"YES! ANOTHER ELEMENTAL HERO MAN!" said Jaden, running up and spreading his arms out wide. "HUG ME, MY BROTHER!"

"No, not _Elemental Heroes _you twit," said Akiro. "I mean cards that are attuned to the elements, like 'Element Dragon' and 'Element Valkyrie' and other cards like that. AND WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO HUG YOU?"

"Like 'Familiar Possesed Aussa' and 'Hiita the Fire Charmer' too?" asked Chazz.

"Yeah," said Akiro.

"So basically, your decks riddled with girl cards?" said Chazz.

"What the heck's wrong with that?" asked Akiro.

"It states that you're a certified girly-boy," said Chazz.

"Oh, shut up!" said Akiro. "Lots of girls have male cards in their decks, how come I can't have female?"

"Because it's the way of society," said Chazz. "Besides, I'm not sure a SINGLE man exists, other than you, who has the bulk of his cards female."

"That's not true!" said Akiro. "What about Zigfried Shroder?"

Silence.

"I'll just crawl into that corner and cry now…" said Akiro, slinking away.

"HEY JOSIE!" screamed Kat right next to Josephina's ear, causing her to nearly fall out of her chair. "What kind of deck do you have?"

"Um…well…" Josephina said, shaking.

"COMEONCOMEONCOMEONSPITITOUT!" said Kat, shaking Josephina violently.

"MAGICIANGIRLSNOWPLEASEDON'TKILLME!" cried Josephina pathetically.

"COOL!" said Kat, dropping Joshephina on the floor like a rock.

"And what kind of deck do you have Sam?" asked Chazz. "Let me guess, it has something to do with how boring a person you are."

"Why you-" Sam started.

"HA! FORGET HER DECK FOOL!" said Kat, jumping in front of Sam. "I HAVE A DECK THAT NONE OF YOU CAN STOP! NOT EVEN ZANE AND HIS STUPID CHROME DRAGONS-O-RAMA!"

"…and what kind of deck would this be?" asked Zane.

"PRINCESS PIKERU AND PRINCESS CURRAN!" screamed Kat triumphantly.

Silence.

"No, we can't have nice _normal _OCs like the other fics," said Chazz. "Oh no, we need to get a batch of _pseudo-carnies_…"

---ooo---

Alexis: HEY! Remember us? We still exist!

Zane: Yay us. It's felt like forever.

Chazz: That's because the writer is a LAZY WENCH!

(a ton of bricks falls on Chazz)

Zane: He really doesn't get it, does he?

Alexis: It doesn't really matter, because next time is a Halloween Special!

Zane: And what better way to spend Halloween than…babysit kids?

Chazz: WHAT? WHAT THE HECK? YOU'RE KIDDING!

Zane: And I use the term 'kids' in the loosest way possible-

Chazz: _YOU-ARE-KID-DING-ME-YOU-_

Alexis: Um, next time, 'Curse of Youth'. See you!


	10. The Curse of Youth

Rumors of my death have been mildly exaggerated.

I DID IT _AGAIN!_ Just when I thought I had EVERYONE right, I misspell 'Bastion'. WHAT THE HECK? I think this story is called 'Those Crazy Obelisks', because the Obelisk's student names are the only ones that I can SPELL RIGHT! Thank you as always for those of you who manage to point it out while not making me feel like an idiot -.-;;. You know, I'd probably have a heck of an easier time spelling all their names right if the dubbers STUCK TO THE JAPANESE!

"The writer is a lazy wench"…heh, how right you are Chazz.

As another look on how my mental process works when I have chapter ideas, I really wanted to do some sort of chapter that the gang has to fight against little kids (unfortunately, Nate and Karen are exaggerations of my own cousins (though their inspirations certainly have their moments **shudder** at least Uncle Howard isn't anything like my uncles)so sadly, some of the events are also based on real-life experiences, but most on what I think would be the worst kids that you'd have to babysit. Babysitters tend to take a lot of smack, so it's high time I say something in _their _defense), but at the same time, it was about the time for Halloween. So I thought 'well…nothing ruins Halloween like babysitting little kids!' and viola! A chapter idea is born (ha ha). However, this idea was a little vauge, so it took me a looooooong time to figure out how things would stack up. I even needed to take a week break from writing period just to try to get my thoughts together (one of the reasons this chapter's so late).

And seriously, for being a decently normal character, Zane has a REALLY weird family.

I like to draw my characters (it usually gives me a better idea of what they're like), and so for the first time, I drew Joku (despite the fact he's been a main character for, like, months). When I was finished, I thought…wow, he's _way _to pretty to be Joku. And he is. It's really weird. But I liked the way he turned out so…boy, that kids scares me no matter what I do with him. Oh, by the way, I got a question on his name pronunciation. It's pronounced 'Joe-koo', with emphasis on the second sylable. Basically, it's spelt how it sounds.

Zane's 'Atticus Flashback' got so much positive approval, I just had to do another one. And also, Josephina finally proves to us that she still exists. Good for her.

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays (I too am easily manipulated by sugar and polyester) so I always have a lot of fun with anything that has to do with it. Though realistically looking at this, this chapter...has very little to do with Halloween.

The fact that Kat's ideology _can _be pretty similar Chazz's makes for a very good point on Sam's part. Of course, there are an overwhelming load of differences between his and her thought processes (for instance, Chazz is _much _too lazy to go tramping around outside in the rain looking for dead things, and Kat isn't an utter killjoy), but at times, we do see one or two glaring similarities. Really though, I think this is kind of appropriate, because really similar people are certainly very capable of hating each other's guts in real life.

We made it to ten chapters hooray! This chapter is so late…and so long (nine thousand words!). But seriously…I don't think the chapters get longer…just the rants…

**CHAPTER TEN**

**The Curse of Youth**

"Ah…nothing like it…" said Samantha to herself, sitting in the Duel Academy library on one of the huge cushions that the librarians provide for students. "Sometimes on cold, October days, the best thing to do to rejuvenate your soul is to sit on a pillow next to the window of a library, sipping a cup of apple cider and a warm donut…all by yourself…perhaps this is what it truly is to be in heaven…"

"YO SAM!" screamed Kat, walking into the library sopping wet and covered in what appeared to be mud. "I FOUND A DEAD THING BY THE ROAD, AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS! CAN YOU CHECK IT OUT?"

Silence.

"You realized that you have ravaged the boundaries set by society at least ten times over in one breath, right?" asked Sam.

"Society…society…that's the um…thing, right?" said Kat.

"Never mind," said Sam. "Just leave me alone."

"BUT I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE DEAD THING IS!" yelled Kat.

"Then go get a field guide or something!" said Sam angrily.

"What the heck's a field guide?" asked Kat.

"It's a book that's filled with pictures and descriptions of certain wildlife that's used specifically to help identify the plant or animal in question," said Sam.

"THAT REQUIRES READING, DOESN'T IT?" said Kat. "WILL THE WORLD REALIZE THAT THERE ARE WAYS TO SOLVE CONFLICTS OTHER THAN _LITTERATURE_?"

"I think you've been hanging out with Chazz too much…" said Sam.

"Yeah," said Kat. "It's kind of funny, I mean the guy's a wuss that bruises easily when he's hit repeatedly with a chair, but he actually has some pretty good ideas. Like the previously mentioned fact that books are evil."

"So let me get this straight," said Samantha. "You hate the man, you hate the way he acts, you beat him up on a regular daily basis, and yet you follow his ideology?"

"I don't know one-hundred-percent what the word 'ideology' means, BUT YEAH!" yelled Kat.

---ooo---

"You know that old saying that says that every time your eye twitches, someone's contemplating your murder?" said Chazz, his eye twitching slightly.

"Then a lot of people must want to kill Zane," said Alexis. "Anyway, it's nice that Halloween falls on a Friday this time around. Halloween is one of those holidays that everyone loves, but you can't seem to get days off for."

"You _like _this pathetic toe-rag excuse for a holiday?" said Chazz. "I hate it. It deserves to die along with Arbor Day and Flag Day!"

"How could you say that?" asked Alexis. "Halloween is the best holiday ever! It's second only to Christmas! I mean, how could anyone not like a holiday when you get to walk around in a silly costume all day _legally _and have it be okay to stuff your face with candy and sugar? I see no downside!"

"That's because you're a stupid woman who's microscopic brain is easily manipulated by sugar and polyester!" said Chazz.

"…you never expect to date in your lifetime, do you Chazz?" said Alexis flatly.

However, he question would remain unanswered, because at that minute, Zane walked into the room, and passed the two on the way to his seat, which was the farthest away from the common entrance to their row of desks. His expression, however, was a little more blank that usual, but at the same time, a shiver shot it's way up and down both Alexis and Chazz's spine as he walked by them, as well as an impulse on Chazz's part to run Zane and/or himself through with a pencil, before he sat down.

Silence.

"May I ask just how bad a mood you're in?" asked Chazz pathetically. Zane's response was simple. He picked up a pen. Then he rammed it through one of Chazz's hair spikes in a very casual, matter-of-fact manner.

"Ah," Alexis said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," said Zane flatly.

"I…I think my hair's bleeding…" said Chazz.

"You aren't getting any sense of pleasure from Chazz's pain/social injury," said Alexis. "I'll ask again. _What's wrong?_"

"Nothing…I need to babysit…" sad Zane.

"Oh, well…not good with kids?" asked Alexis.

"No, I'm okay…even though for some reason, small children seem to fear and despise me…" said Zane.

"Jeez, a six foot two kid who looks like he's a flesh construct craving for virgin blood," said Chazz. "Nooooo nothing intimidating there sparky!"

"…sarcasm's only fun when you're saying it," said Zane flatly.

"I know _I'm _amused," said Alexis. "Anyway, continue."

"They're my younger cousins, four and six," said Zane flatly. "They're both very cute but…ah…they aren't the most lovable children…and well…I'm not…"

Silence.

"Just be honest Zane. We won't count it against your character," said Alexis.

"I hate them so much, it frightens me," said Zane. "The last time I babysit them, I came out looking like a professional hockey player, not to mention I nearly passed out from blood loss, and I needed to wear pants in ninety degree heat waves to cover up the bruises. They pulled out so much of my hair, I needed to borrow one of my Uncles Yankee Baseball caps to wear. I hate the Yankees. Anytime I saw them at a family reunion, I'd need to stay away from the window for fear that I'd jump out of it the second I saw them…the kids, not the Yankees."

"Why didn't you tell your family about it?" said Alexis.

"I did. A thousand times over," said Zane.

"And what did they do? Get a muzzle for the brats?" asked Chazz.

"…no…" said Zane flatly.

"They didn't do _anything_?" Alexis said.

"No…" said Zane.

"Why?" she asked.

"When it's two little kids word against a tall, blood-sucking construct, guess who wins?" said Zane.

"Oh…" said Alexis. "…can't they get someone else?"

"Not many people are that stupid and desperate for money…" said Zane.

"You're desperate for money?" asked Chazz.

"No, I'm stupid," said Zane.

"Or empathetic," said Alexis.

"…no, I'm stupid," said Zane.

"Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane…" whined Kat, walking up to Zane with a very sad 'give me pitty or give me death' expression on her face. "Sam won't help me figure out what the dead animal is, and then she told me to go away!"

"I'm going to say something similar," said Zane.

"Can I?" asked Kat.

"_No_," Zane said darkly.

She let her entire top half of her body collapse, her face falling straight into the back of Zane's head, letting off a sigh of pleasure, as Zane got another eye twitch.

"Ah…super mega soft hair…I feel better…" said Kat, a dizzily content smile on her face. "Thanks man!"

"You're far from welcome," said Zane. "Get out of my sight, or I'll break your arm off and beat you to a state of vegetation with it."

"You tease!" said Kat, walking away with a vague wave of her hand.

Silence.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" yelled Chazz angrily.

"There are a great many things that mortal minds aren't meant to comprehend Chazz," said Alexis. "I don't know, nor do I want to know, if that moment in time was one of them."

---ooo---

"Seriously, I can handle this on my own," said Zane after class had ended, as he headed off down the hallway to the main office. "I don't need you to get yourselves hurt because of my own affairs."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Alexis. "If these kids are as terrible as you've said, then it sounds like your going to need a lot of help. I know what it's like to be pushed and kicked and had your hair pulled."

"So you have a lot of younger cousins too?" asked Zane.

"Nah," said Alexis. "Actually, most of my cousins are either my age or older than me."

"Then what are you doing here?" asked Chazz. "I mean, if you've got no experience dealing with, your going to tackle a bunch of evil little monsters? Have you ever had to deal with anything that mind-bogglingly annoying?"

"Well…I have a brother…" said Alexis, a little reluctantly.

"Yeah, an OLDER brother," said Chazz. "How can an older brother possibly prepare you for the mind-numbing horrors of little kids?"

---ooo---

"HEY ZANE! WHATUP?" screamed Atticus's voice through the ear piece of Zane's phone, as Zane barely managed to keep himself upright in bed, as the clock right next to him just changed to 2:16 AM. "Be-yooooooo-ti-ful morning isn't it? HA! The best part of wak-ing up, is Foldiers in your cup! YAY! Do you like coffee? I hate it, it makes my brain go boing! I like sugar though! YAY! Especially the kind in Pop Tarts! I only eat blueberry and cherry though. Never strawberry. Strawberries are the fruit of EVIL! Bet you like strawberries, because they're boring, like you! HA! Wow, for some reason, my head feels all airy! Must have been chewing on the furniture in my sleep again! WHOOPS! Hey, a little bit of my hair is sticking out straight up in the air! I look cool! Cooler than you anyway. HA! Anyway, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, and I decided to do a little experiment to pass the time until morning! I wondered if you dropped something really, reaaaaaally thin into the toilet, it would sink through the little hole at the bottom all the way down! So I tried it on a fork, and you wouldn't believe how far down the hole it went! I mean whoa! But the problem is, I couldn't get it out, even with the plunger, so I figured maybe if I flushed the toilet over and over again, the fork would get loose and be spat out! So I did and…well, I just wanted to give you a heads up, because the pipe in your dorm-room ceiling may or may not explode. Okay, sorry to bug you. See you tomorrow buddy!"

Click.

---ooo---

"Shut up Chazz," said Zane. "Alexis, I have complete and utter faith in you. Don't let me down."

"Yay?" said Alexis.

"I'm surrounded by fools…" said Chazz. "God, sometimes I just wish that everyone was like me. That way I wouldn't have to deal with a bunch of MORONS!"

"And that problem would be solved if everyone was like you?" asked Zane.

---ooo---

"Ah! There you are Zane!" said a huge, middle aged man with a balding head, a stained T-shirt, greasy jeans, stubble, and a beer gut in the main office. The man was about Zane's height, but he had a huge wall of blubber that accounted for at least seventy extra pounds, so Zane, Alexis, and Chazz were easily cast into his shadow. "You're still skinny and pathetic, eh? Ha ha! Bet you ain't expecting many girls in your future, huh?"

"I'm sure I'll find someone who's stupid, desperate, or insane," said Zane. "It worked just fine for you."

"Whoa, you have _friends_?" asked the uncle, giving Alexis and Chazz a good, long look. "Yeesh Zane, this is a first! You're usually scaring everyone off with that ugly snarl of yours!"

"At least I have friends who respect me for who I am, not what's in my refrigerator, unlike pretty much _all _of your friends," said Zane. "Not to mention their sober, which is a quality your 'pals' also tend to lack."

"Ow Zane, mean," said Alexis.

"Alexis, Chazz, this is my Uncle Howard," said Zane. "He's infamous for being unable to breath unless whenever he exhales, he needs to make a derogatory comment of a person of his choice. However, his most redeeming quality is that you can say whatever you want back to him, and he either doesn't hear it or doesn't care, and my money's on the first."

"Bet he's _really_ popular at the reunions," said Alexis.

"Oh yeah," said Zane. "Every year, we have the 'Witty Comeback Contest', when everyone pitches in ten dollars, and the winner gets to take the money home. I never participate…but today, I'm in a bad mood."

"OH! I WANNA TRY! I WANNA TRY!" said Chazz.

"Just get him out of here…please…" said Ms. Takaya over her computer screen.

"Working on it," said Zane.

"HEY! HEY YOU!" yelled Chazz, pointing at Uncle Howard. "Say something rude about me! Come on! Come on!"

"Chazz!" yelled Alexis.

"Whoa, what's with _your_ hair?" asked Uncle Howard, suddenly turning his attention towards Chazz, much to his delight. "Wow kid, you a punk rocker or something?"

"At least my hair's on my head and not on my stomach!" Chazz shot back.

"So who are these kids anyway?" asked Uncle Howard to Zane.

"Wow…I said something witty and I didn't get hit…" said Chazz. "It feels so…bizarre, and yet so wrong…I WANNA DO IT AGAIN!"

"_No_," said Alexis.

"This is Alexis and Chazz," said Zane.

"Eheh, well I hope you didn't tell them that they were going to get paid, because as usual, you're doing this as a favor to the family!" said Uncle Howard.

"Of course, since when do we have to obey the child labor laws?" said Zane. "And the next time I want to get laughed at, I'll ask for a free favor from the family."

"That's a lad," said Uncle Howard. "Anyway, Nate! Karen! C'mere! Say hi to cousin Zane!"

With that, two tiny pairs of eyes peeked out from behind the massive wall that was their father's body. Someone once said 'it takes ugly people to make beautiful children', and that statement seemed quite true for this example. The two children, a boy, who seemed to be the elder, and a girl, were indeed very cute, with huge brown eyes, and light, chestnut brown hair. They both seemed very shy, both of them avoiding eye contact with any of the three in front of them, not willing to take any additional steps forward to meet their temporary caretakers.

_Aw…they're adorable… _thought Alexis. _They certainly don't seem that vicious either. That means that either Zane's exaggerating, or they're really good actors._

"Come on now, don't be shy," said Uncle Howard, nudging both of them out from behind him to meet the three. "Come on, just say hello!"

Both of them awkwardly shuffled forward a little, both pairs of eyes still firmly set on the ground.

"Hello," said Alexis, getting down on her knees to get to the same height as the little girl. "My name's Alexis…what's your name?"

"_Inappropriate comment deleted_," said the little girl in a sweet, little-kid voice. Alexis gave her a weird look as one of her hairs stood up on end.

"Oh, don't worry, her fourteen year old brother taught her that one," said Uncle Howard, as Alexis stood in utter shock. "Just try not to freak out too much when she says it. Then maybe she'll get bored and move onto something else."

"Eh…okay…" said Alexis.

---ooo---

"Okay Zane, now you're just being paranoid," said Alexis.

"Look, I don't care if it's morally wrong, I spent twenty dollars on these muzzles, and I'm getting use out of them," said Zane, holding out a pair of mesh dog muzzles, as he and the others managed to get the two kids safely back to his dorm.

"Zane…calm down…you're not thinking clearly…I mean you're taking _Chazz's _advice" said Alexis.

"Why is it always me?" growled Chazz tohimself. "Why doesn't anyone trust _me_?"

"They're just little kids, and I think you're-OW!"

Alexis was cut off abruptly as she was nearly thrown over when she received a sharp kick in her shin, causing her to violently wobbled in an attempt to regain her balance. Her eyes whirled around automatically, alight with anger, to see Chazz and Nate, both staring at her innocently.

"DA SPAZZY KID DID IT!" cried the little kid, pointing to Chazz angrily.

"WHAT? I DID NOT!" yelled Chazz angrily.

"See? They're evil," Zane said flatly.

"They're just kids!" said Alexis. "They're not evil! They're just…playful. Like puppies. We just need to get them calmed down, and I'm sure they'll be well-behaved. I mean, really, we're complete and utter strangers to them, so naturally, they'd be scared, and not willing to easily trust us, and-"

"They're gone Alexis," said Zane vaguely, as the door swung a little on it's hinges, as if blown by the wind.

"Those…brats…" said Alexis, surprising rage in what seemed to be her clenched fists, as her knuckles turned white. "And who was dumb enough to leave the door open?"

"The door was closed…and locked…with double bolts…and a key…with only one copy…in my possession…" said Zane.

Silence.

"_Cough_para_cough_noid," said Chazz.

"Oh yeah, we're not dealing with ordinary little kids," Alexis said.

---ooo---

"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate? Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareeeeeeeeeeeeeen? Where are you?" called Zane, looking all around the grounds, armed only with a flashlight, a lollypop, and the two mesh muzzles. "Come on out…this isn't funny anymore…I'll give you candy...I'll give you _money_…darn, that usually works…"

He flashed the light all over the grounds, across the pavement, into the grass, and casting a few, strained lights into the bushes. He found no trace of the two evil children.

"Funny things about favors to the family," said Zane to himself, the disc of light from the flashlight falling on the road in front of him. "They generally are ignored unless you screw something up."

"Cousin Zane!" squeaked a voice from up over his head, causing Zane to nearly jump out of his skin, as the disc whirled upward. When it hit, he saw the figure of Nate, sitting on a large branch of a tree, his legs swinging aimlessly back and forth, a look of carelessness, almost spite, plastered on his face.

"What are you doing up there?" asked Zane, not very shocked at the fact that his cousin would climb up a tree in the middle of the night.

"Sittin'," said Nate.

"I meant…never mind," sad Zane. "Get down from there."

"No!" said Nate.

"Get down here _please_," said Zane.

"NO!" said Nate.

"Get down here _or else_," said Zane.

"Like you can do anytin' to me, giwy boy!" said Nate.

"That's it, now I'm going to have to use force, which means that now it's somewhat morally correct for me to use these," said Zane, pulling one of the muzzles tight in his hands, then swinging it over his shoulder. With that, he quickly grappled the tree with two hands around it's trunk, and began to awkwardly pull himself up it as quickly as he could, which, incidentally, wasn't very fast.

"Okay you little brat," said Zane darkly. "For three whole years, whenever there was babysitting to be done…it always fell to me…just because I was older…and you have given me nothing but garbage. I am sick of being at the bottom of the abuse totem pole despite the fact that I am nearly three times your age and size. Is respect so much to ask for? Is it so-"

However, Zane was sharply cut off as he reached the branch that held his younger cousin. However, before Zane could even halfway conceive a thought of snatching up Nate up, Nate simply hopped out of the three, and, despite the fact that for a split second Zane's heart nearly stopped at the thought that his nephew would merely turn into a splatter of DNA on the ground, he landed nimbly on his feet, leaving Zane stranded alone at the top of the tree.

"Well…this cruelly ironic…" said Zane.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA!" screamed Nate, pointing at Zane. "You can't catch me 'cause youw so shtupid, HA!"

"You better not be expecting any Christmas presents from me this year," said Zane flatly. "Alright, you just stay there you-"

Before Zane could say another word, Nate dashed off.

"Figures..." said Zane. "Mom must have said to me 'Zane, never start monologing when you're upset', but do I ever listen? Nooooo…"

Silence.

"Now how the heck do I get down…" he muttered to himself.

---ooo---

Josephina was sitting in her dorm room, absentmindedly flicking through the television channels, wearing her usual evening comfy-wear, a loose-fitting sweater and a pair of jeans. She sighed absentmindedly, reveling on how little there was to watch on television, even though it was Halloween. It looked like it was going to be shaping up for a boring year, as always.

"Alright, you're moping," said Silent Magician, sitting on her head, giving her the usual somewhat annoyed, somewhat concerned glare. "What is it now? It's because it's Halloween and you're bored, isn't it?"

"No, I'm fine," said Josephina.

"Jeez, what's wrong with you?" said Silent Magician. "Are you just going to sit there all night? It's Halloween! Let's go out and get candy! Let's party! Let's prank people! Come on, at least order pizza or SOMETHING!"

"I'm trying to save my money," said Josephina. "And what would I do with all that pizza anyway?"

"Then call up the gang!" said Silent Magician. "Tell 'em it's BYOB!"

"AH! I-I-I can't d-do that!" said Josephina.

"Ha, I'm just kidding," said Silent Magician, as Josephina looked like her lungs were going to give out. "Even I sometimes get a kick out of looking at your little scared face. Anyway-"

She was promptly interrupted by the sound of a small fist banging on the door, causing her to almost automatically spring out of her chair and rush to the door to answer it (she didn't want the caller in question to think that she was intentionally trying to ignore him/her. That would be rude!).

"Hello?" she said, opening the door, shocked for a moment that there seemed to be no one there. However, her gaze fell downwards, landing on the small figure of Karen, who stared at her with huge, cutsie boo-boo eyes.

"Hewwo…" said Karen.

"Oh, what an adorable little girl!" said Josephina sweetly. "Are you a daughter of one of the teacher's here?"

"Can…ah…" Karen started shyly. "Can I…come in?"

"Oh! Of course you can!" said Josephina, opening the door wider to let the girl in. "Would you like to sit down? Are you hungry?"

Bad move Josie. Baaaaaaaaaaad…

---ooo---

"Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareeeeeeeeeen? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate?" said Alexis, calling out up and down the hallways of the dorm rooms. "Where are you guys? Come on! If you don't get out of here, you two are going to be in so much trouble!"

"More like _we're _going to be in so much trouble," said Chazz angrily, looking behind a huge garbage can. "All I know is that _I'm _not going to be the one to tell Uncle Sparky that his precious little maniacs are loose and terrorizing innocent civilians."

"You're killing me with your optimism Chazz," said Alexis, rolling her eyes.

"You're killing me with your esteem Alexis," he replied crisply.

"Greetings land lubbers," said a robotic voice behind Alexis, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin in shock. She turned around to see that the speaker was actually what appeared to be a large computer CPU and monitor that was tapped together with duct tape, but it seemed to be modified so that it was covered with extra blinking lights and lots of buttons that were very tempting to push. However, another small few small adjustments were that it was taped to a tea trolley and it had a pirate hat and a plastic scimitar duct taped to it's top and side, respectively, a fake parrot on the CPU, and a eyepatch stretched over the monitor.

"Uh…" said Alexis awkwardly, staring at the strange…thingy.

"I am First Mate Roboto, arg," said the computer to Alexis in it's high-pitched robotic sounding voice.

"First Mate?" asked Chazz.

"Actually, I am the galley boy, barnacle collector, and karaoke instructor, but I am expecting a promotion any day now, arg," said the robot. "I have been instructed to give you a message regarding the next scene, due to the fact that we ran out of characters at the last minute, and we're currently working on a deadline, arg."

"What about the Slifer Boys?" asked Alexis.

"They had to go to an Underdog Seminar and Pottery Class in Salem, arg," said First Mate Roboto.

"What about Akiro?" asked Alexis.

"He's taking a sick leave, arg," said First Mate Roboto.

"There's seriously no one?" asked Alexis.

"Correct, arg," sad FMR. "Anyway, I was instructed to give you this message regarding the upcoming scene. It is under Pirate Polly Jack the fake Parrot, arg."

"Oh…this right here," said Alexis, pulling out the sheet of paper from under the fake parrot on the CPU. She cafefully unfolded it, revealing itself to be a plain sheet of computer paper with a hastily scribbled message on it.

"'Go to Kat and Sam's scene'," Alexis read from the paper.

"And what makes you think that we'll just go along with anything your stupid little piece of paper says?" asked Chazz to the robot. "How do we know that you're not here just to screw around with our heads?"

"Because I am a robot, arg," said the robot.

"Well, my queries are satisfied," Chazz said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Look, it can't hurt to look there," said Alexis to Chazz. "Come on, lets go."

"NO!" said Chazz angrily. "I don't trust this rickety pile of plastic and silicon! How do we know that it's not an evil spy networking device held by some oppressive government or terrorist network or LIBRARIANS or pickle salesmen-"

"How did you find out about the pickles, arg," said the robot, as a huge ray gun popped out of nowhere and aimed itself directly at Chazz.

"Uh…what…pickles?" Chazz tried.

"That's better, arg," said the robot, as the ray gun collapsed back into the computer. "Good day to you, scurvy dogs."

With that, the robot slowly meandered away on it's tiny wheels, squeeking as they slowly carried their robotic pirate cargo toward the end of the hallway. However, about halfway there, about twenty feet from Alexis and Chazz-

It exploded.

"God, we seriously need to do a background check on some of these students…" Chazz said, as Alexis only looked at the smoldering remains of the robotic alley in the war against sanity.

---ooo---

"Alright…why does it seem like it's so easy to get up into a tree, then so hard to get down?" asked Zane, who was still stuck in the crown of the tree. "Darnit…the only thing that's making me angrier right now is the fact that I can't get down and a six-year-old can…"

Silence.

"Boy, I'd give anything right now to get down…" he muttered to himself.

"Hi. I'm Joku."

"Joku!" said Zane, in both surprise and relief, as he spotted the Ra student, who just stared absentmindedly at the trunk of the tree. "Who knew that you'd ever be a saving grace, let alone me?"

"Last night I dreamed I was pregnant," said Joku to the tree trunk.

"That's…" Zane started. "Oh, never mind. Joku, I need your help. I have a little nephew, and he tricked me into getting stuck in this tree. I need you to go get help."

"My mother told me I'd grow up to be a sales accountant," said Joku to the tree trunk.

"Look, Alexis and Chazz should be still looking around the Obelisk Blue hallways," said Zane. "Go there and ask them to help me down…and if you see a little kid with brown hair and huge brown eyes, do me a favor and slap him, okay?"

"Sometimes I wake up, and my pillow case is covered in drool," said Joku to the tree trunk.

"No, Joku…I'm up here…" said Zane. "Joku…just look up…please…"

"I got stuff in my eyes," said Joku to the tree trunk.

"Joku, just get help…both in aid and psychiatric matters…" said Zane, burying his face in his hands.

"I love you," said Joku dully, wrapping both of his arms around the tree trunk in a warm embrace.

Zane had nothing to say. He just sighed angrily and wondered just how many times Joku's mother dropped him on the head when he was a baby.

"Congratulations Joku," said Zane. "You have successfully managed to make me lose my faith in humanity."

Joku gave the tree a huge kiss.

"Oi…God…get a room," said Zane, snapping his eyes shut to try to block out any additional horrible mental images that were threatening to shoot through his brain.

---ooo---

"Must…use…last…of…strength…to get…cookies…out…" said Josephina, looking like she was going to pass out from sheer fatigue, wearing a pair of oven mitts, struggling to open the door to the portable oven she brought along with her to the school.

"WHERE ARE MY COOKIES?" screamed Karen from the living room.

"They'll be out any second, but they need two minutes cooling time…" said Josephina, somehow managing to reach her hands into the hot oven to pull out the tray laden with cookies, as she was surrounded by dirty bowls, spoons, and other cooking utensils, suggesting several other batches were baked before this one.

"I WANT THEM NOW!" yelled Karen.

"I'll…get the cooling fan…" said Josephina weakly, half dropping the cookies on the towel that was laid out on the table.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Silent Magician with all her four-inch-tall might, bouncing up and down angrily on Josephina's shoulder. "YOU'RE CATERING TO THE WHIMS OF A SPOILED, BRATTY LITTLE GIRL! I command you with the divine power of your duel spirit to stop playing nurse this second!"

"I can't…she's just a little girl…" said Josephina.

"AND YET SHE'S WALKING ALL OVER YOU LIKE A CHAMP!" yelled Silent Magician. "STOP IT RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL REALLY GET ANGRY!"

"Let me just finish this batch quick…" said Josephina.

"NO! NO MORE BATCHES!" yelled Silent Magician. "Stop cooking NOW!"

"Please?" said Josephina.

"Okay, that's it!" yelled Silent Magician angrily, pulling out her wand. "Obviously you're not going to listen to words, so maybe you'll listen to action! THUNDERAGA!"

With that, the wand wobbled violently, started glowing with pure power…and emitted a little spark of static discharge that zapped the back of Josephina's neck, causing her to briefly cry out in pain, as her hand flew back and covered the spot..

"_Now _will you listen?" asked Silent Magician angrily.

"M-maybe I can call someone…" Josephina said awkwardly.

---ooo---

"SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! SAMSAMSAMSAMSAMSAMSAMSAM SAMMY SAM!" screamed Kat at the top of her lungs, rushing into the dorm room with a happy spring in her step, while Sam was, once again, trying to read a book on her bed. "Guess what? I read the accursed 'Field Guide' of yours, I finally figured out what the dead thing was! And that's not the easiest thing to do when it's head's gone!"

"Fantastic," said Sam dully, turning a page. "What was it?"

"Well apparently, it was either a Bushy-Tailed Wood Rat, or a Grizzly Bear," said Kat.

"…what?" asked Sam.

"Well, I couldn't quite tell, but you know their fur was in that general category of color, so I just had to assume…" said Kat.

"Kat, how big was this thing you found?" asked Sam.

"'bout seven inches long," said Kat, once again tramping mud all the way up to Sam's part of the room as she walked up to her.

"So how can you possibly think that this…thing is a Grizzly Bear?" asked Sam.

"Well, according to your toe rag, it says that Grizzly Bears grow to six to seven inches from snout to tail!" said Kat. "So naturally, one would assume that what I found was a very large Grizzly Bear!"

"Give me that," said Sam angrily, snatching the damp and somewhat muddy book right out of Kat's hands, flipping rapidly through it to try to find the particular page that had Grizzly Bears on it. "Okay…muskrat…coyote…brown bear…Kat, it says Grizzly Bear's are six to seven FEET long!"

"Oh…hang on, _one _dash is feet, and _two _dashes is inches?" said Kat. "Now that's confusing.

"Kat-"

That's when she heard knocking at the door.

"I hope whoever it is will take you away from me," said Sam flatly, as she hopped out of bed and made her way to the door. "Who is it?"

"Pathological research. We've come for you friend," said a voice outside the door.

"WOO HOO!" screamed Sam happily.

"Actually, it's just Alexis and Chazz," said Alexis outside.

SLAM!

"HOW DARE YOU GET MY HOPES UP LIKE THAT?" yelled Sam angrily, slamming open the door, her eyes filled with partially angry, partially terribly sad tears that were streaming down her face. This shocked both Alexis AND Chazz so much that they nearly fell backward.

"Uh…sorry?" tried Alexis.

"Just…don't…do it…again…" said Sam, tears streaming down her eyes, as she frantically tried to wipe them away with the back of her hand. "Now…what are you here for?"

"We were wondering if you saw a pair of kids running around here by the names of Nate and Karen," said Alexis. "They're a boy and a girl, six and…four if I remember right."

"Well, mentally, I've met many people that fit that description, but-" Sam started.

"OI! SAM! PHONE!" screamed Kat out the door, holding out the chordless phone. "IT'S JOSIE! SHE SAYS SHE'S GOT SOME PROBLEM WITH A LITTLE BRAT THAT WANDERED INTO HER DORM WHOS DEMANDING COOKIES BY THE STACKLOAD! SHE SAYS SHE WAS WONDERING IF WE HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR HER!"

"That's the fun thing about humor fics," said Sam to the gang. "You can string plots together in the stupidest ways."

"Is that so…" said Alexis. "TO THE NEXT SCENE!"

_**Meanwhile, in the next scene…**_

"Wow, that kids _creepy_," said Silent Magician, as both she and Josephina peeked around the corner to watch their charge down a whole plate laden with cookies. "How can one kid eat so much dough? It defies human logic! Her stomach should have exploded by the laws of physics!"

"I…I hope she isn't very hungry after this…" said Josephina.

"I'M STILL HUNGRY!" yelled Karen. Josephina sighed and turned around and headed toward the kitchen.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" yelled Silent Magician, grabbing a huge clump of Josephina's hair as she walked away, causing her to squeak in pain. "You're not going back there! You are going to learn how to say 'no', and you're going to like it!"

"Uh…" Josephina said.

"NO! SAY 'NO'! SAY 'NO, I WILL NOT LIKE IT'!" yelled Silent Magician.

"No I…will not…" said Josephina.

"NO! LOUDER! AND NO PAUSES!" yelled Silent Magician.

"But…I'd sound ridiculous…talking to a hallucination…"

"I'M-"

SMACK!

"-NOT-"

SMACK!

"-A-"

SMACK!

"-HALLUCINATION!" screamed Silent Magician angrily, after dealing a final smack at the back of Josephina's head, causing huge tears to fall down her face, as well as her to cover the back of her head and fall to her knees in pain. "And don't you forget it missy."

"POWAH!"

BAM!

With one huge kick, Kat slamed a heel into the door and caused it to fall forward, completely off it's hinges, until it landed on the ground with a huge thunk.

"KAT!" yelled Sam angrily.

"ALRIGHT BRAT-O!" yelled Kat, running up into the living area to face the little girl which was probably at least three feet shorter than her, a cookie still firmly wedged in her mouth, her stomach swolent to twice it's normal size. "FOR YOUR CRUELTY TO MY FAVORITE JOSIE, YOU WILL FACE A TASTE OF PURE POWER!"

"Um…no…please don't…" said Josephina, timidly stepping forward, "…hurt…"

"MY GOD JOSIE!" yelled Kat, pointing to her. "THAT THING TURNED YOUR HAIR WHITE!"

"That's her normal hair color, stupid," said Sam grimly.

"Alright Karen," said Alexis angrily, walking right up to Karen, looking her straight in the eye. "You have no idea how much trouble you're in! Running off like that, making us scramble all over the place trying to look for you…what if you had gotten hurt? You could have gotten killed! And on top of everything else, you came here, worked Josephina out of her mind-"

"Which is pretty pathetic when you look at it," said Chazz, shoving Alexis aside to get a good look at the kid. "I mean, I really can't see what makes me more sick, the fact that you tried to pick on someone like Josephina, or the fact that…Josephina let you…"

"Get ouwta my face Spazz," said the girl. "It makes me wanna fwo up."

"WHY YOU-" yelled Chazz. "You better watch where your walking kid, or I'll give you a head start on losing all your baby teeth!"

"Chazz!" yelled Alexis.

"Weast I got all my bwain cells," said Karen.

"At least I've grown out of the booster seat!" yelled Chazz.

"At weast people can TEWW Imma giwl!" yelled Karen.

"TAKE THAT BACK YOU-" yelled Chazz.

"CHAZZ!" yelled Alexis. "Alright missy, we're taking you back to the room pronto, and don't you dare think of trying to pull anything else on us, or you'll be in even more trouble than you are now!"

"Cheyah right," said the little girl. "What can you possibly do to me lady?"

"She can't do anything, the moral riddled little Obelisk punk," said Kat with a sinister smile, cracking her fingers eagerly. "However, my morals are DOA."

"Do you even know what DOA stands for?" asked Sam.

"…dogs ownzer antelopes!" said Kat.

"Yeah, that's it…" said Sam flatly.

"Alright, we're going," said Alexis, taking the little girl's hand in hers. However, all she received in return was a violent wiggle and a now free little girl who quickly hopped out of her reach.

"NO!" said Karen in response, quickly making a bolt for the door. As Alexis was about to spring forward after her, the door suddenly burst open with a gust of wind, and, as very dreamy music played in the background, with a huge, red umbrella in his hand, Professor Banner floated into the rooms on an imaginary breeze, looking very creepily like Mary Poppins.

"Hello Children!" he said in a sickeningly happy voice, landing on the ground, folding up his umbrella afterwards. "I heard that you were having an issue with a sweet little girl, so I decided that I'd come to help break the dramatic tension!"

"Who the heck are you lady?" asked Karen.

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha _ha ha ha ha ha ha…ha…_" said Professor Banner darkly. "I'm just a friendly teacher here to give you some good advice."

"How not to look like an idiot?" asked the little girl.

"Not quite," said Professor Banner, getting within inches of her face. "You see dear, I know your small, hormone-uneffected mind desperately wants to believe that dim-witted, angst-ridden teenagers have nothing to offer in society in general, but please remember that they have lived far longer than you, and they know things you are just barely beginning to understand."

"So what?" asked the little girl.

"And being older…they are _far more evil than you…_" said Professor Banner darkly, as his eyes opened wide, exposing the mind-bending horrors inside.

Karen's own eyes then bugged out of her skull until they were four times their normal size. Then, very, very quietly, she walked away from him, and walked up to the group with very large, pathetic looking eyes, they eyes of tarnished youth.

"I'll be good…" she said in a very quiet voice, as she was openly shuddering in horror.

"HA! I BET YOU FEEL SORRY YOU LITTLE BRAT!" yelled Chazz in triumph.

"Chazz, don't make karma mad," said Alexis.

"HA!" said Chazz. "At this point in time, I AM karma!"

However, a large chunk of plaster came out of the ceiling, and landed with a good deal of force and pain on his head.

"Uh…no you aren't…" said Alexis, trying her best to contain a very content smile. "Well, we managed to get one kid out of the way. Now we just need to find the other one-"

"Will the caretaker of the six year old with the stapling gun please report to the main offi-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH," said a voice over the intercom.

"Well…that's helpful…" said Alexis.

---ooo---

"No…please…no…" said Ms. Takaya, cowering in a corner of the main office, as two of her coworkers groaned painfull, stapled soundly and firmly to the wall.

"Quiet lady, or you'll be next!" said Nate, holding the stapler gun firmly in his hands. "Now then…my demands are simple…give me all da candy in this joint, and no one gets huwt!"

"I told you, I don't have any candy!" said Ms. Takaya frantically. "I usually restock after Halloween when it's all on sale!"

"SHUT UP!" said Nate, aiming the staple gun at her. "I had enough of yow garbage! Yow gonna get the same thing your fwiends got!"

BAM!

"Alright you little brat!" yelled Chazz, storming into the office at full pace, the most angry, ticked-off scowl he had yet plastered to his face. "I've had enough of tramping all over the school looking for you!"

"Shut up Spazz, I'm packin'!" said Nate.

"No YOU shut up you post-tolder NIGHTMARE!" yelled Chazz. "I'm older than you, I'm bigger than you, and at this moment, I OWN you! So drop the office supplies and get back to the dorm, or I'll show you what it's like to lose all your baby teeth prematurely!"

"Chazz, stop threatening the Kindergartener!" said Alexis angrily, now walking through the door, just barely managing to catch up.

"NO!" said Chazz. "I'm sick of being turned into a circus pony by a bunch of evil little kids! If I'm going to be miserable, so are they! Period!"

"Chazz. For. Once. In. Your. Life. Consider. KARMA!" said Alexis bluntly.

"Pfh, whatever," said Chazz. "What's this kid got on me? An two-bit mediocre DYI tool? Oooooh…a staaaaaaaaapler gun, I'm so SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAR-"

CLIPCLIPCLIPCLIPCLIPCLIP-PING!

Before Chazz could say or do anything more, Nate became a blur of color , as he circled around Chazz with blazing speed, and before Chazz could say another word, he was stapled to the wall, as was the other victims of Nate's dastardly power.

"Owww…" said Chazz. "Stupid…karma…"

"Idiot," said Alexis.

"Ahwight, looks wike it's just you!" said Nate, pointing the stapler gun at Alexis. "Aw your candy. Handit ovah. NOW!"

"No! That's enough!" yelled Alexis. "You and your sister have caused way too much trouble today! Now both of you are going straight home, and straight to bed! And if you think that you're going to get off-"

---ooo---

"In retrospect, it was pretty optimistic to think that sort of thing was going to work," said Alexis, as she too was now stapled to the wall, but since her outfit was much…eh…smaller, it was a pretty awkward stapling period.

"Hee hee hee…" cackled the kid. "Wooks wike none of you gots candy. That's okay…the qwestion is…WHICH ONE OF YOU GETS THEIR FACE STAPLED UP FIRST?"

"Alexis! Alexis! She wants to get stapled! HER! HER! HER!" said Chazz, frantically trying to gesture in her direction as best as he could being stapled to wall.

"I'm glad you're loyal to your comrades Chazz," said Alexis.

"Well, you know what they say…WADIES FIWST!" said the kid, pointing the stapler gun at Alexis's direction.

"You utter snot…" said Alexis.

(insert dull fanfare here)

Zane walked into the room, looking in an incredibly bad mood.

"OH! I CHANGED MY MIND! STAPLE ZANE!" said Chazz.

"You really don't know when to shut up, do you Chazz?" said Alexis

"Weww, weww, weww…" said the evil little kid, toying the stapler gun. "Sow we meet at last Couzin Zane. You've come to joiwn youw fwiends, cowect? Sad, I thought Kawen was gonna take cawe of youw, but I guess I was-"

CLIPCLIPCLIPCLIPCLIPCLIPCLIPCLIP!

Before he could even say another world, he was up on the wall with Alexis and Chazz, looking rather pathetic at being beaten so quickly and suddenly.

"Kid, you got nothing on me," said Zane, twirling his stapler gun that had 'OWNZMASTER' in bright gold letters written across it. "Oh, and don't try to run, I blocked the door from the outside. You're stuck."

"…rats…" said Nate. "WELL I GOT-"

He found a very large stapler gun pointed to his face.

"I'll…be good…" he said weakly.

"Wow, now I'm almost disappointed," said Chazz.

"You REALLY need to learn when to shut up," said Alexis.

"So did you find Karen?" asked Zane, pulling out a staple remover from his pocket and beginning to pull Alexis out of the wall.

"Yes, strangely," said Alexis. "It turns out she was just mooching of Jo."

"Figures…she always was a touch manipulative," said Zane, "not to mention she had the ability to smell fear."

"You look a little scarier than usual," said Alexis. "Did something happen?"

"Well, I got stuck in a tree-Chazz, you say one word, and I'll staple your mouth shut-and…I stayed stuck for quite some time," said Zane.

"Eh?" said Alexis. "How did you manage to get out?"

"Well, benevolent spirits finally intervened on my behave," said Zane, as he pulled out the last staple, causing Alexis to nearly tumble to the floor.

---ooo---

"Mrm Mmkmf…" said Joku, who was squished by a tree that had recently been struck by a freak lightning bolt.

---ooo---

"I see," said Alexis, as Zane began to rip staples out of the rest of the peoples' clothes. "I'm almost scared to answer this question, but at some point, you do plan to help Chazz down, right?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-no," said Zane.

"HEY!" yelled Chazz.

---ooo---

"Well, this day was a total waste," said Alexis, sitting at the cafeteria table, with a recently opened jug of apple cider, three cups full of it, and a box of donuts sitting in the center of it.

"Uh, yeah!" said Chazz.

"Oi…" said Zane.

"No pay, back-breaking later, no candy, and I didn't even get a chance to change into my costume…" sighed Alexis.

"Agreed," said Zane.

"Especially about the no pay…" muttered Chazz.

"But we did good work today boys," said Alexis, picking up one of the cups off the table and raising it to cheer them. "And it's not Halloween unless your high on some sort of sugar. Happy Halloween guys."

"Happy Halloween," said Zane, picking up his glass.

"You're paying for this, right?" asked Chazz.

"Quiet Chazz," Alexis said.

"We should probably give something to Sam, Kat, and Josephina for their help," said Zane to himself, taking a plain donut out of the triple donut box.

"Taken care of," said Alexis with a smile to herself, sipping her cider.

---ooo---

"AW SWEET! Those Obelisk Scumbags gave us donuts and rented the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'!" said Kat in an eager voice, picking up the huge bag of donuts in one arm and the movie in the other and bouncing up and down in pure joy. "I'LL GET THE NEWSPAPERS!"

"Yeah…she's insane…" said Sam to Jo, who was just quietly smiling, happy to have company for the rest of the night.

---ooo---

**L33T B0NUZ PHUN!**

**Ten Week Report: Cultural References, Inside Jokes, and other things you probably don't get (or at least, that I want to rant about)**

_Hagrid (Chapter One))_

From Harry Potter! Just in case that…you know…there's someone out there that hasn't heard of Harry Potter. Wow, that was a pointless first one, huh?

_Karma Police (Chapter One)_

Karma, as you probably all know, is the idea that our actions effect what happens to us (i.e. if you good, good stuff happens to you, etc.). However, while this is a cute saying, it's actually inspired by the title of a song by Radiohead entitled…well, 'Karma Police'.

_Kaiser (Chapter Two)_

Just in case any of you didn't know, Kaiser is what Zane is refered to in the Japanese version. I'm not trying to be redundant. Seriously. I'm not.

_POWAH! (Several Chapters)_

Kat's cry is actually inspired from what Sora would say whenever I activated a character magic card in Kingdom Hearts, Chain of Memories. It just seemed like a good thing for her to say when she's kicking butt.

_Elizabeth Taylor (Chapter Three)_

Elizabeth Taylor has been married eight times (I _did_ count).

_Phantasmagorical (Chapter Three)_

'Phantasmagorical' means having to do with ghosts or supernatural forces.

_Cuidado (Chapter Four)_

'Careful' or something like that in Spanish.

_The Bobble Head (Chapter Five)_

This is actually a reference to the bobble head that appeared in one of my previous stories 'The Wizard of Cuz'.

_Josie (Chapter Five)_

Josie was actually the name of one of my father's childhood dogs. That's why every sane person looks utterly confused whenever Josephina's referred to as 'Josie'.

_Madlax and Other Punk (Chapter Six)_

'Madlax' is actually produced partially by the man responsible for the Anime 'Noir', and it star a very maturely built gun-for-hire named Madlax, who wears a very tight shirt with a green coat, very tiny black shirts, and calf-high boots. Sam's fantasy outfit is based on the typical retro punk girl in Japanese culture-a very long pleated skirt used for one's school uniform, which is usually seen as the opposite in American culture as a symbol of a conservative person.

_Terrat Cards (Chapter Seven)_

Joku's Terrat Card power was actually inspired by the workings of the Spirit of the Stage from 'Kaleido Star'.

_The Uga-Boy Brothers (Chapter Eight)_

The term I used to refer to my dad and his brothers.

_First Mate Roboto (Chapter Ten)_

A character based on a character me and my brother created together.

_Newspaper (Chapter Ten)_

As with all good cult movies, there has to be a share of ritual behavior from the audience. On top of throwing rice, confetti, and toilet paper at appropriate bits, another tradition (apparently Kat's favorite) is when Brad and Janet get caught in a storm, right when Janet covers her head with a newspaper, the members of the audience do the same.

_FINAL NOTE: 'Those Crazy Obelisks" will be in temporary hibernation for a little bit until Shri finishes up with "There's Something About Marik". We plan to wake up sometime in Late October or Early November. However, to help you cope with your supreme sadness, we're taking drawing requests on Shri's deviantArt account, OC, Cannon, or other (APPROPRIATE requests please. The link's on my bio! Check it out!). I'm really sorry for the inconvinience, and for the late update with a sudden announcement of temporary hibernation. I swear I'll get back on track with everything ASAP! I just need to handle the homework load..._

_Thank you so much for your understanding! I'll make sure the chapters are extra funny when I get back! Ciao!_


	11. There's No I In Retail

It's better than bad, it's good!

Hey gang, out of hibernation, and back to destroy souls and ruin lives. Funny, I said I'd be back in November, and no we're…um…in the middle of February. Yes, yes, I know I'm much later than originally expected, but here I am…awake from my long…em…first semester nap.

So here's a big Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving, Chrismahanakwanza, New Year, of course, Valentine' Day, and whatever obscure national holiday I might have missed from me to you in my absence!

Nothing really interesting has happened in my life since we briefly (ha ha) parted ways. I still write demented things. I still draw demented pictures. I still do demented things. That being said lately I've become a youtube junkie, my favorite things to watch being 'Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged' and 'Naruto Abridged'. Though sometimes, I like to listen to opening theme songs and various anime episodes (like the super-cute Kisa episode from Fruits Basket .). And also, I've been watching a lot of 'Crazy Boris' cartoons (CACTAUR IS THE GREATEST!). And I still play Fire Emblem on an almost daily basis. I'm still trying to beat one of the games I imported from Japan (yes, I am obsessed). And now I'm trying to beat my two new Final Fantasy games…and am having very little luck. Maybe it's just because my minute attention span can't quite handle the job system…

Anyway, onto the actual story. I'm proud to present that November is a super-special month in the storyline, considering, Alexis, Zane, and Chazz get a whole chapter that almost completely revolves around them during this month. Aren't they special?

I had a lot of fun thinking up the characters for this particular chapter. Considering that the characters are almost doomed to become hit-and-run, throwaway, one trick ponies, you might as well make them as memorable as they can. And boy, they are SCARY. Scary beyond mortal comprehension. But I'll let you find that out for yourself.

And now, without further rants, Chapter Eleven, in all its eleveny glory!

**Chapter Eleven**

**THERE'S NO 'I' IN RETAIL (Oh…wait…)**

_And now…Kat…_

"Herro gang!" said Kat, waving at the audience. "If you haven't been reading this story, then you know that I am POWAH LAD33 KAT, THE ENEMY OF ALL OBELISKS! If you have been reading the previous sentence…then you also know I'm POWAH LAD33 KAT, THE EMEMY OF ALL OBELISKS! If you have read neither the previous bits of the story nor any of the paragraph up to this point…HEY, I'M KAT!"

She peace signed the audience.

"Anyway, I am proud to inform you that we have no entered the glorious land that we here in Duel Acadamy like to call…NOVEMBER! And since there is always the risk that you haven't read ANYTHING from October, I'm here to inform of you of all the Octobery events that have occurred in the previous month, chomped down in easy-to-swallow bits!

**THING NUMBER ONE**

"Chazz's favorite kind of shampoo is anything that smells like blueberry or strawberry cream!" said Kat, once again pointing to our favorite Chazz, who was sitting at his desk, waiting for the upcoming exam.

"Again, where do you come up with this load of garbage?" he asked, giving her an especially evil eye.

"I read it in your diary!" said Kat in a sing-song voice.

"I don't have a diary sponge for brains!" yelled Chazz.

"This big, fuzzy pink thing begs to differ," said Kat sweetly, holding up a wad of fake pink fur that looked more like an overstuffed pillow than a diary, with the words 'Chazz' in shining, purple letters on the cover.

"…you are a terrible woman, and may a plague fall upon your family, your future husband run off with another woman and take every last drop of your personal property with him, and have either your head explode at the worst possible time or get run down by a three-year-old's tricycle."

"Heh…you said 'tricycle'…" said Kat, sticking out her hand. "And now, appropriate bribe please!"

"Here's a quarter, go buy yourself a new brain," said Chazz, digging into his pocket briefly before unearthing a quarter, absentmindedly tossing into Kat's hands.

"WOOT! QUAR-TER! QUAR-TER!" sung Kat.

**THING NUMBER TWO**

"…it's me next isn't it?" asked Zane, reading a copy of Lord of the Flies.

"YES, IT IS!" said Kat, sitting on his desk. "Thing number two…"

Silence.

"Hey, can you tell me a really embarrassing personal secret?" asked Kat.

"No," said Zane.

"Please?" asked Kat.

"No," said Zane.

"I'll give you a super-awesome quarter!" said Kat, holding out the dully glittering corner in front of the text of the book that Zane was trying to read.

"No thank you, I don't want to get whatever Chazz has," said Zane dully, trying to turn a page with the quarter and Kat's hand in his way.

"HEY! I HEARD THAT YOU ANGSTY JERK!" yelled Chazz as the top of his lungs, pointing angrily at Zane, who was about as 'I-don't-care' looking as you could possibly get.

"Only one desk separates us, giving a total of four feet of distance between us," said Zane flatly. "I'd be worried if you didn't hear me."

"OH! OH! I FOUND THING TWO!" said Kat. "Zane is a germaphobe!"

"I don't know whether to be disgusted or depressed on how much information you are capable of manipulating information that have the vaguest connections so for a second you have to actually consider it, but ultimately, it manifests into nothing more than garbage. You should seriously consider a career in journalism…or certain churches."

"And he talks way too much!" said Kat to the audience.

"Likewise," Zane muttered.

**THING NUMBER THREE**

"Okay, I'm bored," said Kat, turning away from the two. "SAM ANNOYING TIME!"

"What?!" yelled Chazz, now properly riled up in a furry. "You're going to make us suffer your stupidity and then you leave before finishing it off?!"

"Yeah, why?" said Kat.

"THAT'S UNFAIR! THAT'S UNFAIR! STAY HERE AND ANNOY ALEXIS!" said Chazz.

"Um…no," said Kat.

"I'LL NAIL YOU FOR SEXISM YOU INSANE RA RUGRAT!" yelled Chazz at the top of his lungs, as Zane pulled out a loose sheet of notebook paper and put another little scratch under an underlined 'how many times Chazz has used alliteration and not have a clue what the word "alliteration" means'.

"The Brillo Pad makes a point," said Zane, shoving the notebook paper back into it's original resting place.

"I've got three words…boo…hoo…hoo…" said Kat, counting off her words on her fingers, but somehow managing to end up with four fingers. "Now if you FOOLS are done talking-"

BAM!

"Sit down Ms. Tillian," said Dr. Crowler, as Kat fell to the ground, once again nailed by a brick thrown at her head at terminal velocity. "Alright students, I have the results from your last test. I'm both grateful and somewhat disappointed to inform you that nothing much has changed…save for the fact that I'm now on eight hundred milligrams of aspirin a day…"

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ANY OF US CARE LADY?" yelled Kat, as she was once again clocked by a brick.

"And your responsible for about seven hundred of them," said Crowler. "Right. Your grades are being passed out. And I just passed a construction site today, so I think all of you know what my inevitable reply will be to anyone who asks 'are you SURE this is right'?"

"So what did I miss?" asked Alexis, sitting down in her usual chair between the two, coming back from the water fountain.

"Kat suffered another couple of traumatic injuries, and we're getting our tests back," said Zane.

"I wish I had a couple bricks…" said Chazz.

"I'm so worried about the test results…" said Josephina, almost openly shuttering a few desks behind the others. "What if I did something wrong? I'm a little worried about how I did on my practical test…oh no…if I get dropped to another house, I don't know what I'll tell Mom and Dad…they'll be so disappointed…what am I going to-"

"Calm down already," said Akiro dully. "Obelisk Blue's like a rat trap; once you're in, you're in. You either have to do something really stupid, or be sucked into a teacher's grudge against another student to such an extreme level that he forces said student or a close associate of said student to duel you to trade places in dorm rank."

"Uh…what's that?" asked Josephina, pointing to a huge, flashing sign that said "foreshadowing" over Akiro's head.

"Just ignore it," said Akiro. "The author isn't very good at 'subtle literary elements'."

"Wow! The chemistry between you two is _intense_," said Kat sarcastically, and loudly, as she was clobbered by yet another brick.

"Why do I have an awful feeling that no matter how many bricks Dr. Crowler chucks at her, Kat's never quite going to get the message?" mused Akiro.

"Actually, that was mine," said Sam, grabbing Kat by the collar and dragging her back to the desk once again.

"So how do you think you did on your test Sam?" asked Kat cheerfully.

"If your conscience, than you can walk yourself," said Sam, dropping her on the floor like a rock with a loud 'THUMP'. "Honestly, just how many consecutive brain injuries can you withstand without being remotely…un-yourself?"

"YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION!" Kat yelled at the top of her lungs, pulling herself to her feet, and with one spring, leaping right into her chair.

"Look, I look on this particular situation like I do every situation I face," said Sam. "You are neither to look at it with intense optimism nor blatant pessimism. Everything is with balance. While I do not expect a guaranteed spot-"

NeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerSMACK!

With a tremendous, shuddering crash, Joku crashed into the window, flattening him against the glass, pressing it so that his face looked…slightly more ridiculous than it usually did.

"Irm Jrkur…" said Joku dully, slidding down the glass with a sickening squeaking sound.

"If I was a superstitious woman, I'd consider that a bad omen," said Sam. "Thank God I'm not a superstitious woman!"

"You're still in Ra," said Dr. Crolwer, slapping her test on the desk, turning to Kat. "And by some miracle that both the clergy and science have yet to explain, so are you."

"Oh…" said Sam, staring at the paper. "In confession…maybe I was…hoping…even believing…that this…would be the one. I really thought I'd make it to House Obelisk this time…I was…foolish I guess…to believe…"

"LOOK! I MADE AN ORAGAMI DOG WITH YOUR TEST PAPER!" said Kat cheerfully, proudly sporting the folded paper pooch while Sam continued to sink into the black well of despair. "It even barks when you pull its tail…heh heh…woof…bark bark doggy! Heh heh heh heh…"

"Hey! Develop your characters on your own time!" yelled Chazz from the other end of the room. "WE'RE the cannon characters here, you OC freaks!"

"Chazz, stop ruining the fourth wall…and yelling…" said Alexis, as her paper was placed on her desk. "Okay, let's see…I'm still in Obelisk!"

"Me too!" said Chazz, looking at his paper.

"As am I," said Zane, putting his to the side. "Well, looks like we're all Obelisks for another month."

"Good thing!" said Alexis in relief. "I don't know what I'd tell my parents if something happened and my grades slipped…oh! Speaking of parents, do any of you have any idea how much the card counter pays?"

"Um…forgive me for not having the random capacity to be able to see the relevance between the two but…what?" asked Zane.

"Oh," said Alexis. "You see, my parent's birthdays are coming up-"

"What, BOTH of them?" asked Chazz.

"Don't be stupid Chazz," said Zane.

"Yep, both of them," said Alexis. "For some odd reason, my Mom's Birthday and my Dad's Birthday are only a week apart! It's really cool…and annoying when it comes to buying presents. Recently, I've been a little short on cash so I just want to land a job for a little while until I have enough money to buy them both something decent."

"I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING!" said Chazz.

"Speaking of random capacity…" said Zane.

"But I don't have a clue what they pay," said Chazz. "Not that I as a general rule recommend associating with worthless underlings, you should ask. Sam. Word on the yard is she's the lady when it comes to the card counter."

"Really?" said Alexis. "Strange…Sam doesn't really strike me as one who'd you'd associate with-"

"Menial labor?" asked Zane.

"I'm…sure there's a more polite way to put it but…" said Alexis.

"Hey, that's what I heard, if you don't like it, don't listen," said Chazz. "Now about me being right and Zane being wrong-"

"Three words-dead, cat, bounce," said Zane.

"IT IS NOT! It's a fully alive cat bounce!" yelled Chazz.

"Then who am I to argue?" said Zane dully.

"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" yelled Chazz.

"Well, as a general rule, I don't usually jump on gossip…" said Alexis. "I'll just go their and ask. And if it turns out Sam actually works there, then great, I'll just ask her there."

"Good idea," said Zane. "A rational thought process. You should really follow her example Chazz."

"MY THOUGHTS ARE VERY RATIONAL!" said Chazz.

"Suuuuuuure…" Zane said.

---ooo---

"Wow…I can't believe they're still open this late," said Alexis, looking at her watch, which read 7:30 PM. Being the start of November, the sun had long since set, and she was standing in the spotlight of a streetlight, looking like a tiny little island surrounded by a sea of night on the somewhat deserted school grounds. "Not that it's late…but I heard the counter is run entirely by students. You'd think they'd need to get home and get homework and food and everything else out of the way…"

Alexis sighed, realizing what a prude she was sounding like. Just because she was madly possessive of her eight hours of sleep doesn't mean that every other person was. She was about to (temporarily) enter the work force, and thus, one or two routine habits needed to be discarded. She put a cheerful smile on her face, gripped the handle to the glass door (not automatic-how classic!), and opened it, ready for whatever was inside.

The card shop itself was of a good size, not so small that it was crowded, but no so large it was overbearing. The walls were lined with various advertisements for new decks and packs that were coming out soon, as well as prices for the ones that were currently available. They added a blanket of myriads of colors and patterns all over the otherwise plain white walls, making Alexis feel the need to turn around to get a good look at everything. The counter itself was very long, consisting primarily of glass to properly display sets of very rare cards or other sundry advertising items. The top of the counter was lined with polished wood, not metal or glass, a tad bit surprising to Alexis, but otherwise, it seemed very nice.

"Hello?" Alexis called into the store, which seemed very quiet and empty despite the fact that all the lights were on. "I've come here to apply for a job…I just have a few questions…is anyone here?"

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

What came next was something crossed between a ninja attack, a little kid running toward someone holding a lollypop…and an atomic bomb. What came at her came fast-something somehow managed to spring out the door leading to behind the counter, completely clear the counter with one spring, shoot toward Alexis, and tackle her to the ground. Regardless, one instant, Alexis was on her feet, the next she was on the ground, being violently hugged by what seemed to be a boy at least five inches shorter than her, with very short but very shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes (or at least, Alexis was sure they were blue-she only caught a flashing glimpse), and, by the feeling of her cracking ribs, a very powerful upper body.

"HELLO CUSTOMER!" screamed the boy at the top of his lungs, tightening his hug, forcing out what little oxygen remained in Alexis's lungs. "I'M TOTALLY RAY! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Ah…stop…it…" Alexis gasped, somehow managing to get on arm free from the hug, which she was now trying to use to rip off the newfound pest, finding herself reminded of that one breed of fish where the male surgically attaches himself to the female (though she couldn't quite remember the name). "You're…going…to…kill…me…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked, getting onto his knees, still with Alexis tight in his grasp, this time shaking her wildly in a hysteric grief, causing Alexis to believe she preferred lying on the ground. "RAY DOESN'T WANT THE CUSTOMER TO DIE! RAY WILL BY SAD! AND RAY'S PAY WILL BE CUT! NOOOOOOOO!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" yelled a very familiar, angry voice, which, on that particular note, was usually reserved for the word 'KAAAAAAAAAAT!'. Yep, there, in an angry stance behind the counter, stood Sam, glaring bitterly at the youth, who stopped shaking Alexis long enough for her to steal a hasty, shallow breath. "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? I told you to stay behind the counter and count stock! God, I can't leave you alone for more than forty eight seconds without you-"

"BUT SAM, THE CUSTOMER SAID SHE'S GOING TO DIE!" said Ray, with huge tears bubbling in his eyes.

"Well gee, I wonder why iron lung!" yelled Sam, then she caught a sight of Alexis, who looked windblown, pale, and…something frighteningly close to abused. "GYA! RAY! LET HER GO! LETHERGOTHISSECOND!"

"KAY!" Ray said, dropping Alexis like a stone, causing Alexis to crash to the floor, sucking in a humongous gulp of air, as if it was the last one she'd ever receive in her lifetime. She managed to push herself up from the floor, on her knees, trying to regain a regular heartbeat and breathing rate. "Now buy something lovely customer!"

"Alexis!" cried Sam, quickly darting around the counter and up toward the poor, panting woman. "Alexis, I'm so sorry! If I'd only came back a minute sooner…I'm sorry about Ray he's-"

"It's alright…" Alexis managed to choke out, almost with a half-smile on her face. "Don't worry about it…I've received the death hug more than once…"

"Bet from no one like Ray," said Sam giving Ray a sweet smile, who returned her smile with a humongous, almost comical, toothy grin. Then, with that smile still on her face, she gave him a swift punch across his.

"Oh no," said Alexis. "They're nothing compared to-"

Her voice suddenly dropped like a stone.

"Compared to what?" Sam asked curiously, as Ray still managed to kip his dismal smile on his face while nursing a swollen cheek, a few of his teeth looking loose.

"Nothing," said Alexis. "Um…actually, I didn't come here to buy anything, I was wondering if I could get a job…"

"…a job?" asked Sam, almost puzzled, as if Alexis had asked her to tang on the moon.

"Yes, a job," said Alexis matter-of-factly. "Oh, are there no positions open?"

"No, not at all!" said Sam, as the boy jumped on her and eagerly gave her a hug, just as he received a huge elbow in his gut, sending him falling over. "It's just…so when can you get started?"

"Um…anytime…" said Alexis.

"Good, well I'll get you the papers then," said Sam with a small smile. "You. Ray. Over here."

"But I want to hug the customer!" said Ray.

"Do you want to have dentures at forty?" said Sam darkly over her shoulder, going behind the counter once again.

"Coming darling!" said Ray eagerly, leaping over the counter once again to follow Sam behind the counter to the storage room.

"Don't call me darling!" Sam scolded. "And what have I told you about the counter?"

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

"I landed a job this quickly?" asked Alexis, almost in confusion.

"First rule of working at the card counter…okay, who am I kidding, there are no rules…" said Sam. "Well, welcome to the work force Alexis. I, of course, will help you if you have any questions."

"My biggest question is why our uniforms make us look like a bunch of dinks…" said Alexis, indicating her uniform, which consisted of a short-sleeved white shirt with puffy sleeves, a bright purple skirt a centimeter shorter than her other one (making it really, really short), a pair of suspenders the same color as the skirt, and a pair of pink heart clips on them, and a matching baseball cap. "I look like Romper Room meets GGW."

"All male BOE," said Sam.

"Ah, thought so," said Alexis.

"Well, probably the most important thing is to know how to handle customers in general," said Sam, looking at her watch. "Ah, and it seems like very soon, we're going to have our first customer."

"How do you know?" asked Alexis.

"William W. Wilson, second year Ra student," said Sam. "He's infamous for being a combination of frighteningly eccentric and a stickler for efficiency. At exactly 6:37, he will open the door."

BAM!

The door suddenly slammed open, revealing a dull eyed Ra student.

"Then, he will close the door," said Sam, as the door slammed shut. "Then he will open and shut the door seven times at an alarmingly fast speed.

SLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAM!

"Then he will use a giant log to break open the door," said Sam, as, with a resounding crash, the door was suddenly knocked off its hinges, falling to the floor with a creak. "Now, since it is Wednesday, he will beat the door to 'death' with a bat."

No sooner had she said it, the Ra student ripped out a bat, and began to pummel the door to glass shards.

"Now, he will skip exactly ten spaces toward the counter, then he will do a moonwalk until he's about halfway back," said Sam, as William did just that. "Now, he will sashay over to the counter. Mind you, he's probably going to say something very strange."

"Your lips look very hot today, foxy mama," said William in an almost uncaring tone of voice.

"He gave everyone this pamphlet to translate these random comments," said Sam, holding up a pamphlet that, for reasons Alexis didn't really want to know, had a picture of cheese in a tutu on it. "Now then…lips…foxy mama…oh, he wants two warriors pack and a spell pack. The red box and the green."

"Oh…kay…" Alexis said uneasily, as she bent into the glass chamber under the wood, fishing around with her hands through the boxes of packs, picking out the ones that Sam/William requested.

"Now he will give us a large fish as payment," said Sam, as William slapped a huge sturgeon on the counter. "Reach into the fish's stomach and you will find a bomb. Chuck the bomb out the window."

"AH!" cried Alexis in alarm, quickly ripping out the clock-like device and chucking it out the window.

"Now he will take off his pants," said Sam, as Alexis quickly covered her eyes in alarm. "In his pocket, you'll find a wallet. Fish out what you need. Don't take any less, or he'll start crying. Don't take any more, or he'll punch you in the face."

"Uh…my eyes are closed…" said Alexis.

"Funny…so are mine…" said Sam. "It seems we are in a bit of dilemma…well, I usually just feel through his pants and hope I get the right amount. Don't worry…he always carries singles."

"And your saying this is the normal customer?" said Alexis, as she listened to the sound of pants ruffling.

"…Alexis, who's the last normal person you've tripped on after entering this school…"

"Good point."

"My gallbladder thanks you!" said William, throwing a salute, then throwing his pants over his shoulder, confidently walking out the door. Only when she heard the sound of the glass door open, then shut with a small bang, did she dare uncover her eyes.

Then she remembered the door was made of glass.

"Okay, I think that's pretty much everything," said Sam again, as Alexis frantically covered her eyes. "Oh yes, your coworkers. You've already met Ray-"

"SOMEONESAIDMYNAME!" screamed Ray, sticking his head through the storage door.

"_No Ray_," said Sam darkly, as Ray quickly squeaked and ducked back into the back room. "Oh, also, there's only one other person I should introduce to you….hey! Sophia! Come out and say hello!"

She turned towards the storage room again, where, aside from Ray's rants, there was absolute silence.

"Come on, don't be shy!" said Sam. "Alexis is going to be working with us for a little while, so why don't you come out and be friends?"

There was nothing but more silence. Then, very, very slowly, a small head began to peak out from behind the doorway, as a pair of blue eyes flecked with brown spots peered from behind the counter, followed by a wave of shimmering black hair that was laced with red streaks, landing gracefully at her sides, shoulder length. Then, very timidly, with her eyes to the ground, she walked out-a graceful figure, not too tall, not too short.

"This is Sophia Hadley, but everyone here calls her 'Tigress' because of her hair," said Sam good naturedly. "She's a senior in Obelisk!"

"Oh…I'm in Obelisk too!" said Alexis with a friendly tone of voice. "It's nice to meet you Sophia!"

"Um…yes…you too…" said Sophia, giving Alexis a small bow, her eyes still on the floor. "Um…if you want to call me 'Tigress'…it's alright…"

"Okay, if you want me too!" said Alexis. "You're so polite Tigress! You remind me a little bit of one of my other friends! Her name's Josephina, and she's really-"

KA-RASH!!!!-Shhhhhhhhhh….

Alexis's eyes were either bugging out of her skull or had grown twice their size in 1.31734 seconds that it took for Tigress's fist to crash through the glass case, sending shards of glass flying every which was, missing Alexis's entire right side by a fraction of a centimeter.

"_How dare you compare me to that stuck up, wussy little brat you worthless little freshman piece of TRASH!_" snarled Tigress in a suddenly darker, more frightening voice, contrasting sharply to the calm, gentle voice of before. "_I will not forgive you for this! You will die little worm! YOU WILL DIE, AND YOUR KIND SHALL NIBBLE ON YOUR BONES UNTIL YOU DISSAPEAR FROM THIS MEAGER ALLOWENCE OF LIFE!!!_"

"I'm…sor…ry…" Alexis said weakly, trembling slightly.

"Uh, Tigress, you realize you risk losing your job if you keep threatening employees…" said Sam. "Not to mention this is the fifth glass panel you've punched out…"

"…I…apologize…" said Tigress, suddenly shrinking away, tears welling up in her eyes, dripping down her face in streams. "P…please…send me…the b-bill…"

With that, it seemed she could no longer contain wild tears, as she turned around, muffling sobs, running as fast as she could back into the storage area of the store, presumably to join Ray.

"…uh…" Alexis said, as Sam went to get a broom.

"Really, it's best not to ask," she said simply, walking with careful steps so as not to tread on the glass shards.

"Em…is…there…anything else?" Alexis asked awkwardly.

"OH! Right, I almost forgot!" said Sam, the broom in her hand, as she quickly rushed over to one of the shelves in the back, accidentally breaking the already numerous glass shards. "And it would have been really bad if I forgot to…"

She began to shuffle around the various boxes and files after leaning the broom gently against the wall. As Alexis was given a few moments to catch her breath, the almost hypnotic sound of rustling paper and cardboard felt almost kind compared to everything else. It was a shame it didn't last longer.

"Ah, here it is!" said Sam triumphantly, pulling out a small box that looked like it was made of aging ebony, with strange, cryptic, rune-like patterns marching along the very edges of it, in the very center of the box was a carved, golden Millennium Symbol.

"Uh…what's that?" asked Alexis.

"Many millennia ago, the Ancient Egyptians played dark games called the 'Shadow Games'," said Sam solemnly. "These games came to be so disastrous that they were sealed away for all eternity…when really the smart thing would have been to just destroy the darn things, but hey, what do I know? The point is that the power of the shadows were sealed in mystical items. Now, today, these priceless artifacts are dug up and sold on the black market. And one day, for no good reason at all, we found this particular item in a 2-for-1 bin at Big Lots under a pink sweater and a 'Prince of Egypt' DVD. So we bought it, and it turned out to be the most powerful tool ever designed by mankind."

"…that sounds really dangerous…" said Alexis.

"Open the box," said Sam.

"Will whatever is inside warp my mind and turn me into its own personal meat puppet?" asked Alexis.

"No…I don't think so…I mean…" Sam said, eventually ending with a sigh. "Okay, fine, I'll open it. But I hate this part."

With that, she unhooked the latch on the box, very gingerly, while still keeping it shut. Then, with an involuntary twitch, she slowly opened it.

The contents in the box seemed to explode with a bright light that seared into Alexis's eyes like a flood beacon. The second it opened, powerful organ music began playing, as well as other wicked cool sound effects that were making it seem like Sam was releasing the four riders of the apocalypse.

_Os iusti meditabitur, sapientiam, et lingua eius-_

"OH SHUT UP!!!" yelled Sam at the monks that were donned in black cloaks at the other side of the room (singing in Latin was one of her pet peeves). "Anyway, here it is…"

With that, she pulled out what looked like a very simple children's toy made of wood. It had cylindrical cone of medium thickness lined with some sort of ancient text, mounted on a sturdy-looking wooden handle, at the top of it a primitive looking duck made out of the same thin wood over a cup-like depression in the center. Through the center of the wooden handle was a long chord with a small wooden ball attached to it on the end.

"Okay…so what is it?" said Alexis, looking curiously at the item.

"Well, my translation of runes leaves much to be desired, but I believe it says 'Duck Eat Corn'," said Sam.

"Facinating…so what does it do?" asked Alexis.

"This, Alexis, is the only device ever crafted by the hands of man that can stop Ray on a full rampage," said Sam. "Please observe…OH MY GOD RAY! A CUSTOMER! AND HE LOOKS CHRONICALLY DEPRESSED!"

"CUSTOMER?!" screeched Ray at the top of his lungs, once again shooting out of the storage room like a bat out of Detroit, just as he had done to Alexis the previous night, made a quick bound over the display case, and then frantically scurried around the entire area in front of the counter, looking every which way at lighting fast speed with a combination of duty, enthusiasm, and something dangerously similar to insanity glittering in his eyes. "NOOOOO! CUSTOMER! DON'T BE SAD!! WHERE'S THE CUSTOMER SAM? IS HE HERE? IS HE HIDING? IS HE INVISIBLE? MEEEER CUSOMER! MUST HUG DEPRESSED-"

Sam gave the item a shake, causing it to rattle slightly. Like a cat hearing the treat can, Ray spun around like a top, his eyes suddenly shimmering with a new light.

"DUCK EAT CORN!" he cried, almost ripping it out of Sam's outstretched hands, walking solemnly to a corner of the room near the door, and began to pull the string, causing the duck head on the toy to come down, 'eating' out of the little wooden bowl it was standing over.

"Wow…that's both disturbing and utterly amazing…" said Alexis. "I…don't know what to say."

"No one really does…" said Sam. "Well…I suggest you sit down Alexis."

"Why?" asked Alexis, as Sam pulled up a fold up chair from behind the counter, sitting down heavily into it, clearly already exhausted.

"We're waiting," said Sam.

"For…what?" asked Alexis.

"Everything," muttered Sam darkly.

_To be continued…_

---ooo---

Chazz: WHAT? IT'S OVER?!

Zane: Well what were you expecting? Fanfare?

Chazz: BUT I WASN'T IN THIS ONE! AND I THOUGHT THE AUTHOR SAID SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE SURE THERE WERE AS FEW CONTINUATION CHAPTERS AS POSSIBLE!

Alexis: Well, get used to it, because not only is the next one a continuation chapter…you're not in it much.

Chazz: YOU FOOLS WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!

Alexis: Look, just be patient okay? Your chapter's coming.

Chazz: _EVERY_ CHAPTER SHOULD BE _MY_ CHAPTER! In fact, I demand that this entire story to be called 'That Crazy Chazz'!

Alexis:…how shockingly fitting.

Zane: Stay tuned for the next chapter, 'Thank You, Come Again'.

Chazz: WHAT? Your announcing the chapter again!

Zane: I've gotten even less lines than you. Deal with it.

Chazz: MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO BORING, YOU'D HAVE MORE!

Zane: Then please, by all means, be more boring.

Alexis: Bicker, bicker, bicker, is that all you do?


	12. Thank You Come Again

COMMIT IT TO MEMORY!

Herro gang. Welcome to chapter twelve! It's…divisible by six! Isn't that awesome? Oh yeah, and It's a continuation chapter, which I have been fighting and fighting and fighting against, but I eventually had no choice but to make it one, because chapter eleven was long enough as it is! Not that I don't enjoy long chapters…they're good and hearty…like coffee cake…

Anyway, my life rant…I GOT A WII! I GOT A WII! AND I LOVE IT! It is my best friend! Seriously, I love it very, very, very much. I have a bunch of new games too. Like Pokemon! And Twilight Princess! And of course…FIRE EMBLEM PATH OF RADIANCE! Yes, I loves all my new games to death!

For a continuation chapter, this one was a long, uphill climb. My life has been so busy, I had a really hard time just finding enough emotional energy to sit down and write it. And it doesn't help that my attention span is like nil XD. But things have really seemed to calm down, so I have a feeling that the next chapter will be an easy update. I also have a vague plan to buy a laptop computer so that I'll have all the time in the world to type, and I don't have to fight my entire family for the computer. Oh God…that means I need to get a (DUN DUN DUN) SUMMER JOB! Les NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Also, there's more character art out on my DeviantArt, if any of you are so inclined. We have Kat up. Les yays! Ah…you'll have to forgive the terrible ink job on Kat though…I plan to redo her sometime in the future. My gallery…she is slowly growing…and I need to get a little more ambition to continue drawing them. Joku's going to be a nightmare to draw, the little maniac…

Anyway, onto the story!

**Chapter Twelve**

**THANK YOU, COME AGAIN**

"Working in a card shop is surprisingly similar to being in a war," said Sam calmly to herself, flipping through _The Joy Luck Club_ as she sat behind the card counter with Alexis at her side. "It's a whole lot of nothing with about fifteen minutes of pure chaos slapped in between."

"And why are you telling me this?" said Alexis, as she turned to her for a moment. "Oh…I get it! You're just saying I need to relax, because whatever comes will come!"

"No, in order to apply for the 'wise older figure in the eyes of the newbies' bonus, I need to say at least one inspirational quote to motivate you every day," said Sam, turning a page. "College tuitions are up…again…"

"Um, that struck me as more metaphorical than inspirational…" said Alexis.

"…oh smeg…" said Sam, quickly putting her book face down as a hasty attempt to hold her place, as she ducked behind the counter and shuffled about in her bag. "Darn it…where's the quote book…where's the smegging quote book…"

Dingadingdingding…

"Oh! Sam, we have a customer!" said Alexis at the sound of the bells next to the door, as Sam had already unearthed a mallet, some chloroform, a can of pepper spray, and a tazer (Kat really had done things to her).

"Um, you can handle this one Alexis…" said Sam, still shuffling, this time pulling out a metal cross (_really _done things to her). "If you need help, just say so."

"Okay," Alexis said, as the customer walked in, who was, to her surprise, a full grown man, wearing a very snazzy looking suit. He looked to be in his late thirties, he wore a think pair of glasses, and he had slightly graying hair, not usually attributed to the other students found at this school…not to mention he didn't look out of his mind…

"Welcome to the card counter!" said Alexis, trying to sound as cheery as possible. "How can I help you today?"

"Hello! I am a doctor!" said the customer, a little louder than one would normal state that one's in the medical practice.

"That's fascinating doctor," said Alexis. "Anyway, what can I do for you?"

"I…am a doctor…" said the customer.

"That's…good…" said Alexis. "Now then, how may I-"

"A doctor I am!" said the doctor.

"Okay," said Alexis, the cheer completely drained from her voice, replaced with something that was dancing very close to rage. "So…doctor, how-"

"Being a doctor, which I'm being, I can clearly state, being a doctor, that I am in the medical practice…more commonly known as doctordom, which other doctors refer to as-"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ALREADY?" yelled Alexis at the top of her lungs.

"Alexiiiiiiiiis…" said Sam, coming up from her search. "While I agree that this is not the most fun situation to be caught in, our operation is based on one chief principle."

"Don't steal the merchandise when people are looking?" asked Alexis.

"No…well, yes, but something else," said Sam. "Oh God…I hate this…I really do…Wil, what's the moto here?"

BAM!

"IF YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS WITH CUSTOMERS, DON'T BE ANGRY AND CRASS, 'CAUSE THE FOOT OF THE BOSS WILL BE STRAIGHT UP YOUR BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT!!!" sung Wil at the top of his lung, as the door that he kicked down fell in front of him, landing on the floor with a rattling crash.

"MY GOD, CAN ONE DAY GO BY WITHOUT BLATANT VANDALISM?" yelled Sam at Wil. "And I just got done teaching you how to use doorknobs!"

"…oooooooooops!" sung Wil.

"Basically, the moral of that little shpeal is that no matter how much you don't want to, you have to be nice to the customer…always…" said Sam, eye twitching involuntarily, once again facing Alexis. "Oh, but if you are going to crack, at least punch him so he goes away."

"Being a doctor, I do not care that the importance of my allegedly excellent service is being trivialized!" said the doctor. "However, despite the fact that I'm clearly a doctor, I can plainly see that this particular card counter girl is obviously not well versed in the ways of public service!"

"Well pardon me House…" said Alexis, turning darkly to him, somehow managing to force a smile on her face. "Anyway…what can I do for you…"

"Well…being a doctor-" said the doctor.

"Which I'm now positive that you are," said Alexis.

"-I…have…um…this is very…um…you se…well…eh…" said the man.

"Go on," said Alexis.

"Well…I've been having this strange dream lately…where I'm a cat…and I'm sitting in a sun spot, and it feels very nice…then someone scratches my belly…then I double over and bite them…and then I explode…"

"…okay…" said Alexis, backing away slightly.

"And lately I've been so depressed…I don't know why…" said the doctor. "Nothing really bad has happened to me lately, I just wake up feeling so sad…and I've been just going home…and no matter how sunny it is outside, I feel sad…and sometimes I watch funny movies to try to make myself laugh, but they never seem to work!"

"Um, about-" Alexis said.

"And lately I've been dressing up in bright pink tutus and singing anime theme songs and pretending I'm a-"

"OKAY! I mean…okay…okay…" said Alexis. "Um, sir, I think you may have the wrong location. This is a card game store, so I really don't think I'll be able to help you…"

Silence.

"Well, I guess I'll have to kill you all and pillage your corpses then," said the doctor in a cheery voice.

"WHAT?" cried Alexis, completely dropping formality.

"Just that," said the doctor, pulling out what looked like a bazooka cannon that was labeled 'Bazooka M.D.'. "I, a doctor, will lay waste to the store, yourselves, whatever is in a thirty yard radius of this establishment, then I, the doctor, will-"

"'If you do not hope, then you will not find what is beyond your hopes'," Sam said, reading a passage from 'Sappy Inspirational Quotes for Stooges Like You' (Wussy Girl Press). "Saint Clement of Alexandria."

Another silence.

"A weight has been lifted off my shoulders!" sung the man, with tears suddenly streaming down his eyes, as cartoonish, Disneyish music played in the background. "Oh, thank you kind people! I am eternally grateful for your kindness and generosity! I SHALL NEVER BE SAD AGAIN!"

With that, he twirled around several times on one foot, and as the music continued to sound, he quickly bound out the door. A very awkward silence filled the room.

"That…was…" said Alexis.

"You don't need to say anything," said Sam, closing the book. "Wheet-woo."

"What?" asked Alexis.

"I apply for the bonus now," said Sam.

"Oh…" Alexis said. "I meant…never mind."

"RAY WANTS ICE CREAM!!" screamed Ray at the top of his lungs.

"Ray's gonna have to deal!" screamed Sam back.

"Wow…none of this makes sense…" Alexis muttered to herself.

---ooo---

"Darn it…stupid dust line…" said Alexis to herself, now doing grunt work due to the fact that no customers were coming. This, of course, took the form of sweeping the floor. Despite the fact that due to the lack of general use there was very little filth upon it, what little filth there was soon proved itself to be incredibly crafty. "Why doesn't it every just…disappear?"

"Psssssst…" Alexis heard a voice from the other side of the room. Just from the volume of it, clearly crafted so that it was a whisper, yet somehow managing to be on the same volume of a scream, that it was Ray.

"Yes?" asked Alexis, turning around and up from her spot on the floor to see Ray, who's eyes were just barely peeking over the glass counter, which, of course, completely pointless, because it was glass, and she could see the rest of his body quite clearly behind it.

"Alexis…" Ray said, once again in the 'as-far-from-being-a-hushed-tone-as-possible-while-still-being-a-hushed-tone' tone.

"Yes Ray?" asked Alexis again.

"Over…here…" said Ray.

"Something wrong?" asked Alexis.

"Come…over…here…" Ray said again.

"Can't you just tell me?" asked Alexis

"No…come…over…here…" Ray said.

"Why?" said Alexis.

"…they'll hear us…" said Ray.

"Who?" asked Alexis.

"…the Caddy Caps…" said Ray.

There was silence for a moment.

"Ray, just spit it out," said Alexis.

"No!" hissed Ray.

"Just say it," said Alexis flatly.

"No!" Ray hissed back sharply.

"Say it," Alexis repeated.

"No!" Ray snapped.

"Ray, just say it! It's not going to kill you!" yelled Alexis.

"No, you have to come over here before I say it!" said Ray

"Fine!" Alexis said, getting off the floor, laying the broom on the ground, and slowly, deliberately, walking up to Ray, who stayed in the exact same spot, still trying to hide himself as best he could from whatever he was hiding from, assuming he was hiding from everything, and not just acting like a complete goofball.

Silence.

"Well?" Alexis said.

"Hey Alexis," said Ray, this time in a normal tone.

"What?" Alexis asked, almost coldly.

"HA HA! YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO GET RID OF IT!" said Ray in a sing-song voice.

Silence.

"Sam?" asked Alexis in a calm, even-ish voice.

"Yes?" said Sam, walking up, her tone more-or-less the same.

"Does the customer thing where you have to be nice even when you want to slap them in the face also apply to your fellow employees?" asked Alexis.

"Oh no, not at all," said Sam, smacking Ray at the back of the head, causing him to fall over. "I assume that he was the reason you-"

"Yes," said Alexis, as Ray sprang back, and, dealing proper revenge, attacked her and encased her in a bone-crunching hug, sending her falling to the floor. Unfortuantly, Sam was out of his reach, so he sprung on his next closest target.

---ooo---

Alexis now found that grunt work was completely out of the question now that she was sporting a fresh set of bruises on her ribs. Instead, she just quietly sat behind the counter, as Ray continued to manage/sulk the back room. He occasionally tried to stick his head out to see what was going on, which he often received a sharp look from Sam, who was now sweeping the floor and doing other small tasks in Alexis's place, and who's glance quickly turned to icicles whenever she heard the frantic scuffing of Ray's feet toward the door.

DINGdingadingading…

Alexis's heart nearly stopped at the sound of the bell, not ready to face another customer so soon, and wounded at that. However, for a split second, her anxiety dropped like a stone when she recognized the voice.

"Evening Chazz," Sam muttered.

"Evening _Ra_," Chazz snapped back coldly.

_Oh, it's just Chazz_, Alexis thought calmly.

Then it felt like a rabid weasel was clawing apart her insides.

"Um…hey Chazz," said Alexis awkwardly, as Chazz walked right up to her without the tinniest change of facial expression.

"'lo," he said.

Awkward silence.

"So…how are things going?" asked Alexis.

"Okay," said Chazz.

"Just okay?" said Alexis.

"Well, it's not like I won the lottery or have an army of tanks that I can roll over all countries who don't worship my image and satisfy all of my whims, no mater how sundry or generally ridiculous," said Chazz.

"…I don't quite know how to respond to that…" said Alexis.

Silence.

"Uh…" said Alexis.

Silence.

"Hey, want to have a philosophical discussion about the general mentality that's driving America's pop star women to jump in and out of rehab and-" Alexis started.

"ENOUGH OF THE WORDS!" yelled Chazz. "Okay Alexis, no more beating around the bush. You not here because you support capitalism and the general American economy, nor are you here because your seeking to build character and receive some sort of metaphysical, spiritual, or self-discovering enlightenment. You're here to complete a round of backbreaking menial labor, receive your due payment, and then leave the establishment without turning back."

"Wow Chazz," said Alexis. "I don't know what to be more impressed about, your sense of insight, or the fact that you've belted out at least ten words in excess of three syllables!"

"HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT ME?" yelled Chazz. "That being the case, I see no need in keeping up this senseless rouse. I'm not here to provide you with any sort of moral support or friendly guidance. I'm only here because I can't resist seeing woman do back-breaking labor in tiny skirts."

Dead, dead silence.

"Well, come on!" said Chazz, somehow unaffected by Alexis's lazer-targeted glare of agonizing death. "Get on your knees! Scrub the floor or something! Come on, come on, I don't have all day! Hey, don't give me that look!"

"RAY! CUSTOMER! GET HIM!" yelled Sam at the top of her lungs, pointing to Chazz.

"CUSTOMER?" cried Ray, and with his infamous lighting speed, sped away so fast that he had tackled Chazz to the ground about the same time Alexis felt a breeze ruffle through her hair. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! CUSTOMER! ARE YOU HAPPY CUSTOMER? CAN I MAKE YOU HAPPY?"

"WHAT THE # ARE YOU DOING YOU $# MORON? OH MY #U( ($ GAWD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-"

"Even I don't always have the honor to use my powers for good," said Sam, as Chazz continued to scream like he was having his internal organs rearranged (which was only slightly exaggerated from what was actually happening).

"No, I probably wouldn't have handled it that much better myself," said Alexis. "Five more seconds and I'd probably try to shove his own arms down his windpipe."

"WHY ISN'T THE CUSTOMER BREATHING?" yelled Ray.

"Ray, I think that's enough," said Sam vaguely, as Ray's head popped over the counter, along with Chazz's body, which looked like something very similar to the teddy-rabbit that the author has slept with every since she was nine but really doesn't like to…oh bother…

"…am I dead…?" said Chazz in a husky whisper.

"You will be in ten seconds if you don't leave," said Sam.

---ooo---

"My God…give me a quantum physics problem to solve any day…" said Sam, holding a huge wad of papers in front of her face, occasionally rotating it at different angles, as if she were trying to decipher a language lost in the recesses of the history of mankind. "No matter how many times I try to teach him, no mater how many times I tell him to WRITE the receipts down…Alexis, come here for a second."

"Sure…what's the matter?" asked Alexis, walking over to Sam and the massive towers of paper.

"Do you have _any _idea what this could possibly mean?" asked Sam, pointing to the piece of paper that she was currently holding. It appeared to be a crude crayon-drawn picture featuring a stick figure princess riding a pony with a huge sword in her hand, seemingly in mortal combat with what looked like a giant robot, as UFO's flew around in the background, shooting zig-zag lasers in random directions.

"…a three year old came and bought some cards…and resorted to the barter system?" asked Alexis.

"I'm so disturbed by the fact that that's actually plausible," said Sam.

"Um…Sam…yes…" said Tigress, very timidly, walking over. "Em…I was with Wil when he was on duty…he drew that picture when someone came in…and I remember quite distinctly that the person bought five pacts of the Spellcaster set…and he paid three-forty-nine for each pack…plus tax…"

"Oh, that's Tigress," said Sam gratefully, scribbling down the information on a record's sheet that sat next to her besides the pile of random papers. "Thank goodness you have such a good memory, or this place would have shut down by now."

"WHAT THE FROG? WAS THAT A SHOT?" yelled Tigress, grabbing Sam by the collar and dragging her out of the chair to her eye level. "YOU WANT ME TO TURN YOUR FACE INTO A SALAD BOWL RA?"

"No Tigress, I'd never do that," said Sam dully, as if she had been yanked out of her chair and yelled at by Tigress with no real provocation on several occasions before…which she had.

"Oh…of…course…" said Tigress, her tone dropping. "How silly of me…I'm sorry…"

Coming disastrously close to tears, she dropped Sam like a stone, and ran away from the two of them as fast as she could while still keeping a dignified stride, back to the room where Wil was.

"Those two…I feel like I'm throwing sponges at a brick wall…they really do try…" said Sam miserably. "So hard…"

"Yeah…well, they're really…interesting though…" said Alexis, trying her best to take an optimistic tone. She sighed as her words were met with silence. "I guess your right…but still, you work so hard Sam. And they both look up to you a lot. I bet they'll just push themselves harder and harder to be as good as you are."

"…your right…" said Sam. "They're at least trying…unlike me, who just runs away from problems. I suppose it's only natural those problems find their way back to me…some role model I am."

"I…don't quite follow you…" said Alexis, but her peripheral vision caught something heading toward the door, which appeared to be another student. "Oh lemonheads. Customer alert."

"Does it appear to be stupid?" asked Sam.

WHAM!

The customer walked right into the glass door, and as it opened on it's hinges, he fell down it with a very long squeak, until he landed face down and motionless on the floor.

"Yes," Alexis said.

"I'll get him," said Sam with a groaning sigh, getting out of her chair and heading toward the door.

"No, it's okay, I'll get it," said Alexis, quickly, getting to a place next to the counter, waiting for the allegedly stupid customer to get off the ground and walk up to it.

Nothing happened.

"Um…" Alexis said.

Silence.

"You're not…dead, are you?" asked Alexis to the person on the ground.

"OH MY GOD THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE BACK!!!!" screamed the person on the floor at the top of his lungs. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Calm down sir, calm down!" said Alexis. "Are you alright?"

"Uh…where am I?" asked the guy on the floor, looking in every direction.

"You're at the on campus card shop," said Alexis.

"The what?" asked the person.

"The on campus card shop…you know? Where you buy cards?" asked Alexis.

"Oh…the 'Card Shop'…riiiiiiiiight…" said the guy getting off the ground and scampering over to the card counter.

"Okay…then," said Alexis a little awkwardly, but still managing to hold a smile. "So how can I-"

"The royal with cheese blows soap bubbles at glockenspiel!" whispered the man to Alexis.

"…uh…" Alexis said.

"So is it a yes or a no?" asked the guy.

"Yes or no what?" asked Alexis.

"Don't play hard to get!" said the man. "I know you have the hots for me!"

Silence.

"I'm really starting to hate this uniform," said Alexis.

"So where am I again?" asked the guy.

"The card shop," said Alexis flatly.

"Who said that?" asked the man.

"I did!" said Alexis.

"Oh, hey, when did you get here?" he said, turning to her.

"…just now," said Alexis. "Now how can I help you?"

"WHOA! DOWN GIRL!" said the man. "I know you can't resist my godlike figure but-"

"CAN I HELP YOU BUY SOMETHING….yes or no…" said Alexis, trying to stop herself from yelling at the customer.

"Whoa, SOMEONE'S a little out of it," said the guy, as Alexis's fingernails were borderline penetrating the skin on her palms. "Right then…I'll have a number five, hold the mayo-"

"This is a CARD shop sir," said Alexis.

"DON'T INTERUPT ME!" said the man. "Right…and I'll…take 'Florida Keys' for two hundred."

"Okay…my turn to talk," said Alexis. "This a card shop. We sell cards. You can buy cards here. That's it. You can't buy food, you can't buy water, you can't buy vowels, you can't by trains, cats, stationary paper, snow, or Boardwalk. You can just buy cards, that's it. Now what pack of cards do you want?"

"Love, money, and power," said the man.

"That was NOT the question I asked," said Alexis. "What…cards…do…you…want?"

"…phone a friend?" he asked.

"I give up," said Alexis. "Just give me your money, take the cards, and leave."

---ooo---

"Huh…that worked surprisingly well…" said Alexis, who was counting a handful of dollar bills.

"Brilliant…it's so simple it's brilliant…" said Sam. "Why didn't I think of it before? I could have avoided all those ignorant fools for months now."

"Don't you hate when that happens?" said Alexis.

DINGdingadinga…

"Hello Alexis," said Zane plainly, walking through the door

"Oh thank God, a sane person!" said Alexis in an overjoyed tone. "This must be what it feels like after you have a kidney stone removed…"

Silence.

"Um…" said Zane.

"You aren't here to look at me in this disgusting uniform, are you?" asked Alexis.

"So Chazz _was_ here," said Zane.

"HEY SAM!" yelled Ray at the top of his lungs from the back room. "THE BOOKSHELF BURST INTO FLAMES WHEN I DOUSED IT IN LIGHTER FLUID AND STUCK A FLAMEFLOWER IN ITS GENERAL DIRRECTION AGAIN!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I THOUGHT I GOT RID OF THE-" yelled Sam at the top of her lungs, as she ripped open the door to the back room, as a small cloud of black air flew out from it, as the muffled sounds of her screaming the rest of the sentence (thank God) and Wil singing something that sounded like a children's song.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" asked Zane, as the high-pitched fire alarm went off in the background and the sprinkler system dumped its load on both of them.

"No…really, compared to everything else that's happened…" said Alexis. "So then…what brings you here?"

"Just making sure everything was okay," said Zane. "I've just heard some…unpleasant rumors floating around about the general staff in this facility…like this terrible one about how a demi-devil of ultimate demise resides here inflicting physical and emotional damage to all who enters it's domain…Chazz also commented that he's seven foot eleven, spews fire from his mouth, and has a gang of other equally brutish villains…and he insisted that he didn't get beat up by a girly kid who's five inches shorter than him."

"…well…" said Alexis.

"And that really weird rumor that kids get jobs here just because they have difficulties in the family," said Zane.

"What?" said Alexis.

"It appears that some students enrolled here are actually quite talented, but are often unable to pay their tuition because of issues with their parents," said Zane. "I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the fact this entire high school revolves around a marketable card game…regardless, with that in mind, students who have such problems are often given this position to help pay for their room and board."

"Well that can't be right!" said Alexis. "There's nothing wrong with my family. Granted, some of the employees have about as many issues as Newsweek, but it's probably just a rumor."

"But what about your brother?" asked Zane.

"…oh…" said Alexis.

"Sorry," said Zane.

"No it's just…huh…" said Alexis. "Strange, now I see this whole operation in a new light…"

"So why would the let Sam in?" asked Zane. "She doesn't strike me as someone who'd have family problems."

"Well…she said something really weird earlier," said Alexis. "Something about running away from her problems."

Suddenly, they heard a cell phone ring tone that sounded suspiciously like 'Candygirl'. For a moment, there was absolute silence. Then, slowly and guiltily, Zane reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open.

"Unless you're God, hang up now," he said into the mouth piece.

"Seven Days…" Kat said into the phone.

CLICKboooooooooooooooop…

There was silence. Then, Zane slowly shut his cell phone.

"I'd consider Kat a problem," said Zane.

"A _very_ good point," said Alexis

KER-SMASH!

Alexis found herself growing slowly more accustomed to the sound of glass shattering, because she hardly flinched as the door was completely smashed in (again) while Zane nearly jumped out of his skin.

"I DEMAND EXCELENT SERVICE, AND IF IT IS NOT GIVEN TO ME, I WILL SURELY COMPLAIN TO YOUR SUPERIORS IN A LOUD VOICE AND THEN RIP ONE OF YOUR HEADS OFF!"

"Bah…" said Alexis.

"Another one of those days I see," said Zane. "Should I leave?"

Before Alexis could even send the tiniest hint of an electric signal from her brain across her nervous system to respond, a huge hand grabbed Zane by the back of the shirt, and with one easy swing, threw him like a Frisbee.

CRASH!

"Well…I find that this particular course of action is relatively unprovoked…that makes me feel a bit cross…"said Zane, as bits of paper gently floated to the ground after his impact into the card display case.

"Zane!" Alexis said. "Are you okay?"

"In what aspects?" Zane asked.

"LISTEN UP NAMELESS EMPLOYEE!" yelled the surly ball of anger. With Zane out of his way, his full form was revealed, and it revealed itself to be your typical punk, a fortress of sinew, a voice two octaves lower than normal in a snarling fury, a face that was pinched together so it looked like he had a very sharp object wedged in a very uncomfortable place, black leather jacket, torn jean, black bandana, and he possessed a pituitary gland that was a diligent worker as well as an overachiever. "I EXPECT PRISTINE SERVICE, AND IF I DO NOT RECEIVE IT, THEN YOU'LL FACE A VIOLENTLY EXAGERRATED PUNISHMENT THAT'S RIDDLED WITH MIND-NUMBING PAIN!"

"Okay," said Alexis.

"STRIKE ONE!" yelled the angry youth.

"But I didn't even-"

"STRIKE TWO!"

Alexis clamped her jaw shut, working under the assumption that strike three meant she was out…in more ways than one. Her brain was working at lighting speed, not even sure that just standing there could count as a strike. In a desperate grab at anything that could buy her enough time to think of a formal plan, she referred to the first course of action that jumped into her mind.

"RAY! CUSTOMER!" she yelled, at a little higher pitch, as well as a little higher volume, than originally intended.

"CUSTOMER?" cried Ray eagerly, as the oh-too-familiar sound of the door being broken off what little leverage it had to attach itself to the door and crashing to the floor filled the room. "RAY WANTS TO SEE THE CUSTOMER! RAY WANTS TO-"

However, the second he laid eyes upon just who the customer was, his mouth opened wide, and what came out was the most hideous shriek Alexis had heard in all her living days. It seemed to echo through every fiber of Ray's being, as if he was staring upon the very object of his inevitable, long, slow, and painful death. His shriek caused Alexis's hair to stand on end, her stomach to knot, her throat to go dry, her skin to go clammy, and almost every other unpleasant sensation the human body could fell.

She was pretty sure this was going to end up as strike three. And while instinct was telling her to flee in the melee, the shrike was telling her that she'd have to merciless to leave Ray to face whatever would provoke it.

"Ray, calm down!" Alexis said. "Ray…Ray come on…RAY! Ray, you-"

"DOMINIQUE-BUDDY!" yelled Ray in a high-pitched squeal, opening his arms wide with joy, as if he had found his long lost brother.

"RAY-BUDDY!" screamed the punk, who's name seemed to be Dominique, who looked just as overjoyed to see him. "I didn't know you worked here!"

"I've worked here for elevenidy bajillion years!" said Ray.

"Sweet!" screamed the punk. "Hugs!"

"HUGS!"

With that, the two gave each other a 'Best-Friends-Forever' hug over the glass table, and Alexis was practically gapping, positive that her brain had just snapped in two.

"Okay, how come Ray get's a character shield when it comes to these kinds of things, and Zane and I don't?" asked Alexis.

"Because everyone loves Ray-" Ray started.

Suddenly, a humongous wave of terror shot through all parties in that room, namely through Ray and Dominique, who looked like they were consumed in an otherworldly sensation of pain. It was if suddenly a pulse of dark energy had exploded right in front of the two, and Alexis's formed trembled in the wake of it, her atoms shaking in a dizzying, almost paralytic fear. Then, slowly, it subsided, and for a moment, everyone seemed to be frozen in their place. Then, slowly, the two both collapsed to the floor with a sickening thud, revealing behind them a triumphant, yet slightly evil-looking Zane.

"…what the heck was that?" Alexis asked weakly.

"Deathglare," said Zane, as the two parties lay twitching on the floor. "Under certain conditions, I can defeat my enemies by doing no more thank looking at them. It can even burn through character shields. It's my mastery ski-"

"No Zane!" cried Alexis. "This isn't Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged! You can't just make obscure game references willy-nilly! Do you WANT us to get flamed?"

"Oh…beg your pardon…" said Zane.

"Wow…it took two whole fire extinguishers, but the fires out…" said Sam. "That means I have to go to the store and pick up-whoa, what the heck happened in here?"

"Uh…it's a bit of a long story…" said Alexis, in front of a destroyed door, a destroyed room, and two geeks lying twitching on the floor.

"It ALWAYS is…" Sam said in a dark whisper.

---ooo---

"Well, it's almost time to close shop," said Sam with a sigh. "Good work today Alexis."

"Thanks…" said Alexis. "Hey uh…Sam, are you sure your okay with me leaving?"

"You've got enough money right?" said Sam. "If you're done, then you're done. No sense hanging around."

"But I can't help but have the creepiest feeling that the second I leave this place the entire stores going to collapse behind me in a pillar of flames and explosions," said Alexis. "…maybe that came out the wrong way."

"Well, it somehow managed to keep itself from bursting into flame before you came, so I think we can handle it for another time around," said Sam. "Don't worry, everything will be fine. If you ever feel like coming back to work, just ask."

"Thank you!" said Alexis. "I'll make sure to visit you when I have a chance."

"I'm sure Ray would love that," said Sam.

"HEY SAM!" screamed Ray, kicking the door open, but surprisingly not breaking it this time. "I GOT ALL THE STUFF WE NEED FOR ALEXIS'S SURPRISE FAREWELL PARTY THING! THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY 'GOOD LUCK' BANNERS, SO I GOT ONE THAT SAYS 'IT'S A BOY'. HOPE THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU! OH YEAH, AND I FED THE CAKE TO THE PIDGEONS! KAY THANKS LOVE YA BYE!"

With that, he proudly hoped over the glass counter and sauntered to the back room, whistling a happy tune.

"…I don't even know why I let him outside anymore…" said Sam.

"Thank you?" Alexis said. "By the way, I haven't seen Tigress in awhile. Is she okay?"

"No, she's fine," said Sam. "She usually handles all of our red tape issues. She's…a little uneasy around people, as you might have guessed. That's why you hardly ever see her. She does all the stuff behind the scenes."

"LIKE A NINJA!" said Ray in a happy go lucky voice, poking his head out from behind storage.

"Did I even ask you?" asked Sam.

"Wait, I thought RAY handled all the stuff behind the scenes!" said Alexis.

"Well, he does," said Sam. "It's…well, surprisingly, a lot of red tape goes into this kind of job, ordering, accepting orders, sales coordination, public relations…release forms…it's defiantly not a one person kind of a-"

"You're giving them the illusion that they're actually doing something helpful when you're actually doing pretty much all the work," said Alexis.

"…no comment," said Sam.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" asked Alexis.

"DON'T MIND ME!" said a voice that suddenly snapped Alexis and Sam into attention, which belonged to a man wearing a huge trench coat with a neck so high that it covered his face, as well as a giant hat that covered his head's top so that not a single bit of his skin was revealed. "I AM CERTAINLY NOT PLANNING HOW ME AND MY CADRE CAN INFILTRATE THIS ESTABLISHMENT AND USE IT FOR OUR OWN PURPOSES! NO NO! HA HA HA HA…HA…"

"…Oh God…it happens every Friday…" Sam sad dully.

"What happens every Friday?" Alexis asked.

"They come," said Alexis. "The most annoying people on the face of the planet…okay, the whiniest, but it's the same thing."

"THOUGH IF BY SOME CHANCE I WAS SOME SORT OF ENVOY FOR AN ORGANIZATION, THEN YOU WOULD MOST CERTAINLY _NOT _SIGN OVER COMPLETE OWNERSHIP OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT AS WELL AS CONDEMN YOURSELVES TO DEATH IF YOU SIGN THIS PAPER!" said the mysterious figure, holding out and official looking document. "So…YOU MIGHT AS WELL SIGN IT!"

"For the love of God, go away!" yelled Sam. "That's never going to work, it has never worked before, and it's not working now!"

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TAL-"

"Idiot," Sam hissed.

"Hey! That was uncalled for!" said the imposter. "That's it, you're going down! IN THE NAME OF…okay let's just all appear out of nowhere."

BAM!

"SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME SOCIETY OF UNNATRACTIVE ANIME AND GAME CHARACTERS…UNITE!" screamed the mysterious figure, ripping off his clothes. "ROLE CALL! Ansem from Kingdom Hearts!"

"Well I'm a bad guy, of course I'm ugly," said Ansem, popping up out of nowhere.

"Franky from One Piece!" said the imposter.

"SUPER!" screamed Franky.

"And I am a random, typical shonen anime character with huge spiky hair of an unnatural color…BUT MY DUB NAME IS BOBBY!" screamed Bobby, who's hair turned a bright shade of orange the instant he finished. "Oh, and the entire cast of Final Fantasy Nine are also in this group…but all of them are ashamed to show their faces. So they gave us this kitty to fight in their steed."

He pointed to a little orange and white kitty on the ground, who was currently staring at Alexis and Sam with huge, adorable eyes, and overall looking very non-threatening. After being introduced, he promptly dropped to the ground and rolled around adorably.

"…I'm really getting sick of this chapter," said Alexis.

"AND NOW," Bobby said dramatically. "In the name of all our oppressed masses…every Anime and Game character who has less fans simply for not being smexy…THIS IS OUR REVENGE! WE WILL OVERTAKE YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE CARD SHOP AND-"

"Look, why do you want to conquer this card shop anyway?" asked Alexis.

"Because it's a sparkling utopia of good deals and overall healthy commerce!" said Bobby.

"No it's not, we're just barely staying in the black," said Sam.

"Well…it's in a location that's ideal for-" Bobby said.

"It's located in the trashiest alley on the island!" said Sam.

"Well…it's well stocked in provisions of which we can-" Bobby said.

"It's a CARD SHOP!" yelled Sam. "It's quite possibly the most useless facility on campus! If you want to take over something beneficial that the general populous uses, take over the bathrooms!"

"SILENCE!" roared Bobby. "ENOUGH OF YOUR INSOLENCE! You shall pay most dearly for being hot!"

"What are we going to do now Sam?" Alexis asked.

"Wait for it," Sam said.

"Um…excuse me…" said Tigress, slowly staggering out from storage toward the area behind the counter. "I heard lots of-g-goodness! W-what's going on out here?"

"AH-HA! ANOTHER HOT ANIME CHARACTER!" yelled Bobby.

"She's an OC…does she count?" asked Ansem.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Bobby. "HOT CHARACTER, PREPARE YOURSELF…FOR DEATH!!!"

"LOOK, A FLYING APPRICOT!" yelled Tigress eagerly, as all three members of the group turned around excitedly, and Alexis's head collapsed into her hand. "AND NOW…_SHALOMEH NIBAKA KITASURA KAI NYAAAAAAAAI_!"

And as a really bad and cutsie j-pop song played in the background, the magical girl transformation scene began! And as it commenced, a pink backdrop with purple clouds and lots of hearts appeared out of nowhere, and the shinny-body-thing, and of course, Tigress's hair grew a solid foot, and with a burst of silver stars and hearts, she was now in a bright purple top with a short, billowy pleated blue skirt, long white gloves, tall purple boots, a huge blue bow in her hair that seemed to come out of nowhere, and a magical staff that also appeared out of nowhere, which looked like a cross between a mop and an electric blender.

"Evil doers of not-nice things!" yelled Tigress heroically. "Tremble in fear! Your bring cruelty and badness upon this beloved card counter, and now I, Magical Warrior Princess Ai, in the name of loyalty, friendship, love, hope, purity, and good hygiene, will punish you!"

"OHMYGODMAGICALGIRLWE'RESODEAD!" yelled Ansem in terror.

"Hey come on, she's just a girl in a foo-foo skirt!" said Bobby. "Just because she gets a transformation scene and we don't doesn't mean anything! Get ready for a butt whoopin' girly!"

"Nothing can whoop the power of goodness and justice!" said Tigress, now Ai, enthusiastically. "I will punish you here and now! MAGICAL GIRL STUN GUN!"

"Magical Girl Stun Gun?" asked Alexis in disbelief, to only have her queries answered by the sound of an evil cackle and several pulses of electricity shoot around the end of the wand.

"Well, you can't fight the forces of evil with just hearts and stars," said Sam.

"Yeah, well you're a wuss," said Bobby flatly.

Silence.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Magical Girl Ai, as she quickly turned away and ran into the backroom, sobbing at the top of her lungs, her face dripping with tears.

"Ah…magical girls aren't really that much of a defense are they?" asked Alexis.

"No. No they aren't," said Sam, quickly turning her attention to the others, who began their advance at the desk. "Hey, whoa whoa whoa! Don't think we don't have any defense at all! Come any closer and I'll sick Wil on you!"

"HEY SAM!" yelled Wil, as he stuck his head through the window from the outside in. "I've decided that my call in live is to cultivate life on Mars! So I've decided to join the super-special-secret research facility on Mars and totally help out and stuff! And by help out I mean push a lot of shiney buttons! KaythanksluvyabyeTELEPORTTIME!"

With that, he pulled up a tiny little remote, slammed his fist into the red button, and sent himself flying to heaven-knows-where.

"Speaking of people who are COMPLETELY USELESS!" yelled Sam.

"ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK…okay?" said Bobby, and with that, the other horrid characters charged at the desk full speed. Alexis thought for a moment that this moment would surely be her doom. Never had she seen such enraged, ugly people charging at her simultaneously. Of all the ways to go, she was sure that this was the one of the worst.

And then she realized that a) what the heck was she thinking, these are just a bunch of pathetic people who just happened to come together and form a group of pathetic people b) this was a humor fic and c) the person writing this fic is completely insane.

And soooooooooooooooooooo-

POOOOOOOOOOF!

Out of nowhere, there was a sudden burst of very intimidating violet clouds of super awesome dues-ex-machina, and as these clouds rolled across the floor as free as water, a silent, lone figure slowly materialized, starting as nothing but a black shadow, but slowly, oh so slowly gained depth. And then, three words echoed through the clouds. Three words that can send shivers down the spines of the most crime-hardened man, and the most brutal, bloodthirsty savage.

"Hi. I'm Joku."

"OH MY GAWD!" yelled Bobby in terror. "It's…it's…THE DREADED SACRED GUARDIAN OF ALL THAT IS ANIME! IT HAS SENSED THAT WE ARE TRYING TO UNDO THE LAWS OF NATURE FOR OUR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES, AND IT HAS COME TO RENDER JUDGEMENT ON OUR SOULS!"

"When I was seven, I traded my gumball for my best friend's sister," said Joku.

"WE'RE DOOMED OH NOEZ!" yelled Ansem. "Please forgive us, oh great guardian of this domain! We only wanted more from life than your other subjects have given us! Surely we have value in your eyes as well, oh king of spirits."

"I wanted a trade back," said Joku.

"Oh for God's sake!" said Sam angrily. "I give up! Nothing in this chapter makes sense anymore! All of you, get out of here! Go, go away! Get out of here or I'll call the campus police on you!"

"HA! NEVER LITTLE GIRL!" yelled Bobby. "The great Guardian of All Anime has spared us fatal judgment, and you are little more than-"

"Poofo," said Joku dully, pointing at the three. Without a burst of smoke, a bang, a light, or any sort of indication of magic, the three turned into a lamp, Volkswagen, and a Wacom Graphire4 6X8 USB tablet.

And once again, an awkward silence reigned in the room.

"And that's how the cookie pays its taxes," said Joku, saluting, and then, once again with no indication of any magic whatsoever, disappeared.

Silence.

"That's going out with a bang I guess," said Alexis dully.

"Yeah, if you never even want to see this place again, I honestly won't blame you," said Sam.

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

_Dear Alexis,_

_Thank you so much for the wonderful Two-Season Disc of 'The Venture Brothers'! It was very thoughtful, and we can tell that you put a lot of hard work into earning the money to get it for us. We didn't expect anything from you, which only makes it more special and sentimental, and the thought alone is enough to keep us content for several more years._

_But we just bought another copy of the darn thing a month ago. Do you have the receipt?_

_Luvz,_

_Mummy_

"It…bloody…figures…" said Alexis darkly, reading the thank you card that she had gotten in the mail this morning, raising her hand slowly and angrily. "Doctor Crowler, may I please borrow your-"

"Go ahead," said Dr. Crowler, as Alexis walked straight down the isle to the teacher's desk in the center, held the card over the incineration machine, and absentmindedly dropped it in, taking great pleasure and satisfaction in watching it's ends incinerate as it curled into ashes.

---ooo---

Alexis: Sorry again for the slow update. We absolutely promise the next one will be posted much sooner!

Chazz: I personally say we quit while we're ahead.

Zane: And I personally say shut up.

Chazz: I mean we didn't even show up in this chapter! No wonder the humor level is as low as Jaden Yuki's GPA!

Zane: Well get used to it. Next chapter's _my _chapter.

Chazz: WHAT?!

Alexis: He's next in line for the whole monthly chapter thing!

Chazz: WHY? Did he cure cancer? Did he save any lives? Did he write the great American Novel?

Alexis: Did YOU?

Chazz: What, and do work?

Alexis:…

Zane: You realize that none of this has anything to do with previewing the next chapter right?

Alexis: Zane get's in trouble big time next chapter.

Zane:…and now it does.

Chazz: NEXTTIMEIS'LAWSOFTHELAWLESS'!

Alexis: Whoa, easy iron lung.

Chazz: HA! I GOT TO SAY THE CHAPTER TITLE!

Zane: Why do you want to say it so badly anyway?

Chazz: Your feeble mind couldn't begin to comprehend my motives!

Zane: Oh…sorry, I forgot.


	13. Laws of the Lawless

Hello America, do you wanna play a game?

Hey everyone, back again! Yup, here's Kaiser's chapter…it seems that there are a lot of Zane fangirls in the audience, so I bet the chapter is pretty anticipated. I hope I don't disappoint! (bites nails) What's worse is, once again, I'm going at this with no solid clue of what the heck I'm doing. Both Alexis and Chazz's chapters were pretty clear cut out on what was going to happen even wise-for Zane's, I'm just kinda wingin' it. Eh heh…but at the same time, that's okay, because holes in the skeletal structure of your story invite strange and funny twists in plot, if you know what I mean. And boy does it twist…

Anyway, what's new in my life? Eh…not much. Except that the temperatures are starting to go up, and that both excites me and frightens me. It excites me because summers coming, heck yay-ya! But with summer comes warm temperatures, and yugh, I HATE warm temperatures! I have a very low heat tolerance, and my parents think I'm crazy that I would prefer being hammered by a snowstorm than having to stand an eighty degree day with humidity XD.

Oh yes, a minor note. Remember awhile ago when I said that I watched an episode of 'Petite Princess Yucie' and couldn't stand it? To all the people who said 'well, I actually kind of liked it', I gave it a try…and it wasn't as horrible as I originally thought. Granted, it's not my favorite Anime ever, but it's not God-awful. So you were right and I was wrong XD.

Onto the actual story rant. I'm not sure who, but someone requested the return of the stupid jerks from chapter…three was it? Anyway, the request has been processed, and, despite how many people threatening to sue if they ever see them again, they have returned! Hide your brain cells! And your vocabulary!

Another thing, I notice that I've recently had a lot of 'shippers' stop by and read my story. A lot of them pointed out that there were a lot of AlexisXZane undertones, and there was some AlexisXChazz bits to. To which I say…goodness, am I subconsciously turning this into a girl's version of a harem story? XD Well, I suppose in some aspects I can see where their coming from-I think close friendship is very important in any sort of relationship, and close friendship between character is really something I struggle for in this story.

Oddly, despite me generally seeing myself as a decent kid, I actually have been to detention more than once. It was mostly in Middle School, and that was when I had no clue how to work the schedules and frequently ended up late. My reactions were very similar to Zane's-feelings of intense guilt of being in the situation in the first place, and…wondering if I'd even make it out of the room alive. While I never accidentally landed a whole honkin' week of detention, for some reason, detention itself was one of the few blurry memories I have left of middle school…I guess I was so traumatized that I remembered…hardly anything else. Yes, I had a very unhappy middle-school career XD.

And no, I will never understand the 'u VS no u' debate. And the Card Saftey Professor's dialog is incredibly hard to type; my spell-check wanted to correct it by itself, and more than once I've had to go back and retype a word because I _wanted _it spelt incorrectly.

Right, so…here's the chapter!

**Chapter Thirteen**

**THE LAWS OF THE LAWLESS**

**NOVEMBER 11 **

**8:12:46 PST**

**DUEL ACADAMY-CARD SAFETY ROOM**

"…and so…Mr. President…that is why…I believe…you need to…quit with…this foolish…democracy…thing…and…appoint…someone…supreme dictator…of…Am-er-i-ca…preferably…me…" said Chazz to himself, scribbling all he said down on paper. "There! Now the President most certainly has to answer my request! I even wrote it on the GOOD stationary!"

"Chazz, the government isn't going to break down their system which has been in place for over two hundred years just because you send them a letter with your address in the upper right-hand corner," said Alexis.

"You can do anything you put your mind to!" said Chazz defiantly.

"Yeah, but then there's the whole block of getting other people to do what you put your mind too," said Alexis. "Besides, why would it even strike you that the President would even answer your request in the first place on _any _accounts? I admire self confidence, but God Chazz, how arrogant can you possibly get?"

"My logic is flawless; questioning it is the highest attribute of stupidity," said Chazz.

"Uh…huh…" said Alexis dully.

"ALRIGHT LADDIES AND LASSIES!" yelled the Professor of Card Safety, walking in the room carrying a bear trap over one shoulder and a dead fox over the other. "Taday we're noot gonna feol aroond with aell this textbook noonsense…TADAE YER GONNA LEARN 'OW TAE USE A BADGER TRAP!"

"Oh dear God…" said Alexis. "Why can't this class just be an extra-curricular…hey Chazz, where's Zane?"

"Who cares?" said Chazz.

"You don't know?" asked Alexis.

"Nope," said Chazz.

"Did you see him at breakfast this morning?" asked Alexis.

"Why would I?" asked Chazz.

"Don't you, like, sit with him at breakfast or anything like that?" asked Alexis.

"Heck no!" yelled Chazz angrily. "I only even CONSIDER anyone sitting next to me unless they are of my intellectual capacity!"

"So…no one basically?" asked Alexis.

"Exactly!" said Chazz matter-of-factly.

"This little conversation provides greater commentary about your character than you realize," said Alexis. "Huh…I wonder where he is…"

**AT THE END OF CLASS**

"Huh…correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that the best way to survive a snowstorm is to find some sort of large animal, kill it, gut it, and crawl into it's skin," said Alexis.

"Makes sense to me!" said Chazz.

"That you'd have the necessary tools to kill and gut an animal on a day-to-day basis?" asked Alexis.

"That all animals are meant to die for my pleasure," said Chazz.

"…Chazz, your mouth should be declared a felony," said Alexis. "Hey…wait, I thought the professor said we were handling badger traps today! How did it turn to less mainstream survival lessons?"

"He probably forgot that _everyone_ actually _cares_ about animal traps," said Chazz.

"Chazz, you're breaking the system," said Alexis. "_You're _the one who has to say something rude, arrogant, and/or stupid and _I'm _the one who's supposed to mock you for it."

"Hello…" said Zane, rushing into the room, clearly out of breath, as if he had just run a great distance. "Ah…sorry I'm…oh God, class is over isn't it?"

"What took you so long?" asked Alexis. "And…why are you out of breath?"

"Oh…I really don't want to talk about it," said Zane.

"Why, what happen?" asked Alexis. "Oh God! The fangirls finally mobbed didn't they?"

"No, no, nothing like that," said Zane. "Well, not a whole mob of them per se…it's really weird. I actually got stuck in the middle of this argument between two of them…"

---ooo---

"WELL I SAY THAT IT LOOKS COMPLETELY STUPID IF YOU SPELL HIS JAPANESE NAME WITH A 'U'!!" yelled one fangirl angrily to another one, as Zane just kind of stood in the middle, towering over them both. However, this did not stop their rage, despite the fact that Zane was so tall that their view was obscured of each other.

"IT ROMANIZED JAPANESE, MEANING THAT THERE ARE DOZENS OF WAYS THAT IT _CAN _BE SPELT!" yelled another. "There's no definite system, so there's nothing pure about it being spelt without the 'u'. In fact, you can argue that you're trying to Americanize it!"

"But common English pronunciation would make it sound like Ree-you instead of Ree-yo!" said the first.

"WELL ANIME IS NOT AMERICAN, SO THERE!" yelled the second, turning to Zane. "What's your opinion on this?"

"Well-" Zane started.

"It doesn't have anything to do with being American OR Japanese! It _just sounds stupid_!!" yelled the first fangirl.

"No it does not!" said the second.

"Yes, why _should _I have a say in this?" said Zane. "I mean it's only my name…"

---ooo---

"And they wouldn't let me leave," said Zane.

"Ow, that's obsessive," said Alexis.

"Tell me about it," said Zane.

"TRUESDALE!" yelled the teacher. "HOW DARE YEH SKIP MAE CLASS YEH VILNAEOUS ROOGUE? WHAT INSOLENCE!"

"Sorry…" said Zane. "You see, I was-"

"BRAWN LIES!" yelled the teacher, chucking the dead raccoon at Zane, hitting him right on the face before dropping like a stone. "FER YER DISSOBEDIANCE, I SENTENCE YOU TO A WEEK OF DETENTION!"

"I didn't-" Zane started.

"REJECTED!" said the Professor, as Zane just barely managed to dodge the badger trap that was thrown at him at a very high speed. However, despite the fact that he managed to get out the way and avoid a collision that would surely leave a mark, the trap crashed through the window and spiraled downward out of sight.

"MY ARM!" screamed the voice of a random bystander outside.

"Wow, the janitorial staff must fight tooth and claw to get this kind of a job," said Alexis.

"Can ah have fifty pounds tae mend the shed…ah mean, the window?" asked the Professor.

"Wow, we're kind of launching into the storyline pretty fast, aren't we?" asked Zane. "I mean, don't we usually about two thousand word's worth of witty back-and-forth dialect before jumping into the main plot of the chapter?"

"Look Zane, do you WANT these chapters to be ten thousand words long a pop?" asked Alexis.

"Oh…right…" said Zane.

---ooo---

**NOVEMBER 11**

**3:07:18 PST**

**DUEL ACADEMY-DETENTION ROOM**

"ATTENTION DUELISTS!" yelled the detention instructor, a full figured woman who stood at six foot thre…either that, or she just had a powerful bearing about her. "I am Mrs. Ratched, the master of the Detention Room. I don't care how much 'street cred' you have in your silly psedo-ghettos. At heart, all of you are little more than a bunch of sissies. I've found tougher people than you in the Girl Scout reject pile."

"Because you were in the boy scout reject pile?" asked one particularly greasy youth. However, he soon rejected his particularly witty choice of words, because with one hand, with barely any trace of a heave, Mrs. Ratched ripped up the teachers desk, even though it was laden with not-light-at-all textbooks, papers, pens, and several other sundry items. Without a pant or a grunt, she hurled it easily at him, sending the youth, the desk, and several rather heavy things skidding backwards ten feet, crashing into other desks and students as well, before halting with a loud bang and several sickening crunches and flops at the back wall.

"Shot put. Olympic gold. '72 in Munich, '76 in Montreal," said Mrs. Ratched flatly. "Right then. You know the drill. Take your seats-you speak, you die horribly."

"I object!" said Zane, as Mrs. Ratched grabbed the side of the chalkboard, and Zane heard the beginning of a sickening sort of moan as it was being ripped off the wall. "No! Hear me out! Hear me out!"

"You got thirty seconds before I turn your body fluids into the substance that glues this chalkboard back to the wall," said Mrs. Ratched.

"I was brought to this detention unfairly and unlawfully without evidence to my guilt," said Zane. "I demand a trial with a jury consisting of my peers and a lawyer provided to me by the state."

"Listen Bobby Donnell, this is a high school, therefore all forms of democracy are null and void," said Mrs. Ratchet. "Oh look, you surpassed your thirty-second limit."

---ooo---

"Well, I find myself very grateful that she decided to just give me a verbal warning instead of liquefying my skeletal structure," said Zane, sitting at a relatively unscathed desk.

Surprisingly, once everything calmed down, Zane found the room to be pleasantly quiet. Mrs. Evil Detention Lady just kicked back reading _Wind Through My IV _(a touching and romantic tale about a man who gets in a car accident and lost consciousness and must recover in a hospital, nursed back to health by a woman who claims to be his girlfriend. However, she is romantically pursued by his evil twin/stepfather, and he must resist the temptation of Nurse Nancy, who is actually a man who dresses in nurses clothing as part of a new reality show, but is then later revealed to actually be a penguin who underwent a species change surgery, all before he dies of a case of bad luck for being sucked into a terrible plotline), everyone just talked quietly and did work. Strange…Zane had heard so many evil stories associated with detention…of children with pituitary glands more hyperactive than a House MD subplot generator…of people who went there and came back saying words like 'uber', 'fo shizzle', and 'OMG L33T FTW!!!1!!!SHIFT!!'…of people who simply never came back at all…

But as he sat in the tranquility…as he slowly began to accept the fact that he'd have to sit in this room for a whole week…one question slowly, calmly, gracefully entered his mind.

_When is all of this going to go horribly wrong in painfully amusing ways to all third parties?_

"HEY LOOK! IT'S THE…uh…smart person!"

"YEAH!"

Zane's heart halted dead in its tracks for a moment, as the little 'sticks up when an idiot is talking to him' stuck up right on end. He recognized those cold, selfish, intelligence-deprived voices right off the bat…

"The Stupid Jerks…" Zane said darkly, turning to see the muscle heads from chapter three, all wearing identical 'Stupid Jerk' t-shirts.

"Yeah…he…uh…" said another jerk.

Silence.

"LET'S HIT HIM!" said the first.

"My mother told me 'everything your father says is false'," said Zane. "My father told me 'everything your mother says is true'."

"Ha! That's…uh…not gonna work this time!" said the second jerk.

"Yeah," said the first. "We stupid jerks recently learned the secret to how to avoid having your brains swallowed…uh…UP by questions that have no answer!"

"Which is?" asked Zane.

"STOP THINKING!" said the third.

"I'm sure you were able to pick it up right off the bat," said Zane flatly, deciding that he may as well live his final moments to their sarcastic fullest.

"YEAH…well your ugly!" said the stupid jerk. "Now get ready to…get hurt! HUHUHUHUHUHUHUH!"

"YO HOMIES! \/\/I-I4+Z IIP?"

And Zane's heart nearly stopped again…huh, he seriously needed to get that checked out.

"KAT IN THE UBER HIZZLE FO SHIZZLE!!!!!SHIFT1!" said Kat, entering the room, loudly and gallantly (as usual). "Man, it's good to be back! Hey, the Seven Card Stud tournament hasn't started without m-HOLYCOWKAISERWHATAREYOUDOINGHEREYOINK?"

"Kat…I can't decide whether I want to sob with joy or kill you where you stand…" said Zane.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!! NOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kat. "The world can't end! I've got, like, eight episodes of X-Play taped that I still need to watch! Oh, and there's the whole 'I'm too young to die' thing I guess…"

"I wonder if 'living for the moment' can be taken to too much of an extreme," said Zane, half to her, half to himself.

"HA! ZANE GOT IN TROUBLE! ZANE GOT IN TROUBLE! HAHA HAHA HA-HA! ZANE GOT IN TROUBLE!" screamed Kat in a shrill, but utterly amused tone.

"It must be good to live with a tiny attention span," said Zane. "Look, for your information, I didn't get in trouble! I was sent here from a big misunderstanding! Unlike you, who got sent down here for God-Knows-What-"

"Hey! Back off!" said Kat. "I didn't get in trouble at all! I told you, I'm here for the poker tournament only! I am morally clean, unlike you, who is steeped in sin!"

"Yes, I fully consider myself morally superior to someone who comes to a detention room on her own accord, being neither instructed nor invited, to gamble with delinquents," said Zane.

"Ah, touché," said Kat.

"Hey!" said another guy at the back of the room. "I don't deserve to be here either!"

"And just why's that?" asked Zane darkly, turning to the random, nameless miscreant.

"I totally set the Chem Room on fire!" said the student.

"Alright…I fail to see while this vindicates you from all crimes, but alright…" said Zane.

"Oh come on, don't you ever watch television?!" said the kid. "Something ALWAYS gets set on fire during chemistry class! IT'S A LAW!"

"A LAW!" all the other delinquents conquered.

"Uh…no," said Zane.

"And they threw me in detention because I actually FOLLOWED the teacher's directions!" said another kid.

"And what, pray tell, did you that would land you here?" asked Zane.

"Well, she said 'if you don't want to be in this class, then you shouldn't be here'!" said the kid. "So I left! And I went to the cafeteria…and set a lunch lady on fire…and then robbed a bank…"

"Yes, yes, another victim of the faults of democracy," said Zane.

"AND I CALLED MY TEACHER A COW! BUT SHE IS A COW!" yelled another student.

"And I totally save the class from the squeaky chalk by running it over with a bus!" said another.

"I failed my exam…but they were asking for it…" said another.

"Alright, alright, you were all put here unfairly!" said Zane. "So what? Society's a real pain in the butt, deal with it!"

"WAIT!" said Kat triumphantly. "If we all got put into this stupid after-school detention-"

"What to you mean 'we'?" yelled Zane. "You came here to gamble underage."

"QUIET!" said Kat. "WE ARE BEING OPPRESSED! AS MEMBERS OF A DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY, IT IS OUR JOB TO RISE UP AND CONQUER ALL WHO DARES TO OPPOSE US! WE ARE DESTINED FOR GREATER THINGS!"

"YEAH!"

"WOO-HOO!"

"ATTICA! ATTICA!"

"I WANNA BREAK SOMETHING!"

"For the love of-" Zane started.

"ALRIGHT YOU WHELPS!" yelled Mrs. Ratched, as a regular riot was brewing, as students all began to pick up chairs. "None of you will leave this room alive! And even if divine intervention offered you an escape, I'd hunt you all down and gut you like a-"

BOOMBADADEDEETHUMTHUMTHUMthumthumthumpattapatta…

But then she was floored by a mob of ex-detained delinquints.

"Wow…I won't envy the poor people who have to clean up this mess…" said Zane, as the room (and the teacher) lay in ruins, covered in footprints and tables and chairs that were thrown every which way.

"ZANE! ZOMG! You so have to get out of here!" said Kat. "Once everyone learns that you started this riot-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, get off the platform Trotsky," said Zane. "Last time I checked, _I _wasn't the one who somehow managed to rally a solidarity rebellion from the students who collectively can't hit a GPA average of one."

"Dude, you're the oldest, you're the last one in the room, you're the most popular kid in the student body…if that doesn't scream 'scapegoat', I don't know what does," said Kat.

"Once again, touché…but I'll still hurt you for this…" said Zane.

"Mr. Zane Truesdale?" asked a couple of middle-aged men in suits, wearing dark glasses, and with very, very disappointed-looking faces.

"Yes, can I help you?" asked Zane.

"We'd appreciate if you came with us and answered a few questions," replied the other suit.

"And you are?" asked Zane.

"Well…put simply…we're The Man," said the first suit.

"What, both of you are?" asked Kat.

"RESISTANCE!" yelled the Second. "BOOK 'EM BOYS!"

"Zane get out of here!" said Kat. "I'll distract them! You alone can lead the masses to an era of enlightenment! YOU ALONE CAN SHOW THEM THE TRUTH!"

"Look, for the last time, this is your fault, so stop shoving the-" Zane started.

"BE FREE!" said Kat, picking up a turned over chair, and with all her might, slamming it into Zane, causing him to fly backwards out a window…sending him to freedom…three stories below.

"There goes one of the greatest political minds of his generation…" said Kat, teary eyed and full of pride, as the men wrenched her hands behind her back.

---ooo---

**NOVEMBER 18**

**8:17:44 AM EST**

**DUEL ACADAMY-CARD SAFETY CLASS**

"And…so…Mr…Dalai…Lama…I…Chazz…Princton…believe…that…I…would…be…an…excellent…successor…to…the…prestige…of…the…Buddhist…Empire…" said Chazz, once again scribbling on the good stationary.

"Once again Chazz, something is seriously wrong with you," said Alexis. "It's not going to work! You're not even a Buddhist! How could you possibly succeed a position with as much prestige and respect as the Dalai Lama?"

"Again with your negative attitude!" said Chazz. "Sheesh, no wonder we've never had a female president!"

Alexis quivered in rage, as the sounds of the snapping plastic of her mechanical pencil began to click beneath her grip.

"Oh, by the way," said Chazz. "I haven't seen the _Freakywhitewearinggothickid_ all day. Is he like, sick or something?"

There was silence. The plastic stopped snapping for a moment. Then, slowly, Alexis turned and stared at him with cold, dead eyes.

"…sick?" she repeated.

"Yeah, sick," said Chazz. "You know, Ah-choo, hack hack, pass the orange juice, sick?"

"You idiot, he's been missing for days!" said Alexis.

"What?" asked Chazz dully.

"He's been missing! For a whole week now!" said Alexis angrily. "No one knows where he is! It's been a huge event! I mean, it's been the hot topic of everything lately! Don't you read the school paper?"

"Please, why would I read such a boring piece of newsprint?" asked Chazz.

"Don't you watch the television bulletins?" asked Alexis.

"Please, I've lost my faith in the media years ago!" said Chazz. "Besides, everyone knows that newscasters are all ALIENS!"

"Haven't you've been listening to the conversations between students, teachers, authority figures, the various staff members?" said Alexis. "It's the only thing they've been talking about! Haven't you listened to ME?"

"Please, like I'd listen to the idle hearsay of the common bumpkins that-" Chazz started.

"YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THE POLICE TAPE THAT'S STRUNG FROM TOP TO BOTTOM ACROSS YOUR BLOODY DORM?!" yelled Alexis, her temper clearly taking over.

"So thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's it…man, it's been such a pain to shove through all those police officers and bloody detectives as they-" Chazz said.

He was interrupted with a violent snap, as the bottom half of Alexis's mechanical pencil slid out of her fist and landed on the desk with a light chatter.

"You know what?" said Chazz matter-of-factly. "Because of your terrible temper, an innocent mechanical pencil had to bite the dust. Destroy, destroy, destroy! Is that really all you can-"

---ooo---

"I think Zane's dead and your channeling," said Chazz, a huge band-aide on his hair.

"Thank you for agreeing to come," said Sam, as the three of them walked down the long hallway of the west wing. "I'm not sure how much good it'll do…"

"Still, I'll try my best to get the main rebel to talk," said Alexis. "How's everything going by the way? Have you found any of the people who escaped?"

"A small handful, but word passes through the underground fast…too fast…" said Sam. "Apparently, someone's telling all the recaptured detention students to keep quiet-and they're following orders surprisingly well. We think that word somehow trickles down from the main rebel…but how or why remains unclear…"

"Such a strong will…" said Alexis.

"Indeed," said Sam solemnly. "We've offered a whole pack of Oreos, and still the main rebel refuses to talk. All that we can infer from what little information that we have is that the main rebel is somehow acting on the orders of the true commander of the group…of whom still walks free…"

"How fascinating…" said Alexis.

"How utterly stupid," said Chazz.

"Alright," said Sam, halting outside the door, with a huge red 'Cuidado' painted across the front of it. "Here's the room…fair warning…her words may seem rather cryptic, but if you can find any hidden meaning whatsoever, anything we can go on…"

"Of course," Alexis said with a nod. With that, Sam returned it, then wrapped her fingers around the door handle, and with a gentle twist, she slowly opened the door. The room was completely dark, save for a spotlight-like light that flashed down on Kat, who lay in a straight jacket on a chair. With the sound of the door opening, she slowly turned her eyes upward to face her jailors.

"Are the birds still speaking, Clarice?" she asked.

"Oh for God's sake Kat, just fess up and tell us what the heck is going on!" said Sam angrily.

"NEVER! NEVER! I WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" said Kat. "You can't pay me enough to betray my friends and my cause!"

"I'll give you a twenty!" said Alexis.

"Ha! That won't work and you know it!" said Kat. "Besides, they already tried that with the Oreos!"

"I've never seen her so passionate…" said Sam. "Really, I haven't seen her attention span last this long…"

"I WILL TELL YOU NOTHING!" screamed Kat. "It doesn't matter how many of my friends you drag from The Cruel World! I WILL NEVER SUBMIT TO YOUR WILL! MUA HA HA HA! MUA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hmm…" said Alexis quietly, as Sam closed the door, shacking her head and clicking her tongue.

"Indeed," said Sam. "Our only hope now is for her little attention span to crack. We've been slipping her four hundred milligrams of sugar with every meal. We're already pushing the dosage to dangerous levels…"

"And still no word of Zane…" said Alexis. "This isn't right…I don't know why, but something about all of this seriously isn't right…well, besides Zane fleeing school…and the fact that about three dozen students are missing…okay, everything's wrong. Never mind."

---ooo---

**NOVEMBER 18**

**7:26:55 PM EST**

**SOMEWHERE ON DUEL ACADAMY GROUNDS**

"Nnn…this is terrible…" said Zane, staggering through the massive forest. "How could I have possibly gotten this lost? I mean, I fell right outside of the school building. How could I possibly pass out and wake up in the most remote, dark part of the forests surrounding Duel Acadamy?"

"Life has many mysteries, I suppose…" said the Cheshire Cat, sitting in one of the trees.

"And frankly, I don't need your input," said Zane flatly, kicking the tree angrily, causing the kitty to fall out with a yelp. "Now then…I haven't eaten in the past twenty-four hours…it's a shame that very few plants actually produce edible fruit…"

"KILL THE PIG! SLIT HER THROAT! BASH HER IN!" screamed a bunch of twelve-year-old little savage kids, thankfully ignoring Zane, but stampeding by with carved spears, painted faces, and long, grubby hair.

"Huh…that is in no way comforting…" said Zane dully. "Alright then. Now…maybe I could find some way to make a signal-fire that-"

Before Zane could finish properly talking to himself, he found himself rocketed up and flipped over, a noose tied around his ankle, causing him to hang from a tree upside down, making him look very ridiculous.

"Ah…the road to my eventual loss of sanity is never a straight one…" said Zane darkly, upside-down and swinging slightly in the breeze.

"OH, SWEET, DINNER!" screamed a woman, running through the trees with a very unnerving butcher knife and a plate. She was in her late twenties, and looked like she had just come back from a cosplay club,wearing fantasy-style costume, complete with tight armor on her top, a pair of very short shorts, and a very long sword strapped to her back, sporting a short, black haircut

"Finally!" she yelled, "I haven't had a decent shot of protein in like-oh bother, it's a person…"

"…I'm sorry," said Zane.

"No, no," she said casually, but dropping her butcher knife in frustration with a sigh. "It's just that now, eating you would be morally wrong in most cultures."

"Hey, is there enough for a decent roast, or do I have to make soup aga-oh, we caught _another _kid?" said another woman walking on the scene, this one looking distinctly more gothic, with a short black dress, black eyes, pale skin, and long, flowing, curly, white hair.

"Yeah, it bites," said the warrior woman.

"This is just as bad as that last time when we finally caught that rabbit, and like, the second we get within three feet of the rope, it snaps and the stupid thing escapes…" said the pseudo-goth.

"And that salesmen-how did THAT happen?" asked the warrior. "I mean sheeeeeesh! They can't run worth squat!"

"Um, hate to break things up here, but…kinda stuck up here?" said Zane.

---ooo---

"So let me get this straight," said Zane, sitting in front of a blazing campfire with a mug of hot Progresso in his hands. "You're…_mercenaries_?"

"Yep," said the women. "We're the most elite mercenaries that you'll ever meet in your life! My name's Asoka! I'm the leader, because I have the biggest sword and the loudest scream!"

"…fascinating," said Zane.

"This is Neko," said Asoka, pointing to the pseudo-goth, who was giving her soup mug and odd look. "She's sort of the brains and logic of the group."

"Did you use my mug as a grape-juice cup again?" she asked angrily.

"Dude, at times I really think she's psychic or something…" said Asoka, whispering to Zane.

"Because it takes a gypsy to notice a giant, purple STAIN at the bottom of my mug!" Neko yelled.

"How can there possibly be mercenaries on this island?" asked Zane. "Isn't the entire profession sort of outdated?"

"Well, in the older soldier-for-hire-for-fat-lordlings-who-can't-do-it-themselves, yeah, I guess," said Asoka. "Oh…those were the days! Before police forces…and common law…and rights of man…seriously, you could get away with anything! And get PAID for it! It's like professional gaming, except it's real life!"

"But sadly, these days were doing a lot less exciting jobs," said Neko, stirring the dregs of her soup with her finger. "Now we do more stuff like…deliver packages. Sew on buttons. God…_Christmasgrams…_"

"So your basically UPS workers," said Zane.

"But we have cool outfits," said Asoka.

"And our permits on our blades of doom and coolness don't expire until next year," said Neko, pointing to a few short daggers on her belt.

"Then why are you wandering around on this island?" asked Zane.

Silence.

"We're on an island?" asked Asoka.

"I told you to ask for directions!" said Neko angrily. "But do you listen? Oh noooo, you just charge out there and-"

"How did you even get here in the first place?" asked Zane.

"Life has many mysteries…" said a voice behind him, as Zane's heart nearly stopped as a head popped in front of him, from a person apparently hanging upside-down from a tree-branch. He wasn't pseudo-goth…he was STAIGHT goth. Black hair, black eyes, black clothes.

"And…who's that?" said Zane, trying not look too undignified.

"Oh, that's Iku," said Neko. "He's working on intelligence. He gets all the inside information for our particular operation…"

Silence.

"Okay, his smexy gothness complements our…not-goth smexyness…" said Asoka. "And we use him to scare small children…and he's the only guy who knows how to work the DVD player."

"Aren't you getting tired of hanging up there?" asked Zane.

Iku didn't say anything.

"Don't try to speak to him directly," said Neko. "He strictly speaks on non-sequiters."

"No, not another one…" said Zane.

"What do you mean?" said Neko.

"Nothing…it's just that a friend of mine…" Zane said. "Well…he's sorta…"

---ooo---

"I made out with a moose in Idaho…I'm Anna Nicole Smith's baby's father…my cat can lay eggs…" Joku repeated in his usual dead monotone, as he repeated the same phrase over and over, dressed in a pixie dress and a pair of bright, colorful wings. Sam sat next to him, looking like she wanted to claw her ears off.

---ooo---

"Yeah…" said Asoka. "…so do you want to join or what?"

"No, not really," said Zane.

"Aw, why not?" asked Asoka.

"Because your mercenaries…sell swords…and your generally attached to horrid fantasy games and sick cosplayers," said Zane. "Not to mention very bad 'adult' anime…regardless, I'm not joining."

"Then we'll have to send you to the authorities and claim the reward for your head," said Iku dully.

Silence.

"I'll run now…" Zane said, getting up abruptly and running away from the campfire as fast as his legs could carry him.

"HEY!" said Neko. "GET BACK HERE AND RINSE OUT YOUR CUP!"

"Why do they always run…" said Iku.

"PURSUE AND KILL!" screamed Asoka, getting on her feet and drawing her blade.

"No, no killing," said Neko. "We lost our permit, remember?"

"Oh…bother," said Asoka. "PURSUE AND BODILY HARM…BUT NOT FATALY!"

"Much better…" said Neko.

"Let's get the man who lives in my basement and eats all my food…" said Iku.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"…Asoka," said Neko darkly. "Please don't tell me that the horrid noise we just heard was not YOUR car being started…"

"…oops…musta left the keys in the ignition again…" said Asoka sheepishly.

"And to think I was actually kidding when I bought you that 'steal me' vanity plate last year…" said Neko darkly.

---ooo---

**JUNE 18**

**9:37:19 PM EST**

**DUEL ACADAMY-CARD SHOP**

"Chazz…why?" asked Alexis darkly, sitting in one of the chairs in the lobby area of the shop, holding a stack of papers on her lap.

"Why what?" asked Chazz. "Other than why are we in this stupid store that's filled with nothing but junk and also junk?"

"Chazz, don't you buy all your cards here?" asked Alexis.

"Yes, but I can still complain about it!" said Chazz.

"Why didn't you put Zane's picture in these wanted posters?" asked Alexis. "Actually, perhaps a better question is why you decided instead to use a strange caricature of your own design?"

"Pah," said Chazz. "Philistines always question artistic brilliance!"

"…yes, it's a very brilliant stick figure with fangs, horns, a devil tail, and a dress with its tongue sticking out," said Alexis darkly.

"Besides, I think I really nailed him with my description!" said Chazz. "An inferior, ambiguous photograph would be redundant, borderline insult!"

"'Missing, overall horrid person, wears white, frightens small children, has a terrible attitude, and got into the academy solely on connections'," quoted Alexis, reading the description on the bottom of the handmade posters. "'If found, promptly beat to death said person to death and call the police. Chazz rules'."

"Perhaps I should seek employment at 'Newsweek'!" said Chazz proudly.

"Or 'The Enquirer'," Alexis said darkly.

"Hey guys," said Sam, walking out of the back room with a bag of chips in her arm. "How are the poster's coming?"

"About as well as well as this school's entire academic program," said Alexis, dropping the wad of papers on the ground. "So then…any news on Kat?"

"Nope, nothing," said Sam with a sigh. "Oh well…hey, help yourself to the chips."

"OHMYGIDDYGAWLYGAAAAAAAD!" sung Ray at the top of his lungs, bursting through the door to the back room as Alexis caught the bag of chips that Sam tossed in her and Chazz's direction. "The gang's all here! This is so awesome! RAY WANTS TO GIVE EVERYONE A HUG!"

"RAY! I told you to stay behind and count soap dispensers!" said Sam angrily. "Don't tell me you can't even handle that!"

"But I already did!" said Ray.

"Then double count them!" said Sam.

"But I already did!" said Ray.

"Then count them in Spanish!" said Sam.

"…KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" said Ray, glancing over at Chazz. Chazz glared back at him, to which Ray responded by winking at him and blowing a kiss.

"…I hate that kid…" Chazz said.

"Shut up and eat some Lays," said Alexis, tossing him the chip bag, crunching on her own handful of them.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERCRASH!!!!

"What the heck was that?" asked Sam in alarm, as Chazz jumped in shock, causing a few chips to fly out of the bag.

"UNO! DOS! TRES! QUATRO!"

"My bet is we have a customer," said Alexis.

"Oh joy…" said Sam. "Just what I needed."

"Hmm…it appears I'm just as horrible a driver as I was in 'There's Something About Marik'…" said Zane flatly, as the mercenaries' car was latterly hanging over the edge of the curb, as a tire bounced idly by. "And I've hit a car that has a 'don't rear end me, I'm running out of places to hide bodies' bumper sticker…yes, I believe I'm in trouble…"

He looked out the driver's side window to see the faint light of the game shop, a welcome beacon of hope in the darkness.

"Of course…I'll talk to Sam," said Zane, fighting through the airbag to get to the car door to open it. "She's a rational person…she'll be able to help…"

"…I sure hope Zane's okay," said Alexis vaguely.

"OCHENTA Y TRES! OCHENTA Y QUATRO! OCHENTA Y CINCO!"

"I'm sure he's alright," said Sam. "He's a smart kid…he'll figure out a way to keep himself safe."

"What are you talking about?" said Chazz. "He's so doomed!"

"Which is being told to me by a man who thinks the Dalai Lama will surrender his position just because you sent him a letter asking him to do so," said Alexis vaguely.

Suddenly, the bell over the door tinkled, and Alexis looked up-

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"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" yelled Asoka angrily, as the gang continued to sit around the campfire.

"I believe that they were spinning off the finale to 'The Sopranos'," said Neko calmly.

"But really, what hasn't been spun off in this chapter?" said Asoka, pouring another ladle's worth of Progresso into her soup bowl. "I mean sheesh! It's like one giant pop culture reference!"

"Well, suck it up, because you'll have to deal with one more!" said Neko.

"And now for something completely different…" Iku said dully.

---ooo---

"Hmm…they're probably watching me…well, let them," said Kat darkly, still in her straight jacket, sitting in the chair in the questioning room. "Let them see what kind of person I am…"

"I like coconut bras…I once put a pair of socks on my ears and pretended I was Maya Angelou…I walk my sponge every day…" Joku said, still sitting in the corner of the room, wearing his pixie outfit.

"I'm not even going to swat that fly…" she said to herself. "I hope they're watching. They'll see. They'll see, and they'll know, and they'll say…'why, she wouldn't even harm a fly!'"

---ooo---

"Is that one reference or two?...or three?" asked Asoka.

"Quiet moron, here comes the premere," said Neko.

---ooo---

_Don't miss…the next episode…of "Those Crazy Obelisks"…'March of the Maniac'…you __**know **__you want it…hmm hmm hmm!_

---ooo---

"And now we just add another one!" said Asoka angrily.

"Pipe down fool," said Iku.


End file.
